vinsanity0
Active member
Have any of you ever felt guilty because you were spending time with one partner while something bad was happening to another partner?
It's been awhile since I've posted anything here. Cat, my partner for 22 years passed away recently. I'll blog about that when I feel up to it, but right now I can't get past these feelings of guilt that keep creeping up on me.
These feeling stem from couple of things. One, I travel a lot for work. It turns out she had cancer for the last couple years and didn't know it. I can't help but think if I had been home more I could have seen it/something progressing and insisted she see a doctor instead of trying to treat herself. Two, I visited MK in Chicago recently. It wasn't really a planned visit, but I did sort of arrange my trip so I had more of a chance to see her rather than go home to Florida. Cat was sick at the time, but didn't think it was anything serious. I feel I should have been there for her. I also feel like I missed out on some more time with Cat.
I also feel guilty because I think MK will want us to get closer. How can I tell her I will never see her in the same light as I did Cat? It may sound strange but Cat was my whole world. She was my anchor partner in every sense of the word. None of my other partners really come close to what we had. Am I being fair to hold off on things with everybody? They are all being very caring, but I don't feel like I can talk about my feelings without making them feel like "also-rans" or something.
It's been awhile since I've posted anything here. Cat, my partner for 22 years passed away recently. I'll blog about that when I feel up to it, but right now I can't get past these feelings of guilt that keep creeping up on me.
These feeling stem from couple of things. One, I travel a lot for work. It turns out she had cancer for the last couple years and didn't know it. I can't help but think if I had been home more I could have seen it/something progressing and insisted she see a doctor instead of trying to treat herself. Two, I visited MK in Chicago recently. It wasn't really a planned visit, but I did sort of arrange my trip so I had more of a chance to see her rather than go home to Florida. Cat was sick at the time, but didn't think it was anything serious. I feel I should have been there for her. I also feel like I missed out on some more time with Cat.
I also feel guilty because I think MK will want us to get closer. How can I tell her I will never see her in the same light as I did Cat? It may sound strange but Cat was my whole world. She was my anchor partner in every sense of the word. None of my other partners really come close to what we had. Am I being fair to hold off on things with everybody? They are all being very caring, but I don't feel like I can talk about my feelings without making them feel like "also-rans" or something.