Any Dom that decided to take me on would have to at least tolerate brattiness, if not actually enjoy it. One of the reasons I gear toward being submissive is because it's sometimes the only way I can let go of trying to control everything with my partner, but even so, sometimes the "Don't tell me what to do" leaks through.
BDSM discussion
- Thread starter LovingRadiance
- Start date
vinsanity0
Active member
Brattiness used to be a big thing, along with SAMs (Smart Assed Masochists) as a reason to get "punished." Personally, I find it annoying as a "thing," in and of itself. At the same time, I have never been interested in a robot, so a little defiance isn't always a bad thing.
I did have a sub in a LDR who came across as very bratty... until we met. Ahhh, memories.
I did have a sub in a LDR who came across as very bratty... until we met. Ahhh, memories.
AnnabelMore
Active member
I never thought I would be into a bratty sub. Then I fell in love with one. <3
I wouldn't be bratty intentionally to seek "punishment" or whatever. I just have a smartass personality, and I tend to rebel against being told what to do. It's entirely possible that I wouldn't be like that with a Dom; my only experience is with Hubby "playing Dom," and with him I did sometimes get bratty or oppositional. Then again, sometimes he got on my nerves because I could tell he wasn't even remotely into what we were doing, and he had this smarmy attitude about it.
Sometimes a little brattiness with a Dom you trust can be a fun thing. I've done that a little with the new guy I've been seeing. For example: Normally I am very obedient, but he is playful enough I can get away with a little brattiness just to tease him. One time we were getting warmed up for a 2nd session in the course of a date, and he pointed to the bedroom, "Get in there." Of course, I was more than willing, but I said, pretending reluctance, "If I have to...!" And he was all, "What???" *spank* So I immediately said, "As it pleases you, Sir!" and ran ahead of him like a good girl, him getting a couple more swats in down the hallway. lol Love that guy.
thequickbrownfox
New member
BDSM is very emotional and physically exhaustig. My wife has two DOM's in her life. We either have to "play" with her together or take turns. Your mind and body can only take so much. It will be very important that everyone knows their limits.
So I'm trying to figure things out... And I'm on Fet but only have one "friend" (Woody) on there, and still only belong to a couple of groups. I'm not sure I'm getting anything out of it beyond having one more site to check out when I'm bored...
However, as to kink... Woody and Bouncer both have them. Bouncer shares my exhibitionism kink, so we've played with that a little. He gets dominant at times too, and if I see him again I'm going to have to talk to him about that. I had a full discussion with him at the beginning about my triggers and limits, but last time we were together he pushed where I wasn't okay with being pushed. He didn't know he'd pushed me too far; I didn't speak up, just went with it, but I need to make sure he understands not to do it again.
Woody... I'm having a difficult time with him, because while I feel safe with him and trust him sexually (which is hella-rare for me), I'm having trouble expressing to him why some things that he wants aren't going to work.
The first night things became no longer platonic, he told me he wanted to push my comfort zones, and I gave consent for that. I did my usual "You have blanket consent to do or ask for whatever, and if I am not okay with it, I promise to speak up."
We didn't really talk about limits or anything, though. To be fair, he tried, but the way he phrased his question confused me, and when he finally clarified what he wanted to know, my brain went completely blank. He tried orgasm control once things got going, and I stopped him to inform him that's one of my hard limits, but other than that and my triggers, I've only had a chance to tell him my safe word. It seems like we don't have time to talk, because what tends to happen is we spend a few hours with other people, then go to his bedroom and things progress pretty quickly. I don't feel like I can interrupt the flow to say, "Hey, we need to talk about this issue," at that point.
(Starting second post)
However, as to kink... Woody and Bouncer both have them. Bouncer shares my exhibitionism kink, so we've played with that a little. He gets dominant at times too, and if I see him again I'm going to have to talk to him about that. I had a full discussion with him at the beginning about my triggers and limits, but last time we were together he pushed where I wasn't okay with being pushed. He didn't know he'd pushed me too far; I didn't speak up, just went with it, but I need to make sure he understands not to do it again.
Woody... I'm having a difficult time with him, because while I feel safe with him and trust him sexually (which is hella-rare for me), I'm having trouble expressing to him why some things that he wants aren't going to work.
The first night things became no longer platonic, he told me he wanted to push my comfort zones, and I gave consent for that. I did my usual "You have blanket consent to do or ask for whatever, and if I am not okay with it, I promise to speak up."
