Talking it out

Okay, so my big plan of being terrible to Boy didn't happen. The next morning I put on my big girl panties and talked to him about my negative reaction. I reiterated that it's his life and he can make his own choices, but it makes me very uncomfortable that he would see someone that is so against our relationship. He explained WHY he hadn't told me about hanging out with her again until he did and agreed that while he has made progress, he as a ways to go to really be on top of the communication stuff.

Overall, he's again decided he shouldn't see her (even before I added my opinion) because she claimed to want to know more about polyamory then just kept pushing monogamy once she had him in person. I told him just to warn me if he even thinks he might possibly maybe someday see her in person again so I can prepare myself.

Unfortunately, his housemate is ill so we probably won't see each other for almost a week anyway. I'm frustrated that my last chance to see him was taken up by plans with someone that he doesn't even want in his life now. :( He won't expose me to germs, and then Hubby and I need to do some life-planning stuff. Looking at homes, going through our bills and setting our budget for the next year, that sort of thing. Boo.
 
Christmas is soooo soon! I still need to do my wrapping! Ugh!

Hubby is all excited to celebrate our last kid-free Christmas. We have tickets to see the new Star Wars, he has all the stuff for his traditional Christmas dinner, and apparently he got me some awesome gifts without even looking at my list. :p I feel like he and I have been in a really good place.

Boy was being all weird about coming over until I went to buy the tickets. Then suddenly he was all ready to commit. Silly man. I'm glad he's coming, though. Last year he made a big to-do about it being our first Christmas spent together, and all year he's been off-and-on emphasizing how careful he's being about who he gets involved with because he knows how important these family style holidays are to me. He only wants to get involved with someone who either already has her own stuff going on and won't mind him spending the time with me (I request a day NEAR Thanksgiving whenever we choose to celebrate and then Christmas day itself). I think it's pretty sweet. I did encourage him to visit family if he could, but the weather has been so iffy that he wouldn't have been able to plan it ahead of time. I'll feel bad if it turns out he could have went, but he says he wants to spend the day with me/us so I'm going to trust it. Hubby is excited, too, because he feels like we've really started building a family.

Overall, I'm very happy right now. Looking forward to Friday! I love Christmas!
 
Christmas was great. Hubby and I did our gifts first thing, and we were both really happy with the other's choices. I got a Fitbit! Woohoo! I've been looking at them for a couple of months but hadn't been able to bite the bullet and choose an activity tracker. I also got some things to keep me busy on my maternity leave. Hubby got games, which made his day and we played all three that afternoon. :)

After that was breakfast. I was STARVING, so we didn't wait for Boy like planned. He ended up arriving right after I took a couple of bites, though, so it worked out well. He didn't know we'd planned to wait anyway, so he was just excited there was food ready. :rolleyes: After that, we did stockings and gift exchange from the three of us. Everyone was again super excited, and it was cute to see how well we all know each other nowadays.

THEN STAR WARS! It was great. Hubby and I got to sit right next to each other/hold hands (the seats, even though they're recliners so are great for light cuddling, aren't the most comfy at 8 months prego) while Boy held my hand or kept his hand on my arm pretty much the entire time. The movie was entertaining, and afterwards we all discussed what we thought was good and what we thought was bad. We all enjoyed it, and we enjoyed the discussion just as much, I think.

Hubby cooked dinner (his tradition - Boy and I helped here and there with little things, but Hubby likes it to be HIS dinner lol) while Boy and I watched a movie. Then we ate, visited and played with our stuff some more, and went to bed. Hubby said he slept great in his room and really enjoyed the warmth (I like a cold room while I sleep so when he sleeps with me, he has to use about a million blankets) and getting to sleep in. Boy and I got up and had breakfast the next day so Hubby could rest more after his ridiculous recent work schedule. Boy then headed out to see some family that was in town, and Hubby and I spent the rest of the day after Christmas doing some household stuff and cuddling.

