Threesome kink or actually poly? Confused.

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piedpiper45

New member
I (straight male) have been in a couple of monogamous hetero relationships. In the previous two, I've had a kink of sharing my partner (female) with a close male friend (solely sexually, in the form of a threesome). Can't explain the kink. I'm sure there's an explanation for it.

Anyway, although in principle it is just a sexual turn-on, I have no romantic desire towards my male friend (aside from the fact that I love him as a brother and close friend), and no desire for them to date. I call it a kink, as the desire comes from an excitement to see my partner get pleasured even more (providing they're into it).

It makes me wonder if having such a desire would be considered a form of polyamory. Makes sense to disclose it before entering my next relationship, but I just wonder what others thought about it.

A friend pointed out, 'Hey, maybe you're actually slightly bi?' I don't buy it; I don't find other males sexually attractive. The desire isn't to see my friend's shlong, its to see my partner tremble in a sea of pleasure. What do you guys think?

P.S. my friend and I did have a MFM entanglement one night in the past, and it was an experience.
 
Sex is sex-- group sex to solo sex.

Polyamory is about having loving committed relationships with more than one person. You can have group sex and be poly, but group sex is not a part of polyamory.

As for your sexual identity, I believe it's about who you love. If you love or are sexually attracted to men too, then you are probably bi. But it's a spectrum that fits you.

I've had LTRs with women, and sometimes find them attractive, and have had sex with women, but I consider myself heteroflexible or pansexual. But I'm a cis woman, mostly attracted to and desiring men.
 
Hello piedpiper45,

Whether it's polyamory would depend on whether your female partner had romantic feelings for the close male friend. Mind you, it doesn't have to be polyamory in order for it to be okay. I am of the mind that anything is okay that is done with mutual consent. If you, your partner, and your friend all agree to the arrangement, then you are good to go.

Regards,
Kevin T.
 
To me, you just like threesomes once in a while. So long as all parties consent, it's fine.

Like, you are mostly "monogamish" -- and then you are up for casual group sex once in a blue moon.

You don't want to be part of a poly V -- like she's the hinge dating 2 BFs. Group sex is not a polyamorous relationship. It's one-time casual group sex. And you just like seeing her pleasured that way.

Group sex is not a requirement in polyamory. People might do it along with practicing poly, but she could also have two BFs and NEVER share group sex with them.

"Non-monogamy" covers a broad spectrum of activities. Not all of them are "polyamory." Just like there are lots of soups. Not all of them are chicken noodle soup.

Some forms of non-monogamy are ethical, some are not. There's casual sex, casual group sex, sex parties, swinging, kink/BDSM, hotwifing, polyamory, cheating affairs, on and on.

Galagirl
 
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This kind of "kink" is actually VERY common in swinging (so common in fact that many would consider it normal, and not a kink, which is why I put "kink" in quotes). It definitely does *not* mean you're bi or poly (you *could* be, but this isn't the determining factor).
 
In my younger days, I was the F in many MFM threesomes. In fact, one of my first sexual experiences was with 2 boys at once. For a while, I was shared by twin brothers. Another time, 2 straight besties (they were foreign, and they'd speak to each other in a language I didn't understand while making love to me.) A few times, my at-the-time-fiance shared me with my ex-boyfriend who had become his good friend.

None of these men were gay for each other. If I hadn't been there, they would not have been naked in a bed together. But I did feel like they were communicating a love, honor & respect for each other when they shared me like that. I often felt as if I became this physical cord between the two men. It was hot.

I'm not interested in poly anymore, but hell, I'd still love to play out this scenario. Enjoy, and don't worry about putting a label on it.
 
piedpiper45 said:
I (straight male) have been in a couple of monogamous hetero relationships. In the previous two, I've had a kink of sharing my partner (female) with a close male friend (solely sexually, in the form of a threesome). Can't explain the kink. I'm sure there's an explanation for it.

Anyway, although in principle it is just a sexual turn-on, I have no romantic desire towards my male friend (aside from the fact that I love him as a brother and close friend), and no desire for them to date. I call it a kink, as the desire comes from an excitement to see my partner get pleasured even more (providing they're into it).

It makes me wonder if having such a desire would be considered a form of polyamory.
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As others have said, an enjoyment of MFM sex is not polyamory. It could include polyamory, if both you and the other guy were in love with the woman, and vice versa.
piedpiper45 said:
Makes sense to disclose it before entering my next relationship, but I just wonder what others thought about it.
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It is generally a good idea to reveal your sexual tastes to prospective dating partners, if those tastes are important to you and you'd feel unfulfilled without them.

I don't know if you've ever been to Fetlife, but on that app/site you can list your fetishes (or tastes, kinks, whatever). Some people have 100 fetishes listed. When I've spoken to some people, they've told me that not all of the fetishes on their long lists are that important to them. It's not a dealbreaker if a dating partner wasn't interested in the majority of them. They are just things they've done, or are curious about, that they'd like to do again, or try.

But we all have certain sex-related things we really like and would feel upset or unsatisfied if we didn't get to do with a long-term partner. It might be PiV intercourse, or oral, or long make-out sessions, or cuddling, or sexting between dates, or even vanilla non-sexual things like going for a good long walk, or dining out at certain kinds of restaurants, or sharing sci-fi shows, etc. After all, if you can't share non-sexual activities happily, the relationship probably won't go anywhere. You'll just end up with maybe a FB, but not a real girlfriend.

It's always best in dating to be upfront and honest about what you like, as well as things that are hard boundaries, a definite NO. So, if you tell a woman soon after you meet her (if there's an attraction), that you'd really want her to get in the sack with you and your bestie, she will have a chance before getting more emotionally invested in you, to either consider it, or to tell you absolutely not, never, no way.
piedpiper45 said:
A friend pointed out, 'Hey, maybe you're actually slightly bi?' I don't buy it; I don't find other males sexually attractive. The desire isn't to see my friend's shlong, its to see my partner tremble in a sea of pleasure. What do you guys think?

P.S. my friend and I did have a MFM entanglement one night in the past, and it was an experience.
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