Talking it out

AlwaysGrowing

Active member
I've not missed Boy at all while he's been gone. Not sure if that's a good sign or a bad one. He gets back in a few days, though, soo... We'll see?

Hubby and I have been SO BUSY! Job interviews/meeting families for potential childcare work, park concerts, planning a game day... So many things. It's been fun.
 

AlwaysGrowing

Active member
Guys. I'm going to meet Boy's mom. His super-religious, refuses to discuss his relationship(s) mom. But, wait! There's more! Little girl is going to meet her, too, because Hubby has to work, and I have no one to watch her. Oh! And this is still a month or so out so I have plenty of time to stress about it! AAHHHHHHHH!

She and I have had minimal interactions via the interwebs. Comments back and forth on social media. I responded to a text she sent Boy at one point, because he left his phone at my place and she was expressing concern that he didn't contact her back when she had sent some big-ish news (I had his approval to check his messages when the phone kept going off since that is unusual - we were using his roommate to plan a time for him to get his phone back), so we had a brief text exchange then. That's it. She asked about me recently, I guess, so Boy told her more about me - not hard since previously her knowledge was basically only that he is dating someone and poly. She figured it out based on our social media posts and requested a meet. Have I mentioned that I'm going to stress about this for a month?! I don't even need to impress her, but she's his MOM and apparently we're really similar so I want her to like me. :eek:

Anyway, that's the biggest thing going on here. Actually, it's not. Hubby's starting a new job with a ridiculous commute. We'll probably consider moving to the other side of our metro area when our lease is up. Nothing to stress about quite yet. :D
 

AlwaysGrowing

Active member
I haven't written here in forever!

I ended up not meeting Boy's mom. My grandmother passed away right before the trip was supposed to happen, so I was attending her funeral and spending time with my family instead. It was actually a great visit where everyone got along, did fun things together, and told great stories about our grandparents. It was not unexpected at all so most of us were as prepared for the loss as we could be.

Hubby and I moved. To a tiny town. It takes just over an hour to get to Boy's now, so seeing each other has been crazy. Hubby has his ideal job now, though, so in 2-3 years we should be able to move to our pick of areas since he'll have the experience in the position he wants. I'm also back to working out of the home as a CNA - currently working and going to school to finish the certification. It's exhausting but so worth it. Eventually the company I am working for will also pay for CMA and part of my RN if I decide to go that way. Which I'm heavily leaning towards again.

Doomed also is a regular in my life again. The move brought us closer to his town so we've been hanging out. He wants to date again. I'm on the fence about it because it was so incredibly awful last time but he has ended the abusive relationship and had almost a year of therapy. Hubby votes I go for it. Boy votes no. Boy is rather jealous of my time these days, though, which is odd because he has always been the one that limits the time we spend together. Now that it's not an option, he may react differently, I suppose. I haven't really talked to him about the idea of me dating since before we moved - and at that time I had no desire or time to make it happen anyway so it was all hypothetical. Doomed and I have seen each other about every other week since I moved. Although he's coming to our Thanksgiving celebration so it will be 2 weeks in a row this time. I'm interested to see how the three guys interact with the new potential development.

Little girl is doing great in daycare. We're all happier, I think, with time away from one another and pursuing our own interests. She gets to learn and play with kids without mom being there to be used as a crutch. I get to interacgt with adults. Hubby gets to be a little more involved in her everyday routines. It's been great for my mental health and their bond, so yay!

Oh, I did meet some of Boy's extended family. They live in my new town! lol They're excited he'll be around more, and a cousin has two kids near little girl's age so Boy's excited to take her to play while we visit. It's adorable how he immediately includes her in almost all our plans. We are going on an out of town trip at the beginning of December (hopefully) without her, but we're also planning a vacation (a big one - to somewhere tropical to visit a mutual friend who moved over the summer) which he will not even consider doing without her. Despite me mentioning it could be the perfect opportunity for me to make sure she's officially weaned. Ha. Nope. Not that I mind. I like that we're getting the health benefits of what is now considered extended breastfeeding. I never thought I'd be the mom with a kid over 2 on my boob, though. She's not 2 yet, but getting close and no signs of stopping yet! It hasn't held me back in any way, and it has definitely kept her healthier, AND it's so nice to know I am that source of comfort when she really needs it.

