Fun and Frolic With Long-Term Love

Bluebird said:
I want to change my name after, but I am concerned because in Maryland, it's required to go before a judge and state a reason for the change. I am sure they don't want to hear about polyamory. Any suggestions? I will be dropping my current middle name and putting PunkRock's last name in that space.
Click to expand...

Do they accept reasons like, "It is a name that is special to me because it belongs to someone I love" or maybe "I want to start a business eventually and would like to establish a professional name beforehand for networking."
 
Awesomesauce WOULD be a great middle name... ;)

Love the idea of taking his last name as your middle name!
 
I love those explanations, NYCindie! The truth of it is my middle name is not something I care much for to begin with, and it was supposed to be in recognition of a great-aunt. Unfortunately, it turned out to NOT be her name at all, but my parents kept it anyway. So I think that, coupled with the explanation that the new middle name actually recognizes someone close to my family, would be fine.

I read recently that in some cases, the judge will just sign off and not request an appearance in court. That would be my goal!

Awesomesauce would definitely be the sort of thing that triggers a court visit, I am sure. Lmao
 
I had an orthodontic check up today (went great) and then lunch out with both my guys. It's PunkRock's day off, and DarkKnight is working overnight, so both of them were available. We went to Red Robin, since PunkRock had his free birthday burger to use up this month. :) I'm still a little sick, and both guys were very touchy-feely and rubbing on my arm, etc. I felt very loved!

After returning home, Both guys took a nap in their respective rooms, while I put on my PJs and started working on budgeting for the rest of the year. I paid bills and then started working out deposits needed to book our officiant and honeymoon cottage rental. I've got "the bungalow" nailed down with a contract emailed to me. I just need to pay a $400 deposit, which I can do next week. I am still waiting to hear back from the officiant, as to her total cost since she'd now be traveling to the cottage to marry us there, but based on our previous conversations, it should be well in line with what we'd like to pay. So, that'll be a $100 deposit this month too.

Anyway, check out how gorgeous this is!

picture.php


There's a hot tub on the deck area, and off to the right of the photo is a small grassy location with a single tall tree, which is where we will have the handfasting. This is the only cottage on the pond, and it's very secluded. So romantic! I am very excited.

Keeping my fingers crossed that DarkKnight has some overtime in his upcoming paycheck. We still have to pay for our daughter's handgun. We haven't yet, because PunkRock's license hasn't been received yet. We got his clear background check, but the state has to send us a physical license before we can purchase the stupid thing.

What else? Oh, I am leaving for NY tomorrow. I just had to book an extra night of hotel stay - my daughter is coughing and since I am not yet 100%, I don't want to sleep over at my friend's house, as she just had a hospital stay and is still recovering. So that was extra cash I had to spend as well. It's all good though - the hotel has a hot tub, so that makes up for the cost. lol

I am really going to miss my guys this weekend, especially since I am not feeling all the way better yet. Thursday night both my kiddos will be in the room, and Saturday my daughter will be with me, but Friday I will be all alone. I hate that, but hey, hot tub!
 
So, I am writing from NY tonight. It was pretty bad weather for part of the drive and we didn't get to the hotel until 10 pm - so no hot tub for me last night. My son and my youngest daughter came with me, and our King suite is very nice.

Today was kinda rough, I'm not gonna lie. I had lunch with my NY BFF for two hours and I miss her dearly. My cold has cleared up only to be replaced by what seems to be settling in as a sinus infection. So, while I was talking to her I had a splitting headache and I really just wanted to die. Ugh. I went back to the hotel room and took 3 Advil, and then grabbed my kids and went to my parents. I told them about marrying PunkRock.

I guess it went okay. My dad said nothing but my mom was kind of wandering on and off topic. She said that my aunt had disowned her oldest daughter because she didn't like her choices, but that she (my mom) wasn't going to do that. She repeated this several times. I kinda felt like she wanted me to thank her and be oh so happy that she would still continue to talk to me. (I didn't thank her.) She went on about my sister not liking my choices and how she talks about how crazy I am all the time. She said no one likes my choices because they are against religion. Like, ISIS is against religion too - they beheaded three children because they wouldn't change their religion. I looked at her and said, "Don't worry mom, I won't cut off your head."

I mean, really?

I took them over to my sister's house for family Christmas. I told my sister & her husband and my brother that I am getting married and there were different reactions. My brother didn't seem to care, he sat on the couch for a while with me and talked seriously about his girlfriend - his announcement was that he got her pregnant. So he has more on his mind than me getting married.