We didn't really talk about limits or anything, though. To be fair, he tried, but the way he phrased his question confused me, and when he finally clarified what he wanted to know, my brain went completely blank. He tried orgasm control once things got going, and I stopped him to inform him that's one of my hard limits, but other than that and my triggers, I've only had a chance to tell him my safe word. It seems like we don't have time to talk, because what tends to happen is we spend a few hours with other people, then go to his bedroom and things progress pretty quickly. I don't feel like I can interrupt the flow to say, "Hey, we need to talk about this issue," at that point.
(Starting second post)
Something about Woody sends me so far into sub mode that I end up pretty much unable to do or say anything unless he asks/tells me to. I brought that up yesterday and he doesn't really understand why I'm having the problem. He thinks telling me "It's okay to stop things to talk to me, and I want you to touch me and ask for or do what *you* want" is going to push me past whatever's blocking me... and it isn't.
He wants me to "just do or ask for"... I'm usually not *ever* comfortable with any partner to do that, regardless of how long I've known them. There's a small component of worrying that he'll judge me. There's my usual mental glitch of "I can't do things to him without knowing if he's okay with it, and I can't know if he's okay with it without asking, but I'm afraid to ask," and there's the aforementioned issue with *feeling* like I can't do or say anything unless he tells me to. Yes, he is telling me to act or ask... but he's telling me during fully-clothed, equal-footing conversations, and it isn't carrying over to the naked times. As for the "mental glitch," it's a glitch because while I somewhat recognize that him telling me to act or ask *is* a form of consent, I don't process it as such.
Then the touching while he's sleeping thing. He told me he used to have a sub who would wake him by being playful in a "kittenish" way, like tapping him the way a cat would with their paw and then making kitten noises when he woke up. He said he liked that, with the implication he would like *me* to do it. Sorry, but that's a case of "your kink is not my kink." Just thinking about that makes me feel icky. The thought of *doing* it makes me feel sick to my stomach.
Aside from that, he wants me to "feel free" to touch him when he's sleeping. I don't touch sleeping men, ever. Even with S2, who's the only partner I've been able to fall asleep with while we were touching, once he was asleep I couldn't touch him. That's a blast from my kids' father; if I even accidentally bumped him by rolling over in my sleep, he would go ballistic. I learned with him to curl up on my side right on the edge of the bed and not move at all during the night. I'm not quite that bad now, but I still flinch if I accidentally bump someone I'm sharing a bed with, and the thought of touching them deliberately while they're sleeping terrifies me.
Then there's the guided imagery thing. The first night, he asked me what my fantasies were. I said I didn't have an answer to that. He pushed the point, and I told him it was very difficult for me to give him an answer, to which he said thank you for telling him it was difficult and then dropped the subject. Thankfully. I fantasize in pictures, which are difficult for me to translate into words, and-- I'm not in my fantasies. Not at all, not ever. I fantasize like I'm watching a movie or reading a story. But with him, I'm apparently supposed to be part of the fantasy, and that makes me feel all kinds of uncomfortable, especially if I then have to say what it is. He also keeps getting me into a trance state and then asking me questions about the setting or whatever... it's like, you're the guide here, why do *I* have to set the scene? Plus by that point I'm pretty much entirely in "awaiting input" mode; if you even asked me my name I wouldn't be able to answer.
Then yesterday he said something about "other subs I've trained," and I have no clue whether the "other" means I'm a sub he's training, because again, this whole thing has not been discussed thoroughly enough. I need things spelled out clearly and concretely.
And complicating everything is the fear that if I don't or can't do what he wants, he's going to be done with me pretty quickly, and I'm pretty sure I can't do what he wants. He's definitely pushing my comfort zones... but he's pushing ones I'm not sure I'm okay with having pushed, and the lack of communication is not helping matters.
He wants me to "just do or ask for"... I'm usually not *ever* comfortable with any partner to do that, regardless of how long I've known them. There's a small component of worrying that he'll judge me. There's my usual mental glitch of "I can't do things to him without knowing if he's okay with it, and I can't know if he's okay with it without asking, but I'm afraid to ask," and there's the aforementioned issue with *feeling* like I can't do or say anything unless he tells me to. Yes, he is telling me to act or ask... but he's telling me during fully-clothed, equal-footing conversations, and it isn't carrying over to the naked times. As for the "mental glitch," it's a glitch because while I somewhat recognize that him telling me to act or ask *is* a form of consent, I don't process it as such.