Anyways. Life is good. Different, but good. I'm off to interview date night babysitters so Hubby and I can attempt to go out together without a little human once in a while!
 

AlwaysGrowing

Active member
Boy is jealous. Actually jealous, not envious. He literally wants the time and energy that I spend hanging out with Doomed. I don't even know how to handle this as he has always always always been the one who doesn't care what I do as long as I'm safe and happy.

Also, our friendsgiving is in just over a week, and ALL THREE GUYS will be here. It's going to be awkward as hell, I'm afraid. Doomed's girlfriend is coming, too, though, I think. I really enjoyed hanging out with her when I met her a few weeks ago. Hopefully her presence will mean Doomed doesn't want/expect much attention from me. My couch is definitely big enough for her, Doomed, Boy, and me to all be on it at once, though, and Hubby will be cooking/hosting the entire time (I always warn everyone I am the "make yourself at home" type of host while Hubby is the "I'm here to make you comfortable" type) so he will only want the occasional hug/kiss/random touch. So, run on sentence to say that if everyone actually relaxes I could get some cozy group cuddles! We'll see how it works out. My priority is definitely to make Boy feel comfortable and to assist Hubby when he needs it.
 

AlwaysGrowing

Active member
Friendsgiving was great. I was so so so sick, so I just laid around in my pajamas soaking up cuddles and getting spoiled. Everyone brought me food/beverages and blankets whenever I needed them. It was nice to be so supported.

Things with Hubby are good. The last 3 times we've tried to have sex we've been interrupted, though, which really sucks. Our schedules are not conducive towards trying so it really stinks when it doesn't work out! Other than that, we're gearing up for the holidays and enjoying family time. Little girl is amazingly sassy and so smart. She's the best.

Boy is fabulous. The other night, he just pulled me close and kissed my head then told me he loves me. It was very sweet and unexpected since we don't often say it out loud. We rarely say it at all, actually, although we show it in many ways. I'm trying to figure out a way to get out of a shift at work so I can go on an overnight trip with him next week. Fingers crossed!

I've been seeing Doomed weekly. We make out. A lot. We almost had sex last time, but it was so late by the time we got going that I had to leave before anything too heavy happened. Hubby is totally comfortable with it. Pro-Doomed, even. Likes the guy a lot. Boy... needs to be told more about what's going on. He knows I hang out with Doomed a lot. He knows we cuddle and are very close. He does not know the extent of how far things are going physically. That will be a fun conversation soon. :rolleyes:

My job is driving me insane. I like it when I'm there, but the scheduling is ridiculous and many of the other staff are kind of iffy. So. I guess I should think about job hunting and trying to find something that might be a better fit. It'll be tough to find something that pays as well with as good of benefits, though. We'll see.

That's about all that's going on in my life.
 

AlwaysGrowing

Active member
I think I'm done fooling around with Doomed. With such a nickname, I should have known. Lol he makes a few choices that he makes. Nothing safety related, but ethically. Now, how to tell him?
 

AlwaysGrowing

Active member
Okay, so the choices Doomed makes that I question.
1- He has no issues becoming involved in a situation where he is assisting someone cheat. There are caveats. Like, only if he perceives the relationship as bound to end/extremely unhealthy/abusive/etc. But still. In my opinion, that's just purposefully hurting people when the cheating is discovered. Both the person being cheated on and the person actively cheating are emotionally hurt by the activity and it can easily lead to physical escalation in an abusive situation. So, not my thing.
2- He started fooling around with a friend of mine. In itself not an issue, but the dynamic between my friend and I started to change. Instead of being her normal supportive, objective self when it comes to giving me advice/support (much like I try to be for her as well), she started to be very anti-Doomed and me. Which is more of an issue between her and I, and I brought it up to her but nothing changed. The situation became uncomfortable for me, so I decided to end the physical aspect with Doomed versus losing a friend. Worth it.
3- We're in vastly different places in life. He drinks frequently and smokes a ton of weed. Which is fine, but that means he's not really a family-friendly kind of person very often. And I am very much a family-focused kind of gal. We were starting to hang out on a weekly basis, which just isn't doable with my other relationships and work schedule UNLESS I can occasionally include my kid.

