The story of Spork.

Well I survived my Mom's visit. She should be back in Arkansas by now, or getting there.

It was funny...I am always wary of her "give an inch/take a mile" tendencies, so I love her, but with reservations and boundaries. She called about this visit and I was excited, I mean, none of my family has visited me in a really long time and I was happy with the idea of seeing her. Then she says she's bringing the dog. It's a little "Chiweenie" dog (chihuahua/dachshund) and I'm really not a dog person...but whatever. I decided to get her a hotel room even though she was talking about sleeping on my floor or couch, I was like noo....let me get you a room. I figured we'd ALL be more comfortable (I was right.) So then she says later that she can stay an extra day. So I got the room for a third night. Alrighty. Not an expense I was really planning to have, but so be it. It's family. Make it happen. Then she shows up, and she says, "I brought a surprise" and I'm like... ... ...ohhkayy... And she brought two kittens. Um. She'd just adopted two more kittens, she's got I dunno, three or four cats she left at home with a pet sitter, but the kittens need meds so she brought them. However, she left the animals in the hotel room the whole weekend. The kittens in a cage and the dog in the bathroom. Whatever. Mom is weird. I dunno. I got another $35 charge on my credit card from the hotel this morning, I'm not even going to ask. They may have needed to clean up who knows what and there's no way she tipped housekeeping.

So between her visit, my son's mental hospital stay, his orchestra expenses (they are going on a trip to Dallas in the spring and payments must be made every month for that) and Christmas coming up... I'm tightening the belt bigtime for a while. Though at least Old Wolf said he'd try to help pay for the hospital bill. So that is good.

I'm just going to try and keep life chill and relaxing for a minute. I'm tired this morning. Q has doctor's appointments and such this week, so I've got to rearrange my life around that stuff, but hopefully nothing major will happen for a bit. I've been telling Zen I am ready for life to be relatively boring for a while...
 
So life has been...yeah.

I had the police show up Sunday night. Q had left the house earlier while I was in the shower. I didn't know where he went, but assumed he was seeking to meet up with his girlfriend, since he's been doing so whenever possible lately. But what was really going on...

She had left our house in the morning, supposedly with some plan to meet up with her former...friend?...a young man who has treated her badly in recent history but she's still entangled with. Q doesn't want her anywhere near him, but she wanted to "say goodbye" and give him money she owed him. Then that plan was cancelled, then it was back on, only she was going out to dinner with him. Q freaked out, and went to a park and was sitting outside for hours. It wasn't THAT cold but with emotional distress and hunger on top of it, Q was basically sitting there "trying to freeze to death" or some angsty teenage foolishness. Meanwhile texting back and forth with his girlfriend. The guy she was hanging out with called the cops and told them that Q was threatening to hang himself. So the cops showed up.

I was in my pajamas, and I called Q and ascertained his location, and the cops followed us to a mental health place to get him assessed. Thing is, Q maintains that he did not threaten self harm. He was just hurting. Anyhow, he didn't get admitted this time. Yesterday there was more drama at his school, and I was called by the principal and counselor. Girlfriend had told them he was talking suicide again. He says he wasn't. And it's said that this other guy has threatened suicide if girlfriend doesn't continue to "be his best friend" but he wants to move her in with him, and have a relationship with her. Seems to me, all of these kids are using threats of self harm to try and manipulate each other (girlfriend has done it now and also in past relationships, as has Q) and if they aren't doing that, then they are falsely reporting on each other as manipulation to get each other put into hospitals. It's a damn mess. Q had his counseling yesterday and I sat in. Counselor and I are urging him to get off the crazy train, and he is listening more and being more open to the wisdom of his elders than usual.

Yet last night... He and I spent hours together. We talked more than we have in years. And he was on the phone intermittently with girlfriend, and I was sitting there (his wishes) and hearing this. Pretty awful stuff. He'd be agreeing with me one moment that he needed to break up this relationship, but on the phone, she was angrily demanding to know if he was breaking up with her, calling him weak, and he was groveling and saying that no, he wanted to make this work. But he's desperately trying to say, I cannot continue to be with you if this other guy is in your life. She spins that around to "you are making me choose between you and my friends and that's abuse." The end result of all this drama last night was that she asked for 3 days where Q leaves her alone and they don't see each other, and she wants to focus on her school work. On Friday she will give him an answer about whether she wants to continue to be in a relationship or not.

