What other variants of sexuality do you define yourself as ?

clemenC

clemenC

Member
Such as demisexual, asexual, sapiosexual, LGB, trans, or want not.

and how do you think that manifests in your choice to be poly?



* for me, I do not know if I fit the bill for traditionally sapio but I think for sure that's there in my temperment along with demi .. if I have an emotional connection, I feel lust but without that, it's just not there. I would not go as far as to say that I'm pansexual .. but for sure demi hetero ...

I think that my sexual orientation as defined contributes to my willingness to give poly a go ... I'm curious what other people think and their experiences if you feel comfortable with sharing :)
 
Asexual. (And repulsed by most forms of sex, therefore virginal for life.)


To me, poly is no more of a choice than being straight or gay is. Poly is what I am, not what I do - a (relationship) orientation, not a lifestyle.

I do think, though, that being poly makes it considerably easier to be in a "mixed" relationship with a partner who is sexual, when you are asexual, yourself - it's not as big of a deal when it's just one of the relationships in their life that remains sexless, and they can live out that aspect of their life, and fulfill their needs/wants for sexual intimacy, with other partners. I don't think my relationship with R. would ever have made it to last six-and-a-half years despite complete sexual incompatibility if we hadn't been open and non-mono from day one.
 
InsaneMystic said:
Asexual. (And repulsed by most forms of sex, therefore virginal for life.)


To me, poly is no more of a choice than being straight or gay is. Poly is what I am, not what I do - a (relationship) orientation, not a lifestyle.

I do think, though, that being poly makes it considerably easier to be in a "mixed" relationship with a partner who is sexual, when you are asexual, yourself - it's not as big of a deal when it's just one of the relationships in their life that remains sexless, and they can live out that aspect of their life, and fulfill their needs/wants for sexual intimacy, with other partners. I don't think my relationship with R. would ever have made it to last six-and-a-half years despite complete sexual incompatibility if we hadn't been open and non-mono from day one.
Click to expand...

Thank you so much for this reply. For me, I'm pretty asexual unless I have a deep connection (which is so rare but special and I do enjoy it). For me though, unlike many typical oriented people, I tend to love on a deep level all people I make connections with. I have that "I love humanity but hate people" thing going on lol. I do not love all persons. I love all people. It's a weird dichotomy about me. I'm more driven by the mental and emotional connection than anything else and other forms of sexual intimacy repulse me.

and this is why I've always to some extent have had some form of openness in my relationships. I nearly go out of my way to pick men I know would cheat and tell them they have permission. or men who are already secure enough to admit their predilections and say they're 'open' relationship people etc.

so yeah .. it's refreshing to hear another person say they date the way they do in response to an atypical variant of sexuality.
 
I'm pretty asexual. Sex can be great but I really don't care about it. If it happens whatever and if it didn't again for a long time I would be totally fine with that lol
 
I am pansexual. For me, that means I am attracted to cis men, cis women, femme men, soft butch women, feminine women, transgendered people, and gender variant people of any kind.

I ID as genderqueer myself, meaning I feel that although I am cisgendered, I have a masculine side that I am not afraid of showing.

I am sapiosexual. I am attracted to smart witty literate artsy-sciencey people. Idiots need not apply.

I am hypersexual. I have a very strong libido and would like to have sex every day. Maybe multiple times a day. That is partly why I feel genderqueer, since my sexuality seems like a typical teenage boy's. Sex is just part of my day. I don't need things to be just so to have sex. I have sex when I am happy, sex when I am sad, in a box, with a fox, with a goat, on a boat. *wink* Kidding. I don't have sex with animals.

I am kinky, and while I love vanilla sex, I prefer it to have some of my kinks involved.

I am polysexual and polyamorous. I am more attracted to women emotionally, and more attracted to men sexually.

I love the freedom to date and fuck anyone I want, with no jealousy from my primary partner(s).

I am not a voyeur or exhibitionist, so I don't swing or go to swingers clubs or BDSM clubs. I love one on one intimate sex. Sex is a sacred bonding thing for me.

While my primary partner and I love to host guests and lovers, we do not desire much in the way of having overnights, and don't want another lover to move in with us. That just sounds way too crowded.

My primary partner has a much lower libido than I do. When I have no other partners, she desires sex less with me because she feels pressured to satisfy me. When I have another partner or two, she desires me more because it doesn't feel like a duty. And I sure don't want a pity fuck with someone who is faking it.

I can't say if any of this "causes" me to be poly. I just have a lot of love to give, I am nurturing. I love to cuddle and fuck, I like getting to know people, and I like variety. Life is short and I want to experience as much of it as I can while I am on this earth.
 