So, I told him all of that. Well, he already knew about 1 so I just had to let him know 2 and 3. He was confused but understanding. Unfortunately, the dynamic between my friend and I is still strained, because she is pretty much refusing to admit that her friendship/whatever with Doomed is clouding her opinion on what I should do with him. Which is odd since WE'RE ALL POLY! lol Oh, well.

Hubby and I had a day date recently, but it was unfortunately after I had worked a long shift overnight and had not slept. I also hadn't showered AND we ended up spending a lot more time running around shopping and such than expected so it didn't end in the loud, kid's not home sex that Hubby was hoping for. Hopefully next time...

Boy is starting to date again. Kind of. He's starting to TRY to date again but is pretty lazy about it in general. I had a mild freak out in my head when he planned his first date but got over it pretty quickly. I know he loves me. I know he is willing to prioritize my funky schedule over scheduling anything with someone new. I know he wants to be a part of this family in whatever way he can be with the distance between us. I also know that he appreciates my effort in making sure we have time together and that he loves how dedicated I am in making his work functions fit into my life. He had so much fun taking Little Girl to his company Christmas thing and getting to be the first one to help her play arcade games and such. It was adorable, and our relationship that includes years of background, family activities, and emotional support/growth together isn't going to be replaced by someone new. I know that. Sometimes I need to remind myself to battle the insecurities, though. :rolleyes:

Nothing else is really new in life. We're doing a Christmas activity with Boy tonight then Christmas at his house with his roommates Saturday. He'll come down Christmas Eve so he can be here Christmas morning, too. Hubby is excited about all the events, as am I. I wish I didn't have to work, but holiday pay will be awesome, right? And I'll know everyone is together, which always makes me feel loved. Seriously, guys. It's ridiculous how happy I am when we're all just together. Don't even have to do anything special. Just having dinner or chatting. That's pretty much all that's going on around here these days. Once or twice a month solo dates and lots of family time.
 

AlwaysGrowing

Active member
My friend (ex-friend?) and I still aren't really speaking. Doomed and I also aren't really speaking. With any type of making out/sex off the table, he started only conversing with me when things were bugging him. That got on my nerves sooo... I'm just laying low. See if maybe I can pick up friendships with either one of them in the future.

Boy went on a date with a poly woman. He said she was weird. lol We're not really like most of the poly people around here, but mono people don't really work out either. I can't really complain. I had this ridiculous spout of jealousy when he started up with online dating again. I handled it well, though, and so did he. We're pretty solid.

Hubby and I are planning a date night. We've had sex a few times lately, too. We're feeling pretty awesome as well!

I've been talking to a woman online for a few days. Not sure it'll go anywhere but it's been fun. We're both more interested in a FWB type situation than a real relationship. She's unsure about the whole poly thing anyway, so it'll probably only last until she meets someone she can settle down with for a while. We've had some super fun conversations, though, so I'm hopeful I'll at least get some sex out of the deal! I haven't been with a woman in years. I miss it so much. Maybe I should actually put some energy into pursuing something...
 

AlwaysGrowing

Active member
Date night with Hubby was great, minus coming home to a well rested kiddo who decided to stay awake half the night. Damn late nap killed out sex chances! We've been super productive together, though, and other than him being kind of a dick by testing me in what I consider an unhealthy way (I got a call with an offer for work when we had plans. I immediately turned it down but he told me I could take it if I wanted to, all while knowing he would be pissed/hurt/offended and hold it against me if I did - dick move). I pointed out how fucked up that is, and he apologized. I've been trying to make sure he's feeling more of my focus lately, and that's how he responds. Not cool, dude.

