Want to talk about polyromance without sex

T

thembo

New member
Hi, I'm new here.
I'm 28 genderfluid with a partner (27 NB) of 9 years monogamous. I am either some flavor of ace or extremely demi sexual in the way that I only want one sexual partner, but I want to talk about being poly-intimate with them. I love them very much and I am happy to have a mortgage with them and cats and share finances. I also want to be a little flirty with my friends and online. I do not want more sexual connections, just to court basically. I'm trying to figure out how I should bring this up, and a way to better describe it to my partner. Any help would be much appreciated.


When we started dating I was not out yet, and was still buried in dymorphia and dysphoria. We said we would be monogamous.
I am still ok with it, I don't feel trapped or anything I think I would just LIKE to be a little more emotionally open and I understand I made that concession when I proposed 7 years ago. I would be very happy to stay in a monogamous relationship with them for the rest of my life I just want to try being emotionally open with others
 
Hello thembo,

Sex is not a requirement in polyamory, you can still have multiple romantic partners without them being sexual partners. Just tell your partner, "I want more than one romantic partner, but I only want one sexual partner, you." Simple and straightforward seems to me best. And maybe add, "I know this isn't what I promised you in the beginning, I promised strict monogamy, I just want to adjust that a little."

I hope you can work this out.
Regards,
Kevin T.
 
Greetings! Sex doesn't have to be part of the picture. I have one partner whom I love very much, but we are not sexual at this time. We satisfy each other physically and emotionally in other ways. For one, he cuddles me all night long on occasion, and I need that. He's my friend and gives great advice. He travels a lot and sends me photos, and when he gets back I love to watch his face light up as he tells me of his adventures. And he loves to hear me tell about my dates and relationships. We fit well together in all ways except sexually, and that's okay.

It sounds like you could open up and have that talk with your partner, and I hope they are receptive.
 
Do you spend a lot of time online? Can you see a future where such online flirting become so engrossing that it would be detrimental to your relationship? Ethical non monogamy tends to broaden over time as formerly monogamous people become comfortable with each new normal.

How would you feel and react if your partner wants to flirt with others, too. Possibly in person?
 
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