Then the touching while he's sleeping thing. He told me he used to have a sub who would wake him by being playful in a "kittenish" way, like tapping him the way a cat would with their paw and then making kitten noises when he woke up. He said he liked that, with the implication he would like *me* to do it. Sorry, but that's a case of "your kink is not my kink." Just thinking about that makes me feel icky. The thought of *doing* it makes me feel sick to my stomach.
Aside from that, he wants me to "feel free" to touch him when he's sleeping. I don't touch sleeping men, ever. Even with S2, who's the only partner I've been able to fall asleep with while we were touching, once he was asleep I couldn't touch him. That's a blast from my kids' father; if I even accidentally bumped him by rolling over in my sleep, he would go ballistic. I learned with him to curl up on my side right on the edge of the bed and not move at all during the night. I'm not quite that bad now, but I still flinch if I accidentally bump someone I'm sharing a bed with, and the thought of touching them deliberately while they're sleeping terrifies me.
Then there's the guided imagery thing. The first night, he asked me what my fantasies were. I said I didn't have an answer to that. He pushed the point, and I told him it was very difficult for me to give him an answer, to which he said thank you for telling him it was difficult and then dropped the subject. Thankfully. I fantasize in pictures, which are difficult for me to translate into words, and-- I'm not in my fantasies. Not at all, not ever. I fantasize like I'm watching a movie or reading a story. But with him, I'm apparently supposed to be part of the fantasy, and that makes me feel all kinds of uncomfortable, especially if I then have to say what it is. He also keeps getting me into a trance state and then asking me questions about the setting or whatever... it's like, you're the guide here, why do *I* have to set the scene? Plus by that point I'm pretty much entirely in "awaiting input" mode; if you even asked me my name I wouldn't be able to answer.
Then yesterday he said something about "other subs I've trained," and I have no clue whether the "other" means I'm a sub he's training, because again, this whole thing has not been discussed thoroughly enough. I need things spelled out clearly and concretely.
And complicating everything is the fear that if I don't or can't do what he wants, he's going to be done with me pretty quickly, and I'm pretty sure I can't do what he wants. He's definitely pushing my comfort zones... but he's pushing ones I'm not sure I'm okay with having pushed, and the lack of communication is not helping matters.
Last edited:
vinsanity0
Active member
I don't think I have to tell you that communication is key. I suggest you forego some sexy time to have a real discussion. You have some very complex issues and Woody needs to know about them. He sounds like a good guy. He is trying to get a feel for what you'd like. Being a Dom isn't all about doing only what you like with no regard to what the sub likes.
I once had a sub who did not tell me that pulling her hair was a trigger. It would have been a simple thing for her to mention it. Instead she did a total freak out when I pulled her hair. It took me a long while to trust her again. Yes, a Dom has to trust their sub. We have to trust them to fully indicate their needs and boundaries. You really need to push through and be open about everything. You do an awesome job of articulating here. Maybe you could ask if you could write down stuff and email it to him?
Lastly, try not to worry about being judged. He probably has the same worries. I know I do and it would be even more difficult with someone who is inexperienced. Once you open up it will be easier for you both. Have fun with it.
I once had a sub who did not tell me that pulling her hair was a trigger. It would have been a simple thing for her to mention it. Instead she did a total freak out when I pulled her hair. It took me a long while to trust her again. Yes, a Dom has to trust their sub. We have to trust them to fully indicate their needs and boundaries. You really need to push through and be open about everything. You do an awesome job of articulating here. Maybe you could ask if you could write down stuff and email it to him?
Lastly, try not to worry about being judged. He probably has the same worries. I know I do and it would be even more difficult with someone who is inexperienced. Once you open up it will be easier for you both. Have fun with it.
That's the plan. The problem with forgoing the sexy times has been that Woody doesn't initiate any discussions of boundaries, limits, or anything else. Plus, most of the time that we're together, other people are around. The sexy times happen in his room, privately. But like I said, once we get there he usually gets started right away, and I lack the confidence to tell him we need to talk before anything happens. I also can't help thinking that as the one with far more kink and poly experience, *he* should be the one initiating discussions of limits and such. Not to say I don't have any responsibility, but I think he has more than I do.
It's funny you mention email, because as I said in my blog, I sent him an email yesterday about these issues with the request that he read the email and then we discuss it tomorrow when I'm with him. (He responded this morning with "Bring crib notes tomorrow, LOL") And as part of that discussion, I plan to bring up the lack of communication. That's been a problem from the start, partly lack and partly a difference in communication style and semantics. I don't mind a semantics debate, as you know,
but when his phrasing and word usage leads to me not understanding what he's saying or asking, it's a pretty big problem.