Boy and I had a conversation recently about him dating again. Again. lol He has a history of dating monogamous women which makes me uncomfortable since more than one has tried to cowgirl him. We had a great discussion, and to his credit the last time it happened he recognized it early, talked to her about it, then stopped seeing her as soon as the behavior returned. She still contacts him sometimes and he ignores her. :rolleyes: He thanked me for bringing it up, didn't really realize how often it had happened when he was previously dated, and told me that he had kind of decided to avoid mono-identifying women already and that my concerns just sealed the deal. :D I know he might change his mind if he happens to meet someone at an event or while out and about, but I know he'll stick to it with online dating. I'm feeling heard and supported and loved.

I have tentative plans with the woman next week. Hopefully that pans out. She's mostly looking for a fwb, which fits perfectly with what I think I could offer someone right now.
 

AlwaysGrowing

Active member
Met the woman. Not feeling it.

Hubby was supposed to go on a date recently. We got a sitter so Boy and I could go out at the same time and everything. Nope. He forgot to firm up the plans. lol Boy and I still went out. It was fun - lots of seafood and beer!

My work schedule has been insane. I talked to my supervisor about my preferred shifts over a month ago, and I keep getting scheduled weirdness instead. I don't know if it's because we're understaffed or if she forgot our conversation or what. This week, she gave a few people overtime while others are only scheduled 30-32 hours. It's bizarre. I work nights, though, so rarely have time to chat with her. When I AM there during business hours, she's not in her office or is already meeting with people. Oh, well. Overtime is good for my budget at least, right?

Hubby is dieting. I am calorie counting but eating up all the crap in our house so... It's not making a difference. I'm just seeing that I'm eating a million calories a day instead of getting to blissfully ignore it. :D Our house almost has only healthy choices, though, so I will definitely be on track soon! We even stayed up super late watching movies the other day, talked about getting junky fast food, and opted not to! That's big for the two of us. We're massive enablers when we're together.
 

AlwaysGrowing

Active member
Boy and I did so much this weekend! All in 24 hours. Trip to the store to buy a new shelf for my house. Another store for beer, chocolates, flowers, and dinner fixin's. Sex store for some new goodies. Nap. Then ignored the dinner stuff and got takeout instead. Stayed in our jammies and just relaxed - I read a book and he watched videos on his phone. :D It was great. So much sex, too! He has been (pleasantly) surprised the last few times I've stayed at his place. We frequently have sex 2-3 times during our time together, but lately he's actually been cumming every time! It used to be lots of orgasms for me but not necessarily always PIV or an orgasm for him - which was still great. We both loved it. But now it's consistently ending in PIV and a joint orgasm. It's pretty amazing. His 40s have been good to us.

Hubby and I have a date night on the books as well. He's down almost 15 pounds, and we're super limited on what we can do with his diet. Just getting out of the house without a kid will be nice, though. The last two times we've tried to have sex, we've been interrupted, too. Ugh. We've been very productive and generally really happy together anyway!
 

AlwaysGrowing

Active member
I'm in a foul mood. My parents wanted to try to do a family trip this year. All of us meet somewhere since we're coming from different places. I found somewhere cool we could visit on a budget then told them that Boy and I were planning to do a vacation together this year as well but he would love to come on our big trip so that I don't have to stress my bank account. I mentioned this and said that Boy, Hubby, and I could get a separate place to stay instead of staying in a shared space with my parents since they're not comfy with the whole poly thing. They could then spend unlimited time with little girl during the day without having to spend time with Boy, except in small quantities when I would pick her up for nights.

They freaked out. Massive lecture. Threat to no longer do the trip. Really irritating stuff. Now, I understand that they don't like that I'm poly. Think it's a sin and such. But the one time they met Boy (right after little girl was born), they were polite and got along fine. There would be no pda - even Hubby and I don't do pda around extended family- and little girl always asks for Boy when we're doing fun things so even if he's not there, they are going to be reminded of him.

