I got myself in quite a pickle and am desperately in need of advice.
Me (28F), my partner K (38M) and my metamour N (28F) have been living together for four years and we're still loving it. We all go way back, like 15-20 years. I've been in a romantic relationship with K for almost 5 years now, while K and N have been together for almost 11. Just before the holidays of 2020, J (37M) waltzed back into our lives. He used to be K's best friend and he's also my ex-fiancé. He had a falling out with our entire friend group about a decade ago, for which his toxic, crazy, controlling ex-wife is to blame.
J and me dated back when I was barely 16, and I walked out on him a first time because I developed feelings for someone else and hadn't heard of poly as a possibility yet. My young and naive self figured if I could develop feelings for another man, J mustn't be the one for me. We got back together when I was almost 18 and I walked out on him again, this time because I was struggling with drug addiction and did not see any other options at that time.
Now that he waltzed back into our lives, I start to realize I never stopped loving him. But how do I deal with this?
I'm afraid talking to J isn't really an option because he just got out of a divorce that ruined his entire life and he is not open for any kind of new - or old, rekindled - flame at this time. Also, since he still considers K to be his best friend, I think he'd go talk to K before I could, putting me into a corner.
The very first time we saw each other again, J stole a kiss from me. K knows and he doesn't mind, as it's just a kiss after all. But that kiss stirred up so much inside of me. And on the other hand, J swears off any kind of relationship. He's confusing me...
I could talk to my metamour N, who has been my best friend ever since we were 7, but apart from urging me to talk to the guys I don't think she could offer me much help.
And then there's K. I love him with all my heart, we're planning on going for another child of the two of us, and I couldn't stand losing him. He suffers from BPD, so predicting his reaction to anything is kind of like performing a miracle. And even though he's not a jealous type per se, he is kind of like a lion who won't tolerate any other dominant males around his flock of lionesses. I seriously doubt if he'd take this well, though.
To make things complicated I've agreed on going to babysit J's kids next weekend. I'll be at his apartment, sleeping in his bed, and he'll come crawling next to me when he gets home. That bed, by the way, used to be our bed.
I don't know what I want from this yet. I don't know if I'd want another shot with J but then again, I don't know if I wouldn't either. So I'm kind of putting of talking to either of them until I can figure that out at least. But it's gnawing at me, because I feel like I'm being dishonest to K.
How the hell do I navigate on this patch of very, very thin ice without falling through?
Me (28F), my partner K (38M) and my metamour N (28F) have been living together for four years and we're still loving it. We all go way back, like 15-20 years. I've been in a romantic relationship with K for almost 5 years now, while K and N have been together for almost 11. Just before the holidays of 2020, J (37M) waltzed back into our lives. He used to be K's best friend and he's also my ex-fiancé. He had a falling out with our entire friend group about a decade ago, for which his toxic, crazy, controlling ex-wife is to blame.
J and me dated back when I was barely 16, and I walked out on him a first time because I developed feelings for someone else and hadn't heard of poly as a possibility yet. My young and naive self figured if I could develop feelings for another man, J mustn't be the one for me. We got back together when I was almost 18 and I walked out on him again, this time because I was struggling with drug addiction and did not see any other options at that time.
Now that he waltzed back into our lives, I start to realize I never stopped loving him. But how do I deal with this?
I'm afraid talking to J isn't really an option because he just got out of a divorce that ruined his entire life and he is not open for any kind of new - or old, rekindled - flame at this time. Also, since he still considers K to be his best friend, I think he'd go talk to K before I could, putting me into a corner.
The very first time we saw each other again, J stole a kiss from me. K knows and he doesn't mind, as it's just a kiss after all. But that kiss stirred up so much inside of me. And on the other hand, J swears off any kind of relationship. He's confusing me...
I could talk to my metamour N, who has been my best friend ever since we were 7, but apart from urging me to talk to the guys I don't think she could offer me much help.
And then there's K. I love him with all my heart, we're planning on going for another child of the two of us, and I couldn't stand losing him. He suffers from BPD, so predicting his reaction to anything is kind of like performing a miracle. And even though he's not a jealous type per se, he is kind of like a lion who won't tolerate any other dominant males around his flock of lionesses. I seriously doubt if he'd take this well, though.
To make things complicated I've agreed on going to babysit J's kids next weekend. I'll be at his apartment, sleeping in his bed, and he'll come crawling next to me when he gets home. That bed, by the way, used to be our bed.
I don't know what I want from this yet. I don't know if I'd want another shot with J but then again, I don't know if I wouldn't either. So I'm kind of putting of talking to either of them until I can figure that out at least. But it's gnawing at me, because I feel like I'm being dishonest to K.
How the hell do I navigate on this patch of very, very thin ice without falling through?