My sister, however, I don't know. Half the time she was going on and on about how I'm nuts and I just need to keep telling myself whatever works, because I'm crazy. Her husband was clearly pissed that it was even being discussed. He told me that he has self-esteem, so he would leave if my sister thought she could have a second guy. Inferring, of course, that my husband doesn't. My sister said to ignore him because it's just that he's Catholic. I asked her if Catholic means to get your girlfriend pregnant and date her for 15 years before getting married. I wanted to ask about how her kids aren't baptized, how they aren't religious in any way at all - EVER - except when discussing my lifestyle choices. But I didn't.

Instead I drank a lot of wine and then ate a lot of food to sober up to drive back to the hotel.

My daughter is sleeping there tonight, with her cousins, and my son went home with my other daughter, so he can see his dad tomorrow. That means I am all alone at the hotel tonight. And it is SO hard. I would rather be home alone than alone at a hotel. I went into the hot tub for 15 minutes, and then I talked to both DarkKnight and PunkRock on the phone and by text. I just want to cry!

It's so very difficult not to have the acceptance of my family. And even harder to come back from that without any comfort or physical reassurance. I just need to snuggle up with one of my guys and have them tell me it's okay, and that they love me.

So not only am I alone in a place that isn't home, it's after a stressful night.

Oh - presents. My sister straight up ignored that PunkRock exists, only buying my husband a gift. I expected that though. My mom wrapped two gifts, but labeled them to "Bluebird & family." I thought that was pretty great. She could not have to straight up mention PunkRock, but it was an acknowledgment that he at least exists, I thought.

Tomorrow I will be up early to go shopping for the Christmas chairity I run - my youngest will be back in the morning to help out with it. I will have a good time, but it'll be an exhausting day. I am going to need a vacation from this trip by the time it is over.
 
Re:
"I looked at her and said, 'Don't worry Mom, I won't cut off your head.'"
Click to expand...

LOLOL. Quote of the day.

Sorry some of your relatives acted silly/stupid about your announcement. At least they didn't all do it, all the time, that's one plus.

Hope you are getting through this trip okay. I'm sure you'll be glad to get home. Hopefully the sickness will have cleared up by then.
 
Well, today was much better for me emotionally. My youngest daughter and I met my friend, who handed over a thick envelope full of cash and all of the Black Friday shopping items she had procured previously. Then, we went shopping!

All in all, about 4 hours worth for 2 disadvantaged families this year. It was lots of fun because it was just my daughter and I, and we were doing good together. :) We bought so much stuff! Tomorrow morning we will be delivering it all. Ugh. Lol

What was fun was that I ran into my older daughter's best friend in Walmart, with her new baby girl. And then the woman who was my checkout person was a Facebook friend I went to school with and hadn't seen since graduation, except for online. So that was awesome. Then, I had to go see another friend to pick up a donation from, who I hadn't talked to for about 6 years, except online. I really love her lots, and I was nervous, but she was absolutely awesome.

In fact, she more than made up for all the misery I felt yesterday - she kept telling me how wonderful I am for all my volunteering, and how terrific it is that I am letting love lead my life. Honestly, she was so happy for me being out as poly - when I told her I was getting married, she just kept hugging me and squealing. It was pretty great, and just the sort of acceptance I needed!

Every single person I saw today was upbeat and loving and completely accepting of me. W00t!

I spent almost 3 hours total working for the charity when I returned to the hotel - sorting the gifts, removing price tags, taking photos, editing the pics and writing captions after uploading them to the group's Facebook page. I was worn out! Still, pretty positive day, and I had fun soaking in the hot tub with my daughter.

My life is pretty great. I just wish my extended family could really see that and accept me truly for who I am.
 
"Every single person I saw today was upbeat and loving and completely accepting of me. W00t!"

That is great! I'm glad you had a day like that, after how difficult yesterday sounded.
 
Things have been wonderful. I returned home to much love and hugs and happiness. I bought Bride and Groom hats and posted a pic announcing the engagement on Facebook. It was late at night, after PunkRock's company Christmas party, so the photos were grainy, but oh well. I am amazed at all the well-wishes. It's interesting to me who has ignored the announcement and who has posted or liked it.

