You're worried that you'll have negative reactions?
Hi, new here but not altogether new to poly. Need some advice on navigating a mono/poly relationship.
Backstory: PC and I dated as poly, we both had other partners, but we lived separately. Both of our other relationships ended about the time I got really sick. I lost my job and we got married for health insurance, but also because we saw being together long term. We closed up the relationship because we were in crisis mode 24/7 with my health and decided neither of us could handle other relationships.
Fastforward 18 months: We are in couples therapy to work out some issues around trust and communication, and his borderline alcoholism. My condition is stable but it looks like it could be chronic; we live together and I'm on disability and financially dependent on PC for myself and my son.
PC has issued an ultimatum that he can no longer put off what he now says is his sexual identity (polyamorous) and though he will not leave me physically or financially, my choices are to accept him reintroducing 2 ex-girlfriends as paramours, or learn to live with him as just friends. Of course, I also have the option to leave him.
I am not willing to live as some version of friends, which means I either accept this or I walk. In theory, I'm ok with him having other relationships. I'm not too thrilled with the ex-gfs as they definitely had relationship issues, which he is now glossing over as just being he broke up with them because he didn't want monogamy but didn't realize polyamory was a choice. It's almost like he's having NRE with polyamory itself.
In practice, I don't know if there's wobbles (it's more like a pit in my stomach than something I would label as jealousy) or an outright rejection of polyamory. Things are definitely different now that we live together. I feel like I would be ok if I was also able to actively be looking for a relationship myself (I'm bisexual but only came out to myself about 3 years ago and am still looking to explore that side of myself) but being unhealthy, tired and emotionally unstable at times due to medication side effects, and broke, I don't feel like now is a good time for me to pursue any relationships.
I want to stay in this relationship; PC has been my rock for the past 2 years, but I really really don't want to do this whole mono/poly thing. Do I wait this out? See how I feel as his other relationships progress? See if I feel up to a new relationship of my own? Or am I better off leaving him because he is determined to open this relationship now and I am not so sure at all?
Did PC just spring this on you suddenly? Has he been talking to his former gfs behind your back, getting them to both agree to starting up dating again?
It seems noble that he gave them up and married you when you got sick. It seems he preferred you, even sick you, to his other gfs 18 months ago.
Thank you!My greatest condolences to you on your illness, by the way. A devastating illness and chronic diagnosis is very very hard to live with. It changes your life!
But now PC is drinking too much? And maybe a bit burnt out by taking care of you, and your son, while you were in acute crisis? So now maybe he imagines having these 2 gfs back will be his fun reward for taking care of you? You are in a very vulnerable position. What about your child's father? Not in the picture, financially or with some custody? Any grandparents that could help financially or otherwise?
I'd like to think I'm married to an idiot who is now trying to come clean and be honest and ethical, but now I'm wondering if it's something else ...
When doing research and reading through threads, I found this to be one of the most relatable and helpful ones. It's the primary reason I chose to join this site. I'm surprised that this thread hasn't had any new posts since 2018. Where did everyone go?