I do know that trust is a two-way street between Dom and sub, as it is between any partners. The couple of times during "sexy times" when he's hit a hard limit of mine, I've stopped him and told him it was a hard limit; I haven't gotten upset or anything, I've just said "Wait a minute, that's a hard limit", and everything's been fine. The things I posted about here, though, affect our overall interactions, whereas the things I've stopped him to tell him about were specific at-that-moment things.
My fear of judgment is *fear*, completely irrational and illogical, and I know it. But I've been judged more than enough in my life, so it's a fear with basis in reality, even though I know *Woody* isn't likely to judge me. I'm not sure he's afraid of being judged; he's been doing this for at least a couple of decades, and says he's worked with new subs in the past. But maybe he is worried about it and just covers it better than I do.
It's funny you mention email, because as I said in my blog, I sent him an email yesterday about these issues with the request that he read the email and then we discuss it tomorrow when I'm with him. (He responded this morning with "Bring crib notes tomorrow, LOL") And as part of that discussion, I plan to bring up the lack of communication. That's been a problem from the start, partly lack and partly a difference in communication style and semantics. I don't mind a semantics debate, as you know,
but when his phrasing and word usage leads to me not understanding what he's saying or asking, it's a pretty big problem.I do know that trust is a two-way street between Dom and sub, as it is between any partners. The couple of times during "sexy times" when he's hit a hard limit of mine, I've stopped him and told him it was a hard limit; I haven't gotten upset or anything, I've just said "Wait a minute, that's a hard limit", and everything's been fine. The things I posted about here, though, affect our overall interactions, whereas the things I've stopped him to tell him about were specific at-that-moment things.
My fear of judgment is *fear*, completely irrational and illogical, and I know it. But I've been judged more than enough in my life, so it's a fear with basis in reality, even though I know *Woody* isn't likely to judge me. I'm not sure he's afraid of being judged; he's been doing this for at least a couple of decades, and says he's worked with new subs in the past. But maybe he is worried about it and just covers it better than I do.
Hello,
I can pretty much recognize some of these "issues" from my early days with my dom. I didn't have them as strongly as you do, but nevertheless I recognize those feelings and I can tell you my opinion and experience.
Overall, I think they are pretty normal feelings in the beginning, though not all of them are entirely healthy, and that they will lessen over time.
(That is, if you stay together. I just read your blog, sorry. I'll write on anyway, because you may have the same with other partners.)
. I'd say enjoy while your relationship is new.
Try to communicate after the scene (why not send him an email the next day, highlighting mainly the positives, so that he knows next time?) Also he will learn to know you better and read better. Ask him to check in with simple questions during play. Try to be expressive nonverbally, so that he can read you.
But this is important input to him. Dominance is really difficult, and finding the submissive's triggers for arousal is hard if they can't tell you. Watching pictures together may help, with simple Do you like this? questions, when all you have to do is nod your head.
I can pretty much recognize some of these "issues" from my early days with my dom. I didn't have them as strongly as you do, but nevertheless I recognize those feelings and I can tell you my opinion and experience.
Overall, I think they are pretty normal feelings in the beginning, though not all of them are entirely healthy, and that they will lessen over time.
(That is, if you stay together. I just read your blog, sorry. I'll write on anyway, because you may have the same with other partners.)
Okey, subspace is desired, but if it hinders communication all the time that is wrong. I guess this is your work. Do some soul searching to find out where the block is. My guess is that it is partly fear, partly your own fantasies, desires and illusions about The Great Dominant Who Knows Everything and leads you with no hesitation to a brighter future
. I'd say enjoy while your relationship is new.Try to communicate after the scene (why not send him an email the next day, highlighting mainly the positives, so that he knows next time?) Also he will learn to know you better and read better. Ask him to check in with simple questions during play. Try to be expressive nonverbally, so that he can read you.
To ask for is an act of self love. And it need not be pushing. Your partner is not obligated to follow, especially a dominant one, if he isn't happy to. Also, you can ask in very seductive, way which will help his arousal.
I'd suggest if you want to change it, just try. Several times. You don't even have to touch him at first, just "touch" his intimate space from a few cm distance.
Yeah. Again, you will probably get more comfortable with time, when you know better what you like and what you don't. I didn't know my fantasies two years ago.
But this is important input to him. Dominance is really difficult, and finding the submissive's triggers for arousal is hard if they can't tell you. Watching pictures together may help, with simple Do you like this? questions, when all you have to do is nod your head.