I'm frustrated that 3+ years after learning about my relationship, they can't suck it up and share my life for a few days, when we would essentially be bringing along a friend. My mom had even been asking more questions and seeming more comfortable with things. I'm thinking vacation this year then they can just come pick up little girl if they want time with her in the future. I'm done spending my limited travel budget on things that exclude a member of my family.
 

AlwaysGrowing

Active member
Life is good. Vacation is still on, but I haven't been as enthused about it as before. Boy and I are going to plan a trip for September or October. Take Little Girl to visit his family out of state or go to Hawaii or something. Not sure yet.

Things with Hubby have been great. My work schedule has settled, so I work 3 twelve hour shifts. It's awesome to have so much time with the family.

All of us (Hubby, Little Girl, Boy, and me) went on a weekend trip a couple of weeks ago. I got to look at little shops and get coffee with Hubby then went to lunch with Boy. Two day dates in one day! Plus lots of family time. It was great.

Overall, things are really stable and kind of boring around here.
 

AlwaysGrowing

Active member
Hubby was in an accident recently. Lost multiple teeth, broke his arm, just felt awful. He's feeling much better now. Arm feels almost perfect, so hopefully he can get the cast removed. They weren't 100% that it was broken-broken so the ortho doc is pretty optimistic. He's really uncomfortable with how his face looks now - he HATES missing teeth, and his speech is slightly affected. It's getting better, though. He's much more upbeat the last few days, so I think he'll be okay eventually.

Boy and I had Little Girl hang with us this weekend so Hubby could get some R&R. We took her to a movie, an arcade, and his roommates took her out for dinner (we went, too, but she pretty much ignored us in favor of the people she sees the least). Boy nor I slept well since his bed is smaller and she is a bed hog. Luckily, his roommate agreed to play with the kiddo for a while so we could nap (and also sneak in some sex, yay!). It was a fun weekend overall.

In other news... I met a woman! We went on a first date about a week and a half ago and are hanging out again in a few days. With our kids. Hers are the same age as mine so that's pretty cool. Hopefully the weather is good so we can do something outside. If not... I'm not sure what we'll do! Maybe an indoor playground so the kids can run around and we can drink coffee and chat. She seems really into me. I'm iffy about having time for another relationship, but she's cute, funny, and compatible relationship-goal-wise. We'll see how it goes!
 

AlwaysGrowing

Active member
Hubby is feeling much better these days. He has full range of motion and his speech is back to normal even with the missing teeth.

This weekend was a waste. Neither of the guys would commit to doing anything fun, the weather was too crummy to do outside stuff, so I just sat around being all lazy because it's the only time I have to spend with them so I'd feel guilty going to do something without them! It made me feel awful.

The things with the woman (she may need a name) are going well. She has kids, I have a kid, it's hard to find time without any of them being around. Which isn't bad, in my opinion. She seems a bit more frustrated about it but does seem to appreciate that I consider it a positive.
 

AlwaysGrowing

Active member
Wow. I haven't updated in forever. Life is good and mostly boring.

Hubby and I went on vacation recently. It was wonderful. Great weather. My family. Baby animals. Yay! We've also been sprucing up our backyard for summer. The garden is blooming, the fire pit is frequently used, and we're buying a new, comfy chair each pay day until we have a full set. It's a colorful, comfortable, inviting space these days.

Boy is helping, too. He loves little projects. We were going to take a mini vacation to see his family, but I wasn't able to get one of the days off so I don't get to go. 😔 He does, though! Which is more important. We have our big trip planned for September anyway.

I'm still seeing... Name to be determined still. The woman I met. I've met her husband now, and she has hung out with both my guys. She's very much looking for the happy poly family style life that I have. Hubby says he can see her envy here and there since her husband doesn't seem that interested.

Anyway. I'm going to a movie. I'll try to remember to update soon.
 

