Third party only wants to be with my girl

C

curiouslez

New member
My girlfriend, Eve, and I (female too) have been doing very well. We met a guy the other night that I surprisingly really liked. She likes him a lot, too. I've never been a "man-hater" or anything like that. I just never really connected with guys, but he was way different. I'll call him Jake. Eve and Jake just met about a week ago, and then I met him a few days later. So it's all still very new. I felt very comfortable around him in a rather intimate way, which was strange to me. All three of us had a great time.

Eve and I also have another guy named Tate. He is dating Eve but not me. He and I just aren't into each other that way, and that is okay with all of us. Eve has explained to Tate that she wants a gf (most likely me; she and I are just taking it as it is), and to be able to play around with other guys. I know that I want another girl in my life, and possibly a guy. Tate has said he only wants to be with Eve.

Now, I think Tate is a great guy. I really like him. I have rarely felt jealousy towards him (and when I did, I just analyzed my feelings and found the real point of it). I know Eve loves him. But what Tate said about only being with her worries me.

I, personally, don't think it's possible for a couple where one is mono and the other is poly to be together. It just seems very unhealthy to me. It's like a gay person and straight person being together. It is possible for those two types to fall in love with each other and truly care about one another, but that one small detail (gay vs. straight/poly vs. mono) can make a huge difference.

Am I being out of line or unreasonable? Does this happen and work out?
 
curiouslez said:
Am I being out of line or unreasonable? Does this happen and work out?
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Two years and four months, so far, and going strong. Yes, it does happen, and yes, it can work out. But it takes a lot of work, never doubt that.
 
curiouslez said:
I know that I want another girl in my life, and possibly a guy. Tate has said he only wants to be with Eve.
I don't think it's possible for a couple where one is mono and the other is poly to be together; it just seems very unhealthy to me.
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Why does it have to be mono/poly, if you want other relationships too, possibly with a man, and with another female too? Did I read this right? Does it have to be the same man Eve has the hots for?

Oh, wait. You're worried about Tate being mono?
 
Yes, it can work. A lot depends on the mono person. If he is accepting of your in her life, then no problem. Sounds like it is working so far.
 
curiouslez said:
I don't think it's possible for a mono/poly couple to be together; it just seems very unhealthy to me. It's like a gay person and straight person being together; it is possible for those two types to fall in love with each other and truly care about one another, but that one small detail (gay vs. straight/poly vs. mono) can make a huge difference.
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It's worked for me and mine, so far. It's not for those who don't like to work on their relationships, though.

Do a tag search; research "mono/poly" a bit, and maybe you will get some insight into how and why this can work.
 
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