Thoughts on this journey

Isn’t hyperfocus fun? (There are several of us here, unsurprisingly - if you hadn’t noticed, I think the Venn diagram of adhd/poly is damn near a circle…)
I think you're right. And from my experience, the kinky, genderqueer, and software developer circles share that overlap, too. At least when brains are unconventional, they're often unconventional in similar ways... it's sort of comforting. 😆
My partner pixi recently saw an article about a new study showing that people who have genetic dispositions towards risk-taking are also more likely to be bisexual (pansexual, etc.). The fact is, hetero risk-takers are more likely to have more kids (more partners, maybe more sloppy with birth control), so our bodies have adapted to having more gay sex if we are risk-takers, thereby reducing the amount of kids we have.

You will pass the queer and risk-taking genes down to your offspring too.
I've been spending a lot of time on the polyamory subreddit, starting to reply to posts instead of merely reading them; it feels good to share what I've learned, though it also feels a little obsessive—I think that's just ADHD for you.
Still pretty much feeling like this. 😂

Some interesting conversations going on today, though...

So aside from this site, the other places I've been poring over compulsively are the /r/polyamory and the /r/relationship_advice subreddit. I tell ya, as much as people read the former and remark that it makes polyamory sound like a terrible idea (because so many of the posts are people in bad situations asking for advice), latter can get depressing af. Of course, who reads it and thinks, "monogamy is the problem here"? The conventional is strong. 😜

That said, there are a lot of common bad patterns I see in people's expectations for relationships, expectations about the surrendering of autonomy, like
  • Though shalt never interact with others with whom you are hypothetically romantically/sexually compatible in any of these (more or less restrictive) ways
  • Though shalt never have any expectation of personal privacy (e.g. we have to give each other complete access to our smartphones and track each other's locations)
  • Though shalt never have sexual thoughts about any other people, ever, especially when you masturbate, which is also pretty sus I mean I'm right here why would ever touch yourself unless you don't actually find me attractive or you're still hung-up on your ex
For all that younger generations seem to be more open-minded and progressive in some ways, an awful lot of people in their early 20s especially (and so, inexperienced with relationships) seem to struggle with the above. I don't envy them their belief that only ceasing to be individuals can yield the lifelong happiness of which they dream.
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Well, I must admit I'm a little upset that the thread about AI — as silly as it was on its face — was deleted. I put a lot of effort into my posts in that thread. More effort than the OP deserved? Maybe. But the actual topic brought up a lot of interesting philosophical questions, and I enjoyed exploring them. But now the things I wrote are gone, and I wish I'd written them down somewhere else, that I control.

It makes me hesitate to participate here in as much depth. Or, anyway, reminds me to compose my posts in a different app before I post them, which was a lesson I thought the internet had taught me 25 years ago. Oops. 😆
(Cool talk, folx; now back to my blog. Happy to discuss AI/ethics/nonsense in other threads!)

Good therapy call today, about my drive for autonomy and how that shows up in and shapes my relationships (and why the ideal of "two people creating something called a Relationship that's bigger than either of them" just doesn't work for me).

And a bit of good vulnerability with Maple—I can tell I'm getting emotionally attached when my anxiety starts to show up. In previous relationships, I suspect this is when I'd have a bit of a freak-out and get avoidant. Now I'm finding it much easier to just treat my feelings as information—and to interpret that information correctly, to wit:

I am feeling anxiety about this person, which doesn't mean they'll leave me, and doesn't mean they will threaten my autonomy... it simply means I'm getting attached, and that can actually be quite nice.

What happened is, they invited me to an event. I agreed, let's go! Then I realized there is a slightly higher than usual chance I might run into Ex that I'm Still Interested In there. Which is unlikely, and would probably be fine... but the idea of running into her while attending with Maple still made me feel a little weird. It's a situation I haven't yet had to navigate.
Instead of sitting on this, I explained it to Maple, saying I just wanted to give her a heads-up. She appreciated that, and confirmed it was no big deal.

Well, good. I rather hope I do run into EISII (maybe her pseudonym should be Elsie :sneaky:)—but I know I'll be fine, either way.