The story of Spork.

I understand about money problems; I really, really do. It's stuff that keeps you up at night.

Through my own foolishness, and rushing through a divorce when I took on more of our marital debt than I should have, I also wound up in a dismal financial state. Once had a credit score in the upper 700's, paying all bills on time, then WHAM! Didn't have the second income anymore to keep paying those debts.

My BIG mistake was going into denial. Ignored collections calls, letters, attorney paperwork. I kept hoping something, anything, would just GO AWAY.

During this time, I got remarried and lost my job. In that order. I can't believe my husband didn't leave me for dragging him into this mess. THEN, we fell behind on the mortgage on our house (which he purchased before we married), as I didn't have a job for a while.

However, back in April 2013, I FINALLY put on my big girl pants and we filed for bankruptcy. It's been rough, and embarrassing, but I was finally able to sleep at night and not feel a lightning bolt of fear when the phone rang.

Don't kick yourself about being one of "those people." It can happen to anyone. After all, Donald Trump did it; a few times! ;)
 
Ugh, Spork. I feel for you. Just my 2 cents, but I think you'll have this fear, anxiety, and uncertainty as long as you're linked to Old Wolf. Once you've filed for divorce and have it on legal record who will pay what, etc, and your finances are separated, I think you'll breathe easier.

I totally get it on the finances. My ex was laid off for a couple years before our divorce. We didn't have any debt going into the divorce (except the house), but I subsidized his move and I am 100% financially responsible for the kids. I really couldn't afford to keep the house but did so anyway and now I have a fair amount of credit card debt. The irony is that now my income is more than sufficient to keep the house, but because of the new debt and college costs for the kids, money is still super tight. The panic you feel when some extra expense pops up is the worst!

But the thing is, when you're still financially tied to Old Wolf, you have no control...his screw ups can increase your debt significantly without you having any input or fore-knowledge. Versus, if you file and separate your funds, at least you'll know what you owe. Will he agree in the divorce decree to pay x amount towards the debt? If so, that would be your best bet. And, of course, make sure you retain the right to claim Q on taxes...the child tax credit will help some. ((Hugs))
 
Yes, we are getting our agreement written into the divorce. We went over our financial history (I have kept very detailed records, it wasn't that hard to come up with some summary data) and we negotiated a point where we were comfortable of what he can pay of our debt.

Sometimes I think I should be trying to get him to pay more of it, but there are issues with that. First being the fact that he ain't got it. Second being the question of fighting him on anything in the divorce, means hiring a lawyer, means PAYING a lawyer... And then even after all that, there's just no absolute guarantee I'll ever get what he owes me even if it's court ordered. I watched him duck and dodge and not pay his obligations to his first wife, so I know better than to expect him to take a court order seriously.

I don't know, I might go back to court after a year or more has passed, if he winds up moving on and making more money. I'll still be single-parenting Q, and Ninja will be grown and on his own then. I'm sure there are means to get existing divorce/support orders changed.

And I do take some heart knowing that, if/when I declare bankruptcy...just getting out from under the credit cards I've got, will make it so that I've got enough to survive coming in and a bit extra. I could actually start a savings for emergencies, instead of having to count on available credit to cover emergencies. That would be really nice.

Pinkpig and powerpuff...thank you for your words of support. And I'm thankful to Zen, for encouraging me and sticking with me.

This too shall pass...
Adapt, overcome...
Onward, into the fog...
 
Is there a reason you can't have him removed from the cards in your name? Or cancel those accounts altogether and open new ones in your name only?

I filed for divorce for exactly this reason. He was dragging us down (on top of his lying and cheating) financially. I was scared of losing a full time income, and that we couldn't afford two households between us since we could barely afford one, and scared of being stuck with half the enormous debt he'd run up.

I have found, though, that I'm better off FINANCIALLY with less money but without his spending. You have to accept that you're never going to see what he owes you, and cut all financial ties. You've seen that he does it because he can. And until you completely separate finances, he'll continue to do it.