Actually, I changed my relationship status from "Married to DarkKnight" to "Engaged to PunkRockAwesomesauce." That has gotten more comments and likes than anything else, but it's weird because I can't see them! It doesn't show up on my timeline, but I get notifications and can see posts by linking from there. I also posted the photos and said that we were eloping, and that got likes and comments, but not as many, and I CAN see that on my page. I don't understand Facebook sometimes!

I've had some questions about how it works - where we are going, what type of ceremony, etc. No one has been hateful or rude. That said, zero people in my family have said anything online. I would rather that, actually!
 
SMH about Facebook. It's done some weird things in my day, but that may be the weirdest.

One thing about coming out as poly: You sure do learn who your true friends are. Am I right?
 
The last couple of days have been hard. I've just been completely exhausted and tired and can't seem to get caught up on my sleep. My chest has broken out into pimples. Did I mention I was tired?!

This is a boring rant, so it's ok to skip reading.

I was all ugh yesterday. PunkRock and I ran errands - my cell contract was up and the plan was to:

1) shut off my father's phone, which I have been paying on for years
2) switch PunkRock to own the service, because he gets a 20% discount from his work
3) buy myself an iphone 6, since the combo of 1 & 2 would pay for the monthly financed charge
4) give my 4S to PunkRock, since it has more memory
5) give PunkRock's 4S to my daughter for Christmas - she still has a flip phone.

Anyway, straight off the bat, the service rep was a bitch. I didn't like her and she didn't like me. I could tell. She told me she couldn't shut off my father's phone, I'd have to do it online. Only, I couldn't get good 4G service in the store, so after a bit, she told me to download the app. Yeah, um, if I can't load a simple webpage, you think I can download an app?! She then gave me the wifi password, but the app was still taking forever to download. After 15 minutes, she said she'd shut the phone off from her ipad, and did it, in like 2 seconds. I am not exaggerating. I was mega-pissed because we wasted all that time. She said she shouldn't have done it and don't tell anyone. I didn't give a fuck. I wanted my time back.

Then we went to step 2, and she told me that since I had a phone that was already being financed - PunkRock's phone - we couldn't switch everything into his name, because his credit is crap. I really think she didn't want to give us a discount.

I was then told that she could only give me an iphone 6 with 16 GB of memory. I didn't want to pay $25 a month, so we left. On the way out to the car, I wondered about getting a 5C or 5S, so we went back in and then she offered me a 5S with 8 GB of memory for $25. NO. She said if I wanted a 64 GB I would have to wait 2 weeks because they were backordered. Since I wanted to be able to give my daughter a phone for Christmas, this made me even more sour.

Today I went with DarkKnight to lunch, and then to a pawn shop to see if they had any phones. The best I could find was a 4, and that was $179. That was another big NO. And I was peeved because we had to wait 20 minutes to be waited on.

Then we went to the AT&T store near Walmart and that guy was awesome. He didn't have any 64 GB models either, but he suggested I go to BestBuy. So I did, and they had 3 in stock. Not only that, they came with a $50 gift card to the store! So, I bought a Samsung Blu-Ray player with wifi for only $20 after using the card. Pretty sweet. Oh, and DarkKnight paid the $45 taxes/fees for me on the phone, which I didn't at all expect, so I left feeling pretty good.

Still, all the waiting around and seemingly getting next to nothing accomplished had me on edge. I had also gone grocery shopping and the store didn't have everything I wanted, so I had to go to a second store. Things were just a huge pain in the ass, seriously.

Tonight was a book club night and we voted on the books for next year. The coolest was the Brene Brown book about Imperfections was chosen for January. However, Neil Patrick Harris' autobiography was NOT chosen and that left me feeling sour too, even though I had no idea it existed until it was time to vote. lol I drank too much wine and had fun talking with my friends though.

Now I am having my first sleepover with DarkKnight in what seems like forever. He doesn't have to work tonight so I am happy about that. I miss him a lot, but with this sour mood, I am not too horny. I am tired too. Did I mention that? Ha!

Tomorrow I will be going back out to the AT&T store to switch the phones around with PunkRock. He has the day off. Hopefully more of my to-do list will get checked off. I feel like I am not accomplishing much this week. Maybe getting some sleep will help improve my mood.
 
Hey; sorry you had a frustrating day. Gawd I hate cell phones, add an unfriendly service person and it's a nightmare! You survived that bleak adventure, that's the main thing.

