vulvodynia

T

Tulip

Member
Anyone dealt with this in the context of non monogamy? I have good and bad days but even on good days can only have piv sex carefully and gently....though I still have a raging libido and enjoy all other forms of sex...still I feel defective and an unattractive option for partners because of this. Anyway just thought I would ask if anyone else can understand :)
 
Hello Tulip,

My partner has a similar problem, PIV sex is always painful for her. For that reason, we have stopped doing PIV. Instead we do oral and manual things. It's kind of a bummer in a way, but I know I prefer the present arrangement because I wouldn't want to hurt her. Just thought I would share that with you to let you know you're not alone.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
Hi Kevin,

Thank you for your reply and yes it is encouraging to hear that I am not the only one dealing with this and to hear your persepective as a partner. Sorry its taken me a while to reply I have been on holiday!
 
No problem, glad I could help.
 
Tulip said:
Anyone dealt with this in the context of non monogamy? I have good and bad days but even on good days can only have piv sex carefully and gently....though I still have a raging libido and enjoy all other forms of sex...still I feel defective and an unattractive option for partners because of this. Anyway just thought I would ask if anyone else can understand :)
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I assume you've sought medical attention about this? I do not know why treatment or sexual practices would be any different if you have one partner or two or more.
 
Not exactly that. But I had a lot of pain from PIV sex for about a year from crazy perimenopause hormone issues. I remember it was hurting like hell and I was frustrated and I told DH we were just gonna have to call it a "phase of life" thing. Just like back in the day while pregnant we had to adjust sex for that phase of life and my body doing odd things? We were gonna have to adjust for this phase of life. HRT sticker patch helped a lot and now it's a lot better without pain.

So not the same but I encourage you to see your doc for whatever you might need to alleviate your condition. And maybe take it more in stride? We all get older and have things to deal with or accommodate. I don't think it makes you defective or unattractive as a partner.

Galagirl
 
Tulip said:
Anyone dealt with this in the context of non monogamy? I have good and bad days but even on good days can only have piv sex carefully and gently....though I still have a raging libido and enjoy all other forms of sex...still I feel defective and an unattractive option for partners because of this. Anyway just thought I would ask if anyone else can understand :)
Click to expand...

I've not had to deal with vulvodynia, but I've run the gamut of weird gyno things. I also have a huge sex drive.

My vagina started to dry out like...3 years ago. My GP won't really do anything because I'm 28. It's fine day to day but never really gets "no lube needed" ever. After about a year of very intensively working on the mental aspect of just...not caring and embracing that I need to use lube I bought rather than made, while lube is still needed for PIV, it is most of the time not needed now for other things which is an improvement!

When I had any IUD, PIV sex positions had to to change, a lot. Too much depth and it was like being stabbed, certain positions were a no go. The pain of having one, and the stress they all caused (hormonal was the worst), made me very tight, and I had to do as GalaGirl said; take it in stride and just ride the way. I stopped trying ot make my body do what I wanted, and do what it wanted. We focused a lot more on not PIV and even with the IUD things did improve. Once I had it removed it took almost a year for my body to get used to it again.

When I had the hormonal IUD it caused me to lactate (long story), and so to avoid making it worse my boobs weren't allowed to be stimulated. No boob touching for a year was a wild ride of odd for us, but we did it. I couldn't change my body, but I could change my behaviour.

As a massage therapist in terms of dealing with the pain, maybe you could try seeing a pelvic floor physiotherapist? I saw one and it did help as well. They can show you techniques to help make the vagina muscles relax, which could potentially help lessen the pain. As well as if any of your other pelvic muscles are tight, it won't help the vagina.
 
Not really on topic, but when I was breastfeeding my ex h didn't mind the milk at all. It's actually extremely nutritious as well.;)
 
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