ETA: When I was on an infidelity forum, I saw this a LOT, where women found they were better off financially without guys like this, even though they had significantly less money. We really underestimate how bad their spending is.
 
WhatHappened said:
Is there a reason you can't have him removed from the cards in your name? Or cancel those accounts altogether and open new ones in your name only?

I filed for divorce for exactly this reason. He was dragging us down (on top of his lying and cheating) financially. I was scared of losing a full time income, and that we couldn't afford two households between us since we could barely afford one, and scared of being stuck with half the enormous debt he'd run up.

I have found, though, that I'm better off FINANCIALLY with less money but without his spending. You have to accept that you're never going to see what he owes you, and cut all financial ties. You've seen that he does it because he can. And until you completely separate finances, he'll continue to do it.

ETA: When I was on an infidelity forum, I saw this a LOT, where women found they were better off financially without guys like this, even though they had significantly less money. We really underestimate how bad their spending is.
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I could have him removed from the cards in my name, but that's not the solution. He doesn't have physical copies of those cards and he isn't using them. (Since I moved out, early this year.) The only thing he can do and did do, is overdraft "his" checking account (which is a joint account) which pulled from the overdraft protection on my credit card. Which generates a $12.50 fee each time. As opposed to the $34.00 fee each time if we did NOT have the overdraft protection.

Why is this set up this way?

Because:
Since it's a joint account, I have online access to it and when he gets paid, I can transfer out what he owes me, what he has AGREED to pay, which is how I get around "accepting that I'll never see what he owes me."

That ^, the upside of this...happens way more often than the downside, which is that he CAN overdraft as he did this last weekend. But he's going to pay me back. How do I know? Because I'll simply log in and take what he promised to pay me back, around 5am the day he gets paid, over my morning coffee.

So once he's cut loose with his own account, I have to trust that he'll send me the money he owes me for things...I don't like that.

I can't get him and Ninja (son he's parenting) off my cell phone plan until the installments for the devices are paid off. I cannot afford to pay them off. No one can right now.

I can't just simply close those accounts and open new cards in my name. Because my balances are high, and no credit card company would approve me (I don't blame them.) Actually there is no point or reason to that...they aren't joint cards. He was only ever an "authorized user." The debt, the cards, they are in my name. What purpose would opening yet more cards serve, even if I could?

And I cannot afford to make the payments but then NOT use the cards. As an example...suppose one card has a $400 payment on it, and charges $200 in interest that month, I can then use the difference to live on. I cannot afford to have that extra $200 just go to the balance on that card. I have to use it. Why? Because I've got like $300 for groceries, gas, school supplies and clothes, etc for a whole MONTH for me and my kid. It isn't enough. This is what I call "treading water."

The credit card balance is not going up, or down. It's just staying where it's at.

So I am doing that for some of my cards. One in particular though, I have locked away and I'm making actual progress on. One at a time. It's all I can do.

Also, we are in the process of a divorce right now. We have filed the paperwork. Any time significant changes happen (such as, if I closed or opened an account) we'd have to amend and re-file our paperwork, and pay an additional fee to do it.

I'm stuck for a little while yet. And given the numbers on this debt...which would be pretty shocking for most people I think...I believe that the only way out of it for me is going to be bankruptcy anyways, even if my ex pays me what he has agreed to, I'm still going to be left with debt totaling more than a year's worth of salary for me. That's how bad it is. But if he does pay me what he owes, I'll have a couple of cards paid off that I can affirm and keep and use to rebuild my credit later I believe.

Also, I don't for one second underestimate how bad my ex's spending is. You should see the spreadsheet systems I built to aggregate data and report on who is spending what, on what...I know what his spending, mine, spending for groceries, for gas, for holidays...you name it, I've got a category for it. And I've got meticulous detailed records of every penny in or out since 2008. I actually find accounting fun, it's like a hobby for me.

