And I screwed it all up!
- Thread starter epiphany
- Start date
Candiedlove
New member
Doesn't sound like your husband is very mono. ..
Anyway, you aren't a bad person, just remember that it's not YOUR home. It's yours, his, and for the last two months, hers. She was wrong to be sulky but your overreaction now has put YOU in the wrong. Oh and he may be your husband but he's also her master.
Anyway, you aren't a bad person, just remember that it's not YOUR home. It's yours, his, and for the last two months, hers. She was wrong to be sulky but your overreaction now has put YOU in the wrong. Oh and he may be your husband but he's also her master.
I read it. But it was confusing.
He doesn't sound mono to me. I am not sure if he and his new slave are having sex or not, but they've had a r'ship for 6 years, and more intensely the past 2 years?
She lived with you, moved out, moved back in....
It is your home. It can feel like an invasion. Even if you're a sub, you're allowed to feel what you feel. If it feels too yucky to share, I don't care how sub you are, it's not good for you.
He doesn't sound mono to me. I am not sure if he and his new slave are having sex or not, but they've had a r'ship for 6 years, and more intensely the past 2 years?
She lived with you, moved out, moved back in....
It is your home. It can feel like an invasion. Even if you're a sub, you're allowed to feel what you feel. If it feels too yucky to share, I don't care how sub you are, it's not good for you.
Sorry no they have been friends for six years... Tried twice to be more He could never act on it
Honestly He is mono but about to be fifty and midlife crisis fantasy better than reality...
When i say moved in i should also state she has her own place
She and He have not yet even acted much in the D/a aspect
Lots of group play but as soon as I'm not there ... He can't function much
There obviously is so much more too it i just had to spew it all out quickly because i am in and out of surgery all day and who wants an emo dentist?
im good it was just the last straw in a long long OMG long line of crap
No idea what will become of my marriage
Felt damn good to stand up for myself though... i have been really way too accommodating for her... my teenage daughters are more mature
Ok yes i wasn't at my finest this morning
if she really LIVED there i wouldn't have been so rude
i am actually a really good person promise
Honestly He is mono but about to be fifty and midlife crisis fantasy better than reality...
When i say moved in i should also state she has her own place
She and He have not yet even acted much in the D/a aspect
Lots of group play but as soon as I'm not there ... He can't function much
There obviously is so much more too it i just had to spew it all out quickly because i am in and out of surgery all day and who wants an emo dentist?
im good it was just the last straw in a long long OMG long line of crap
No idea what will become of my marriage
Felt damn good to stand up for myself though... i have been really way too accommodating for her... my teenage daughters are more mature
Ok yes i wasn't at my finest this morning
if she really LIVED there i wouldn't have been so rude
i am actually a really good person promise
YouAreHere
Well-known member
I have a question, but I'm going to preface it by saying that it comes from a place of ignorance - I only know what I read about D/s relationships, because I've never been in one and really don't grok it, but...
From some people's situations I've read, they enjoy being a sub because, after a hectic day of taking charge at work, or wherever, they get to put it aside and let someone else make the decisions. It's calming. I'm wondering if he, by telling you about her issues, placed some aspect of that decision-making and control onto you and it pushed you out of your comfort zone? That you feel he should be making those decisions as Dom and not involving you?
I can definitely imagine the "all up in your space" thing and getting frustrated with that; I'm just wondering if there's something else behind it that we're not picking up on, and maybe if there is, then it's something your husband can work on. If I'm way off base, I shall accept my lumps.
From some people's situations I've read, they enjoy being a sub because, after a hectic day of taking charge at work, or wherever, they get to put it aside and let someone else make the decisions. It's calming. I'm wondering if he, by telling you about her issues, placed some aspect of that decision-making and control onto you and it pushed you out of your comfort zone? That you feel he should be making those decisions as Dom and not involving you?
I can definitely imagine the "all up in your space" thing and getting frustrated with that; I'm just wondering if there's something else behind it that we're not picking up on, and maybe if there is, then it's something your husband can work on. If I'm way off base, I shall accept my lumps.
