Talking it out

AlwaysGrowing

Active member
Oh, my gosh. My life rocks. My family rocks. Everything rocks.

Boy and I went on an overnight last week. It was so nice. Lots of great sex. (TMI alert) I have never been a huge fan of anal, like it was fine, I'd do it for my partners but just not a big thing for me. With Boy... I swear I want all the things in my butt. It's amusing-ish. Anyway, lots of sex. Nice walks on the beach. Yummy foods. Great conversations and declarations of love and such.

Hubby and I also had our anniversary. We've been married almost a decade! Holy shit! We've also had a lot of amazing sex lately. Boy kept Little Girl for us so we could have a couple of nights alone. It was AMAZING! And Little Girl loved it a ton. As did Boy. He's as protective and in love with Little Girl as Hubby and I are. Hubby thinks it's great and finds it amusing when they say the same things to me about her at different times. I always point it out the next time we're together so they can talk about it. :D

I'm still seeing Fair occasionally. I'm not trying as hard to make time for her as much. We could never find alone time anyway, so I'm struggling to see the point. I want to invite her and her family to things, but her kids are so insane (and by that I mean totally average for their ages, just crazy ages) that it makes it pretty much impossible for her to relax and enjoy things. And her husband is kinda up and down about how much he helps. So... Yeah. I've tried to talk to her and do a "break up" but I'm not good at that when there's not a solid incompatibility! It's easier when there's a deal breaker in play. lol

Anyway, Hubby and I have some fun family-plans (a nephew staying with us for a bit) coming up so... Yay family.
 

AlwaysGrowing

Active member
Everything is still going well. I am working on my financial everything. Restructuring automatic bill pays, getting a credit card to improve my credit (although, I expect it'll have the opposite effect at first with the credit inquiry and such), and looking into refinancing some of our (mostly Hubby's) student loan debt if possible.

Fair met someone! She seems much happier, in general, and isn't nearly as clingy with me. We still talk a little every day but it isn't the constant deluge of texts that it used to be. It's pretty lovely. I can enjoy the chitchat, the occasional play dates for the kids, and well, that's about it. Ha

Boy and Hubby are good. I've been trying to pull more of my own weight around the house, which Hubby appreciates. The three of us have been talking about improving our diets. Need to figure out an easy plan that Boy can stick to without cooking much. Basically need to figure out easy food to help him avoid fast food.
 

AlwaysGrowing

Active member
Ugh. I need more sex in my life. I really hate trying to meet people online, especially for FWB type situations. I'm sick of dudes assuming things just because I'm openly admitting that I'm looking for a sex based relationship. I'm very clear that I want to be friends, not strictly nsa. Just because I want casual ish sex doesn't mean I want to be used, am submissive, or kinky in any other way. What's wrong with just being a little slutty these days?!

Rarely do I miss the Midwest, but damn. I miss the vanilla options! So much easier to find there.
 

AlwaysGrowing

Active member
I love my guys so much. Seriously. They are the best. They take such good care of me.

I was sick recently. Nothing serious just a few days of gastrointestinal grossness. They took turns laying in bed with me and bringing me water/Gatorade and just being amazing.

While all this happened, I apparently missed a couple of texts from Fair. So after I felt better, worked a day, slept 12 hours, I felt determined to go through all the notifications on my phone. As I'm doing this, I get another text accusing me of ignoring her (it'd been 3 days - I was literally puking for 2 of them) and telling me to have a nice life. Then she went to social media and got herself kicked out of a couple of groups for responding to old posts/comments of mine with shit talk.

Wow. I considered us casually dating - I told her that. I told her I didn't have a lot of time to dedicate to another relationship and encouraged her to date others if I wasn't going to be able to meet her needs. Apparently I made promises I couldn't keep, though. :confused: Whatever.

In other news... I've been flirting/sexting with a few people. It's fun and not going anywhere. Oh, and Hubby is dating!
 

AlwaysGrowing

Active member
So much has happened lately. Most of it good!

Boy and I went on vacation together. It was wonderful. Very relaxed, beautiful place, mostly great weather. I have met some of his family as well, and they were so excited to see photos and all that. My mom was also decent when I sent her something from Little Girl and a small relative of Boy's. So that's awesome.

Hubby and I have been really good lately. He's reconnected with an ex, kind of, and they are trying to figure out what they are going to be going forward. More than likely just friends or FWB, but the feelings run deep there. Her name in this blog was Lady, I think? I have no ill will towards her these days but also have no desire to be sucked back in to her ideal family views. Hubby knows this and that is really the limiting factor, I think, although he won't admit it.

I met some unicorn hunters! They live a bit far away, but we've had a lot of fun via text. I've met the woman, and she and I definitely had sex in the car on the first date. :D He and I have a date this week, so we'll see how that goes! They are new to poly and, well, unicorn hunters. So, not really high expectations long term but definitely a fun little fling. They know my reservations and (seem to be) keeping their expectations low as well. I'm the first woman she's ever been with, though, so she is naturally very excited. I'll need to come up with names for them if it goes well this week, I suppose. I'm terrible at that!
 

AlwaysGrowing

Active member
Hubby has had multiple first dates cancel on him lately. He's still got a pretty good attitude, though. Might stop trying to date soon-ish if it continues. I don't get it. I mean, I know I'm tempted to cancel on new people a lot, but I only do it if something really bad happens! My guilt won't let me since I know it's such a dick move. He and Lady are still trying to figure stuff out, too. He doesn't really want to go there again, as they're requirements/expectations are still pretty different. She's hardcore pursuing though. Not sure what will happen there.

Boy has family in visiting this weekend so we're rearranging our usual time spent together. He was ready to cancel his family to make sure he gets to spend time with Little Girl this weekend since she specifically requested he do an activity with her. It is pretty cute.
 