So I know that in general when we were together, assuming we took all of the household expenses like our housing costs and groceries and split them 50/50, but assigned out individual stuff based on how our spending habits were...and also considered income...

Over the 18 years of our marriage:
He earned 59%, I earned 41%
He spent 51%, I spent 49%.

In general what sucks about his spending habits wasn't so much the amount. He didn't really spend more than his due. What sucks is that he was (and is) so STUPID about it. I'm usually more careful and aware...I might occasionally spend big on a vacation or something, but it's all planned out and I get the best prices for practically everything.

He on the other hand...signing up for all kinds of dating sites and porn, and then being like "hurr durr they said it was a free trial!!" And every time he goes into a store he's got to buy a $5 energy drink and a bag of junk food...I have a loathing of spending more than things are worth. He doesn't.

And I feel that he is very unrealistic about other things, he thinks he's going to get $2,000 in rent for the house, because "he'll make sure to rent it to some officer in the Army." Just because someone has the money doesn't mean that they want to pay more than what something is worth. Comparable houses rent for MAYBE $1300-1400 tops in that area. He'll be lucky to have the rent cover the mortgage. And he's talking about how he'll have enough coming in, to also pay a management company and a landscaper and this and that...he's being really stupid. His plans just aren't going to work. And then he'll bellow and cry and play the victim when things don't go his way because he didn't bother to research and have realistic expectations.

He's just really frustrating.

I can't wait until the day I don't have to care at all what is going on in his world. We aren't there yet, but we will get there. It's gonna be great.
 
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Oh, check it out though. That last post I just posted? I was just responding to points made by WhatHappened...I'm actually not really thinking about all of this today.

You'd read that and think that I'm giving myself headaches over all this maybe, but I'm not. That's just bits of thought-debris from the surface of the situation.

Today at this moment I am not really troubled by much. My tooth hurts though. I managed to get through yesterday, but around 2pm I was in bad pain. It sucked. And now it hurts. I am very tempted to go home and take the percocets and sleep. Maybe I should...even though I really don't want to take the time off work...

*sigh*

THAT is where my head is at today. I keep finding myself just zoned out, staring off into space, aware of nothing but the pain where that tooth used to be. It's distracting.
 
I have found that if the teeth, butt or feet hurt it is almost impossible to consistently focus on anything else.

I hope the teeth pain goes away soon!
 
I admit, then, I'm lost. You seemed upset at his spending and overdrafts. Then you say it doesn't matter because you can take the money from the joint account anyway.

I said exactly what Pink Pig said:

PinkPig said:
...when you're still financially tied to Old Wolf, you have no control...his screw ups can increase your debt significantly without you having any input or fore-knowledge. Versus, if you file and separate your funds, at least you'll know what you owe.
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As long as you remain financially tied to him, you'll be tied to his spending habits and your credit may be affected by his choices, too.
 
Swishing warm salt water in the mouth REALLY helps. I can't stress that enough.
 
WhatHappened said:
I admit, then, I'm lost. You seemed upset at his spending and overdrafts. Then you say it doesn't matter because you can take the money from the joint account anyway.

I said exactly what Pink Pig said:



As long as you remain financially tied to him, you'll be tied to his spending habits and your credit may be affected by his choices, too.
Click to expand...

This is one of those situations where I wasn't really looking for advice on how to fix the problem. I know what the path to fixing the problem is. I'm just frustrated because it is a process, and I have to be patient and go about this in the right way and time, and it is hard to be patient. It's hard to be patient while watching him do STUPID things...I was in charge for 2 decades to prevent those things, and now he is trying to stand on his own like a big boy, and he is fucking it up. I'm tired of even having to be aware of what he's doing.

We are disentangling. Gradually. It isn't as simple as just flipping a switch. If anyone needs to open new accounts, it's him. But neither of us, with our credit usage so high, qualifies for much. Meanwhile I have GOT to know that the bills are getting paid on his end (especially the house related ones, because my name is still on the house.) He won't sell the house. He believes that he can easily refi in his name only once we are legally divorced. I think it's going to be harder than that. Also though, until next year when he graduates, my son lives there, so I have a vested interest in whether the power bill has been paid, or there is grocery money.