Yes...
i think you have a valid point...
i was certainly shocked at my outburst ... Both of my parents were doctors and they taught me from a young age to act logically and set aside emotion...oops
i will have to think on that for a while... It felt like the last straw and the end if the world and looking back it's quite ridiculous
i am only submissive to my Husband no one before and no one after... it's just the best thing in the world for me better than a glass of wine...
as for my husband i know he is monoamorous
He has made it clear to me and to her how it is... Why she agrees to this i really don't understand but people don't understand why im a submissive ...
there is so much more to this ... i don't want to bore everyone with all the layers
Just needed to put it somewhere and leave it so i could focus on my job
Thanks so much
She is back at my house hanging out... She said she has outbursts so no big deal i had one after all this time... she and i will be working on communicating more and my husband is going to have a long talk with her about where He is at and see if she wants to go forward
Anyway... stupid how posting a rant and knowing someone will be there helps
Just does tho
in retrospect i have been a little judgmental of her emotional outbursts ... guess i get some humble pie!
That's ok... Live learn grow admit mistakes and grow more
One thing for sure is after this marriage has ended be it divorce or death... i will totally b poly in next relationships!!!! (Not allowed in this marriage bothers me from a "fairness" standpoint but He is all i can handle and all i need atm)
i think you have a valid point...
i was certainly shocked at my outburst ... Both of my parents were doctors and they taught me from a young age to act logically and set aside emotion...oops
i will have to think on that for a while... It felt like the last straw and the end if the world and looking back it's quite ridiculous
i am only submissive to my Husband no one before and no one after... it's just the best thing in the world for me better than a glass of wine...
as for my husband i know he is monoamorous
He has made it clear to me and to her how it is... Why she agrees to this i really don't understand but people don't understand why im a submissive ...
there is so much more to this ... i don't want to bore everyone with all the layers
Just needed to put it somewhere and leave it so i could focus on my job
Thanks so much
She is back at my house hanging out... She said she has outbursts so no big deal i had one after all this time... she and i will be working on communicating more and my husband is going to have a long talk with her about where He is at and see if she wants to go forward
Anyway... stupid how posting a rant and knowing someone will be there helps
Just does tho
in retrospect i have been a little judgmental of her emotional outbursts ... guess i get some humble pie!
That's ok... Live learn grow admit mistakes and grow more
One thing for sure is after this marriage has ended be it divorce or death... i will totally b poly in next relationships!!!! (Not allowed in this marriage bothers me from a "fairness" standpoint but He is all i can handle and all i need atm)
Do you think he is monoamorous and polysexual? Rather than polyamorous and polysexual? Or is he polyamorous and polysexual but with a one penis policy imposed upon you rather than you agreeing to it and you grow resentful of that?
Which makes her hanging around so much at your house extra annoying because you do not have that for yourself? The ability to date others? Could inform him you no longer plan to go with OPP... No longer willing to do it. No longer participating like that. Even if he is all you can handle, you might feel better emotionally in not having things imposed on you if that is what is happening here.
Galagirl
Which makes her hanging around so much at your house extra annoying because you do not have that for yourself? The ability to date others? Could inform him you no longer plan to go with OPP... No longer willing to do it. No longer participating like that. Even if he is all you can handle, you might feel better emotionally in not having things imposed on you if that is what is happening here.
Galagirl
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Not really...
Given out bdsm dynamic i would lose so much if i were free to see other people... im just annoyed in principle
most of the time she is fine and a help with my teens that need taken to so many activities
i just flipping lost it when she was mad that i stayed at my own house on "her" night... it's a BIG house and my kids are there i didn't interact with them once ... Even more mad she was all pouty before i excused myself and ruined dinner even more angry that right after we talked about communicating if either of us is doing something that upsets the other instead of whining to Master she went whining to him...
Well i communicated how i felt... Lol...
i didn't ask for this i don't want this i am trying very hard to be understanding and supportive...i am tired of her being upset about me doing exactly what she does... Has to stop!
As for Him...
Definitely monoamorous without a doubt ... possibly Polysexual but that remains to be seen... i am trying so hard to be a good friend/lover/spouse to him right now....
He did say He would do whatever it took to ensure our marriage is always a priority which after reading this forum makes me feel like shit bc she is a real person and i would never tolerate the way He treats her and i feel guilty by association...
i think there is more to things than He tells me bc when i decided i was wrong and apologized He was quick to want her back...i just don't know what to think...