Truly, Q wants to be with her, thinks he's in love (well, he IS, but it's a teenage boy's adoration for his first sexual relationship, which has been on for all of 3 weeks...) but does not want her to continue to see this other guy. I keep telling him, "You can't control other people. You can only control YOU. So you have to decide, either you make peace with the fact that she is going to do anything she wants with anyone she wants and let it go and enjoy whatever time she gives you...or you break up and walk away. There are not other options. Making her stop seeing him or issuing ultimatums...that's just leading to you all hurting each other, it's not a working solution." If that weren't bad enough, he confessed that he's spent over $500 out of his paychecks from his Taco Bell job on her, and given her almost all of his hoodies. So a lecture on how you cannot buy anyone's love, nor create an obligation to a relationship, nor create leverage to demand compliance, with material gifts, is also in order here.

The last time I saw my ex, Saturday when he picked Q up for a visit, he slung so much nastiness and bullshit at me, that rather than sharing all of this stuff with him out of respect for our coparenting obligations, as I had been trying to do, I've not contacted him or talked to him at all. I know, because it's what has happened the last couple of times I've tried to discuss Q's issues with him, that all he will do, is twist it into some diatribe on how terrible women are as per his life experience as per "YOU BETRAYED ME!" and wind up rooting around in the muck of our relationship and divorce and his pain and misery, and I'm just too goddamn tired and fed up to keep doing it. Much as it was during our relationship, he makes it so incredibly unpleasant and miserable to be honest with him that I lose interest in even trying. Funny thing about when you punish people for telling you the truth...they stop doing it.

Though my aggravated ruminations on his behavior did lead me to a moment where I paused and came to clarity on something. Something I knew, but it rang true in a way it hadn't before.

He goes on and on about the wrongs he believes I have done (some few legit, and many invented by him to justify his anger and hurt) and it's driven me mad knowing that he has done as bad or worse. The immediate impulse on my part has been to stand and say "but what about this thing and that thing that YOU did, you hypocrite! How dare you try to sling these things at me when you have done as bad or worse?" But that is meaningless. And the reason it's meaningless, is that he's made himself suffer so much that he believes he has done penance. The crimes don't actually matter that much. He feels I'm getting away with it. And further (to that crystal clear moment of thought) that his childhood and upbringing was a matter of him behaving badly for his father's attention, father punishing him (which was better than being invisible to him) and then mother giving him love and sympathy after his father beat him. So this cycle, where punishment is the critical piece, is all that makes sense in his ordering of the world.

Seeing me go unpunished, seemingly not having suffered as he has, finding peace and happiness instead of ongoing crisis and misery, throws his entire just-world-fallacy reality that pivots around punishment and suffering, into disarray. It is threatening to him, because it doesn't follow the script. It's unfair.

Wow, that makes sense of so many things. Including the fact that all along over the years, I always had the sense that as miserable as he made me, it did not seem to be maliciously done. It seemed...unconscious, almost.

It's a simple matter of him trying to order his world in a manner that makes sense to him, as per his programming. It is far too powerful a thing for him, to be argued with. And my best bet is to engage with him as little as humanly possible. No more sharing news of our sons, trying to keep him feeling engaged and informed. I will let the boys manage their relationships with him, instead, and stop trying to facilitate. It's the only way, to not participate in his reality.

Seems pretty simple, and like something I should have already known. Maybe I did.

Anyhow, I am hoping that this relationship that Q is in, is over by the end of the week. There are too many problems and it's not going to get better. Q does, to his credit, say that he is not going to harm himself over it no matter what happens. He has told the girlfriend this, also. I heard him.

Zen and I both will have tomorrow evening together at home, which is unusual in our schedules. I briefly entertained the idea of inviting a couple of friends over for a movie or a board game. It would probably be ok...but I'm probably not going to. I'm afraid of some dramatic incident involving Q to really be comfortable. And I feel like when I am under a lot of stress I am not the best of company, so I have a strange sense of withdrawn quiet, and emotional tiredness going on.
 
