Hi everyone.
I posted this as an introduction and Leetah told me to post it here, if I was looking for some feedback. And I am, as I don´t really have a lot of people to talk about poly and sometimes talking about it with my mono friends just make my insecurities (probably because of socialization, still fighting to drop them!) grow stronger...
I'm C., 33, this is my first official poly/open relationship, although I now can see I've been poly - and struggling with my feelings that I "have to" only love one at a time - since I was 11.
A., 35, and I have been in an open relationship for 1,5 years now. We get along very well. It was clear to us, before we met, we don´t want/can´t do mono, so we already started as an open relationship - this being the first open relationship for both of us. We talk about stuff, tell each other when we have sex with someone else or a potential partner is there.
A. is not jealous or insecure at all, so he supports me much more than I do - even though I´m happy for him, I still get insecure and jealous sometimes. Jealousy has been better, but I still struggle with insecurity when there´s someone new. Till now, it was only a few sex dates, but not really anything going into poly territory.
Besides S.. We´ve known each other for 11 years, but for the last 2,5 years we´ve been seeing each other and having amazing time together, including sex, every now and then. It is a long distance relationship, if I can call it that, but we are always in contact and meet each other whenever we can - that´s just not very often, as he lives in the US and I live in Germany. We have a deep connection, A. knows about him and I just met him for a couple of days now in May. My friend S. knows about A. as well.
So, A. met someone new a couple of weeks ago, they had sex. This woman is not poly. Not willing to be, as she already tried an open relationship and it didn´t worked out for her. She says, it´s not her "thing". To complicate things a bit more, she is in a monogamous relationship with a boyfriend she lives with and both of them are not willing to open the relationship. She is also not comfortable with knowing that A.´s poly and is been in a primary relationship with me for 1,5 years. She lives in Italy, but A. and her have been making plans to meet soon. He going to Italy, then she will be in Germany, he would go down to see her.
The whole situation makes me so insecure. A. states me I have nothing to worry about, both relationships are detached from each other (that´s also something I don´t really believe in, I think we do interact in some way and in my "perfect poly world" I would like to interact with his partners - not necessarily sexually, even though we already have had a threesome). He reassures me: he doesn´t want to replace me nor will he leave me for her.
I guess I just really feel bad for her boyfriend - I know it´s not my relationship, but it kinda collides with one of the reasons why poly is right for me: being honest, respecting your partner. And I don´t think cheating is any of this. It kinda disappoints me that A. does it.
Also, A. doesn´t give me much details, I only know the new woman V. says she can´t do poly and won´t leave her partner. A. already told her, he won´t go for mono.
So, it´s pretty clear to me, there are way to many red flags in this situation, still he seems to be putting so much effort on it (I also tend to think things are "worst" then they actually are). From my past relationships and cheating, I´m afraid she might just want to meet him again to dump her boyfriend and try to get him to dump me and be monogamous. I don´t really know. I´m afraid that she is going to bring much negative energy in our relationship, but I can´t really discuss it with A. as he is always like "that´s not your relationship, those are not your problems, just leave it alone, be cool".
It´s clear to me now I might not have a concrete question... Sorry about that. But I guess it´s more about the cheating and if anyone have ever been in a situation like that. Any new thoughts would be highly appreciated.
Thanks so much and sorry for the huge first post.
I posted this as an introduction and Leetah told me to post it here, if I was looking for some feedback. And I am, as I don´t really have a lot of people to talk about poly and sometimes talking about it with my mono friends just make my insecurities (probably because of socialization, still fighting to drop them!) grow stronger...
I'm C., 33, this is my first official poly/open relationship, although I now can see I've been poly - and struggling with my feelings that I "have to" only love one at a time - since I was 11.
A., 35, and I have been in an open relationship for 1,5 years now. We get along very well. It was clear to us, before we met, we don´t want/can´t do mono, so we already started as an open relationship - this being the first open relationship for both of us. We talk about stuff, tell each other when we have sex with someone else or a potential partner is there.
A. is not jealous or insecure at all, so he supports me much more than I do - even though I´m happy for him, I still get insecure and jealous sometimes. Jealousy has been better, but I still struggle with insecurity when there´s someone new. Till now, it was only a few sex dates, but not really anything going into poly territory.
Besides S.. We´ve known each other for 11 years, but for the last 2,5 years we´ve been seeing each other and having amazing time together, including sex, every now and then. It is a long distance relationship, if I can call it that, but we are always in contact and meet each other whenever we can - that´s just not very often, as he lives in the US and I live in Germany. We have a deep connection, A. knows about him and I just met him for a couple of days now in May. My friend S. knows about A. as well.
So, A. met someone new a couple of weeks ago, they had sex. This woman is not poly. Not willing to be, as she already tried an open relationship and it didn´t worked out for her. She says, it´s not her "thing". To complicate things a bit more, she is in a monogamous relationship with a boyfriend she lives with and both of them are not willing to open the relationship. She is also not comfortable with knowing that A.´s poly and is been in a primary relationship with me for 1,5 years. She lives in Italy, but A. and her have been making plans to meet soon. He going to Italy, then she will be in Germany, he would go down to see her.
The whole situation makes me so insecure. A. states me I have nothing to worry about, both relationships are detached from each other (that´s also something I don´t really believe in, I think we do interact in some way and in my "perfect poly world" I would like to interact with his partners - not necessarily sexually, even though we already have had a threesome). He reassures me: he doesn´t want to replace me nor will he leave me for her.
I guess I just really feel bad for her boyfriend - I know it´s not my relationship, but it kinda collides with one of the reasons why poly is right for me: being honest, respecting your partner. And I don´t think cheating is any of this. It kinda disappoints me that A. does it.
Also, A. doesn´t give me much details, I only know the new woman V. says she can´t do poly and won´t leave her partner. A. already told her, he won´t go for mono.
So, it´s pretty clear to me, there are way to many red flags in this situation, still he seems to be putting so much effort on it (I also tend to think things are "worst" then they actually are). From my past relationships and cheating, I´m afraid she might just want to meet him again to dump her boyfriend and try to get him to dump me and be monogamous. I don´t really know. I´m afraid that she is going to bring much negative energy in our relationship, but I can´t really discuss it with A. as he is always like "that´s not your relationship, those are not your problems, just leave it alone, be cool".
It´s clear to me now I might not have a concrete question... Sorry about that. But I guess it´s more about the cheating and if anyone have ever been in a situation like that. Any new thoughts would be highly appreciated.
Thanks so much and sorry for the huge first post.