Talking it out

AlwaysGrowing

Active member
The Christmas party was great. Boy ended up super into it, even insisted we go when I suggested staying in due to crappy weather and my being somewhat sick. Meeting everyone was fun and playing games was a good time, too.

Hubby and I got our financial situation in a much better place, so we actually got to buy each other little things for Christmas. His is mostly kitchen stuff he's been complaining about. He'll be super excited. I have no idea what he got me, which is unusual as I usually can guess.

Little girl is spoiled and has so many gifts under the tree. Probably 15. A few from my mom, two from Santa (they go together), one from Boy, and some from Hubby and me.

I downloaded Tinder again and have been talking to someone. He seems to be more of a "it would be hot to get with a chick in a relationship" mindset over actually feeling like he would want a long-term nonmonogamous relationship. We converse well, though, so I am enjoying the conversation. When he asks to meet (which I think will come today - we've been talking for 2 days), I'm not sure what I'll say. I really don't see room for it in my schedule if it's not going to go anywhere. Honestly, Tinder is just amusing, and I have no plans of actually trying to form anything new. I have a lot going on already!
 

AlwaysGrowing

Active member
Follow up to how our situation has improved:

-Hubby is starting a second job. That will bring in about $100-150/week.
He hasn't gotten as many hours as expected, but it has definitely helped!
-I am going to start selling plasma again as soon as we get back from our trip, and I am over this cold. I was planning to do it this week, but since I am a bit under the weather I can't.
Unfortunately, I've had a cold, then a rash, now a cold again. Hubby is going today, though, and hopefully I am well enough to go tomorrow.
-I am going to actually organize baby things to attempt to sell.
Organized and waiting for free time when the store is open.
-I am going to donate a large pile of baby things that are useful but not really worth reselling to a local home for teenage parents. While there, I am also going to inquire about volunteering or getting involved in their fundraising. We agree that raising little girl in a culture of giving what you can is important to us, so it is time to get started! Random donating/helping out isn't good enough anymore. lol
Again, ready to go, just waiting for free time when they are open.
-Hubby is going to try to sell one of our vehicles, since we don't really need more than 1. This will cut expenses and help us avoid having to pay for plates in a few months.
Sold!
-While traveling, I'm going to do my best to relax instead of just helping so others can relax. I'm not good at being selfish when it comes to our overworked/exhausted families but I'm exhausted, too, dammit.
Already touched on this one :)

I refigured our budget , and we should be able to make it. I've been picking up more hours at my second job as well, which will give our account a boost in January when I get the paycheck for this pay period. We've gotten out of the money-spending habit with this freak out, which has helped immensely. Our local grocery store sells delicious pizza, so our eating out has been picking up a cheap pizza while shopping. Or going to Costco and getting a $2 slice or hotdog/soda combo. Ha. It's yummy and isn't cooking, so it's going out, right?!:p
 

AlwaysGrowing

Active member
It was a fabulous Christmas, and I hoe yours was, too!

Little Girl did FABULOUS - opening presents, playing with her new toys, being generally adorable, and napping like a champ. She even slept through about an hour of Rogue One then played (mostly) quietly during the rest so we could finish. We had free tickets and a gift card for concessions from a birthday gift this year, so I wasn't going to be TOO sad if we had to leave, but it was awesome getting to actually watch the movie. She did require one of us to take her to the entry hallway and walk a bit now and then, but we could stay where we could see/hear so that was cool.

Hubby cooked fantastic food, as always. He also got some things he was really excited about. We also bought each other very similar gifts (some coffee accessories) and were laughing so much about it. We had no idea!

In sad news, my kitty is sick. She hasn't been eating much for a few days and was very shaky and lethargic at one point. It became noticeable on Friday, though, and I haven't set up a new vet since we've moved yet (she's due for her annual check in the next month or two so I just hadn't gotten to it). I couldn't find anywhere to get her in on Saturday, then yesterday was Christmas. I bought her some softer food and she will take a bite or two here and there. I also had some vitamin paste leftover from another sick kitty we had a while back, and she's been getting that. She seems more energetic now but is still not where she should be. She's always thin, so this is really concerning to me. I will be taking her somewhere today, with a toddler in tow. That should be interesting. :rolleyes: Best estimate is that she is around 7-9 somewhere - the lady I got her from said she was 5 or 6 (I'm her 3rd person as far as I know), and I have had her for 2.5 years.
 