AlwaysGrowing

Active member
Hubby went crazy and surprised me with the rest of the chairs that I wanted AND a couple of cheap but nice looking tables for the backyard! He's the best. I also got approved for a credit card so we can start buying gas/groceries with that. We'll set it up so it gets paid off each month just so we can rack up the rewards and get a boost to my credit scores (Hubby has student loans that are very quickly causing his to go up as we pay down our debt snowball).

He and I got SO MUCH DONE this weekend! Our yard is barely recognizable. Too bad we rent. We've started working on the trees/shrubs, too. The yard maintenance people have basically killed parts of them, so we're trying to nurture them back to life. There's also a cherry tree between our yard and the yard adjacent to us, literally growing between the fences. I'm hoping we might get a little fruit this summer.

Boy and I... I actually don't remember our time together this week very clearly. We've been good. Planning our vacation. I'll be buying plane tickets next time they get a little lower (they've been consistently varying by about $50, depending on time of the week). Even if I missed the lower price, they're still not bad.

Okay, so the woman. I think I'll name her Fair. She pale, and we tend to go to fairs/festivals together. :D So, Fair and I. We've been seeing each other once or twice a week for the last month and a half. We get along great. Our kids get along great. I've known her for over two months, though, and we haven't had sex! At all! We've only had one opportunity, but when I tried to get things started, she didn't really respond. I mean, she responded - she was definitely turned on, but she didn't reciprocate at all. I've talked to her about it, and she claims not to be a pillow princess or anything like that and she didn't realize she wasn't really responding in a way that let me know she wanted me to keep going. I was fine putting my hand down her shirt, nipple stimulation, kissing/nibbling neck, rubbing over pants, etc. without her doing anything back, but I do NOT try to remove people's clothes unless they've taken steps, too! I mean, she kissed me. That's it.

So, that's frustrating. We've talked about the lack of sex, and I'm really not sure why there's not more effort. I'm sexually fulfilled, anyway, so I'm not terribly frustrated by it. Fair seems disappointed, but she also doesn't really try to fit it in to the schedule. We have a hard time finding kid-free time in a house. And neither of us can afford a hotel or anything. So... Making out, spending quality time together, having play date/date date combos... That's pretty much what we've got going.
 

AlwaysGrowing

Active member
Just added someone to my ignore list for the first time. When someone's posts consistently put me in a good mood, it's time, and this person did.

I don't care to jump into the debates, but putting it here because it irks me when people decide they are right all the time and come up with bullshit definitions to support their opinion: yes, polyamory as a relationship structure is a choice. Being polyamorous, though, is not. Some people can control their emotions and make sure they don't fall in love with multiple people. Others can't. They may choose not to act on those feelings and be monogamous in structure but polyamorous at heart. Or they may choose to cheat and be unethically nonmono and polyamorous at heart. Or they may go forward and be ethical, being polyamorous in both structure and heart. Like being gay. One can be attracted to same sex but choose to have opposite sex relationships instead. Or they can choose to have relationships with same sex. Doesn't change their innate orientation - their acceptance of it and actions taken to support or deny those feelings if all that has changed.

I can't control my emotions - and my emotions say I'm poly whether I like it or not. Much like my attractions say I'm bi/pan whether I like it or not. I can choose my actions, though.


Rant over. It may not make sense, but whatever. I'm all pissy about pride month so my rage is running high right now. Lol
 

AlwaysGrowing

Active member
My life is good. I need to remember that.

Hubby and I have a date tomorrow. Babysitter scheduled, dinner plan to accommodate Hubby's diet, and a movie picked out.

Boy and I have officially purchased tickets for our vacation this fall. Now to start finding activities/sights to see! Yay! We will be visiting his family, so visiting time will need to be included but they're really active people so that can probably be combined with fun stuff.

Fair is starting to get bummed out about our lack of alone-time. We have yet to be naked together. I refuse to have our first sexual encounter overheard by a partner or child, though, and empty houses are a scarce commodity when there are toddlers and husbands involved. I have offered to bow out so she can find someone who may have more available time, but apparently I'm awesome so... She isn't interested. :D
 
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