I'm just very glad that by the end of this year we will be divorced, and by this time next year, our son will be grown. I won't have to even KNOW, let alone CARE that he spend his pay on beer and weed and there's no food in the house, or he's overdrafted himself into a ditch. His foolishness won't be any of my business.

Anyways, it's not so much that it doesn't matter because I can just take money from the joint account. It's that in balancing out the risk versus the benefit, the benefit is (for the moment) worth the risk. He WILL pay for those overdrafts and fees. And I have every intention of collecting what he owes me, it's a pittance, a mere token effort, compared to the financial burden from this marriage that I am taking. I'm not raking him over the coals but I will damn sure hold him to what he agreed to.

The reason it became a thing that didn't matter, was more because I reached a point where my brain couldn't deal with any problems besides pain management on my wisdom tooth extraction site. I quit smoking, and I didn't even care. I still don't care. Lots of things don't matter when you're in pain, or drugged for pain.

Still not smoking (since lunchtime Monday.)
Not in pain now, though once in a while still get a little discomfort. Doing much better.
 
Way to go on the quitting smoking, Spork! That's awesome :)

As for the financial stuff, it'll work out one way or another. I do understand on the panic and fear. I won't need to file bankruptcy, just either make changes in spending habits (ie go back to not travelling and not eat out) or sell the house, free up the equity and move into a smaller/cheaper place. I'm trying to do a combo of both...spend less now but still do some travelling and sell the house when the last kid graduates in 2 years. Some months I make headway on my debt, some months something knocks me for a loop and I lose some of the headway, but I do see an end in sight. So I get the playing the waiting game, too. Sometimes it really does make the most sense for everyone to take things slow. Especially when kids are involved.

I hope your tooth pain finishes resolving soon!!
 
I do have my vape... But I'm not trying to replace a smoking habit with a vaping habit. Basically my vape is for when the addiction gremlins start jumping around and yammering about how I could just go over to the gas station and have a cigarette in my hand in minutes...I go hit the vape and it's pushing the "shut the fuck up" button on that. It takes the edge off. I do it a couple of times a day usually. Less if I'm at home.

It is meant to be an aid to quitting nicotine, not a replacement habit. That is important to me.

So today on FB, the Worm King posted something about "Leeroy Jenkins" (of World of Warcraft video fame) makes him laugh and that somehow this also sums up why he is perpetually single.

Motherfucker... No, you are perpetually single because of how you treat women. You reel us in, have a nice brief sexual affair, and then go flaky after a few weeks, eventually pushing any given female out of your life entirely. And I know it was not just me, because I met a woman who is friends with his family...he totally just DOES this. If anything I was extremely relieved and glad to hear this because it let me relax, that it wasn't my fault...wasn't that I was not good enough...it's just how he rolls.

So. I posted on MY feed, without tagging him or in any way implying that my post had ANYTHING to do with him (totally vaguebooking, which I pretty much only do when he's involved)...

"Ever see something posted by a friend, and there are so many responses that come to mind, that you just can't even choose one, so you say nothing, and just sit there, staring at your phone screen, giving it the ~look~ that you wish you could give that friend right now, because really, a loaded stare, of the kind that says, "are you even fucking serious right now?" is the ONLY possible correct response..."

That was my post. Exactly. Could have been aimed at any of my 461 facebook friends. And along comes the Worm King with a response, "I said I was sorry."

How did he know? Or was it just a lucky guess?

So I responsed with:

...

...

It's not fair to blame poor Leeroy, that's all I'm sayin.



Anyone else have a sort of "ghost of sex affairs past" that you just kinda give a perpetual side-eye to?
 
Spork said:
That was my post. Exactly. Could have been aimed at any of my 461 facebook friends. And along comes the Worm King with a response, "I said I was sorry."