Sending out my sympathy to Q. Confusing, bad, manipulative relationships take a toll on absolutely everyone. Anytime I'm breaking up or considering it I get eczema, which doesn't happen to me otherwise. It must be hell for the teenager.

Regarding money not buying love, I guess he got his lesson the hard way - or maybe it's the easy way considering how early in his love life he's getting it :D
 
Indeed, Tinwen. Sometimes I seem pretty eager for the kid to grow up and get on with life and with being his own problem and not mine. But I tell you, being with him as he tries to figure out how to navigate this, it makes me scared. I love my kid. Life is hard. Love is hard, too.

So.

On a lighter note (or is it?) Zen introduced me to a woman that we often see at conventions, and she has repeatedly suggested that I listen to this podcast, "Welcome to Night Vale." I have not ever been into podcasts really, so it took me a while to take her up on it, but during a very tedious data crunching project at work, I've begun to. I'm not terribly far into it but I'm kind of hooked. And today, I went to their website and looked at their store and oh...oh my god. They have stickers. Socks. Shirts, pins. And they're delightful, seriously. But I need to not spend money so, it will just sort of go on my "one of these days" list. That thing I was trying to do of indulging myself with one thing a week, if I got some goal accomplished...yeah that was a cute idea. I haven't really followed up on it, though. Sometimes I don't have it in me to do the goal things. Often I can't really spend money, because well, life. But it was a very cute idea. Anyhow. I really like these things. The NRA stickers are kind of hilarious.

Anyhow. Welcome to Night Vale. I am finding it almost meditative to listen to. I have to be willing to be in a certain headspace. It is not the kind of thing one can expect to actively engage like a great movie or show...often it's the way the guy talks and some of the music, it's almost hypnotic. Very calming. And I definitely enjoy the weird content.

Anybody here listen to this?

Maybe I already talked about it at some point. I honestly can't recall...
 
*sigh* I wrote a rant but then I changed my mind about it. Being judgmental about how other people live is not nice. It is none of my business (THANK GOODNESS) so nevermind.

I am just grateful, so grateful, for the extent of control I have over my own little haven of a home, and mindful of the fact that although my sons have handed me some challenges, they bring nowhere near the level of chaos and shenanigans that some people live with daily.
 
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Eeee! I'm all tingly.

I found this song on my Amazon prime music thing, wandering in search of new Halloween music last month, it was a cover of "Spooky, Scary Skeletons" and it was a very cool metal version. I noted in my mind to check out the artist at some point, because the music, AND his vocals, are heckin amazing.

Um.

He is a Youtuber called Jonathan Young. Oh dear god. He does heavy metal, pop and punk covers of all kinds of stuff, including lots of anime themes (Pokemon. Yep.) and Disney movies. I mean, I know, I'm not sure how he's getting away with it, Disney does like to sue people and everything, maybe he has permission. But anyhow, first of all his voice, oh my god, but also the guitars... OK I can't, maybe you just have to hear it.

Spooky, Scary Skeletons

I think I have a new favorite Halloween song.

Then there was this, which gave me all kinds of happy-in-my-pants feelings.

Game of Thrones theme

And also I am mad that I did not find this song for my Halloween party playlist.

The Monster Mash

That voice though.

Oh, and anybody like The Little Mermaid? Anyone? Uh huh.

Poor Unfortunate Souls

Goosebumps, I have them.
 
Okay, now he's going to have to go into my rotation... just heard his version of the Dragonborn theme AND his "Never Gonna Give You Up" cover, and I've subscribed. Thank you. Lol. :D

One of my faves for 70s covers in a punky style has been Me First and the Gimme Gimmes (with Fat Mike from NOFX). A little "Mandy" and all is right with the world...
 