AlwaysGrowing

Active member
I ended up getting to take the fur baby to the vet on my own. All bad news there. As I have always slightly suspected, she seems older than what I was led to believe. Although it's hard to tell in adult cats, she is definitely showing signs of advanced aging so... Who knows. All of her numbers were off, too. She is underweight (from not eating more than a few bites every day for days - a week now). Nothing definitively pointing towards infection, though, soooo yay cancer. Seriously, I'm so fucking tired of cancer.

Yesterday I got her to eat by mixing her wet food with breast milk. I'd been mixing it with stock or water because she won't chew, really, just drink. She had lost interest, though, and I figure my milk at least has protein, vitamins, and calories that she's not really getting from the other liquids. None of the stores in a 30 minute drive radius have the critical care food in stock, so that would be days before I would get it delivered. I'm trying this and if she perks up a little then I will get the prescription, super expensive stuff. If she doesn't perk up, I will be saying farewell to my sweet fluff ball soon. :(

Hubby has been amazing through my process of preparing to say goodbye. Totally understanding that I need to curl up with her and just cry, letting her in our bed despite her leaky orifices (yes, I put on layers to protect the mattress), giving her the vitamins and taking her food/water when I'm not home to do it. Considering that he has never liked her, I definitely appreciate his response.

I've been fairly disconnected from Boy. He doesn't do well with emotional stuff, so he has just gotten quiet since I have been so down. When he's here, he's extra affectionate but he doesn't really know how to approach support from afar (via text or phone).

Overall, it's been a shitty week.
 

AlwaysGrowing

Active member
I have some lovely friends who were able to find the appetite stimulant food that the vet recommended. I was all frazzled and apparently missed a store that had an ample stock! Figures. It would have taken me hours to get it, though, because of traffic and between work and Little Girl's bedtime I couldn't have done it until Saturday. They're picking it up and delivering it to me instead. Such sweet people. I have also figured out my plan for when kitty's time comes. Hopefully we'll get at least a couple of weeks, if we're very lucky, she'll improve and we could have months (or, in rare cases considering how bad she got even a year or more!).

That's pretty much been my consuming event this week. Work has been stressful, just because small children aren't great at dealing with a sad/distracted caregiver. Yesterday, when I officially had decided my plan, I was much more present and they seemed much better for it. I was never NEGLECTFUL, but when I'm trying to make 20 phone calls a day to vets, pet stores, humane societies, etc. I'm not as available as usual to read stories and get on the floor and play.

Relationships are steady. I'm thinking we're staying in for new year's because 1 - Little Girl's bedtime is early so I don't want to deal with having to find a safe space for her to sleep at someone else's house then have to interrupt her to bring her home AND 2 - I get tired early as well and don't want to get overstimulated and cranky. The friends that are bringing me cat food might hang out for a while, but she is also not one to stay out of the house too long (chronic conditions that are easier to manage at home) so they'll probably head out well before midnight. Maybe I can convince Boy to come over so at least the three of us can play games and such. Hubby would like that.
 

AlwaysGrowing

Active member
We unfortunately had to say goodbye to kitty. :( It was seriously one of the most depressing things. She just got so bad so fast. Financially, I couldn't handle taking her to my favorite vet either, since we had spent a chunk on testing and such, so the goodbye wasn't as kind to her as I would have preferred. Not only an office that stresses her out, but a true stranger to boot. Sorry, sweet girl! It's still weird waking up and not having her come greet me. Not hearing her paw at the bathroom door. Not having a cuddle buddy while I pump.

Hubby has been great, though. Taking on more of the daily care of little girl while I'm down in the dumps. I'm getting better quickly. I know kitty had no quality of life left and that it was time. She was just my baby, so it's hard. Hubby has also insisted that I start spending more time away to give Boy and I time and to give me decompression time since I am with children so much. Little girl also sleeps on me 80% of the time, so approximately 20 hours a day, I have at least 1 child touching me (sometimes 4). lol Its ridiculous. He recently dipped his toes into the dating pool. The woman he met was rather flaky, though, so he's not pursuing it any further and is contemplating whether attempting to date at all is actually worth it. I'll support whatever he decides.

Boy has another work event coming up. He kept bringing it up but never asked me to go, so I just assumed I was and started asking more details to know what kind of clothing is appropriate, date/time to make sure I can get there on time with work and have a plan for little girl, etc. He seemed relieved. ha. I also agreed to be the DD so he and a coworker that lives near him can drink as much as they want (open bar) and get home safely. I've never met this particular person, but I hear good things and he works very closely with Boy.

