DebbieandRay
New member
Sometimes on days like that, it's just time to pull out the wine and eat potato soup.
Thanks. I needed that.
Sometimes on days like that, it's just time to pull out the wine and eat potato soup.
I've been lurking reading this and your Blog and I wouldn't comment on your blog but I will on this thread only because it's making me very uncomfortable reading it.
To of the forum, your opinion is highly regarded, but I feel that if the characters in this story were reversed and we had a man speaking of his wife in the derogatory way that Debbie is speaking of Ray, the level of outrage would be volcanic. It is borderline abusive and highly disrespectful. Say for example, a husband was on here talking about how small his wife's breasts were and how he thought they made her less of a woman and how he got off on telling her that and making her feel completely inadequate, we would all be offended on her behalf. Even if she got off on the cuckhold thing, it's still unsettling to read. Why the gender double standard?
It's not a surprise that the list of issues is racking up as you write.
I don't mean this to be a personal attack on you, but this situation and your descriptions is very unsettling and I'm very surprised nobody else has expressed similar distaste. If you're such an avid cock worshipper, you would appreciate there is a heart and soul attached to that cock and speaking of him like this certainly isn't helping your cause.
What anyone says about their partner is their business. If a woman compaj about her husband's baby dick ot a man has issues with his wife being flat, so what? Its all about personal preference. people should be able to post what they want on their blog without worry of ridicule.
Is that right? Considering that several people have now accused the OP of being abusive towards her husband? Considering that the OP herself has admitted to it? When someone posts on a public forum looking for feedback , is it the expectation that we all tape our mouths shut and refrain from voicing what is obviously very unsettling for many to read and voice our opinions? If so, why bother posting if other members have to censor their feedback for fear of hurting someone's feelings?
Calling out hurtful , (and yes abusive) behaviour is far from ridicule. Is that the attitude we should all embrace as a society, turn a blind eye for fear of hurting an offender? That's sad.
As Dingedheart said, as a long time contributing member to this forum, there have been many, many instances of violent man bashing by other members on here for saying far less hurtful things about his partner and the comparison to other partners.
I'll be watching for your reply to those same people the next time a guy says his wife was too fat to make love to and told her as such as he fucked his skinny new girlfriend and denied his wife who then gets "ridiculed" by the other members for being a heartless SOB . Yes, that stuff happens on here. Stay tuned.
The title of the thread was "What did I do wrong?" So she's being told what she did wrong. If you don't like to hear the answers to the question, don't ask the question.
I never said I was ok with someone openly putting down their spouse to their face. I was addressing venting in private about something in a blog. You don't get to ridicule someones blog, you don't get to fish information from someone blog and post about it in an off topic way on another thread. I must have missed the post where she said she refuses to have aex with him because of his small dick. But don't worry about stalking my posts, that's sad
You're married to Ray, and the two men you've been married to previously completely demolished your trust and self-esteem. Is it possible that because of that, you're--maybe without even realizing it--seeing Ray in the same light as your previous husbands? Is it possible that calling him "husband" triggers a part of you that can't trust and can't respect, because that part believes he's going to screw you over the way they did?
Kevin said:Another thing that has been growing in my mind for awhile, is that I suspect Ray has some BDSM in him; specifically, a submissive personality. In some ways, I think he wants to be Dominated. He probably sees you as his Domme. Or not ... I could be out in left field here. But if my "theory" is at least somewhat correct, it could explain some things. Such as why you feel like you have to babysit him and tell him every little thing to do. That may actually be a source of comfort to him, and who's to say whether that's dysfunctional or just a good old healthy D/s tendency? Where does one draw the line?
You are not off base with this.I am constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop. Everyday I am waiting for something to come up that I didn't know, or that Ray has hidden from me. When Ray works late, I do call him at times to make sure he is at work. It isn't really Ray. I don't trust men in general.
Men I have loved and trusted have hurt me, badly. I have always said to Ray that since he is my third husband that it is either going to be third times a charm, or third strike you're out. I often find myself saying that Ray is too good to be true.
When I talk about my first husband, I rationalize his actions because he found out that he had a two pound tumor in his head after he left me. When I talk about my second husband, I talk about how good looking he was and how happy he made me, until I found out who he really was. Ray is a perfect gentleman. Ray loves me, unconditionally. Ray does not see my faults, or bring them up to me or anyone else. Ray is like no other man I have ever met.
I have told myself time and again that Ray can't be real. What man will marry, or date a woman, trust her completely, love her unconditionally, provide for her, very well, allow her to play with others, never judges or says anything demeaning or judgmental, Asks for nothing or very little and who has a real grasp on the joy of giving?
Ray has never raised his voice with me. Ray will not argue with me. Ray puts me first, in every thing. I am 5'3" tall. I weigh 210. I have 44DDD breasts, and Ray says I am beautiful. Ray massages me most every night. Ray allows me the freedom to what ever I want, with whom ever I want, and he never questions me.
Ray allows me to have lovers and BFs, and even live-in lovers. Ray's happiness is decided by how happy I am. Ray doesn't look at other women. He rarely brings up his sexual past. Any thing I want, Ray makes sure I have.
Ray can be a child at times. Okay, a lot of times, but it is in an innocent way. Often Ray doesn't know when he has done something wrong, and he is always willing to try to do better. I know that Ray is a very special man, and that I am lucky to be able to call him my husband, but I am always wondering when this dream is going to end.
When I was at Roy's house yesterday talking with Roy and his wife, they helped me realize a lot of things. I know that Ray is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I also know that I have told him that he is the worst thing to ever happen to me. Ray is too often too perfect. And that scares me.
"I want Ray to know that it is okay to make mistakes."
"Isn't a question posed on a forum in actuality a request for opinions?"
"You don't get to ridicule someone's blog, you don't get to fish information from someone's blog and post about it in an off-topic way on another thread."
Although, I do believe that no matter what board it is, one should show a little restraint in how one expresses one's opinions. Think of it this way, even if you are speaking to a Nazi or an ax murderer, you're still limited in what you can do (to change their thoughts and behavior) to what you can post on the forum. And if you just blast away at them, they're only going to stop visiting the forum. So then you haven't accomplished anything. In order to communicate productively, you have to seek to use persuasion instead of excoriation. And productive communication is the only useful tool you have on an internet forum.
Funny, I've seen a few members who don't exactly use restraint; but perhaps it's okay for some to speak exactly as they please, but not for others? Is there a guide anywhere on the forum so we know who is allowed to excoriate and insult, and who is expected to speak gently and courteously even to Nazis and ax murderers?
I would guess that by "live in the moment," Margaret might mean that she wants you and Ray to concentrate on what's going on with yourselves and each other at each moment. Don't think about the past; don't think about the future. Don't think about your other lovers when you're with Ray. Don't compare him to them.
Be fully, mentally and physically, WITH Ray when you're with him, and keep your mind on what's happening right then, in that present time.
It sounds to me like Margaret thinks that what's happened in your past is causing a lot of the problems in the present, and that's kind of along the lines of what I said before about you struggling with Ray because of the problems you had with your first two husbands.
Your past contributes to who you are, but you are not your past, if that makes sense. But because your past was traumatic and abusive, I think Margaret's saying that she sees that instead of being able to live your life in the present, you're stuck in the past, repeating patterns that you've lived most of your life, and seeing Ray as one of those who has hurt you--or expecting him to hurt you because others have--instead of seeing who he is. You're used to dominant men who only love you if you have sex with them, and from your posts here, it sounds very much like you're trying to force Ray into that mold because it's what you're used to, instead of accepting him for who he is and living your life with that person instead of with who you want him to be.