Early mornings at work are weird. I get here before a lot of my coworkers, but there are two women who are here early too, and it's one very dark skinned lady of Latina-appearing ethnicity who is middle aged and an old lady with a strong German (I think?) accent, and they both apparently love Trump. They gather to cluck and hiss about immigrants and to talk about the latest terror those awful Democrats are going to visit upon us. I sit here feeling so very "wtf" about this, it's...surreal. The things that they, and other people I know who lean far right, talk about...it's actually kind of interesting, because they get very different news than I do. Facebook has become a battleground of sorts in this, or a bastion of pushing people further to the right and left. If you lean left in your issues, concerns, and friends, you'll get news that demonizes the right and is meant to stir your outrage in that direction. If you demonstrably lean right, you get the opposite. Neither of us is getting the same story, both of us think what we receive is true or mostly true. Very surreal. Very strange. I know it's not new, but it's...odd. The extent to which it's happening.

The other day, I overheard, "He's a business guy. He's very good for business." And I was thinking, "Ladies, have you looked at your 401K lately?" Because mine is not doing so good in the last few months.

*sigh* Politics. I can't.

Anyhow. I was up late last night doing apple experiments. I bought 8 different apples I'd never tried or heard of, and made up a bowl of what should have been cobbler crumbs, but cooked a bit too crusty. It was an experiment, whatever. I will modify my recipe next time for that part. And lay off the spices, which I got a little excessive with, I admit.

The apples I used were:
- Envy
- Sweet Opal
- Ambrosia
- Autumn Glory
- Pink Cripps
- Pink Pearl
- Kiku
- Rave

Rave was ruled out for being too tart for Zen's palate. Several, such as the Ambrosia (which he liked) the Autumn Glory, and the Pink Cripps, I ruled out for being too sweet. I want a little tartness just so the apple flavor doesn't get lost in the caramel and sweetness. Several others were ruled out on the basis of texture. I want the perfect texture, soft, not at all firm, but not applesauce either. Soft and gooey is what I'm shooting for.

The winner for me was the Sweet Opal. A close runner up was the Pink Pearl, which got bonus points for being weird. When you cut into them, the flesh is bright crazy shocking pink. However, I feel that they are better as a raw eating apple, the flavor was zingy, bright, very ALIVE. Almost tingly effervescent on the tongue at the finish. I Googled these, and other say they have "notes of raspberry and grapefruit." Um. OK. Anyhow they're odd and delicious.

I don't cook very often, because I am lazy as hell, but there was a time I enjoyed getting experimental in the kitchen. It's just been a while. The apples I used to use for baking when I lived in Ohio though, are not available in stores here, so I was a little lost. Cortlands, Braeburns, those were great...can't find 'em. So here we are...

I don't use recipes. Every time I cook anything "for real" (not out of a box or a can) it is an experiment that might go well, or badly, there is no telling. Anything could happen. And I never write it down, so it'll never be exactly the same thing twice. This...could be another reason I rarely cook...but it is fun when I do.
 
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Spork said:
... Braeburns, those were great...can't find 'em.
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Braeburns are awesome. Fan of Gala as well.

But I like my apples on the tart side - take a Granny Smith sliced thin and toss with cinnamon and sugar, eat while reading "The Stand" and sipping a good beer or coffee = perfect winter Sunday afternoon.
 
I've never heard of any of those apples here in Mass, but the Pink Pearl sounds fun!
 
It's been a while.

My son is still in a relationship with the girl from back in...October?... She turned 18 today. We will see if my prediction that, given a new world of adult options, she chooses to bounce and find an adult to help take care of her, or stays with my son, who won't be 18 until late September. I don't mean to sound critical of her in saying I expect this...her parents are trying to kick her out of their house ASAP now, and she has no job and nowhere to go. I like her (a lot actually) but I am not allowing her, or anyone, to move into my home. It just is not an option I'm willing to consider. At this phase of my life, I'm done blowing my boundaries for other people. I'm trying to get my sons on the road to independent adulthood, and moved out in the next 1-2 years, and I'm not willing to take on another human.

And, too, though this doesn't matter since my decision is very much universal, she has a lot of issues I'm not willing to take responsibility for. It's bad enough she's at the house a lot with my son, without trying to live there. She has eating disorders, anxiety, depression, and a robust history of stays in mental health hospitals and self harm behaviors. The easy thing to say is that she is "crazy" but in all seriousness, I REALLY DO LIKE HER. She has very good manners and she is smart, sweet, funny and cute. I get why my son likes her. (Well, he is also 17 and getting laid, so...) I don't argue that he should break up with her. I wish good things for her, in her life. I'd love to hear one day that she not only got healthy but became very successful. It's just I think there's a road ahead that includes some bumpy terrain for her and anyone who is willing to take on the care and feeding of her.