Number one about The Great Dominant Who Knows Everything. It is one of your fantasies you couldn't admit before, but which you want him to fulfill, right? Something like please be in charge, please set the entire scenario for me, please be more dominant then you are.
I think this are pretty reasonable areas to explore, I encourage you to try. They lead to self awareness and self actualization. Nevertheless, ask him to slow down. There is all the time in the world.
I don't know that I'd consider any of it "scenes". We go to his room, get into bed, cuddle for a bit, and then he starts fondling me while he starts speaking whatever guided imagery thing he's doing. There isn't any play. It's more like normal sex only he's talking during it, and I'm more dissociated than I usually try to be. (Dissociating during sex has historically been a problem for me because of my past; for a long time, the only way I could have sex at all was to not be mentally present during it. I don't have that problem as much anymore, mostly only when I'm having other mental health issues, or something has triggered me, but with the guided imagery, dissociating seems to be a useful thing, because it puts me in the trance state needed for the imagery to work.)
The communication block had nothing to do with illusions or fantasies about Doms, because I don't have any of those; I've done the research even if I haven't had the experience. It was entirely fear, plus just being in a headspace where some aspect of me felt like speaking was WRONG. I've talked that through with Woody and explained the problem to him, so he's gotten better now about talking with me before naked things start happening, and about checking in with me if he notices something that makes him think I have something I need to say. Even though I realize Doms don't know everything, though, he has a ton more experience as a Dom than I have as a sub, so it would be to both our benefit if he wasn't expecting me to tell him how it works, and that seems to be what he's expecting.
As for the guided imagery, as I posted in my blog a week or so ago, I generated a list of red, yellow, green kinks and shared it with Woody. I told him anything on the yellow and green lists is fair game for the imagery, so that's been working. Looking at pictures or watching porn or whatever wouldn't have worked, because I despise that kind of thing; it makes me feel like a creepy perverted piece of shit to watch anyone doing anything sexual, whether in person (and yes, I have had that experience, and felt sick about it) or on film.
I can't ask in a seductive way, because seductiveness is not one of my attributes. I don't know how to behave or speak in a seductive way. Never have, and given that I still sometimes have trouble believing it's okay for me to *want* sex, I'm not particularly inclined to try to persuade my partner to want it, which to me is what seduction is.
The other morning, after spending the night at his place, I did manage to wake him by spooning against him, and he said he was very happy that I did so.
The communication block had nothing to do with illusions or fantasies about Doms, because I don't have any of those; I've done the research even if I haven't had the experience. It was entirely fear, plus just being in a headspace where some aspect of me felt like speaking was WRONG. I've talked that through with Woody and explained the problem to him, so he's gotten better now about talking with me before naked things start happening, and about checking in with me if he notices something that makes him think I have something I need to say. Even though I realize Doms don't know everything, though, he has a ton more experience as a Dom than I have as a sub, so it would be to both our benefit if he wasn't expecting me to tell him how it works, and that seems to be what he's expecting.
As for the guided imagery, as I posted in my blog a week or so ago, I generated a list of red, yellow, green kinks and shared it with Woody. I told him anything on the yellow and green lists is fair game for the imagery, so that's been working. Looking at pictures or watching porn or whatever wouldn't have worked, because I despise that kind of thing; it makes me feel like a creepy perverted piece of shit to watch anyone doing anything sexual, whether in person (and yes, I have had that experience, and felt sick about it) or on film.
I can't ask in a seductive way, because seductiveness is not one of my attributes. I don't know how to behave or speak in a seductive way. Never have, and given that I still sometimes have trouble believing it's okay for me to *want* sex, I'm not particularly inclined to try to persuade my partner to want it, which to me is what seduction is.
The other morning, after spending the night at his place, I did manage to wake him by spooning against him, and he said he was very happy that I did so.
Yay for spooning!
Don't let your idiot ex h destroy touching and cuddling in bed for you for the rest of your life.
I have a friend who was emotionally abused by family members. For her, the winter holidays are extremely uncomfortable, since her parents and siblings have basically disowned her and she can't go home for the holidays. She is seeking therapy specifically for that now. She is 50 and has 30 good years of winter holidays left to her to enjoy with chosen family/friends.
Don't let your idiot ex h destroy touching and cuddling in bed for you for the rest of your life.
