Which way to turn?

Mohegan said:
"Don’t Take Anything Personally. Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.” ~ Don Miguel Ruiz
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Thanks for this one!

And just to commenton Frat Boy, I had a very similar occurence via Facebook a few months ago. It is amazing that decades could pass and someone can still get to you in a very scary way. Blocking in more ways than one has been an modus operandi! Stay strong girlie!;)
 
Things are good. I guess it seems to be the pattern around here. To not post when things are good.

Karma went through a hard patch processing the raw emotion of how Cricket feels about him. That's the thing with perception. We all see it from different angles and in a different light.

He got home from a campout a little bit ago and we spent the last few hours getting the recap. He met someone and gave me a call to see if I was okay with them pursuing things. And I was. Completely okay with it. I dunno if anything will come from their weekend together, but it's a start to get him back out there. Cricket and Panda fucked him up pretty badly. I was begining to wonder if he'd ever head back out to the dating world. I think this weekend was a good step forward.
 
I'm really loving this opportunity to prove ourselves to eachother. This weekend was kind of the first time for us to step away from the past and put into practice things we talked about. Karma called Saturday night, admitedly thinking with his other head. Recapping tonight we saw exactly why we put the call first rule into play. He just met her, he knows little about her. I wasn't okay with them having sex. Playing around, sharing the tent, coming home with a hickey ;) no issues. He has her number and they may or may not keep in touch. But it was a good first step for both of us. I really hope this was the step he needed to take to move forward a bit. And it did give us the chance to show eachother that yes we really can stick to what we agreed on. And for me to show him that all the fears over the last few years that I would get mad or tell him no, were unfounded. Maybe not unfounded then, but now that we have rebuilt us, and the trust is there and the strength is there, I hope he now knows I am in fact okay with him seeing other people.

I think, at least a little bit, there was something hanging around saying that I only okayed Cricket b/c of the emotion involved at the time and that I wasn't really okay with all of this. I also think for some, my issues with Cricket were believed to be overall issues with Poly in general. Not the case, it was in fact a personal issue with one person, not the concept in general. Hopfuly now we can move forward without that shadow hanging over us.

I know there is still healing for him. And I know it's going to take awhile. But I have hope that the movement is now forwards instead of not at all.
 
Karma is supposed to be hanging out with his new friend tonight. Gotta get on him to give her a name. I dunno if they are though, cuz he stayed up all night talking to her and is at 5pm he is still asleep. Plus we have a heat and air advisory and no a/c in either car.

I'm still feeling good about things. I was a bit upset that he seemed to pull away from me. Getting him to tell me anything about her was like pulling teeth. But I'm chalking it up to campout fatigue cuz we talked the other night and he was very open. Even showed me her f/b page. I like what I hear so far.

She's unsure of the whole marriage thing. And they both have a lot they are healing from, so they are taking things slow. But so far so good I guess.

And after watching True Life on Mtv the other day, I've decided I need a sugar daddy.
 
My husband pulls away after a campout or large event. Some of our biggest most horrific fights are just after he comes home from some event:eek:. You'd think I'd learn to just bite my tounge and wait a day or two :p.
 
Mohegan said:
And for me to show him that all the fears over the last few years that I would get mad or tell him no, were unfounded. Maybe not unfounded then, but now that we have rebuilt us, and the trust is there and the strength is there, I hope he now knows I am in fact okay with him seeing other people.

I think, at least a little bit, there was something hanging around saying that I only okayed Cricket b/c of the emotion involved at the time and that I wasn't really okay with all of this. I also think for some, my issues with Cricket were believed to be overall issues with Poly in general. Not the case, it was in fact a personal issue with one person, not the concept in general. Hopfuly now we can move forward without that shadow hanging over us.
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Gosh you are a good woman! Lucky boy Karma!!! Having met you guys and knowing what all involved have posted here and the growth I have witnessed in your relationship with your husband over the last 2 years is just awesome to see. This post got me good! So happy for you and not only your acceptance of poly but your overall general sense of well-being in your marriage. Way to go!:)
 
Wow... has it really been two years already?
 
Actualy it's just shy of a yr and a half. 2 yrs since the relationship with Cricket started, but I didn't know about it for the first part of that yr.

So MG with my new job we'll be able to afford a hotel in your neck of the woods next time we drive through. So we can actualy hangout :)

I'm having a blast harrassing Karma when he talks to or IM's his 'friend'. I call her his Geelfriend and he blushes and says she isn't his girlfriend. Kind of adorable.

In other news, I've changed my major and will be graduating in December.

I've decided to drop the culinary end of things and just get the Restaurant Management degree. My fibro is so out of control now and the way things are economicaly, I just don't see being able to make it a career.

And I have always loved the Management side of things. I've told Karma plenty of times that I would like to find a place someone will let me run for them.

It seems so wierd but I'm giddy to finaly be getting a degree. For so long I just wanted it done, I didn't really care, but now that it's with in reach I'm pretty psyched. Waiting on the family to decide if they are coming down to see me graduate. I could honestly careless about walking across a stage, but if they wanna see it, then I'l do it and I know my dad wants to...so I'l probably be doing it.

Other than wanting to move the hell out of here cuz of the neighbors, that's really all that's new.
 
Mo,
I don't know about you and Karma's relationship, but in mine, when Kandy makes light of a relationship I'm in, it makes me upset. In fact, it almost seems as though she is trying to taunt me enough to quit seeing that person. Kandy insists that's not why she does it, and stops for a while.