I just got my Fitbit set up and synced to my fitness pal account as well so they can work together. I'm going to try to get into the routine of tracking my food intake and such NOW so that when I am ready to actually try losing weight after the baby is born, I will have good habits. My boss and a couple of coworkers recently began working out as well (separately - my boss does his thing while my coworkers do their thing) so I have two options for buddies when I get to that point. I think my boss will be my go-to, because it's more yoga/weights which I enjoy much more than cardio in a gym. He also roams local trails with one of the higher ups of the company which I would enjoy immensely AND could easily baby-wear during since they don't worry about speed so much as just keeping active.

Soooo... Yes. Plan of attack for the new year: Give birth. Heal and adjust. Get more active with what support structure I can dredge up! I've only gained about 16 pounds so far, although about 6 pounds of that was in the last 2 weeks, so that has definitely picked up. My goal was to only gain 20, which isn't going to happen at this rate. Ideally, at 20 pounds gained, all but a couple would come off in the hospital/the week after. I'll have to work harder if I gain closer to 25-30. I can do it, though... Right?
 
Still no signs of baby. Due in less than 2 weeks. I. Can't. Wait. Mostly to not be pregnant anymore. lol I know new parenthood is going to be it's own kind of hard, but I am so uncomfortable right now!

Life is boring right now. Mostly a waiting/nesting game. Hubby has been so stressed lately that I've been trying to work on being more independent at home so he doesn't have to wait on me. My job is so physical that it is so hard for me to stand up in the evenings, let alone cook or clean, though. It's rough.

Boy did say "I love you" recently. That's news. He's come close before, but it was still an awww moment. He gets in these moods where he thinks over past relationships and tries to learn from them. Recently, it was someone having told him that it's important to see, feel, and hear love sometimes. I told him that he does such a good job at making me see and feel that he cares for me, that I hadn't thought about the lack of the words lately. I used to. A lot. But especially since I got pregnant, he has been incredibly loving in general. Still stupid at times, but you know... Who isn't? I think it's cute that he's trying so hard to support me. Makes me feel lazy, though, and like I need to do something extra special for him soon.
 
I left some groceries at Boy's house last week when I made food there and forgot to pack up everything. I messaged him to ask him to set it aside/save it for next time (I spent more than usual on some special stuff that I was craving and figured I'd be back this week sometime to get it or make stuff there again). I just got a message from his housemate thanking me for the stuff I left there that she just made for dinner. :( I'm sitting here crying because of some food I couldn't have eaten tonight anyway.

I hate hormones. It's a dumb thing to worry about since she feeds me all the time when I'm there, and I drink their soda, and all that. It's just something I was really craving this week and NEVER spend the money on. The funny thing is, the reason there was extra was because I intended to cook for her and her husband originally, but they ended up being out that evening. So, really, I got the food FOR HER, yet I'm still upset she used it. Seriously. I feel stupid right now.

When is this baby coming again? And how long after that will my hormones level out?! I'm so tired of random weeping. :rolleyes:
 
I haven't posted here in a month! So much has been going on...

Little girl was born almost a month ago. I instantly felt so much better. Turns out, while I felt mostly okay most of the time, I really hated being pregnant! Hubby is totally on board with adopting a child (probably not a baby - I think toddlers need homes just as badly and fewer people want them) in the future, so no more bio kids for the two of us.

Parenthood has come pretty easily for us. I'm going a bit stir-crazy, so I'm trying to do better about going for walks and just leaving the house for short periods of time at least 3-4 times a week. The weather here is often rainy this time of year, so going to the store just to walk around is something I have to do now and then. Hubby is great about taking the night shifts, although now that we are breastfeeding again (I was just pumping for a while for a bunch of reasons) I am starting to take over some of that, too. He still does at least one bottle a day because he likes spending that time with her.

Other than the lack of sleep - actually, I can't even call it that. I get between 8-10 hours a day, it's just very interrupted so I'm always feeling tired. But anyway. Other than that, it's been great. She's an amazing baby. Super cute, only cries when she needs something, and very easy going overall.

Hubby is absolutely adorable with her. My family visited when she first was born and his arrives this week. It's been nice having support - and showers! We have a cat that I don't trust (she is very curious/concerned about the baby so I won't leave her unsupervised at all - even with a monitor - unless I can quarantine the cat).