May your next week prove more successful.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
Well today was unexpected. DarkKnight and I went to his mother's house today to do Christmas with his sisters. After the gift exchange, his mom asked all the adults to gather in the kitchen. I thought she was going to announce something to do with her boyfriend, but instead, they were apparently staging an intervention.

Yeah, she wanted to know all about our poly, and why DarkKnight was letting it get so far out of hand. She said she didn't understand this, that we didn't have a real marriage, and that I was clearly only with him for a bankroll. Seriously. I was completely thrown for a loop.

DarkKnight's younger sister was ANGRY. She yelled and shouted him down again and again, and told me she had never liked me from the time she first met me. DarkKnight's older sister told is she didn't care what we did, that if DarkKnight was happy, then she didn't have a problem.

Sigh. My MIL's boyfriend was there too and he said he thought what we were doing was wrong, but we were adults so he didn't have anything else to say about it.

My husband was SO angry and so hurt. He rallied though and defended my honor nicely. I am not sure what the point of this was, honestly. I guess they wanted to vent their feelings. When we left, I had so much adrenaline! Ugh.

I guess the result is that we are actually going to try and hang out with DarkKnight's siblings on a regular basis. There is definitely lots of tension between his younger sister and him.

That said, I changed my profile picture yesterday evening to show all 3 of us together and my sister commented that it was wrong and someone would get hurt and it won't work out. I told her I didn't want her opinions since she had never met PunkRock and she was uninformed about poly. Today after DarkKnight's holiday concert, I get home and there are20 different comments from friends, all defending me and my choices and comments about how half of marriages end in divorce, so more than likely I'll not end up alone. One of DarkKnight's cousins actually posted a separate entry, saying that Facebook walls are not a place to question a family's integrity and that she will always respect our choice of love. I was just so surprised to be backed up -especially after such a rough morning.

I have paid the $100 deposit for the ceremony officiant. PunkRock and I have decided which words we want to say to each other and we created our wedding budget. Things are moving forward!
 
Crap, that was a stressful "intervention" to go through. It makes me sad that people have such a difficult time learning how to live and let live. I'm glad that you got a much better showing of moral support later in the day.

This is Polyamory.com, so of course you expect to get support here. But just for the record: You're not doing anything wrong. Heck you're one of the best examples of successful poly life that I know of. Is it even possible that your naysayers are jealous? Who knows.

Keep the ol' chin up; things will probably get better as time goes by.
 
I agree with Kevin, you and your relationship are an inspiration. I'm sorry the family was so harsh on you, though I think my family and Djinn's would both react the same way :( so proud of your men for standing up for you! Good on them!
 
It was definitely difficult. I think to myself - if they only knew PunkRock, they'd see. Or if, they'd only trust that DarkKnight can make his own decisions. I think they still see him as a child, someone who is easily taken advantage of - not the almost 40 year old man that he actually is.

I just keep on, keeping on.

Last night was PunkRock's night with me and we had some amazing sex, but then I was just laying there out-of-sorts, and he graciously swapped nights with DarkKnight. I felt bad for even asking him to go back to his own room, but I really needed to hug and hold on to my husband. DarkKnight and I cuddled and talked and supported each other. This morning PunkRock said both Stormy and Gus spent the night with him, so it was all good. :)

I do think it will get better, eventually. How can it not? This is my life, these are my loves. Some people may be negative toward poly because they are confused by it, or afraid of it, but like any institution or social setup, its core is made up of people - individuals who matter, who have feelings and hopes and dreams. I just have the belief that people can't hate other people all of the time. Eventually others will see that being bigoted isn't right. And the more people come out and step up and say - this is me, I'm poly and I choose to not hide who or how I love - it can only get better.
 
Last edited:
Bluebird said:
Well today was unexpected. DarkKnight and I went to his mother's house today to do Christmas with his sisters. After the gift exchange, his mom asked all the adults to gather in the kitchen. I thought she was going to announce something to do with her boyfriend, but instead, they were apparently staging an intervention.

Yeah, she wanted to know all about our poly, and why DarkKnight was letting it get so far out of hand. She said she didn't understand this, that we didn't have a real marriage, and that I was clearly only with him for a bankroll. Seriously. I was completely thrown for a loop.
Click to expand...

Holy CRAP-SHIT! How did you even react to this?

If anyone in our lives what so incredibly RUDE as this - the three of us would totally be OUT THE DOOR.