Just trying to help. Dunno if Karma feels the same way or not.
 
Thanks for the concern TL, but I know that she's just having fun - if she wanted me to stop, she'd come out and say it directly ;) Besides, there's obviously some part of me that's enjoying this, or I wouldn't have a giant grin on my face every time she does it :)
 
LoL No problem Karma. I always smile too, but it's frustrating to me.
 
Thanks for looking out TL. It's all in good fun. I am completely okay with this. There's been some things he's said about her where I've gone "wow I love her already". It's part of our personalities and dynamic to mess with eachother. It's actualy most likely how he is assured that I am okay with it, b/c I tease.

We both told eachother when we started dating that we came from friends and family that would tease and pick on our dates and if they didn't , then you needed to worry if they liked you.

I've yet to meet her. They want to take things slow and I don't want to push that by makign this big deal out of it. But if the time comes, Karma is well aware that I can be very verbal if I am not okay with a situation.

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Feeing a bit bad tonight. The weather has been cause for me to cancel another date with Karma. We have no money right now and it was a free night at the club and we've been talking for a week about going. And here we are with him on date night without me. It's just too much with the heat and humidity mixed with no a/c in the car.

Cannot wait to graduate and get things going so I can afford to take him and spoil him to make up for it.
 
Mohegan said:
We both told eachother when we started dating that we came from friends and family that would tease and pick on our dates and if they didn't , then you needed to worry if they liked you.
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Runic Wolf also comes from a family like this. Some of our friends have trouble understanding our dynamic because of the teasing; but it is how we interact.
 
Oh my goodness!! Okay, so admittedly I didn't read through your whole Blog. That's just a lot of pages of reading lol. But, I did read the first few and the last couple, so I've got a pretty good idea of what's been going on.

When you start out, your story couldn't be any closer to ours if you were us. J is a serial cheater. But, like you, I have always forgiven him. I liked your answer to RP when she asked you why, because it's the exact same answer that I give people when they ask me why I forgive J. I have chronic pain issues which really have eaten up a lot of my time and attention from him over the past 8 years as well. But, we are now talking and realizing these things and working on them. I have come to the realization that he is poly and that him having sex with or loving another woman, doesn't mean that he loves me any less or her any more. And, I can honestly say, I'm okay with it!!

He still has a long ways to go about the lying, because like Karma, J has gotten really bad about the lies. Anytime I ask him why he lies to me so much about these things, he always replies, "Because I was trying to protect you. I didn't want you to hurt and I knew that if you knew the truth, you would hurt badly." Well, there's a lot of truth to that statement. Before, I was trying to force him to be something that he wasn't, monogamous. Truth would have really hurt me. Now though, I know who he is and I'm perfectly fine with it and am actually being very encouraging for him (have even been trying to find him a girlfriend lol). And in return for me realizing who he is and encouraging him that way, he has been so much more open and completely honest with me. I love it!! I have this board to thank for a lot of that. It has been a huge help!

On the teasing note, we are exactly the same way!! We tell each other along with friends and family, "If we didn't tease ya, you wouldn't think we loved ya!"
 
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Fucked up pretty bad last night. Feeling like an ass today. Lied to Mo about something ridiculously unimportant. I came clean about 30 minutes later, but still..... not OK with this.
 
Ahh..... make up sex is always good :)

So, tomorrow I'm going to set myself up with a therapist, with Mo's help. I can't deal with this crap-tastic cycle I'm in anymore. I have a wonderful wife, incredibly supportive friends, and a very special someone new that I enjoy spending time with.... and I'm still dragging around all this mental/emotional damage from Cricket. It's been 9 months since we broke up, 6 months since she told me she didn't want me in her life anymore, and I'm still not over it. Not only does this make me feel pathetic, but how the hell am I supposed to take this new relationship anywhere if I'm still chained down by her?

There's so much there that I can't sort through or answer on my own, and I have no idea how to move past those issues. So, it's time to get help. Past time, actually.
 
It's understandable that when you have gone through life without feeling anything but anger, and someone helps you reach those emotions and then smashes your heart with a sledge hammer...that you'll have a hard time adapting to life without them. And a life where they see your past together in a completely whacked way and they lie to make themselves look better(or maybe even worse they believe it) makes it even harder to move on.

The problem is, I can't help you learn those coping skills. You have a lot pent up from her and from your past that I think working with someone who can teach you how to process and let go will do you good.
 
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Karma said:
Fucked up pretty bad last night. Feeling like an ass today. Lied to Mo about something ridiculously unimportant. I came clean about 30 minutes later, but still..... not OK with this.
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A lifetime of habits is hard to break. No ones perfect and we all make mistakes and fuck it up pretty bad now and again. I'm sure that you fessed up, came clean and apologied so quickly meant alot to Mo.

Karma said:
Ahh..... make up sex is always good :)
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:D

There's so much there that I can't sort through or answer on my own, and I have no idea how to move past those issues. So, it's time to get help. Past time, actually.
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Good for you. Good Luck!
 
Mohegan said:
It's understandable that when you have gone through life without feeling anything but anger, and someone helps you reach those emotions and then smashes your heart with a sledge hammer...that you'll have a hard time adapting to life without them. And a life where they see your past together in a completely whacked way and they lie to make themselves look better(or maybe even worse they believe it) makes it even harder to move on.
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Is it odd that it never even occured to me to think about it from that perspective?
 
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