Boy is also really cute with her. As soon as he gets here, he is rubbing her head and if she's not eating he wants to hold her. He's already offered to babysit so Hubby and I can go out once in a while. I'm not entirely comfortable with it yet, but I think in a month I will be jumping at the offer. lol Boy has also been thinking about whether or not he wants kids of his own. Which worries me. Because, like I mentioned before, pregnancy was just not agreeing with me by the end. And I am his only partner. So... If he decides he does want to have a kid, he might be approaching ME about it. Which means I would need to decide if it's worth going through again. Ugh.

Don't get me wrong. My pregnancy was AWESOME. Other than uncontrollable emotions and a lot of soreness, I felt great. And honestly the soreness was my own fault for overdoing. Both of the guys were amazing and supported me so well through it all - in different ways. I don't know. I'm getting ahead of myself anyway, so what's it matter.

Right now, I'm enjoying my little girl, enjoying my relationships, and trying not to go crazy during my maternity leave! I love this time with her, and I don't really want to go back to work at all but getting out and being around other adults is definitely important to my mental health.
 
Congratulations!
 
Thank you!

Things are still going pretty well here. We've had some issues with little girl not sleeping well, but we started co-sleeping which helped a ton. Something I thought I would never do, but it works great for us. We're slowly getting her back in her crib, too, so I don't feel too bad about it.

Hubby and I have no time for ourselves, but Boy is almost ready to be trusted on his own so hopefully there is a date night near in our future!

Boy is still loving the baby - despite being woken up constantly when he's here. He has stated that being around little girl has made him want one of his own. He's not sure he actually WILL, and there has been no real discussion of it.

Luckily, Hubby is amazing and doesn't get upset about Boy and I going on short dates. I don't really like being away for more than a couple of hours, but we've gone to dinner a couple of times and went to a movie the other day. I'm going to force Hubby into an evening out here soon, since he's been working so much and being so amazingly helpful around the house.

Oddly enough, I got a message on OKC the other day and have had some conversation from that. I don't see it actually reaching date stage, as he isn't really my type for a relationship, but he has a similar background to me (grew up in similar towns) so it's been interesting to compare how we both got to this area and to poly.

I suppose I should take advantage of the rest of the nap time to actually do something around the house. :p
 
My younger son had to be swaddled to sleep for the first few months of his life or else he'd startle in his sleep and wake himself up. Your post reminded me of how I felt before we discovered he needed to be swaddled, so I just thought I'd share what we did in a similar situation.
 
Hannahfluke said:
My younger son had to be swaddled to sleep for the first few months of his life or else he'd startle in his sleep and wake himself up. Your post reminded me of how I felt before we discovered he needed to be swaddled, so I just thought I'd share what we did in a similar situation.
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If she's on her own, she always has to be swaddled at night. We often co-sleep, though, which leads to her sleeping longer stretches (usually).

Things have been... tense... around here. Hubby is frustrated by the lack of physical intimacy, although I have been making efforts to cuddle, hold hands, etc. more often. He seems to be unaware that the little things like that are what make me respond more often than not to Boy. If I only feel like you're touching me because you want to get laid (which is how I often feel with Hubby), then I'm not going to be into it. If I get random little back rubs, kisses or a shoulder/hand squeeze every time you walk by, and things like that... I will probably be ready to jump you by the end of the day (or, you know, the middle of the afternoon or whenever we find time).

Anyway, he's been a bit snarky because of the frustration, so we've had multiple conversations about it. Add in my return to work looming ever closer, and I have been stressed! I've been looking at ways to make money from home or on a flexible schedule to ease my anxiety about it all, but it's not going well.

In other, non-domestic news... I got asked out! lol I never deactivated my OKC profile, and I have been casually chatting with someone on there for a few weeks. Well, he just asked me out so I am trying to decide if it's worth finding time for. Overall, I think he and Hubby would get along great so it might be fun to meet him and try to get the two of them together for a friend-date. Who knows.
 