As an adult, though, and quite unlike my early years of young adulthood, I know that you can like someone, even love them, but that does not mean you need to be willing to make obligations you don't really want or take on burdens you don't feel good about bearing. I do get to look out for myself. It's not a crime.

So I feel bad for her. And I hope either she can get things straight to find a way to make it if her parents put her out, or reconcile with them enough to stay until she can do ok on her own...but she just isn't my responsibility and I gotta not feel guilty about that. And the easiest answer, sadly, is for her to find an older guy who is willing to put up with whatever in exchange for a relationship with a hot young woman. They exist, and are fairly plentiful here in this military town. At least she has an implant so she won't get pregnant. That's more than I had at her age.

Because I still try (ugh) to communicate with the ex regarding kid-related matters, I've had a few conversations with him about my son and the girlfriend. And my son has talked to him about his relationship problems. If anything, the comments my ex has made reinforce to me how grateful I am to have him fading out of my life rapidly. He said that if she ever cheated on my son, or he wanted to break up with her, he should bang her one last time, whether she wants to or not, before cutting her loose. I said, "So he should what...rape her?" No, explained the ex, he should make her consent, which you can do, for instance if you drive a chick out to a remote location and tell her she's gonna put out or walk home. If she doesn't give up the sex, kick her out of the car and leave her in the middle of nowhere.

Wow. I mean, our son doesn't even drive, so...this is just some BS revenge porn fantasy that my ex has, obviously.

And every time we talk, he says disgusting and sexually degrading things about son's GF. It's gross. He's gross. It is no wonder at all to me that I disassociated from sex while we were together.

Switching gears... Today is the last day of my 30's. So far, it has featured snow, a power outage at work, and free pizza at work (for no particular reason other than "it's snowing and the boss felt like it.") Zen and I had planned to go out to dinner and a movie tonight, but we'll see if we still feel like it later, given the weather situation. I'll be ok with postponing it.

I haven't been here posting as much for a time, because I used to do this at work and then they piled a bunch of actual serious project stuff on me that I really have had to spend my time engaging with...I'm getting close to completion on the big project, and I'm happy about that. But my presence here will be sporadic.

I continue to develop silly crushes on new women I meet now and again. Including our new receptionist (worry not, I am not trying to seduce her, just enjoying the tickles of my "new friend NRE" state.) I was chatting with her on the way out of here the other night, and holding my tupperware, coffee cup, and purse...and realized only when I went to walk away that the manner in which I'd had my coffee travel mug dangling from my hand, it was basically leaking a steady drip of day old coffee into my purse the entire time. Distracted by a pretty gal, makin' a fool of myself. It is to laugh.

Life mostly continues to be good. Zen is still wonderful, and we are still joyously in love and happy and bonded. I like the place I live, I love my cat, I'm working on art now and again, and when I get around to it, I've got a new jigsaw puzzle to do. I'm still involved in stuff at the BDSM club. We are planning to attend a party there tomorrow night.

Had a silly lil hitch in my feels yesterday but like most of those, it wasn't about anything Zen or anyone actually did right or wrong, it was just an "in my head" thing. I'd written him a couple of emails, which he read but didn't respond to. Part of my "Words of Affirmation" brain I guess, his silence tripped me into overthinking...not a lot, and I was able to talk myself out of it without much stress... But for a bit I was picking apart anything I'd said or done for about the last week, worried that his silence was an indication of displeasure, that I'd said something that came off in a way I didn't mean, or I'd been insensitive somehow, and hurt his feelings or made him upset. But no, he said he was just being lazy, and that's cool...sometimes I like to be lazy, too. And, too, it is a week for me where my hormonal state is making me a bit sensitive, I've been low on sleep and dealing with some weird back pain, and we had loads of contact, play, sex, and fun for a few days straight so maybe a bit of drop could be involved, as our time together was abruptly curtailed on Wednesday and Thursday, with Zen working closing shifts.