I've still been texting almost daily with someone I have gone on dates with a few times. I don't remember if he ever had a nickname - I'll have to look into it. He's sweet and funny and we have great intellectual chemistry but I just don't see real relationship potential since I don't enjoy the sex. I've told him I don't see it working, but he is still obviously flirtatious and offers to take me out whenever he is going to be nearby (he lives a distance away but has multiple friends in my area). I suppose if I'm ever actually free, I can take him up on the offer and see if anything has changed in the 2+ years since I've seen him. He is very much a no pressure kind of person about sex, and I know since I've been honest with him that he wouldn't feel (terribly) disappointed if my feelings on the matter haven't changed. We have so much fun together, I kind of wish he either was less into me so we could easily be friends or that the sex was better so I could just drag him into the family. Hubby would enjoy him so much (they have many similar interests), and Boy likes everyone (and also shares a couple of those same interests). I definitely have a type...
 

AlwaysGrowing

Active member
I'm feeling rather out of sorts. I threw out expired vitamins and got fresh ones which will hopefully help. I've also set an alarm so I will hopefully remember to take them every day instead of every other. Going to the gym also needs to happen - which I think is going to be a once on the weekend and once during the week thing. Once I get that down, I will try to add more morning workouts. It is so hard getting up so early, though!

Little girl's birthday party happened. I'll add pertinent things when I have more time (re: coming out to people I work with). I can't believe she's one.
 

AlwaysGrowing

Active member
Marching today with Hubby, little girl, and some friends. Stay safe, everyone else joining various rallies and protests!
 

AlwaysGrowing

Active member
So, the birthday party. I didn't really go into it because it was so not a big deal! I didn't really come out, but Boy and I just acted normal. Turns out, normal in a crowd when Hubby is busy being a host therefore I'm busy with little girl isn't that big of a deal. He called me dear/honey/etc a few times, and I touched his shoulder when I walked by and had a free hand. He helped me wrangle the kid, but he was helping with all the kids because - well - he likes kids. lol So, didn't hide it, didn't officially come out, and so far no questions.

We went to another event this weekend, as well, which was fun. I learned how to play poker a bit better and played a lot of black jack. Gambling with fake money is fun. :p When Boy and I got tired, we just kept betting it all until we lost. Took a while. If we'd been able to stay another hour, we would have cashed out to see if we could win one of the prizes, but we were beat.

Hubby is excited at the possibility of us all moving in together in the next year or two. Boy wants to buy a house, Hubby wants to buy a house but we are financially unable to save for a down payment right now. So, Boy is saving up and will purchase, but we will all choose a house together. That should be interesting. I'm uncertain how the details will work out since I'm sure Boy's current roommates will come along as well. 5 adults, 1 kid (maybe another if I can convince someone to knock me up, or a plan to look into adopting once we're settled), and multiple animals. Hectic! But Boy and one of his roommates will totally be down for an awesome garden, his other roommate LOVES to watch little girl, AND we all enjoy messing around in the kitchen so there's potential for some awesomeness. Something to think about anyway!
 

AlwaysGrowing

Active member
Everything is going well, as usual around here. I have planned a trip next month to visit family with Little Girl. Hubby is not wanting to go, so that will be interesting! Probably a good thing since we got a dog a few weeks ago. Not having to find a petsitter is nice.

That's about it around here. Boy and I are working on becoming more active - we've been hiking the last 3 weekends and have gone on walks on each of our dates. It's been great. The dog has helped my activity level with Hubby as well. Woohoo! My weight has been fluctuating the same 5 pound area for mooooooonths, so hopefully I can get the last 20 pounds off this year!
 

AlwaysGrowing

Active member
It's interesting to me to see how Hubby and Boy interact with people. Hubby is always "on" when we're out and about, because of his job and never knowing when we will see someone that he works with. Boy is much more like me, interacting only when necessary and making bad jokes when he does. I love that Hubby stretches my comfort zone (having to be the supportive/charming partner when we do talk to the mayor, director of blah blah blah, etc, but I also love that I can just relax and be when I'm with Boy.