He is also quick to say it's a want not a need... i just can't even figure it all out
And there are 1000 other factors ...
one day at a time thank heavens i am financially independent though so my kids will always be taken care of
Given out bdsm dynamic i would lose so much if i were free to see other people... im just annoyed in principle
most of the time she is fine and a help with my teens that need taken to so many activities
i just flipping lost it when she was mad that i stayed at my own house on "her" night... it's a BIG house and my kids are there i didn't interact with them once ... Even more mad she was all pouty before i excused myself and ruined dinner even more angry that right after we talked about communicating if either of us is doing something that upsets the other instead of whining to Master she went whining to him...
Well i communicated how i felt... Lol...
i didn't ask for this i don't want this i am trying very hard to be understanding and supportive...i am tired of her being upset about me doing exactly what she does... Has to stop!
As for Him...
Definitely monoamorous without a doubt ... possibly Polysexual but that remains to be seen... i am trying so hard to be a good friend/lover/spouse to him right now....
He did say He would do whatever it took to ensure our marriage is always a priority which after reading this forum makes me feel like shit bc she is a real person and i would never tolerate the way He treats her and i feel guilty by association...
i think there is more to things than He tells me bc when i decided i was wrong and apologized He was quick to want her back...i just don't know what to think...
He is also quick to say it's a want not a need... i just can't even figure it all out
And there are 1000 other factors ...
one day at a time
thank heavens i am financially independent though so my kids will always be taken care of
YouAreHere
Well-known member
It's evident that you're having a hard time with this. How are your kids dealing with it? I know mine would be confused and PO'ed if I were being banished from my home with them. They'd also be upset about the lack of interaction (although my kids are younger than yours, I believe). I understand you have a D/s relationship with your husband, but do you have boundaries in place for how your children are impacted by it?
My take, just from what I've read, is that he's sloppy with his boundaries (and you're having trouble with them too), and it's leading to confusion and hurt feelings. Perhaps a talk outside of D/s space to review (and/or establish) boundaries would help?
BTW, I have, on occasion, gone to Chops and Xena's home together on "my" night with Chops. Never in my wildest dreams would I want to kick Xena out of HER OWN HOME. Instead, if I want alone time, I would retreat with Chops elsewhere, outside of a common area (so she doesn't feel cloistered away in her own home), or go out. She has a place of her own; I can't understand why she wouldn't extend the same courtesy.
Sorry...
i should not post while running errands
Kids LOVE her they have no idea about anything else except that now they get to do a lot more activities bc three people can drive them...
They stay at the house all the time... Last night i took them out and was doing things with them so it wasn't like i was even home much! at least once a week i normally stay at an apartment i have near the outpatient surgery center so i don't have to get up at 4 am and drive... It just happened today my early case cancelled so i didn't have to get up early and wanted to stay home
And yes the boundaries are totally messed up with the addition of her and probably a good place to start
And yes im struggling... in the lovely Bible Belt i also don't share my life with anyone... lots of moms wouldn't want a bisexual submissive working on their child even if i take Medicaid and bust my butt to be really gentle with kids
so yep y'all are my only real outlet to say anything...
yes i have friends but no they have no
Idea hell they even bash homosexuals...
i should not post while running errands
Kids LOVE her they have no idea about anything else except that now they get to do a lot more activities bc three people can drive them...
They stay at the house all the time... Last night i took them out and was doing things with them so it wasn't like i was even home much! at least once a week i normally stay at an apartment i have near the outpatient surgery center so i don't have to get up at 4 am and drive... It just happened today my early case cancelled so i didn't have to get up early and wanted to stay home
And yes the boundaries are totally messed up with the addition of her and probably a good place to start
And yes im struggling... in the lovely Bible Belt i also don't share my life with anyone... lots of moms wouldn't want a bisexual submissive working on their child even if i take Medicaid and bust my butt to be really gentle with kids
so yep y'all are my only real outlet to say anything...
yes i have friends but no they have no
Idea hell they even bash homosexuals...
Come to think if it...
Ty YAH right in front of my eyes but i didn't see it...
Boundaries messed up yes
But the last few months since i said let's try again...
He hasn't been filling His role as Mater like He normally would...
I'm flying this plane!
How did i miss that?
Think i will wait a day or two and then address this
He hasn't really been her Master either just a lot of conversations to date
Ty YAH right in front of my eyes but i didn't see it...
Boundaries messed up yes
But the last few months since i said let's try again...
