Why and How
My first advice would be that YOU only have to make this decision to go down this journey. You will be giving something special, incredible and sacred, Yourself.
Q: I have seen some other posts on "coming out" but that are not the same question I have. What I really want to know is... how did you decide or realize or know you were polyamorous?
A: I still don’t know, I guess we will have to give it a try. You could say we are doing it now, my wife has a very special man friend, and we have been in this friendship for around three years. It has been wonderful.
Q: What led to you becoming polyamorous? Were you feeling dissatisfied with only one relationship?
A: I could say a little dissatisfied, maybe spice up our relationship, the other thing me and my wife have all ways done everything together for 38 years and we have not had to many friends our family was number one! I think it would be fantastic if we found a long term partner (female) that they could become very good friends! Someone she could talk with, girl stuff… You should understand that.
Q: I guess it is a little confusing to me how there is the notion that in order to become polyamorous, your existing relationship should be solid and in good condition in terms of communication and conflict .... but then, why would you want another relationship? If you are satisfied with your primary relationship, why seek another? I am currently married and "poly-curious" and have been considering polyamory for quite some time.
A: First I have to say it is very confusing, even to me a male! No one can answer that question, but you!!! I don’t really know myself? OOoo Yes, I believe your relationship HAS to be rock solid!!! You should ask yourself, is the grass really that green on the other side of the fence? What if your journey turns out bad, don’t give up on what you have, but try to make what you have even better.
Q: My husband has been open enough to listen to me discuss my feelings and thoughts about it, but he is not keen on the idea.
A: I would continue to be open and discuss your feelings and thoughts. Ask him to try it, don’t jump into bed right away, let your husband see you around your new male friend, talk, dinner, play a little, touch, kiss, see how he will REALLY react, then slowly move to the bed room. , can he handle it; if he gets jealous it will come out quickly. Really can you handle it! That will be a big question….. Will you be able to handle all the attention of two men?
Q: What is the motivation?
A: The unknown, excitement, can you remember the first time you two met and each step you took on your journey of 13 + years? Now it is a new journey of three.
Q: So ultimately I feel I will need to decide if it is something that I really want/need and understand that I could potentially risk losing the marriage. I don't know if I want that or not, but it's ok because I'm not in a rush to decide. For right now I am just exploring my heart and mind, and ultimately I want to make the best decision.
A: Yes, ultimately it’s your decision! I believe you need to take it very slow, communicate with your husband, and have him help you find the right person for the both of you in your new relationship. Again you have to ask yourself, is the grass really that green on the other side of the fence?
Q: While I think my marriage is generally good, I have to admit I do feel dissatisfied at times and like I want something else... a different experience, a different kind of stimulation for my personal growth... and also of course for my own joy and pleasure... and I am just trying to understand all of this within myself, and hoping to gain insight from others. Any responses are appreciated!
A: I think EVERYONE is dissatisfied in their relationship at some time, I believe it is normal. We become complacent, taking advantage, not willing to work / communicate on our relationship. We all desire different experiences, stimulations and personal growth, joy, pleasure and happiness.
Sorry for going on, but Man, this could go on (LOL)…
But one thing I do want to say!
I wish you and your husband the very best!
Don’t give up on what you have…..