I like Mags' list, so I am stealing the structure of her post. :)

I am heterosexual. I am super attracted to very male men, and I like their hairy, fuzzy selves. I don't really like muscular men, or skinny, stringy sort of men. I like them to be larger than me, and feel safe in their arms.

I am a cisgendered female. I like being girly. I don't wear pants or jeans or shorts very often because I like skirts and dresses.

I am sapiosexual. I was married to a guy who was not very literate and I will never, ever do that again. :) Smart dudes who aren't afraid to be labeled as a nerd about what they like - yes, please!

I am hypersexual. I have a very strong libido and would like to have sex every day, multiple times a day. My love language is physical touch, and when I don't get that, I get wonky.

I recent discovered that I am somewhat kinky. My two husbands aren't, for the most part, so I am thinking about this and how important a need this will be for me going forward. I really get off on the DD/lg dynamic, and I like bondage and impact play - but very light forms of it. I have difficulty giving up control, but I feel like I need that in my life.

I am polysexual and polyamorous. I am also polygamous, being legally married to DarkKnight, and handfasted to PunkRockAwesomesauce.

I dabbled in swinging in the past, but PunkRock wasn't thrilled with me doing that, so I stopped. I could take it or leave it, so it wasn't a big deal. I have attended events at BDSM clubs, but never did anything in regards to those letters. :)

Poly, for me, started out as a lifestyle thing, but it quickly became a label of who I am as a person. There is no way that I would consider a monogamous relationship now, though at the present time my polycule is closed.
 
Oooo, this has turned into a fun thread, so I too will use Mag's method!

I am *maybe*heteroflexible. For the most part, I'm into men, but I do want to try a threesome one day (of both the MMF and the FFM variety) so I'm open to trying out fooling around with a woman, as I can at least admit to myself that I find some women attractive. But unless hitting that benchmark is some sort of major eye-opener, I don't really have any interest in an emotional full on relationship with women.

I'm a cisgender woman. Depending on the day I range anywhere from a bit tomboyish to girly. I like dressing up, but I'm cool in a baggy t-shirt, jeans, and sneakers too.

I'm also sapiosexual. Not to toot my own horn, but I like to think I'm a decently smart woman, so I like smart men that I can carry on interesting conversation with and learn new things from, debate topics, etc.

I'm probably hypersexual compared to the average woman. While I can go without, I'd prefer sex anywhere from a few times a week to a few times a day, depending on my mood... or the mood of my partner since I'm happy to initiate, but really like it when a partner initiates!

I am kinky, but also enjoy vanilla sex. I probably have vanilla sex more than kinky sex just because so many kinks actually require effort of gathering, using, and eventually cleaning and putting away various toys and apparatus, so especially on week nights after a long day at work I just don't want to deal with all of that!

I'm definitely polysexual, I'm probably polyamorous. I enjoy having multiple partners, but to date I have yet to feel like I've hit full on "love" with more than one partner at the same time. I love my main partner Sudo. I really like my other partner Mr. Hyde and continue to care more and more for him, but I don't feel like I'm at "love" yet. For now, I assume that I could probably love multiple partners at the same time and just haven't gotten there yet.

I'm definitely a voyeur and exhibitionism is growing on me. I enjoy going to local BDSM spaces and seeing all the visual stimuli. I mean, live porn, hello! haha. I've only done minimal public play myself though. I'm generally not a fan of being watched in an "all eyes on me" sense (public speaking stresses me out!) but in certain circumstances I do enjoy it.

My primary partner is very passive/submissive. I tend to lean more toward submissive in the bedroom but enjoy it both ways. Outside of the bedroom I tend to have a more dominant personality. Oddly enough, I started dating poly people before I really started exploring the BDSM scene. Or I guess I should say the first poly person I dated was really into BDSM and I was curious, so it was sort of an introduction to ALL OF IT at the same time. The more I figured out what I really liked in BDSM, the more it showed me that being poly really is a good fit for me since it's the easiest way to really get all the things I want in that lifestyle. Even though I identify as a switch, I find it difficult to see my partners in any light other than one way (or at least vanilla when we're not playing with BDSM and then being specifically submissive or dominant when we ARE playing with D/s dynamics, since I don't do it 24/7). So I guess you could say that in a way, my kinks solidified me really defining myself as poly and wanting to stay that way vs just dipping in my toe and deciding that it wasn't for me.

I think the other thing that helped is that I was really overweight, hated the way I looked, and therefore was single for a very long time after my high school/early college relationship ended. I basically spent most of my 20s single and feeling blah. I got healthy, really started to love my new body, and when I started dating, I dated poly people more by chance (they contacted me and I was just open to it since I was having fun dating). Quite frankly, I'm still just really enjoying having the experiences of dating different people that I feel like I missed out on in my 20s. It's a huge confidence boost to feel so attractive and feel like men actually want me, so I love that being poly allows me to continue to just enjoy this and not limit myself to a single partner.
 