He hasn't been filling His role as Mater like He normally would...
I'm flying this plane!
How did i miss that?
Think i will wait a day or two and then address this
He hasn't really been her Master either just a lot of conversations to date
JaneQSmythe
Well-known member
To YAH:
To YAH (not really relevant to the rest of the thread so I'll keep it short):
Right with you here - I've been reading a bit here and talked about it with a few people in the lifestyle, but ... doesn't really mesh with me. However:
THIS, actually resonates with me...I make decisions all day long, that affect peoples' lives, it's exhausting. I DON'T want to make decisions when I get home from work - where to go, what to wear, what to watch, what to listen to, what to eat, etc. - the boys know my preferences, let THEM choose. If I don't like their choice I will let them know, or not participate.
(Sorry for the hijack...back to your regularly scheduled posting. Will re-post in my own thread in case anyone wants to discuss further.)
To YAH (not really relevant to the rest of the thread so I'll keep it short):
Right with you here - I've been reading a bit here and talked about it with a few people in the lifestyle, but ... doesn't really mesh with me. However:
THIS, actually resonates with me...I make decisions all day long, that affect peoples' lives, it's exhausting. I DON'T want to make decisions when I get home from work - where to go, what to wear, what to watch, what to listen to, what to eat, etc. - the boys know my preferences, let THEM choose. If I don't like their choice I will let them know, or not participate.
(Sorry for the hijack...back to your regularly scheduled posting. Will re-post in my own thread in case anyone wants to discuss further.)
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epiphany, I have gone and read most of your posts and your blog.
Let's lay this out.
You're a professional dentist, MD, DDS. Your Husband/Master has a PhD in psychology, but I think maybe now he handles the business end of your practice working with low income kids in need.
His gf/potential slave has been in his life for 6 years. There is a history of cheating and sneaking around with her, but that is over. You and she are more or less friends now. She has lived with you and Husband on and off. She does domestic work and child care for your teens (chaffeuring, etc.).
So! Your Husband is feeling horribly guilty about his desires for his gf. He and she have not had sex alone (since the cheating time when there was oral sex). You 3 have had group sex and that went pretty well. However, you feel "less than" because lately you don't enjoy physical pleasure and can't orgasm. OTOH the slave cums easily and is also a pain slut and could fulfill this for Husband if he could get over his guilty feelings (seems he thinks he is cheating on you even though you have agreed to all of this).
He has been so depressed in the not too distant past he couldn't get out of bed. Despite being a psychologist, he seems to not have much insight into his issues, perhaps does not have therapy or meds to deal with his crushing depression.
Now, he is guilty about being with slave. You feel "less than" when they are together. He is seeming less than the Master you want, the decisive, take charge kind of guy, and is seeming weak! You feel anxious, and full of self loathing.
But you are protecting Husband by not telling him about all your doubts and insecurities, so that he won't fall into guilt and crushing depression again.
AND, you all live in the Bible Belt. I reckon that is where all the guilt and self loathing comes from originally. You are living an alternative lifestyle (BDSM, polyamory) and probably feel on some deep level this is wrong. Plus, you have no one to talk to in real life about it except each other. But thank goodness you found this board.
No advice yet, just laying it out as I understand it.
What would you like to have happen, and what steps could the 3 consenting adults in this situation do to remedy all the (not fun) pain I see? You're doing important work for your community and I imagine being so stressed out is not good for your concentration doing delicate work and surgery on children's teeth!
Let's lay this out.
You're a professional dentist, MD, DDS. Your Husband/Master has a PhD in psychology, but I think maybe now he handles the business end of your practice working with low income kids in need.
His gf/potential slave has been in his life for 6 years. There is a history of cheating and sneaking around with her, but that is over. You and she are more or less friends now. She has lived with you and Husband on and off. She does domestic work and child care for your teens (chaffeuring, etc.).
So! Your Husband is feeling horribly guilty about his desires for his gf. He and she have not had sex alone (since the cheating time when there was oral sex). You 3 have had group sex and that went pretty well. However, you feel "less than" because lately you don't enjoy physical pleasure and can't orgasm. OTOH the slave cums easily and is also a pain slut and could fulfill this for Husband if he could get over his guilty feelings (seems he thinks he is cheating on you even though you have agreed to all of this).
