The butterfly diaries

The house went on the market on Monday and Adam and I got two offers on the house today (Thursday). We accepted the higher one, although there was a lot of deliberation given the conditions in them were slightly different and the lower offer had fewer conditions. I have everything crossed we've done the right thing. The conditions are very standard, though, and shouldn't be an issue. I "lost" the morning to that - I was intending to go into work - but there's still this afternoon. I just need to get the motivation, sigh. But there are things that have to be done and I don't want to spend the weekend doing them, so this afternoon it is, although I'm not feeling great (physically) so there's that. Assessment clinic in less than a week though, so yay, they can figure out what's wrong so they can fix it. There's nothing really showing in my bloodwork so it can't be too serious.
 
Had that assessment clinic today. They didn't do as many tests as I was lead to believe they would, but will book one more in. That's annoying. But the one they did do was absolutely fine. Apparently I'm probably just needing a long recovery period from a virus or three.
 
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The next test is this afternoon. I'm so over this dragging out. Like the house. They asked for an extra week to go unconditional. I'll find out tomorrow. This on top of beginning a new school year...I'm constantly tired.
 
House has gone unconditonal according to my solicitor, yay! The settlement date has been pushed out a week, but it seems like all will go ahead.

And I had the medical test yesterday. Feeling a little battered and bruised now but hopefully it'll be a one and only test.
 
You sold your house? Yay! Congrats!

Sorry about feeling bruised after testing. I hope you get results you need.
 
It should be good to settle on the 6th of March! Whew.

Woke this morning with an incredibly swollen face and lots of pain, but it's still easier to go to work than set relief (sub plans). Sigh.
 
And Adam and I are no longer home owners! We've put the profits in a 3 month term deposit while we get advice for longer term investments. We've also finally got an actual emergency fund that's not a credit line lol.

Wow, I have been on this site since before we'd even thought about buying. Time flies.
 
Evie said:
And Adam and I are no longer home owners! We've put the profits in a 3 month term deposit while we get advice for longer term investments. We've also finally got an actual emergency fund that's not a credit line lol.

Wow, I have been on this site since before we'd even thought about buying. Time flies.
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Congrats that's awesome progress :)
 
Puck got a job! (Here, in NZ. Auckland, but oh well, at least he can get residency soon!)
 
Tomorrow, Puck flies out for about 6 weeks. His job begins mid May so he'll be back in what will probably feel like a blink. I've gone "home" - my place with Adam - as I have work tomorrow and it was easier to say goodbye (for now) this afternoon.

Time to do some prep for work. Adam has a friend over for a while and then I think we'll have to do a supermarket run.

Also, fuck Trump and Netanyahu and their stupid war.
 
Four and a half weeks until Puck is back. In the meantime, I'm on 2 weeks holiday (1 down, 1 to go) and I've come to basically a standstill in brain power. I hate this about the holidays, it happens every time. I should be doing x y z for work but I can barely function when I don't *have* to. Ritalin helps a little, but I have to force myself to take it, and I forget, or lose that internal battle. Such a weird thing, to be unable to do, well, much at all. 100% executive dysfunction.

I had my birthday recently. It's funny, usually I've loved my birthday, but this year was a bit different. I was delighted that it was during the school holidays, but also, because it's school holidays, I feel blah. Mum gave me a dentist appointment haha. Adam gave me noise cancelling headphones (for my daily bus commute, and the plane trips, when I start flying to see Puck). Puck gave me money to do some unusual things for myself, like go to the hairdresser, and a few other "beauty" appointments. Things I generally just don't feel worth it for myself but since it's birthday money with a purpose, I have to LOL. A few people texted me, but I don't have my birthday on social media so very few people remember. I'm good with that.
 
3 weeks until Puck is back. Man this is going slowly. He's got a lot to do back in the US to prep for being away again, and for ensuring that Renee gets spousal residency. But she's apparently been a lot more engaged with the process now it's a certainty that he's going to secure residency here. He's still weighing up how much time per year he'll aim to visit the US - after all, he's got other people who he'll miss a lot. But the job he's got here will keep him rather anchored until he's earned leave.

I'm back at work after the holiday, but today was a work from home day because of bad weather (my city is under a state of emergency). Some of my students did some work. Whatever. I was not going to chase them individually today, I don't know if there are ones that have bigger issues to deal with right now because of the floods and slips. I'm grateful for where I live. One of the other places I looked at and would have been able to take is on a highly affected road. I'm glad I chose here.

I'm trying to find a variety of things to be grateful for at the moment because overall my mental health is in the toilet. I don't want an SSRI so I'm using 5HTP and hopefully getting back into the swing of work. It helped yesterday, but today was a spanner in the works. I also watched a beautifully moving film. "Here" (2024). I'm not one to cry at movies, or much at all really, but this got me hard in the feels.

