What the French, Toast?

[myelsewhere]

Hi, so... hi.

I'll just jump right in without knowing where I'm headed... Maybe I should focus on keeping this an introduction and not the place to explain everything.

My husband Beck and I are very new to the poly lifestyle. We have a V, where I am seeing another woman (Marina, a lesbian).

Beck is not sure how he feels about how things are progressing. I am not sure how to help him through it, so I hope to find some good information here.

Also, this is Marina's first time in a poly relationship, so I am hoping to find some helpful info to share with her. This is new territory for all of us.

Anyway, the rest of the story... Beck and I have a three-year old son. I'm currently a (non-traditional) student at a school in a very rural/conservative part of the Midwest, and Beck is working on his master's degree. When we are done with school, we are ready to move back to civilization!

One of the hardest things about identifying as polyamorous while we are here is the lack of supportive social networks. I mean, no one has had a problem with my relationship with Marina. But Beck runs into the typical (and terrible) problem of women who are willing to be with him if he's cheating, but not if he's in an open relationship. Grrrr... So, it would be nice to find some local/nearby poly social groups for like-minded conversations.

I guess that's enough of an introduction. Looking forward to meeting you all!

 

[ImaginaryIllusion]

Welcome to the forum.

 

[AutumnalTone]

Welcome aboard.

What possessed you to move into the backwaters? I was warned prior to moving to here that there were a few "islands of civilization" in the Sea of Kansas, and is that ever true. I moved first to Lawrence (wonderful place) and leaving the city limits even the few miles to Eudora was like traveling to a third world country. I've worked routes through many parts of Kansas and can't imagine living off one of the islands of civilization.

 

[myelsewhere]

Thanks for the welcomes.

What possessed you to move into the backwaters?

Ohhh... it's a long story. We were living on the East Coast, in a major metropolitan area. Beck got deployed; I had just had our son; I decided to move back here to live with my family while he was gone. (Boy, was THAT ever an idea I'd not recommend for the faint of heart.) I decided to make a major career change, and go back to school here, in a program that is hard to find at many other schools. So, when Beck got back, we decided to stay here while I finished. We can afford to both go to school and not work, and there are some other benefits, as well. It's just that none of them involve our social life, especially given our recent choices.

Where did you move here from, if you don't mind me asking?

 

[marksbabygirl]

Hi and welcome.

Jane

 

[AutumnalTone]

Where did you move here from, if you don't mind me asking?

I moved to Kansas from Iowa. I thought small town Iowa was backwards--which it is--though small town Kansas has given me a whole new respect for Iowa.

I imagine the shift from the populous coast to small town Kansas is more of a mind bender.

 

[myelsewhere]

I moved to Kansas from Iowa. I thought small town Iowa was backwards--which it is--though small town Kansas has given me a whole new respect for Iowa.

I imagine the shift from the populous coast to small town Kansas is more of a mind bender.

I have family in rural Iowa & a BFF in Des Moines. I think Iowa has a lot to beat out Kansas, they're surprisingly liberal (relatively speaking). And then there's the Dutch bakery in Pella... *drool* /tangent

The shift has been more mind-bending for Beck than for me. I grew up in BFE Kansas, so as much as I hate it, I'm used to it. He grew up five minutes outside of DC, so this is a whole other world to him. I'm fortunate to have someone who is so understanding of us living/having lived here for a few years to do what I need to do, school-wise.

So, are there any good poly groups in Lawrence or KC?

 

[AutumnalTone]

And then there's the Dutch bakery in Pella... *drool* /tangent

Jaarsma Bakery. There's a store in my hometown, too, which is just down the road from Pella. You can order some goodies from the website! I usually pick up some stuff when I visit my daughter and bring it home for my wife.

So, are there any good poly groups in Lawrence or KC?

Not that I've managed to find. There was a meetup group here in KC that went on hiatus right before I found it--and is apparently still on hiatus now over a year later. I know poly folk both here and in Lawrence, just don't know of any groups.

 

[Magdlyn]

Welcome!

 

[sdguitarguy]

The problem of women who are willing to be with him if he's cheating, but not if he's in an open relationship.

I probably need to move this to another thread, but I thought it was interesting, because I've had the same experience of meeting women who would be willing to help me cheat on my partner, but weren't willing to see me if it's an open relationship, that is, if I told my partner. Go figure!?

I made the mistake once of telling someone that my partner didn't know, when in fact she did. She actually suggested it as an experiment to see what would happen. The sex was great, but the rest of the fallout was, er, let's say, less than optimal.

 

[SchrodingersCat]

Beck runs in to the typical problem of women who are willing to be with him if he's cheating, but not if he's in an open relationship.

Are they willing to be with him romantically, or just sexually? Perhaps they're also cheating, and they find it less likely that he'll tell their husbands if he's afraid they'll tell his wife, or that he'll fall madly in love with them and want them to leave their husband-security-blankets?

 

[myelsewhere]

Jaarsma Bakery.

Yes! We are (hopefully) going to DM next weekend and I am trying to convince Beck to take a Pella detour. I can never seem to convince myself to order online. The quantity I'd have to get to justify it (in my mind) would be immense, and then I'd have to eat them all while they were still fresh so they tasted as good as getting them there, and then I'd be miserable.

Not that I've managed to find. There was a meetup group here in KC that went on hiatus right before I found it--and is apparently still on hiatus now over a year later. I know poly folk both here and in Lawrence, just don't know of any groups.

Let me know if anything ever comes to fruition. I'm on a Yahoo group for some SWMO polys, but I haven't posted much or met up with them yet. Somehow I relate more to KC/Lawrence people than Springfield.

Thanks to everyone else for the warm welcome. And I'm going to start a separate thread, as suggested, about the cheating/poly topic if anyone is interested.

 

[AutumnalTone]

I am trying to convince Beck to take a Pella detour. I can never seem to convince myself to order online. The quantity I'd have to get to justify it (in my mind) would be immense, and then I'd have to eat them all while they were still fresh so they tasted as good as getting them there, and then I'd be miserable.

Remember that Van Veen's chocolate shop is just down the street to the east. That adds a bit more appeal to the drive to Pella. I also love Pella bologna, so if you're a fan of that, you then have *three* reasons to visit.

 

[myelsewhere]

Remember that Van Veen's chocolate shop is just down the street to the east. That adds a bit more appeal to the drive to Pella. I also love Pella bologna, so if you're a fan of that, you then have *three* reasons to visit.

I'm salivating now.

I don't know if I've tried Pella bologna, so I'll add that to the list. There was a great little butcher shop (forgot the name) where we got some amazing hot sausage links last time, though. Maybe it's the same. Any family-type restaurant recommendations?

 

[AutumnalTone]

I'm salivating now.

I don't know if I've tried Pella bologna, so I'll add that to the list. There was a great little butcher shop (forgot the name) where we got some amazing hot sausage links last time, though. Maybe it's the same. Any family-type restaurant recommendations?

Intveldt's is likely the butcher shop. It's on the east side of the square. It's one of two local places that produce the Pella Bologna.

Jaarsma's is on the south side of the square, Intveldt's on the east. Van Veen's is on the block just east of the square (same street Jaarsma's is on, though I can't recall the street name).

I've not eaten in Pella in several years, so I'm not certain what restaurants are still open.