He has been so depressed in the not too distant past he couldn't get out of bed. Despite being a psychologist, he seems to not have much insight into his issues, perhaps does not have therapy or meds to deal with his crushing depression.
Now, he is guilty about being with slave. You feel "less than" when they are together. He is seeming less than the Master you want, the decisive, take charge kind of guy, and is seeming weak! You feel anxious, and full of self loathing.
But you are protecting Husband by not telling him about all your doubts and insecurities, so that he won't fall into guilt and crushing depression again.
AND, you all live in the Bible Belt. I reckon that is where all the guilt and self loathing comes from originally. You are living an alternative lifestyle (BDSM, polyamory) and probably feel on some deep level this is wrong. Plus, you have no one to talk to in real life about it except each other. But thank goodness you found this board.
No advice yet, just laying it out as I understand it.
What would you like to have happen, and what steps could the 3 consenting adults in this situation do to remedy all the (not fun) pain I see? You're doing important work for your community and I imagine being so stressed out is not good for your concentration doing delicate work and surgery on children's teeth!
Yes I am a DDS and He does all of the business so I can focus on kids...
I was a single mom of three and no dentist would help my daughter with an abscesses tooth (she was two)... I did something about it and now see 80-100 patients a day bc other dentists won't see Medicaid...
We all met six years ago online...they had conversations I wasn't aware of and out of nowhere He requested we fly her across the country to spend a week with us... They didn't click physically and not a lot happened...she left they were still friends but He was disappointed and not into her anymore...I asked Him to cease contact bc we were moving and I just wanted a clean slate...unknown to me they emailed and talked on the phone 4-6 times over the six years in between... Had He told me it wouldn't have been so bad that he hid that I am not completely over...I found out AFTER she moved here and was working for us...He insisted they were just friends... I refused to believe Him finally after a huge fight He admitted still having an interest in her as a slave despite the physical nonattraction... I tried...I really tried...He had permission to do whatever and after a while she moved in...he swore nothing ever happened ( he had permission so y lie?) but two months of her living with us...she told me what happened...I cracked...I can not handle lies... Give me the courtesy of the truth...
He ended everything and was just friends a fact she supports and I do trust her but my anxiety was too much and one day I put it out there that if I was already feeling so upset...he may as well be exploring things with her...wasn't even a minute for him to take me up on that...He says one thing actions say another
Again he had permission it's just that he lied
And yes His guilt is unreal...His desires are more BDSM than sexual but yes He is almost nonfunctional from guilt and it makes me angry because I have done so much work on myself to get where I am...
Yes...I do enjoy the group activities even though it makes my inhibitions obvious...I enjoy physical pleasure but can't handle being watched...she could care less (which I think is fantastic)... I have an abnormally small clit tucked up very high and away whereas she has a huge clit... Orgasms are an issue and a trigger for me that I need to work on... I can have one alone with hubby with a lot of work...I know it bothers him and I know how much he does enjoy that about her and I'm getting where that's ok...and yes she is a pain slut which after watching Him beat her is now a nonissue...I want NOTHING to do with that and she loved it...
Yes yes yes
Yes but I have come a long way on the less than and am doing well at self acceptance ... But yes He isn't taking control like I need and it's making everything more difficult
But
the more i try to talk things through the worse He is...if I put on a happy face He gets better starts taking control and things get better like they were until my massive meltdown
Self loathing comes from my brother being 180 IQ and me not... My mom didnt mean it but I never felt good enough couple that with every meaningful boyfriend dumping me for another woman and...recipe for disaster I have major abandonment note good enough issues ... Hell I put myself through dental school as a single mom of three young children caring for my terminally ill mother with a 150 mile a day commute and I can't stop telling myself I'm pathetic? I get the logic it's the emotion I can't let go of ...I work 5-6 days a week taking care of kids and feel like I dont do enough...it's ridiculous ... By the same token I am pissed as hell that I don't get my fairy tale marriage with my husband
But he is a good man... All my bitching and whining don't show that but he is...aside from this he is everything I ever wanted and I know he would give anything to not have these desires so I don't need to be beating him up about it...I need to love him respect him and accept him
Hubby and I talked today...I am honestly at a point where I can accept her living her I can accept all the group play I can accept the D/s dynamic and I can accept oral sex between them without me...but I can't yet even begin to actually honestly be ok with them having sex without me... I know the people on this board will role their eyes but goddammit I didn't agree to this going in...I was clear when we got married no more group sex just US... I have come a long long way...I just am not there and may never be there...I could be upstairs and know they were downstairs having sex and be fine but I can't go to work and come home and not have a clue...I don't give a shit what anyone thinks of that it's where I am
She and I talk... About everything... No idea why but she is ok with as much or as little as I am...and my husband is seeming better right now too...