Last Sunday, I transferred a bunch of my seedlings to the next size up pot. I'm delighted with how well they have taken. I harvested seed pods from a "kaka beak" (kaka is a native parrot) growing near work - they are endangered - and they have grown so well. They are extremely vulnerable to being eaten by bugs when juvenile so I'll grow them as big as a I possibly can before giving them away with instructions to keep inside until at least 3 feet high. They have a gorgeous flower, - such an intense red. Right now, they've taken over the kitchen windowsill and even Adam doesn't mind them. I've dramatically reduced my indoor plant collection but still have 6, and my seedlings. I planted some lettuce outside not too long ago, I'm not sure it will survive the storm but it's cheap and I'll replace what I need to. I do love growing things.
 
I don't mind spontaneous things as long as I'm forewarned.
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...said hubby after I grabbed him by the belt to pull him in for a kiss (it was a new belt he was showing off to me because I gave it to him for his birthday...his 57th birthday, and I hurt his back pulling him towards me for said kiss.)
 
A couple of days ago, I gave a work colleague an 8 inch seedling I'd grown from a seed. It was from a native bush we'd walked past when I was climbing out of my own body with anxiety last year. I'd done that walk on my own earlier this year when I was worried about the house sale and noticed that the seed pods were starting. But back to last year...we both had the same hour off during the work day and he saw me about to lose it and took me for a walk. I'll never forget that walk and the kindness he offered through it.

Yesterday, I was spontaneously inspired to give him one of the seedlings I've been nurturing. It's from a critically endangered native plant. When I did, he told me he'd been on amitrip for just a couple of days. Oooof. I remember that shit, it's brutal. He said he'd been hoping it would help him sleep better. If he's on amitrip for sleep rather than zopiclone, well, that speaks volumes. I hope he doesn't have to be on it for long.

Today, he told me he'd put the seedling in the window (I'd told him to, because the seedling loves sun but is so attractive to snails that if he put it outside it would be stripped bare in two days like my first one was - this is why they are critically endangered in the wild.) I hope he enjoys watching the speedy new growth as much as I do and that he can navigate his way through whatever has induced the amitrip prescription. I'll try to step up as a new friend.
 
I'm closed to new connections right now and it's for a few reasons.

The first is the easiest to tell myself...I'm learning to live with Adam again basically full time after being in a different city for work for the last two years and boarding in a place that allowed me the freedom of being on my own. Living with a partner is hard work, much harder than being on your own. Sometimes I wonder why I signed up for this lol.

The second is also easy...Puck is moving to my country, although not my city, and a huge proportion of my energy is being expended (although obviously way less than him) in that process. I was spending as much time with him as possible while he was here job hunting, and will be spending time with him on every possible occasion that I can visit him once he starts work here. For regular readers, Iris is coming to visit him not too long after he gets here!!! She can only spend 10 days this time and I won't get to meet her (boo) but I'm so excited for her that she'll get her first trip to NZ. I love when anyone connected with me visits my country! Renee is coming in September to start the spousal residency visa process.

The third is just life - I'm perimenopausal and I don't even reach into the bedside table drawer much anymore.

The fourth is harder. I am still grieving Ayin, and it's kind of odd to me that his passing is still so impactful. It's nearly 2 years since his untimely death and I'm becoming aware that I'm afraid of loving anyone new; in fact my body recoils at the thought because of the anticipated fear of loss. It's nearing the anniversary of his death, which nearly coincides with solar Samhain in the Southern Hemisphere, so he's feeling really close right now. The veil is thin.
 
Puck is back in Aotearoa NZ today! I pick him up from the airport in just a couple of hours.

I'm so fucking delighted he's able to move here!
 
After a brutal week for each of us, I did a mercy dash to his new city for the weekend and it was 100% worth it. We did a little driving around in the morning, some lying around in the afternoon, and then a night out. Well, evening. Sleep was a high priority for both of us after the difficult week so despite dinner and drinks and lot of walking and exploring the area, I'm pretty sure we were in bed by just after 9:30. But it was definitely a healing visit, and I'm looking even more forward to next weekend when I get to stay two nights.

Adam is finally starting to get well again after a bad virus and he's working most days next week, whew!
 
Another really rough work week for both Puck and I, but it's a holiday Monday next week so I'm now spending two nights with him! Next weekend he'll come to visit me because Adam is off on his own travels.

Puck and I have been gifted another honeymoon period by the universe, and given we'd had a conversation lamenting that we were both getting a little long in the tooth to be quite so interested in sex, it's been a delightful reawakening.

This afternoon, we're off to do some simple domestic purchases and then perhaps go find a bowling alley. This is the life I want lol.
 
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