The other day, we all went out together. Little Girl was being a BRAT. So cute, so demanding, so freaking exhausting. She wanted to have a little bit of everything and was getting spoiled rotten by the restaurant manager. Our booth was up against another table, and the people that sat there kept making faces at her and talking to her. It was adorable - she's such a lucky kid, makes friends everywhere she goes. Anyway, seating it was friend, Hubby, Little Girl, me, then boy (we always try to put the kiddo in the middle of us so we can both be hands-on). Well, the kid decides to stand by me/lean over me constantly because she wants to eat all of my and Boy's food. Boy is sitting there feeding her constantly, while Hubby visits with our friend. It was hilarious. Whenever I needed something for her, Boy was the one getting it (he had more room to get things from the bag since Hubby was in the middle). When we were prepping to leave, Boy was the one helping me clean her up. Boy took all my crap when I needed to pee then passed it off to Hubby when he realized he needed to go, too. Friend laughed because she did nothing baby-related. Hubby took Little Girl and ran around for a minute so we could re-situate.

How the hell do single parents do it?! I mean, we had 3 adults taking care of the kid and it was still kind of stressful! Fun, but crazy. It was fun, and I love that Hubby is chill about Boy and Little Girl being so infatuated with one another. He enjoys the break.
 

AlwaysGrowing

Active member
I've been talking to a woman (and her husband a bit) on OKC. We made tentative plans for this weekend that include Hubby and Little Girl as well. We then switched to text, and it has been like pulling teeth to finalize! I made a couple of alternate suggestions based on weather forecast changes, and she comes back with a "maybe we should just reschedule when the weather is nicer." Dude. We're in the PNW. It rains literally all the time. There's no guarantee. Yes, we're approaching summer which is 98% beautiful, but I have a list of perfectly fine rainy day activities - including just wearing appropriate clothes and continuing to hike or go to a park! I don't know. Just irritated me. We'll see if a meet even happens at this rate.

Other than that - things keep on keeping on. Boy and I have a fun date planned tomorrow. Returning to an area I used to live to go to our fave restaurant in the area then going to see a movie. We're "arguing" back and forth between Beauty and the Beast (my choice) and Ghost in the Shell (his choice). I'd honestly be fine watching either, but I've been bugging both guys about Beaut and the Beast ever since it was announced so I'll be damned if I miss it in theaters! :D
 

AlwaysGrowing

Active member
I'm sick. Hubby is at work, no phone so I can't even whine to him let alone ask for anything. Boy stopped responding to my texts and told me to "get some rest."

The Tylenol is missing, and the kid won't let me sleep. I am miserable and feel like no one cares.
 

AlwaysGrowing

Active member
I hope you feel better soon! And I hope you can rest when Little One naps! ((Hugs))

Thanks! It lingered for a few days, but I was feeling much better before leaving on vacation.
 

AlwaysGrowing

Active member
Vacation...

It was just Little Girl and I. It was great. We visited my family. Saw Hubby's family one day, which went much better than I expected since his dad started drama last time we were around.

My nephew stayed with us for the week, which was so fun! He and Little Girl LOVE EACH OTHER! It is so cute. He's 12, she's 1. She was his shadow, and he loved every minute of it. I was worried, because he has a younger sibling that he doesn't talk about at all. Turns out it's just that they don't click (his mom is a horrible human and shows obvious preference, so not surprising that he shows no love there). But, yeah. He was helping her climb, holding her hand to cross any streets/in crowded places, playing catch with her, etc. Adorable.

By the end of the trip, she was definitely missing dad, though, so I'm happy to be home. Boy is coming up this weekend AND we're all going to have a cookout! WOOHOO!
 

AlwaysGrowing

Active member
My birthday has come and gone. It was good. Hubby threw me a little surprise party, but unfortunately didn't think through how to contact my friends so it was just us, Boy's household, and one other person. It was great, though. Good food, good company, and lots of hoppy beers bought just for me. :D

Hubby and I had a great date night including some fabulous sex with simultaneous orgasm. It's been a while since that happened.

Boy bought me a lovely gift and gave me a card that makes me smile every time I read it.

My actual birthday, however, was pretty underwhelming. We all went to dinner, but no one really seemed to enjoy it except me (well, and Little Girl because she was SPOILED! lol). No one really talked, even when I tried to start conversations. To be fair, the kid was everywhere which made it difficult, but that's normal so we should be able to work around that by now! On the way home, I called my parents to avoid having to interact then I came home and went right to bed. Boy passed out, Hubby was with Little Girl, but I got back up and cleaned for 2 hours. Then still couldn't sleep so I finished my book.