I read these boards and I feel like I shouldn't b upset I should be fine...so many other people are fine...but im not...sex is so emotionally intimate and vulnerable for me with Him...I know it isn't for him with her...they are friends good friends but its not romantic on either side... At least not that they say or I see...he says he would be fine never having sex with her but he isn't sure she would b ok with that...
I don't want to treat her like a sex toy I want things to b fair but I have out over 13 years into this marriage and this life thinking it was my fairy tale and its not...I matter to and I can't forget that...I will keep working on it but I am afraid if I get where him having sex alone with her is ok I might lose how sex with him is so deeply intimate for me
Before him sex for me was recreational never emotional...I call him my game changer...he broke down my walls and barriers and things that kept me safe and so with him I am so naked and vulnerable ... It's just not something I want to give up and if he is fucking her I think I lose that...at least emotionally for me...I lose that and he becomes just another man using me...
I want my husband to be who he is...if it turns out he is polyamorous I want to help him accept that part of himself and love himself ... I really gut instinct feel that this is a major fantasy and a few months or year into it He will realize that it's not what He has built it up in his head to be...I think the same for her she hasn't ever been in a D/s relationship and I don't think she is long term going to be happy with it
Mostly...right now I feel alone...I feel like I have to take care of him and take care of her and help her serve him and I have two kids left at home and all my patients and everygoddamnthing in my life is about someone else
Meh enough whining
Great thing is I have raised my kids to be open minded...my 18 yo just came out that she is bi and happy about that (still a virgin though... So modest that one)
My son is quite open about being bi-curious he is 15 and totally ok with himself
so glad they are so self accepting and non judging!!!!!
~epiphany
Good synopsis, Magdlyn I feel a sight less confused.
@ epiphany ... I still have many questions and can't get them all organized. The one that seems to be bubbling up the most ATM is: Would more dyad sex and less threesome sex be helpful for you guys? I mean, you said you could be fine if you're home and you know they're downstairs having sex? Also: If you're having trouble enjoying sex, is that something you might want to see a sex therapist about? I suppose you could see said therapist without telling your Husband ... although the therapist might have some suggestions to give him ... but maybe you could pass those suggestions on yourself and pretend like they're your idea ...
I guess I also think your Husband should be getting some professional counseling and/or prescription meds. The fact that he is a psychologist himself is all the more reason why he should keep his own psychological well-being in order. Otherwise it's like he's putting his child's airmask on before donning his own airmask.
Perhaps more questions/observations will bubble up later, but those are the ones I can think of for now. Sounds like a complicated situation.
I feel a sight less confused.@ epiphany ... I still have many questions and can't get them all organized. The one that seems to be bubbling up the most ATM is: Would more dyad sex and less threesome sex be helpful for you guys? I mean, you said you could be fine if you're home and you know they're downstairs having sex? Also: If you're having trouble enjoying sex, is that something you might want to see a sex therapist about? I suppose you could see said therapist without telling your Husband ... although the therapist might have some suggestions to give him ... but maybe you could pass those suggestions on yourself and pretend like they're your idea ...
I guess I also think your Husband should be getting some professional counseling and/or prescription meds. The fact that he is a psychologist himself is all the more reason why he should keep his own psychological well-being in order. Otherwise it's like he's putting his child's airmask on before donning his own airmask.
Perhaps more questions/observations will bubble up later, but those are the ones I can think of for now. Sounds like a complicated situation.
Very complicated
Yes. Very complicated and honestly I keep trying to be brief but there is so much to it
i enjoy sex fine with my husband it's when it's a group situation i panic a little and will make sure i receive the least amount of attention... my husband is aware of this and accommodates me but it blows my mind to watch this other woman and her complete lack on inhibitions... she straight up masturbated to orgasm in front of me... Wtf?