Sometimes I just feel some self-doubt and nebulous emotional discomfort. Sometimes there does not need to be a reason, it's just there.

But mostly, things are good.
 
Oh god no...

Radio signals from outer space??

Please, please let the aliens NOT make their first open and official contact with my species during a time that we've got a Great Orange Dipshit as a world leader...please no...

Things that keep me up at night.

Would he try to build a giant bigly wall over the sky?
 
Wow, your ex descends to new lows. Disgusting.

Here's a question. Why would we assume an alien race would come to earth and think like us or share our world view? What if they showed up and thought Trump was great?
 
WhatHappened said:
Wow, your ex descends to new lows. Disgusting.

Here's a question. Why would we assume an alien race would come to earth and think like us or share our world view? What if they showed up and thought Trump was great?
Click to expand...

That seems almost like it would be impossible. Trump is xenophobic, so by definition, he would be against aliens because they're different. So aliens with a similar philosophy would likely not be treating humans very well.

But who knows what aliens would want or think? They are very likely not like us at all and may have goals entirely beyond our logic or understanding.

I think the point was, who wants someone like Trump in charge during a time that would obviously be delicate for the human race?
 
Vicki82 said:
That seems almost like it would be impossible. Trump is xenophobic, so by definition, he would be against aliens because they're different. So aliens with a similar philosophy would likely not be treating humans very well.

But who knows what aliens would want or think? They are very likely not like us at all and may have goals entirely beyond our logic or understanding.

I think the point was, who wants someone like Trump in charge during a time that would obviously be delicate for the human race?
Click to expand...
Yeah, but in light of what you just said about aliens not being similar ...
... who knows Trumps (lack of) strategy would not be the best humanity can do? :D
 
Anyway, funny idea, that Trump will set the tone. Before he finishes his speech to the American people about protecting them from outer space evil, the Chinese will have a trade agreement signed :D :p

(joking, I hope no nationality takes this too seriously :D)
 
Stuff keeps being dramatic, complicated and stressful with regard to my son's girlfriend.

So her parents, for Christmas, gave her one gift. A suitcase. (Ouch.) And they told her then, that she would get nothing for her Birthday (which was in early January) except the ability to live with them rent free until she graduated high school.

Then on her actual Birthday, there were plans that they were supposed to have a party, a sleepover, and a dinner at Village Inn, but all of that was cancelled because on that day her parents had a huge fight, and her Father came into her room and threw her stuff around and demanded she get out of his house, and when she didn't, when she said, "I literally have nowhere else to go" he said that HE was leaving, and stormed out and was gone for a few days. He eventually did return.

Then she was told that she had until March, and they'd be kicking her out then. That they bought a house in Pueblo, and they needed to renovate her room to sell the one they're in here, and they need her out of it.

Then last night, I was just trying to get to sleep, and my son woke me up freaking out that they were throwing her out this week. For context, at this very moment we've just had a blizzard and it's freezing and icy outside, and the news tells me a homeless person was found dead in a sleeping bag downtown the other night.

And the other night though...I had conversation with the girl while my son was in his therapy appointment. She said...several things.

"I just thought of an idea of how to avoid homelessness. Neither of you are going to like it but I think it will work. I could make a convincing suicide attempt and get placed into a facility. They'd HAVE to shelter me after I got out at least for a little while."

"I actually respect people more when they don't like me. When someone doesn't like me I think they're smart. They see who I really am, that I am a terrible person."

The word, "manipulative" was one she used. I told her, "I do like you. But don't think for a moment it's because I am blind to who you really are, what capability you may have, or any of that. I see it, I know it, possibly because I've got some of that in me, as well. But the thing is, you've got a whole life ahead of you to decide if you will be an amazing person--which is completely within your power--or a terrible one. It's what you choose to do with any of this, that counts. Do you use your powers for good or evil?"

So now she says she will be homeless sometime this week.