I've been thinking about getting out and being social a bit more. Hubby and I checked out a UU church a while back and plan to return. They have a lot of social groups as well as local do-gooding going on, so I'm excited about that. I've also looked into returning to some local poly events BUT that would require Hubby or Boy to go with since none of my poly friends are particularly interested these days. If Hubby went, we'd need childcare which sucks. If Boy went, we'd have to avoid certain people that are involved with his crazy ex - which could limit events. Maybe I'll stick to other forms of socializing. :p
 
Ahh... I'm so lucky.

Hubby is just amazing. He works at a job he loves, but we took a financial hit when he chose to take it. I supported him, because it's his dream job! We'll survive. Well, I have an opportunity to be with baby girl and do some domestic work (cleaning, childcare, etc) that will bring in just about what I would be bringing home at my current job, minus what we'd be paying for childcare if I went back. So, I'll be making less, but the difference is slightly less than what we'd have to pay out, so really we'll have more money available. I was iffy, because it's totally outside of my current career trajectory, but I can't imagine leaving my baby every day either! So, Hubby pushed me to take it and it has been AMAZING. I'm exhausted, though, since it's a lot of running around with baby in tow. He's been coming home and taking care of her so I can nap until she needs fed. He's fantastic.

We've also made more time for intentional physical affection which has helped both of our attitudes. Maybe soon we'll actually be able to find time/energy for sex! I need to find a friend that I trust to take the baby out of the house.:rolleyes:

Boy has also been great. He recreated our first date last week which was cute. Neither of us are too focused on anniversaries and such, but he keeps telling me he is making sure I know he loves me and wanted to do something special since we've been together for quite a while now. I laughed and asked him if he realized a few years ago that he'd be so involved with someone with a baby. He shrugged it off and says he couldn't be happier and is glad he's part of the family. :D Sappy guy. I can't point out when the shift happened, but at some point he became insanely sweet. Even when he's pulling his typical distancing crap these days, I can say one thing that makes him realize it and he apologizes then straightens up.

I need sleep. Good night, internet.
 
I've been building a routine which has helped my energy level a lot. Add in some necessary supplements and a little bit of exercise, and I actually feel pretty great these days.

Hubby downloaded Tinder again and said I should, too. I did and have struck up conversations with a couple of people. It's fun and friendly and flirty, but I have no drive at all to actually meet them. My plate is plenty full, and I would rather have date times with my current loves than try to find time for someone new.
 
Hubby and I still haven't actually made it to a church service, however we went to a family-friendly event there last week which was fun. If we enjoy the services as much as we enjoyed socializing with the other young people and parents, then I think we'll have a winner!

I'm preparing myself for overnights with Boy coming to an end. Hubby and I only live in a 2 bedroom place, so now that baby girl is in her crib and sleeping like a champ all night we will be moving her to her own room soon. Which means no longer having a spare room. I have no intention of leaving overnight any time soon without my baby sooooo. Yeah. I honestly see the end of mine and Boy's relationship coming from this unless we start spending an entire weekend day together instead of just an evening. 2-3 hours a week isn't enough for me to maintain a relationship and that's all we'd get after work and before bed during the week when you factor in the time to drive home at the end of the evening. Hubby and Boy both say it'll be fine, but it won't.

Today the goal is to find something free and fun to do, though. It's supposed to be hot again, so I'm thinking maybe finding a good hiking and picnicking spot at a higher elevation or near the river where it will be cooler.
 
I've been feeling all out of sorts the last few days. Just not really feeling 100% capable in anything.

My marriage: Hubby and I struggle to find time to connect. We get along great, coparent well, communicate out the wazoo, buuut... the physical intimacy is still lacking and it really is like we're more best friends/coparents than any sort of lovers.