I completely understand that a concerned family member might express, privately, concerns as to whether the dynamic was healthy and whether someone was being "forced" into a situation that they didn't like. (My best friend Angel was concerned for MrS when I "came out" to her...but chose to reserve her opinion, other than asking me if MrS was "really OK" with this. Then we went out to visit her and she saw how we all interacted and cared for each other - and her apprehensions were assuaged.)

Bluebird said:
DarkKnight's younger sister was ANGRY. She yelled and shouted him down again and again, and told me she had never liked me from the time she first met me. DarkKnight's older sister told is she didn't care what we did, that if DarkKnight was happy, then she didn't have a problem.

Sigh. My MIL's boyfriend was there too and he said he thought what we were doing was wrong, but we were adults so he didn't have anything else to say about it.
Click to expand...

So at least it wasn't a unanimous condemnation?:rolleyes:

Bluebird said:
My husband was SO angry and so hurt. He rallied though and defended my honor nicely. I am not sure what the point of this was, honestly. I guess they wanted to vent their feelings. When we left, I had so much adrenaline! Ugh.

I guess the result is that we are actually going to try and hang out with DarkKnight's siblings on a regular basis. There is definitely lots of tension between his younger sister and him.
Click to expand...

Good for your husband for standing his ground! It must have been so emotional and exhausting for him. Give him some extra loves and kisses from me for being awesome!

Bluebird said:
...I was just so surprised to be backed up -especially after such a rough morning.
Click to expand...

Treasure this...there ARE decent people in the world who are willing to defend the choices that we make!

Bluebird said:
... he graciously swapped nights with DarkKnight. I felt bad for even asking him to go back to his own room, but I really needed to hug and hold on to my husband. DarkKnight and I cuddled and talked and supported each other. This morning PunkRock said both Stormy and Gus spent the night with him, so it was all good. :)
Click to expand...

Also extra loves and kisses to PunkRock for recognizing that you and DarkKnight needed some extra support after THAT ordeal! (Aside: I think he REALLY likes you :D)

Bluebird said:
I do think it will get better, eventually. How can it not? This is my life, these are my loves. Some people may be negative toward poly because they are confused by it, or afraid of it, but like any institution or social setup, its core is made up of people - individuals who matter, who have feelings and hopes and dreams. I just have the belief that people can't hate other people all of the time. Eventually others will see that being bigoted isn't right. And the more people come out and step up and say - this is me, I'm poly and I choose to not hide who or how I love - it can only get better.
Click to expand...

It will get better. Or, we choose to pare the nay-sayers from our lives. More love, more happy, more better! Some people thrive on misery - I would choose to not associate with them. Enough inadvertent misery exists in this world - no need to create more.

JaneQ
 
Well, we decided to take it as if they really are showing concern and care, even if that doesn't turn out to be the case. This is DarkKnight's family, and he wants to try. That is his decision to make. I believe a lot of nerves are raw still, from his father's passing.

Today, he sent his sisters and his mom a link to the morethantwo.com FAQ page, asked them to read it and respond if they had any questions. Not sure if they will have anything to say. *shrugs* He also invited everyone over for 2 hours on Christmas Eve, for our annual finger foods buffet. They haven't been to our house all year because of our poly living situation, so if they show up, they will be meeting PunkRock for the first time.

Honestly, I would be shocked if they show. Older sis, maybe. DarkKnight asked for a RSVP, so we will see.

How did I react? lol By freezing in disbelief! I just tried to stay calm and respect the people at the table, in spite of the fact that some of their comments were extremely terrible and disparaging of me. I tried to keep in mind that they love DarkKnight and were trying to do what is best for him. I felt it was up to DarkKnight to speak to a lot of things, as the questions were aimed at him.

At one point his younger sister asked whose crazy idea this was, and when he replied "MINE." They both physically rocked back in their chairs, stunned. This is when the table got quiet. Everyone said they didn't know that, and it seemed to cause a shift. I think it made it less something I was doing to DarkKnight, I guess.

My thoughts now are that we will take DarkKnight's younger sister's statements at face value. She says she wants a closer relationship and wants to get together at least once a month. I am going to facilitate scheduling and see how it goes. I am no longer going to not mention PunkRock when in mixed company. If they come here, he will be here. We will see how it goes. If there is rudeness, I am done. I hope it works out, I truly do.

PunkRock isn't overly enthusiastic about meeting DarkKnight's family, and I don't really blame him. However, he seems willing to go along with it for our sakes.

I am so fucking lucky to have these guys in my life. I am very, very cognizant of that fact!
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top