I'd be pansexual, but I have yet to meet a trans person or one who was significantly bending away from cis, that I sparked and explored with. I would never rule out the possibility, I mean, who knows what might happen in the years ahead of me?

I used to call myself bisexual, but I now waver on that. I find women extremely aesthetically pleasing and delightful to behold and I get emotionally and/or romantically invested relatively easily. But I find men far easier to have sexual interaction with. Likely this is because I am a bottom, and a masochist, and I'm not good at expressing the "push" or the initiating, aggressive energy that propels a sexual encounter into actual motion and keeps it bounding along until everyone is tapped out. And all of the women I've been with except for one, have been softer and more feminine, and also did not have a lot of initiating mojo...so aside from being really snuggly and lovey, sex fizzled without somebody calling the shots. One of my girl lovers (we were teenagers then) WAS very masculine and aggressive (in a fierce hispanic biker chick way) and she DID give me the direction and the aggression I needed. Men though, are easier for me to fuck but harder for me to fall madly in love with. But when it happens...

So heteroflexible, or biamorous, or...something.

Cisgendered but not very feminine in my own opinion, though some disagree with me. I can pull off elegance and clean up well, but I very rarely style my hair, wear makeup, and never wear heels. So I consider myself unarguably female, but not "girly".

Sapiosexual ALL DAY LONG. Stupidity is a hard limit.

Is there a term for attraction to people much older or younger? I like partners, especially men, who are older. Sometimes significantly older. 10-20 years older is the best. I do NOT have any interest in anyone younger than me. I see words like "panther" from Urban Dictionary, and Gerontophile or Alphamegamia from Google searches...*shrug* Whatever. I love wise, deep souls with stories to tell and some life and scars to share. They make me feel nurtured, happy, and safe.

Libido is variant and situational. I've lived with almost none, I've lived with it in overdrive. Am I obsessed with a lover who rocks my socks? Am I doing something really boring and filled with a desire to distract and procrasturbate? My sex drive is a function of other things.

I consider myself very kinky. If I am having vanilla sex, I am thinking kinky thoughts or I'm not enjoying it. If I am ever "just lying there" it's because I'm imagining myself in restraint. I find it bitter and funny that my ex never knew that.

I'm a bottom and a masochist and would like to explore submission, but I'm not interested in doing that very much unless I have very strong feelings for the person Dominating me. I would love to submit to Zen, and I feel like I often do even if we don't have a formal dynamic. I can service top on occasion, and I love to do sadistic things if someone else TELLS me to. I like to receive direction from my lovers. I love pain highs. I am both a voyeur and an exhibitionist, but I believe that both require informed consent from all involved. So I do NOT approve of the "let's get it on in public where people might just happen to see" thing.

Many of the philosophies of poly are very important to my evolving identity and yet I don't feel SO poly that I couldn't be with one partner for a good long time...I might be satisfied with one, and someday I might not anymore, and the only part that matters is I'd like to be able to talk and renegotiate if that day ever arrived. I just want the freedom to make choices, with honesty and respect on all sides. I think that actual polyamory is a negotiable part of my future, but BDSM and kink are not. One is lovely and interesting and nice, the other is a necessary part of the life experience I want to have.
 
I don't think my choice to practice polyamory has much to do with my sexual orientation, which is straight. It has more to do with my desire to freely express myself, be independent, and have affection, nurturing relationships, and as much sex as possible in my life. I would want those things even if my sexual orientation was other than what it is.
 
Heterosexual. (Conceivably heteroflexible.) Both of my companions are straight, so it makes sense for us to be configured in an MFM V.
 
I am heterosexual. For me, that means I am attracted to cis men only.

I ID as cis-female, but I definitely have a "masculine" side that I am not afraid of showing.

I too am sapiosexual. I definitely want a guy who is as smart or smarter than I am. Great philosophical conversations a requirement.

I am somewhere on the asexual side of the spectrum. I'm definitely demi-sexual, a relationship of some kind is a requirement, but that isn't enough to get me going usually. I do masturbate, but not all the time... usually around ovulation/beginning of my period.

I am a bit kinky in theory, I definitely like my erotica on a darker side, but I my sex life is pretty vanilla and that's enough for me :)

I am a poly friendly mono, I think. I might be solo-poly... but I'm definitely SOLO! I have no interest in sharing my home/bed full time.

I'm in a poly relationship because that is the shape of the relationship :shrug: my partner is poly, and I don't mind (I like that I'm not his sole focus actually). If I felt the need to have another partner I could, but I don't.
 
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