Also according to her, she is getting really good grades, and is on track to graduate in May...assuming she's able to attend school. Also according to her, she is not allowed to eat at home (she's had a long history of eating disorders. I allow her to eat whatever she wants at my house, but she eats very little, mostly macaroni & cheese and ramen.)

Additionally, she had a job at McDonald's for a while, and her parents were supposedly taking her entire paycheck and helping her save money for a car. Now I am told that they drained that account, took all of her money, sent her a screenshot of the zero balance, and told her it was for "services" they provided her such as driving her to therapy appointments, and her use of utilities and whatever living in their house.

ALL of this is...according to her.

I told my son last night:
1. She may not move in with us. She may not consider my home her home. Not temporarily even. Because I've been taken advantage of too many times, I'm not going to be the next person trying to find a way to kick her out, and I'm not running a shelter for troubled teens. I already have enough to worry about trying to get my sons on their own feet as young adults.
2. I want to talk to her Mother. When my son told her this, she lost it and screamed at him. She says she only is ok with that if she's there and it's in person. She demands that my son NOT give me her Mom's phone number which he has. She says her Mom will say things that will "make me hate her" or will say mean things to me and hurt my feelings (lol?) or that she will blow up my phone all day or something. I find this very interesting. I believe that for some reason the girlfriend feels a need to control information between me and her Mom.
3. I told my son that if she became homeless, we were contacting Urban Peak, which is a youth homeless center in town. Unfortunately though, they've only got 20 beds and this time of year, my money is on them being full. But I think they'd have at least the ability to connect her with other resources of some kind.

At this point, the girl has one of two main paths into her young adulthood that she can take. Either she finds a guy to take her in and provide for her, in which case she's barking up the wrong tree bigtime with my 17 year old son...I mean, he may be naive and gullible because he's "in love" and young and unwise, but he doesn't have much in the way of resources for her to tap into. And she cannot have mine, no matter if I like her or not. OR, she could work on being truly independent. Out of all possible ways to do that, I think that Job Corps is probably her best bet. It's free, they'll take her even though she's had issues. If she needs to finish high school, she can do that and they'll pay her $1500 for completing the program though them, and they'll help her get her driver's license. She can do some kind of vocational training. She hates this idea and refuses to consider it.

And she keeps saying to my son that if she can't find anywhere else to live, she will have to get in touch with this other dude she was hanging around with at the beginning of her relationship with my kid, who was abusive and who still stalks her, who was a big part of my son ending up in a mental health facility because she told him (she later admitted it was a lie) that this guy raped her, and yet she was still hanging around with him because he threatened to kill himself if she didn't....etc. So she is saying she'd go back to him for a place to live. I told my son last night, "Given how she knows you feel about him and all, do you really think that is anything but manipulative?"

I believe that she wants to live in my house, that she feels that if I do like her I'll eventually cave in and let her, and that if nothing else she can make my son persuade me. She denies this, of course.

I now have her Mom's phone number. I think I may text her and set up a lunch or something. I want to know a.) If she is really doing as well in school as she says she is, and b.) if she is really in as much peril of homelessness as she says she is. Mainly that. Because if her parents are TRULY willing to toss her out and jeopardize her ability to even graduate high school like this, which I struggle to fully believe, then I'm prepared to call shelters and services to try and get her help.

Again...I cannot wait for both of my sons to be fully on their own feet as adults, I know they've got to go through struggles to learn, but I've about had it with the drama. All of it. I nearly wish I could pack us all up, and relocate my son away from this chick, just vanish his ass. Poof! *sigh*

He is presently struggling with knowing that she is bad for him, but feeling like anything other than sticking by her and helping her would make him a bad person. Unless she cheats on him. As far as he is concerned, that is the only possible thing that justifies HIM breaking up with HER, even though there seem to be plenty of days he wishes SHE would break up with HIM. Neither of them seem to truly respect a person's right to leave a relationship that is harmful to them regardless of whether there was infidelity, and she in particular said that she "has been diagnosed as histrionic and that it's part of that, and part of who she is, that she can't handle a breakup well." So he feels held hostage by the fact that if he tries to end it, she will freak out and probably harm herself.

I really just hope that my son finds himself free of her one day and learns a lesson about being with messy people, and having boundaries.
 
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