Re (from HazelEyes):
I suppose that by "good reason," you mean a reason that would *feel* good enough to you (when weighed against how the idea of poly seems to affect your husband, and against how it might affect your marriage). I don't suppose I could trick you into answering your own question by asking you, What are some examples of reasons that you would consider to be "good enough?"
Can you describe why you feel that polyamory would make you happy? What is it that makes you feel drawn towards polyamory?
Re (from Post #357):
Indeed, how would you distinguish whether this vague sense of dissatisfaction is related to either? How do you know it's not about changing careers, going back to school, getting more involved in political causes or local charities, or even stamp collecting? How have you narrowed the dissatisfaction down to just two things -- the monogamous marriage or monogamy itself? There's all kinds of other things you could be dissatisfied about, aren't there?
When they say your original relationship should be on sound footing before venturing into polyamory, I think maybe what they're getting at is that polyamory isn't something you're pushed toward by a negative emotion (e.g. dissatisfaction with your current life). Rather, it's something you're pulled towards by a positive emotion (e.g. enthusiasm about a chance to find more love in the world). Are you being pushed away from monogamy by a negative emotion, or pulled toward polyamory by a positive emotion? and it could be both, but the positive emotion is probably where you'll find your "good reason."
You see, I don't think monogamy is necessarily a bad thing. Maybe (at least in some cases) it's a perfectly good thing. It's just that polyamory is also a good thing, and that's the perception that popular tradition is fighting against (sometimes fighting within our own minds).
From reading your posts so far, I get the impression that you need to talk more about this with your husband before you can solidify in your own mind just how important it is to you to live polyamorously -- and why it's that important. You may ask, "Why do we (I and others) want to be polyamorous?" and I have my own answers but first I want to ask, "Why do *you* want to be polyamorous?" It's an important question that only you can answer.
"Hmmm ... I suppose I feel that way as a result of feeling guilty that I want something that saddens my husband. So it seems like I need a 'good reason' to insist upon trying a different lifestyle together."
I suppose that by "good reason," you mean a reason that would *feel* good enough to you (when weighed against how the idea of poly seems to affect your husband, and against how it might affect your marriage). I don't suppose I could trick you into answering your own question by asking you, What are some examples of reasons that you would consider to be "good enough?"
Can you describe why you feel that polyamory would make you happy? What is it that makes you feel drawn towards polyamory?
Re (from Post #357):
"If all I have is my monogamous marriage, then how would I distinguish whether my vague sense of dissatisfaction is related to monogamy, or to this marriage?"
Indeed, how would you distinguish whether this vague sense of dissatisfaction is related to either? How do you know it's not about changing careers, going back to school, getting more involved in political causes or local charities, or even stamp collecting? How have you narrowed the dissatisfaction down to just two things -- the monogamous marriage or monogamy itself? There's all kinds of other things you could be dissatisfied about, aren't there?
When they say your original relationship should be on sound footing before venturing into polyamory, I think maybe what they're getting at is that polyamory isn't something you're pushed toward by a negative emotion (e.g. dissatisfaction with your current life). Rather, it's something you're pulled towards by a positive emotion (e.g. enthusiasm about a chance to find more love in the world). Are you being pushed away from monogamy by a negative emotion, or pulled toward polyamory by a positive emotion? and it could be both, but the positive emotion is probably where you'll find your "good reason."
You see, I don't think monogamy is necessarily a bad thing. Maybe (at least in some cases) it's a perfectly good thing. It's just that polyamory is also a good thing, and that's the perception that popular tradition is fighting against (sometimes fighting within our own minds).
From reading your posts so far, I get the impression that you need to talk more about this with your husband before you can solidify in your own mind just how important it is to you to live polyamorously -- and why it's that important. You may ask, "Why do we (I and others) want to be polyamorous?" and I have my own answers but first I want to ask, "Why do *you* want to be polyamorous?" It's an important question that only you can answer.