Parenting: I love my daughter. So much. Like, I never understood the whole "your life totally changes" thing, but it does. I stepped down in a career path I love so I can be with her during her infancy, and I don't regret it at all. Well, I picked up a shift at my old job (now I'm part-time/on call). I was gone for about 7.5 hours. The longest I've EVER been away from her. I seriously almost cried. The next day I went out to dinner with Boy and was gone for about 3 hours. Hubby made a joke about me being gone so much and how much happier little girl seemed once I was home (although he did tell me she was perfectly calm with him the whole time). I literally did cry that time. I felt like I abandoned her. At the same time, I recognize that I need to have time with other adults without being 100% in "mom mode." There's no escaping the constant checking of the phone to see if something might be wrong, but at least I'm not holding/feeding/whatever-ing a baby. So, super torn there.

Relationship with Boy: I've been out of sorts, he's been tired, and I just feel like we're in a rut. Our sex life has taken a hit, as well, and we rarely go out anymore. As I said before, it's hard to escape "mom mode" so it's been hard to connect with Boy as well.Add in stress about no longer having overnights soon, and I'm just feeling off.

My job: I love my new gig. Kids are fantastic. But, it's exhausting! All I do for most of the week is wake up, pump, dress, work, pump prep for the next day, shower, sleep. Over and over. Obviously feeding/playing/occasionally napping with my baby in there, too. I miss getting to just... Be me. I ALWAYS have something that needs to be done. I'm constantly rushing to fit it all in. I'm always exhausted. I'm getting my system down better, but still. There's only so much time to be saved. It's tough.

Friends: Ha. They're all getting divorced/breaking up with partners or too busy to make time to hang out. I've contacted one friend about 4 times in the last month and a half but our schedules either don't mesh or she just doesn't care to answer my questions about schedules. We have gone to a church that may have potential new friends who live closer, which could be good. Fingers crossed.
 
AlwaysGrowing said:
I've been feeling all out of sorts the last few days. Just not really feeling 100% capable in anything.

My marriage: Hubby and I struggle to find time to connect. We get along great, coparent well, communicate out the wazoo, buuut... the physical intimacy is still lacking and it really is like we're more best friends/coparents than any sort of lovers.

Parenting: I love my daughter. So much. Like, I never understood the whole "your life totally changes" thing, but it does. I stepped down in a career path I love so I can be with her during her infancy, and I don't regret it at all. Well, I picked up a shift at my old job (now I'm part-time/on call). I was gone for about 7.5 hours. The longest I've EVER been away from her. I seriously almost cried. The next day I went out to dinner with Boy and was gone for about 3 hours. Hubby made a joke about me being gone so much and how much happier little girl seemed once I was home (although he did tell me she was perfectly calm with him the whole time). I literally did cry that time. I felt like I abandoned her. At the same time, I recognize that I need to have time with other adults without being 100% in "mom mode." There's no escaping the constant checking of the phone to see if something might be wrong, but at least I'm not holding/feeding/whatever-ing a baby. So, super torn there.

Relationship with Boy: I've been out of sorts, he's been tired, and I just feel like we're in a rut. Our sex life has taken a hit, as well, and we rarely go out anymore. As I said before, it's hard to escape "mom mode" so it's been hard to connect with Boy as well.Add in stress about no longer having overnights soon, and I'm just feeling off.

My job: I love my new gig. Kids are fantastic. But, it's exhausting! All I do for most of the week is wake up, pump, dress, work, pump prep for the next day, shower, sleep. Over and over. Obviously feeding/playing/occasionally napping with my baby in there, too. I miss getting to just... Be me. I ALWAYS have something that needs to be done. I'm constantly rushing to fit it all in. I'm always exhausted. I'm getting my system down better, but still. There's only so much time to be saved. It's tough.

Friends: Ha. They're all getting divorced/breaking up with partners or too busy to make time to hang out. I've contacted one friend about 4 times in the last month and a half but our schedules either don't mesh or she just doesn't care to answer my questions about schedules. We have gone to a church that may have potential new friends who live closer, which could be good. Fingers crossed.
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<hugs> I remember these years so well, even though my kids are 20 and 22 now. They are the reason why I'm so careful with birth control and take plan b if something happens. I love my children, I've enjoyed every stage of their lives, but I am so happy I'mdone with the very exhausting first years of life.