I have a friend who was emotionally abused by family members. For her, the winter holidays are extremely uncomfortable, since her parents and siblings have basically disowned her and she can't go home for the holidays. She is seeking therapy specifically for that now. She is 50 and has 30 good years of winter holidays left to her to enjoy with chosen family/friends.
I don't mind touching or cuddling in bed when my partner and I are both awake. I don't really want to touch my partner when he's sleeping, and I just plain can't fall asleep if my partner and I are touching. I've been trying with Woody, but can't relax enough, and if I haven't managed it in seven and a half years with Hubby, I don't think I'm ever going to.
One of the things I miss most about S2 is that I *could* fall asleep spooning with him or lying in his arms with my head on his chest. With him, I sometimes had trouble staying *awake*.
One of the things I miss most about S2 is that I *could* fall asleep spooning with him or lying in his arms with my head on his chest. With him, I sometimes had trouble staying *awake*.
It probably was more a matter of me not explaining well than of you misunderstanding. That often happens... *I* know what I mean but don't express it clearly. Though also, some of the things in the post you responded to had since been resolved but I hadn't thought to post an update here.
The "asking in a seductive way" bit has me getting tripped up, though... I realized after responding to that bit that I don't even really know what "in a seductive way" would mean. Tone of voice? Actions while I'm asking? What does seductive sound like? What am I supposed to be doing?
These are the thoughts that race through my brain on the tail end of an anxiety/depression period, but legitimate questions. I'm not capable of being seductive because I still get afraid my partner will judge me if I express wanting sex, let alone try to get him in the mood for it, and I don't even really understand what "seductive" is...
On a related subject, Woody's most frequent guided imagery with me, done because he knows it feeds into a couple of my kinks, is me being at a BDSM club being "tested" to see whether I can be one of the "stars of the show" as he puts it.; i.e. having other men undress me, fondle me, and fuck me in front of a group of people while my Dom watches and expresses his approval. And one of Woody's most frequent comments during that imagery is "You're insatiable, you're amazing, and everyone loves what you do", and he's said that if I would be interested in being with another man (or men) while he watches and maybe joins in, he would be willing to try to make it happen, having done so for one of his previous subs. So obviously *he* isn't going to judge me for wanting sex or doing anything sexual. It's purely bullshit from my past that's been stuck in my head for decades that prevents me.
The "asking in a seductive way" bit has me getting tripped up, though... I realized after responding to that bit that I don't even really know what "in a seductive way" would mean. Tone of voice? Actions while I'm asking? What does seductive sound like? What am I supposed to be doing?
These are the thoughts that race through my brain on the tail end of an anxiety/depression period, but legitimate questions. I'm not capable of being seductive because I still get afraid my partner will judge me if I express wanting sex, let alone try to get him in the mood for it, and I don't even really understand what "seductive" is...
On a related subject, Woody's most frequent guided imagery with me, done because he knows it feeds into a couple of my kinks, is me being at a BDSM club being "tested" to see whether I can be one of the "stars of the show" as he puts it.; i.e. having other men undress me, fondle me, and fuck me in front of a group of people while my Dom watches and expresses his approval. And one of Woody's most frequent comments during that imagery is "You're insatiable, you're amazing, and everyone loves what you do", and he's said that if I would be interested in being with another man (or men) while he watches and maybe joins in, he would be willing to try to make it happen, having done so for one of his previous subs. So obviously *he* isn't going to judge me for wanting sex or doing anything sexual. It's purely bullshit from my past that's been stuck in my head for decades that prevents me.
Hannahfluke
Member
I so relate to this, I am never sure what seductive is either. My husband has complained about the fact that I'm so straight forward if we've gone into our room to have sex, I'll just strip before getting into bed, because in my mind it's easier than trying to undress while horizontal. He thinks it adds to the foreplay for your partner to help take clothing off bit by bit. Just an example of how I don't understand seduction, that makes little sense to me.
I think my version of being seductive with my Dom (who isn't my husband) is to ask for things in more vulgar terms than I usually use, since it seems part of his kink is having me act more slutty when interacting with him. For instance, last time we were together, it didn't seem like we were likely to have sex that night, which I really wanted. So I looked up at him from the movie we were watching and asked "I'd really like you to f*** me tonight, what do I need to do for you to make that happen?" He seemed to like that approach.
I just had the thought that what's seductive varies depending on who you are interacting with also. While my dom seemed to find that sentence seductive, I think my husband would not. No wonder I have such problems with it, I do better with things I don't understand if I can figure out the logic behind it, and with this the logic behind it changes depending on the person.