Yes. Very complicated and honestly I keep trying to be brief but there is so much to it
i enjoy sex fine with my husband it's when it's a group situation i panic a little and will make sure i receive the least amount of attention... my husband is aware of this and accommodates me but it blows my mind to watch this other woman and her complete lack on inhibitions... she straight up masturbated to orgasm in front of me... Wtf?
Oh, well, you know ... everyone's different when it comes to sex. I'm not sure I could be an exhibitionist. Might depend on the who, what, where, and when I suppose. I've never been tested and would be hella nervous, I can sure tell you that.
On the other hand, if you *want* to lower your inhibitions ... well, maybe that sex therapist might not be such a bad idea.
Thinking, thinking ...
On the other hand, if you *want* to lower your inhibitions ... well, maybe that sex therapist might not be such a bad idea.
Thinking, thinking ...
If you can cum when it's one on one, do one on one. Please try to compare yourself less to new girl. She does her thing, you do yours.
If your H is messed up, it's not your job to protect him from reality to shore up his male ego. It's his job to get healthy and strong.
Doctors and nurses never take as good care of themselves as they do of their patients.
Women tend to go overboard in nurturing their fragile male spouses.
BTW, I am no stranger to jealousy. My ex bf was constantly dating new people, with ensuing drama, and it did make me feel less close and intimate with him. I wouldnt have minded one gf, but he had 6 new people in one year. We all have our limits. We are allowed.
You seem to be a ball of unpleasant emotions and self loathing. Are you 50ish and still trying to be "good enough" for your parents, in competition with your brother who happened to be born a genius?
Y'all may be D/s, and that can be therapeutic (I know that personally), but this is getting ridiculous. The D/s seems like a facade. You see it's fake and have to hold back who you really are to get the illusion of your H being in charge. No one is really happy here. You all seem to have no plan and just stabbing in the dark.
If your H is messed up, it's not your job to protect him from reality to shore up his male ego. It's his job to get healthy and strong.
Doctors and nurses never take as good care of themselves as they do of their patients.
Women tend to go overboard in nurturing their fragile male spouses.
BTW, I am no stranger to jealousy. My ex bf was constantly dating new people, with ensuing drama, and it did make me feel less close and intimate with him. I wouldnt have minded one gf, but he had 6 new people in one year. We all have our limits. We are allowed.
You seem to be a ball of unpleasant emotions and self loathing. Are you 50ish and still trying to be "good enough" for your parents, in competition with your brother who happened to be born a genius?
Y'all may be D/s, and that can be therapeutic (I know that personally), but this is getting ridiculous. The D/s seems like a facade. You see it's fake and have to hold back who you really are to get the illusion of your H being in charge. No one is really happy here. You all seem to have no plan and just stabbing in the dark.
...
i just turned 40...He is almost 50
And yes the D/s isn't working right now i would be a lot better emotionally i think if it were... He is just ... Stuck
i am getting better at not comparing and just working on myself and my relationship with my husband
Two years ago my marriage was a fairy tale the D/s was amazing and liberating
i just want to get back there and i am willing to do the work to accept her in O/our lives but He needs to be doing some work too!
He and i have talked a lot since "the blow up". He is fine slowing down a little...
i think things are getting separated into the right issues so i can address it individually instead of being so overwhelmed
i think i just have to accept that there isn't a D/s component right now and that I need to let him navigate this ... im tired
Anyway thank you for being so supportive... i promise im better than i "read"
i just dump it all here...
i am a strong independent woman time to remember that and take care if me and start doing the things i want to do with my life... let Him and her take care of that...
Hard to do though! im a fixer and a people pleaser
i just turned 40...He is almost 50
And yes the D/s isn't working right now i would be a lot better emotionally i think if it were... He is just ... Stuck
i am getting better at not comparing and just working on myself and my relationship with my husband
Two years ago my marriage was a fairy tale the D/s was amazing and liberating
i just want to get back there and i am willing to do the work to accept her in O/our lives but He needs to be doing some work too!
He and i have talked a lot since "the blow up". He is fine slowing down a little...
i think things are getting separated into the right issues so i can address it individually instead of being so overwhelmed
i think i just have to accept that there isn't a D/s component right now and that I need to let him navigate this ... im tired
Anyway thank you for being so supportive... i promise im better than i "read"
i just dump it all here...
i am a strong independent woman time to remember that and take care if me and start doing the things i want to do with my life... let Him and her take care of that...
Hard to do though! im a fixer and a people pleaser