I know it's easier said than done, but try not to feel too guilty about taking time for yourself. You'll feel more balanced and happier if you make room in your life for time for being something other than mommy (we weren't poly when our boys were little, but I often took long bubble baths and read in the tub once my husband was home from work). It really does benefit your baby if you are happy. I'm sure there's stress hormones or something that can pass through your milk to her, but even if there aren't, babies are really good at recognizing happy faces versus non-happy faces on their primary caregivers and react when you are unhappy. So try not to feel too guilty about time outs from parenting, the break is good for everyone.

<hugs> these years are so energy intensive. Don't be too hard on yourself.
 
Hannahfluke said:
<hugs> I remember these years so well, even though my kids are 20 and 22 now. They are the reason why I'm so careful with birth control and take plan b if something happens. I love my children, I've enjoyed every stage of their lives, but I am so happy I'mdone with the very exhausting first years of life.

I know it's easier said than done, but try not to feel too guilty about taking time for yourself. You'll feel more balanced and happier if you make room in your life for time for being something other than mommy (we weren't poly when our boys were little, but I often took long bubble baths and read in the tub once my husband was home from work). It really does benefit your baby if you are happy. I'm sure there's stress hormones or something that can pass through your milk to her, but even if there aren't, babies are really good at recognizing happy faces versus non-happy faces on their primary caregivers and react when you are unhappy. So try not to feel too guilty about time outs from parenting, the break is good for everyone.

<hugs> these years are so energy intensive. Don't be too hard on yourself.
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Thank you for the support. I know I need the adult time, but I stress the entire time since it doesn't happen often. I'm hoping as it becomes more routine I'll handle it better. Hubby now knows it is NOT okay to even joke about it being a negative.

In other news, I recently found out my only remaining grandparent not only has normal old age dementia but also has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's. So all of the little things they were hoping she'd be able to re-learn once she was more stable (like being able to use a toaster or microwave) are pretty much out the window. A few of my family members are going in together to fly Hubby, baby girl, and me back to the home state to spend a week with her. The primary caregivers have some medical things they need to take care of for themselves and no one else is available. It's cheaper to fly me out than to hire a local CNA. lol I want my daughter to meet her great-grandma, though, so I'm happy to help out. I know neither one will remember the visit soon enough, but it will mean a lot to me to get a picture of them together and know that my grandma got to see her favorite granddaughter's daughter (and no, I don't just claim to be her favorite - she tells everyone! lol).
 
The other night we went over and played some games, had some drinks, and enjoyed general merriment with Boy and his roommates. It was a fantastic time, and I got to have a break from being the primary caregiver for the baby which was AMAZING! Everyone gets their baby fix and momma gets a break! ha. I even pumped in advance and drank too much (and by too much I mean 3 drinks - more than I've had in one week let alone one night in about a year!). It was a ton of fun and then Boy came home with us and he, Hubby, and I sat around talking some more before heading to bed. I passed out so fast, but at least Boy woke up in the middle of the night somewhere for some sex. It had been a couple of weeks and I was starting to feel pent up!

That's pretty much all that's new in my life right now. Boring and stable, we are (for the most part).
 
AlwaysGrowing said:
Boring and stable, we are (for the most part).
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Yay for boring and stable! (us too)
Excitement and new experiences are great and all, but so is appreciating where you are and loving your life as it stands RIGHT NOW.
 
I'm sick. It's miserable trying to not completely ignore everything in favor of sleeping. No matter what, I still have to feed a baby. Hubby has stepped up and has done so much work around the house, caring for me, and trying to do everything he can for the baby. Sometimes she just wants mom, though, and I feel horrible that I just don't feel up to playing with her much. Doesn't help that talking makes me hack like I have a hair ball. Yay sinus infections! :rolleyes: I've been munching on garlic cloves like candy, drinking ginger tea, lemon water, and I got some guafenisin which is supposedly okay to take while breastfeeding. I have nothing on the agenda tomorrow, so my plan is to sleep and heal.

Boy had a night without roommates the other day and I couldn't go see him. He was disappointed but says he understands. Hopefully it's true.
 
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