How did he know? Or was it just a lucky guess?
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A glimpse of bad conscience? ;)
 
I suspect that was less vaguebooking than you thought. I could figure out that might be Worm King related just from the content so I'm sure he could too.

And yes, I totally mentally, and occasionally IRL, side-eye one of my exes, Whip, when he complains about the not fabulous job he has now. But he has a job which was more than what he had when we were dating. And the economy is still not great - despite what any 'indicators' say. But Whip is also entitled, and unwilling to hear any criticism. He gets super defensive and just won't learn from it. So, while there are things beyond his control in the job search (like the state of the field he wants to go into), a lot of what happens is related to those two big personality traits. And there is no point in stating his part in the lack of job prospects as he can't handle criticism. Much like Worm King is likely unwilling to face how he treats women.

And that Leroy Jenkins video is awesomely funny. I saw it for the first time after hearing people use that phrase for years. Now I know why!
 
opalescent said:
I suspect that was less vaguebooking than you thought. I could figure out that might be Worm King related just from the content so I'm sure he could too.

And yes, I totally mentally, and occasionally IRL, side-eye one of my exes, Whip, when he complains about the not fabulous job he has now. But he has a job which was more than what he had when we were dating. And the economy is still not great - despite what any 'indicators' say. But Whip is also entitled, and unwilling to hear any criticism. He gets super defensive and just won't learn from it. So, while there are things beyond his control in the job search (like the state of the field he wants to go into), a lot of what happens is related to those two big personality traits. And there is no point in stating his part in the lack of job prospects as he can't handle criticism. Much like Worm King is likely unwilling to face how he treats women.

And that Leroy Jenkins video is awesomely funny. I saw it for the first time after hearing people use that phrase for years. Now I know why!
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I would expect someone from HERE to read that and think it might be related to him, because I've only spoken about a select small slice of my overall cast of life characters here.

But I don't ever comment on this man's stuff, he does like and comment on mine (fairly often) but I rarely direct my actual attention at him.

Old Wolf also commented on my "vague-ish" post, and said that he feels that way all the time, but then, look who his friends are. Well, yeah. But see I could feel that way...backed by one emotion or another...towards any one of hundreds of people I know.

I have no clue what the Worm King really thinks about much of anything though. I don't know if he actually WANTS a loving relationship, or he just likes to act like he does. As I've said, he's a very odd man.

Actually, when I was dealing with him, and also still up to my ears in dealing with Old Wolf too, I read an article similar to this one:

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/2014...fference-between-a-narcissist-and-a-sociopath

And it summed up rather well that Old Wolf is a narcissist...he is literally incapable of understanding another person's point of view, he talks endlessly about himself, he really follows every part of the pattern. Or in fact, Old Wolf might be somewhere in Autism Spectrum territory. Basically I perceive his state to be an antisocial disability. It hinders him. He is, when it comes to interacting with humans, a moron. But areas of subject matter such as geography, military history, firearms...he's a genius.

The Worm King on the other hand is more of a sociopath, in my opinion (and from what he admits.) He is very capable of high level manipulation. He always made me talk about myself, while giving away very little about himself. He could deftly turn a conversation away from anything that was "too close." I also wondered if there was a bit of some sort of dissociation stuff going on with him, but I'm wary of seeking too hard to diagnose people when I'm no professional...just yet another girl who's been around crazy her entire life. But it seemed to me that he was fairly easily triggered into different personalities...I believe I saw three of them. He looked like a completely different man, something about the set of his facial muscles, his eyes...and he didn't always remember what he'd done as one version of himself, if he was in a different mode when asked about it. But the Worm King is not, in my opinion, actually hindered by his state. I think he almost keeps himself in check from tendencies to hurt people, and isolates himself on purpose. He is a genius, both brilliant and talented, and very capable of...not empathy exactly...he understands what others are thinking and feeling. Human emotional analysis, he can do. But I don't think he usually cares that much.