I had no expectations for my birthday at all, so both guy got it in their heads that they needed to do something special. I used to always make a big deal about them, but a couple of years of disappointment (flaky friends, illness, etc) just made me decide that I'm an adult therefore birthdays aren't a big thing anymore. I wish they would have just accepted that, I guess. Instead they did these things that they think are grand gestures and I just view as... the basic things you do for those you love on their birthday?

I'm grateful they tried. They even worked together, which is adorable and makes my heart happy. I'm just another year older and getting crotchety, I guess.
 

AlwaysGrowing

Active member
Feeling a bit more positive today. I realized I'd really made poor choices with my diet for a few weeks, so I got back on track and feel a million times better. Exercise was still iffy this week, but I did go on extensive walks most days with a few runs and weights thrown in. Next week I'll do even better!

Date with Hubby tonight. Boy stayed with Little Girl for us. We'll all go to breakfast tomorrow before Boy heads home. We got in late, and they were both already sleeping all cuddled up in my bed. So cute. I love my family.
 

AlwaysGrowing

Active member
I applied for a job in management at a company I used to work for. They asked me 3 questions then started pretty much explaining why I WOULDN'T get the job. I knew the 3 interviewers well, they knew my history, they knew before I came in that I wouldn't get it. Why make me take time off work to come in for that? I'm pissed about it. They do have a few other job openings that could work for me to get the experience I need to eventually move up, but honestly they're all not really worth it to me. Go work 40 hours a week away from my kid just to pay for daycare so my budget is the same, if not slightly worse, than it is now? Nah. I'll continue my childcare gig for a while.

It's got me feeling pretty down, though. I was excited when I got the interview, thinking I am actually a candidate for decent jobs. Turns out, I'm not. On top of that, Hubby is applying for things like mad and we might have to move to make his career work. I've known this, and I support it but the fact that it might happen within the next few months is daunting. And all Boy says when I might move across the country is "I'll miss you." Fucking asshole.

Apparently 4+ years together doesn't even warrant an "I'll visit as often as I can" or an "I would consider moving if it's somewhere I wouldn't hate." Nope. Just a see ya. It's got me feeling so out of sorts that I don't even want to see him, but he's leaving for a 2 week vacation soon so I'd feel guilty if I didn't. He knows I'm cranky with him but doesn't really understand why, I think, so I'll have to talk to him about. Ugh. I hate trying to talk to him about feelings.

Hubby's supportive of whatever I want to do, though, and has even offered to find a menial labor job that pays well if I wanted to go back to work. I don't, though, it was just a good opportunity. I should have known it would backfire. lol He's pretty fabulous.:)

Little Girl also potty trained herself! It's amazing! Diapers for sleep and car rides is it, man! So much less laundry! Now if I can get her to stop wanting to nurse a million times a day. My poor nipples. :rolleyes: At least they're not all torn to shit like when she was a newborn, but teeth are not comfy when a toddler is all active on your boob!

That's pretty much my life these days. Boring.
 

AlwaysGrowing

Active member
I talked to Boy about how his comment made me feel, and his explanation was exactly what I expected. I know he didn't mean it negatively, and I know he hates the idea of moving but will consider it when the time comes (we've discussed it in a rare serious conversation). While it's highly likely he won't be able to make himself move due to job opportunity and such, I reminded him that I would prefer him to say that we'll cross that bridge when it comes THEN say he'll miss me IF I HAVE TO MOVE WITHOUT HIM. Not just assume leaving him will happen.

Anyway, we were okay when he left for vacation, so I'm going to take the next 2-2.5 weeks to distance myself from the negativity and try to center myself in the "enjoy relationships while they last" attitude I've worked so hard to cultivate. It's just when I'm down and something dumb happens that I slip up.

In other news, I'm planning on dinner with Doomed in the next week or so. Scheduling is tricky, but we're both excited to make it happen. We've been chatting a lot lately and have struck up a nice friendship without any of the awkward pauses or conversation loops we used to get sucked in to.

Hubby has pretty much stopped trying to date again after a brief stint of going out once a week or so. We're having date night tonight to go see a movie. Probably the Apes one, but not entirely sure. He hasn't been to a movie in foreverrrrrrr. We haven't been to one together since Christmas! I'm excited. We love movies.
 
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