Hi all!
First time poster.
I (TM25) have been in an ENM relationship with my bf (M27) for about a year. Early on, he said he felt it was important to him that we have group experiences, in part to maintain sexual excitement and build a deeper connection. I was very open to this, and he was the first (and only!) partner I have had threeways with. I am also the first partner he has had where threeways have really been an option.
Since then, we've had several hookups with other people, as well as some one-on-one hookups on our own. Unless there's some other extenuating factor, I'm usually pretty chill about his hookups, and he is supportive of me pursuing similar (although I've been less inclined to do so while he's town, so far). However, when we have threeways, I run into a few problems.
For complete context, I'm more of a bottom and he's strictly a top. We also look very different and have very different "types."
I'm generally happy to hook up with individuals who are less my type, but we have found it difficult to find people who are into both of us, in part because I'm transgender. We've even had one hookup with a cis gay bottom who said he was cool with it and then clearly was not during the hookup.
This has started to stress my bf out, as he feels it's really important to him to have these group experiences with me. In turn, I feel a lot of pressure to find people, even though I often feel it's less "for me," and more for him, especially when it comes to finding other bottom-leaning individuals.
The other problem I have when hooking up with other bottoms is the end. Generally my bf does a pretty good job of trying to include me, but it's just logistically more complicated with two bottoms than two tops near the... end of things lol. I often find myself not wanting to "watch" my bf and the other person having sex at that point, so I end up closing my eyes and/or zoning out for the last portion of it. He'll check in to see if I want to get off after, but at that point I often feel too disconnected and uncomfortable to want that. After the other person leaves, I feel a bit cold and very disconnected to my partner, while in contrast he has lots of warm fuzzy feelings and really wants to connect. I then get frustrated and annoyed by his attempts to cheer me up.
So, I guess my questions are this: a) any tips for dealing with finding people who are going to more compatible for both of us? and b) how can I start to manage my coldness/discomfort at the end of the threeway?
First time poster.
I (TM25) have been in an ENM relationship with my bf (M27) for about a year. Early on, he said he felt it was important to him that we have group experiences, in part to maintain sexual excitement and build a deeper connection. I was very open to this, and he was the first (and only!) partner I have had threeways with. I am also the first partner he has had where threeways have really been an option.
Since then, we've had several hookups with other people, as well as some one-on-one hookups on our own. Unless there's some other extenuating factor, I'm usually pretty chill about his hookups, and he is supportive of me pursuing similar (although I've been less inclined to do so while he's town, so far). However, when we have threeways, I run into a few problems.
For complete context, I'm more of a bottom and he's strictly a top. We also look very different and have very different "types."
I'm generally happy to hook up with individuals who are less my type, but we have found it difficult to find people who are into both of us, in part because I'm transgender. We've even had one hookup with a cis gay bottom who said he was cool with it and then clearly was not during the hookup.
This has started to stress my bf out, as he feels it's really important to him to have these group experiences with me. In turn, I feel a lot of pressure to find people, even though I often feel it's less "for me," and more for him, especially when it comes to finding other bottom-leaning individuals.
The other problem I have when hooking up with other bottoms is the end. Generally my bf does a pretty good job of trying to include me, but it's just logistically more complicated with two bottoms than two tops near the... end of things lol. I often find myself not wanting to "watch" my bf and the other person having sex at that point, so I end up closing my eyes and/or zoning out for the last portion of it. He'll check in to see if I want to get off after, but at that point I often feel too disconnected and uncomfortable to want that. After the other person leaves, I feel a bit cold and very disconnected to my partner, while in contrast he has lots of warm fuzzy feelings and really wants to connect. I then get frustrated and annoyed by his attempts to cheer me up.
So, I guess my questions are this: a) any tips for dealing with finding people who are going to more compatible for both of us? and b) how can I start to manage my coldness/discomfort at the end of the threeway?