I found him completely fascinating. But also a little bit scary. Sometimes I still wish I had the chance to learn more about him.

He's one...he'd probably be really disturbed if he knew what I'd found on the internet. His "public information" footprint is pretty big, because he fronted a local band for 22 years and because he's from a prominent family in the area that owns a lot of property and has other locally famous creative people in it. I learned what I could before I gave up. I wasn't seeking to do anything with the information I found...I was just driven by curiosity.

And giving up was hard. I don't know why, or what it says about me, but I have a significant desire to KNOW and understand people. Lots of people. As many as possible really. Maybe it's just that I love stories, and I see every human life as a story unfolding. I don't know.
 
To me, and others, Narcissism is a form of sociopathy or psychopathy. The website that helped me, when I was healing from Ginger, Psychopath Free, equates the two. You might want to read there. You're still pretty obsessed with Worm and Wolf, still not healed, imo. I mean that kindly, not judgmentally.

Ginger was aware, and told me early on, that he was on the autism spectrum, Aspergers. I forgave him a lot, thinking his behaviors after the idealisation phase (gaslighting, triangulating, etc.) was caused by the autism. It wasn't until a former member of this board, who still reads here but doesn't post, told me that as a person on the spectrum herself, she didn't think his behavior was attributable to merely autism, that I looked into the Don Juan Narcissism/sociopath angle. Not all functioning autistic people are as unkind and unfeeling as Ginger (Wolf, Worm) was/is. I could see Ginger actually got pleasure, a real kick, out of triangulating me and his new married couple lovers, and by triangulating them against each other. I could go more into the disgusting inappropriate things he did to receive pleasure in public, that are definitely not mere autistic behaviors.
 
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Magdlyn said:
To me, and others, Narcissism is a form of sociopathy. The website that helped me, when I was healing from Ginger, Sociopath Free, equates the two. You might want to read there. You're still pretty obsessed with Worm and Wolf, still not healed, imo. I mean that kindly, not judgmentally.

Ginger was aware, and told me early on, that he was on the autism spectrum, Aspergers. I forgave him a lot, thinking his behaviors after the idealisation phase (gaslighting, triangulating, etc.) was caused by the autism. It wasn't until a former member of this board, who still reads here but doesn't post, told me that as a person on the spectrum herself, she didn't think his behavior was attributable to merely autism, that I looked into the Don Juan Narcissism/sociopath angle. Not all functioning autistic people are as unkind and unfeeling as Ginger (Wolf, Worm) was/is. I could see Ginger actually got pleasure, a real kick, out of triangulating me and his new married couple lovers, and by triangulating them against each other. I could go more into the disgusting inappropriate things he did to receive pleasure in public, that are definitely not mere autistic behaviors.
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Healed...

Well. Old Wolf, no I am not completely healed from that. It was 18 years, and I still have to really deal with him.

Worm King, I think I am. I think about him, but objectively, I have the remaining intellectual curiosity and I can parse out a few things about his sexual technique that were really good...but while I might have a Facebook interaction with him that leaves me puzzling, I no longer FEEL an emotional component. There's no hurt, anger, frustration, or longing involved. Something about finding out his M.O. and that no part of that had any business impacting my self esteem, sort of freed me from the emotions I used to have surrounding him.

It's like there is a small scar there, and once in a while I'll go play a video, listen to his voice singing, and poke at the scar to see if there's any feeling in the tissue...and there just isn't.

The last time he tried to reach out to me, saying that he missed me, I told him he was just being stupid and it was his own damn fault if he missed me. That for months he could have had me any time he wanted, but he didn't. So missing me now, is just dumb, and I don't really want to hear it.

I don't think he really knew how to respond to that, other than to be slightly offended that I'm maligned his intelligence...and slightly apologetic. Whatever. The guy had his chance.

Now he's just something to talk about on my blog. Because otherwise, life is kinda boring this week. Got the money troubles, but that ain't goin' nowhere really, and I'm not as worried about it now. Got the stupid tooth. Feeling better about that now. Haven't seen much of Analyst, Fire, or Hefe. Correction...saw Fire and Hefe last weekend at Voodoo. They want me to go to an event in Denver this weekend, and I don't want to...I have other plans. That do not involve trekking to and from Denver, and that DO involve me getting some play, and then some sex, with Zen. So.

And yeah, things with Zen are fannnntastic. He has been just as sweet and supportive, and telling me not to be so hard on myself if I've got to declare bankruptcy. It happens. And it's understandable in these circumstances. We had lunch together today. Biscuits and gravy and fried apples at the Cracker Barrel restaurant. Yummy soft food for my healing jaw.

So yeah, life is rather uneventful if the most interesting thing that's going on is a Facebook conversation with an enigmatic former lover, but there ya have it...? *shrug* Mostly I've been trying to stay awake at my desk, because dealing with the pain, and the pain meds, this week has just tanked my energy levels...

EDIT: Whatever the case is between people like Old Wolf and Worm King though, they really aren't very much alike.

Old Wolf manipulates people out of desperation, he acts out like a child. His behavior really disables him, it's not clever or cunning. He is awkward and hard to be around. He is the guy who will stand there and hold a one-sided conversation about whatever is on HIS mind, never let you get a word in edgewise, and when you give all the nonverbals that you're desperate to get away, he won't notice and will just keep right on blabbering. He's desperate for someone to cling to, an audience for him to live the performance of his life for, and being alone is like absolute torment and torture to him.

Worm King likes to be alone. He's happy as a hermit much of the time. He's a successful entrepreneur. You'd think he'd be socially awkward, but no, he is a former (small time) "rock star" kind of guy and he can be extremely charismatic when he wants to be. He's the opposite of Old Wolf in so many ways. He doesn't talk about himself, he makes others talk about themselves. He is cunning and clever in his manipulations and seems to know what he is doing and why.

Anyhow, whatever all of this is about, they are two very different kinds of strange, these men. VERY different. I don't think that Old Wolf is capable of a healthy relationship. Worm King...I have no idea.
 
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Not all narcs, sociopaths or psychopaths, are identical, of course. They are all individuals. And there are degrees of sickness or condition. I know quite a few people on the autism spectrum. They are NOT as unkind and manipulative as the narcissists.

Here is the website to keep you distracted and entertained at work. There are articles and a message board.

https://www.psychopathfree.com/articles/
 
nycindie said:
I learned a new word today: vaguebooking. Is it a Facebook thing? I only check my FB maybe two or three times a year because I hate it. So I guess that's why I've never heard of vaguebooking.
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Yeah, vaguebooking is a Facebook thing. It's when you hint at things, but don't really tell the story...it's generally considered to be obnoxious and annoying. I don't do it much.

I'll have friends who will post something like:

"OMG send prayers" or some other shocking pronouncement that has everyone saying WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED?? And then either follow up with "Oh I had some stuff going on" or better yet, never come back and tell anyone what even happened...

Or something like mine where you know the poster is clearly thinking of someone in particular, but they aren't naming names. "I hate how some of my friends only wanted to hang out with me when things were good, and now they just fall off the map, I'm gonna unfriend a bunch of you, wait and see. You know who you are!" That kind of thing. Sometimes I think though, that some few people I know do that just to see if their friends will jump up and say "Hey, hey, I'm your friend, don't delete me!!" just so they can have the validation that people care. Meh.

So most of the time, vaguebooking is really petty shit.

But I don't post direct to Worm King's page because he always seemed to have a lot of unspoken boundaries, and I know he has a ton of women on his facebook and I suspect many are in a category somewhat like me...people he once used to have sex with. Without knowing more about things, I always just stayed back from the part of his world that connected with other people.

And yet he is forever liking and commenting on my stuff.

*exaggerated shrug*
 
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