AlwaysGrowing

Active member
Life is still good. I'm sitting here watching Hubby and Boy prep food for our gathering this week. Together. With Little Girl. It's so fucking adorable.

Hubby went on a date last week and thinks the woman is nuts. She's still coming to my house for the shindig, though. :rolleyes: Lady and another potential interest of his will also (probably) be here. Should be interesting!

The unicorn hunters are still around. I really like them both, actually! She and I are just super friendly, and she's SUPER sexual so that's fun. He's nerdy and shy, which is totally my guy-type. I need nicknames. Pac-man and Mrs. Pac-man. That'll do. So, Mrs. is not my typical body type for women. She's bigger than I am, and her most prominent feature is something I usually kind of dislike (it's not bad, just not something I'm usually into). But she's so sweet and silly and just a really good person while still being a bit of an asshole (like me!) that I can't help but like her. I definitely find myself being more touchy with her than I do "friends" so I'm thinking there's definitely some potential there. The fact that we also have really passionate sex is also a good sign. :D

Pac-man and I connect on more of an intellectual level. Book sharing (sexy, right?), theoretical conversations (especially about poly), and the like. He reminds me a lot of my ex, Doomed, but only the good parts. So far I have absolutely no complaints about being a unicorn! They will also be here for the event and will be meeting Hubby and Boy for the first time. I believe they got them gifts - for doing all this prep. It's really cute how hard they're trying. I am trying to be practical and keep in mind that I live far away, they're new, etc. I'm enjoying the attention and butterflies without getting sucked in too far, I think.

Anyway... Yay! Life is so fun right now.
 

AlwaysGrowing

Active member
The event went great!

Hubby decided to end things with potentially crazy person. She was really new to the idea of poly (had gone out with a few open people but had never been in a real open or poly relationship). She went out with someone else, had sex, and never told Hubby about it at all. He happened to be chatting with the partner of the guy, and she was all "isn't it cool that x hit it off with y?" He was confused and she elaborated, saying she thought he knew. Between that and her slightly crazy (not as bad as he described, but definitely there) tendencies, he was out.

He and Lady are definitely dating-ish, though. He's iffy because of their history, but I'm whatever about it. As long as she doesn't get all pushy with me again, I'm good.

Everything else is good. Boy and I are solid. Pac-man, Mrs. Pac-man, and I are good. Actually, she is still trying to meet people but is struggling to find balance, I think. I have offered to step aside if she thinks that would help, since I'm so far away. I don't know what to do there. They both seem to genuinely like/care about me, but I don't want to stand in the way if Mrs could be happier dating another woman. Obviously I'm not stopping her, but she's gone on multiple first meets and comes home saying "she's nice, I could see us being friends, but compared to you..." blah blah blah. ha
 

AlwaysGrowing

Active member
I'm frustrated tonight. Beyond frustrated. With Mrs. Pac-man. Both of them went in for STI testing when we first started seeing each other. We had discussed the possibility that one or both of them may be HSV+ due to some questionable sores Mrs had years ago. Everything came back clear, though. I have not had PIV intercourse with Pac-man, but I have had oral and manual sex with both of them since the test results.

Today, I wake up to a picture from Mrs saying something about "I don't know where this cold sore came from!" and BAM! What looks to be a new cold sore on her lip. I'm like, okay... Shit happens. Maybe I wasn't clear enough about having to ask for HSV tests to be included (although they both had blood drawn so... I don't know). I tell her "hey, you should go get that swabbed so we know for sure." She downplays it, saying it doesn't hurt/itch or anything so why spend the money. I'm like "well, you know I can't kiss you for, like, a month, which could be avoided if you go get it tested and find out it's nothing." Abrupt change of subject.

I'm frustrated. I care about these people. I haven't talked to Pac-man about it, but I told Mrs that it bugs me that she wouldn't go in and I've barely been responding to her texts today because I don't know what to say. The reality is - if she doesn't go get it tested, then I feel like she is ignoring the health/well being of me, my other partners, and my child. Sure, HSV is more of a nuisance than anything, and if we knew for sure that's what it was, no one would expect me to stop seeing her, but we would KNOW. And could be aware of treatment/suppression choices, etc. I'm not convinced I'm done having kids. I don't want to get HSV genitally and have my first outbreak be when I'm pregnant or, heaven forbid, near my future due date.

Actually, having another kid has been a frequent topic because Hubby and Boy both know I want another and are both trying to figure out how we could make that happen without stressing Hubby and me financially too much. I seriously love my guys and could not be happier with these two wonderful humans who plan to be with me for life (another thing we've been talking about - how we all want to be taken care of/treated when we're old and potentially demented. They're amazing and go with all my crazy topics, reassuring me and making me feel oh so loved).


Anyway... Yes. I feel completely ignored and that my concerns mean nothing. I know she's new to poly, but still. When I say I'm worried about something that AFFECTS MY FUCKING HEALTH, then I expect to actually get to have a conversation about it. I'm leaning towards breaking up over this. They're having an event at their house soon, I already got them Christmas gifts, so after all that is wrapped up. I'm out, unless something changes. :( Feeling really down right now.
 

Leetah

Member
HSV tests are not part of the usual panel of STD tests. If she nor her husband spelt it out to the lab then they would not include it.

We were in the process of planning for my very long distance Significant Other to move in with us when I noticed a sore on his lip and questioned him about it. It had never occured to him that "cold sores" were a problem. Everyone he knew seemed to get them.

Once I did a bunch of research I decided the risk to us and our kids is minimal. I am done having kids though, your concerns are valid.

It sounds to me like your relationship could go back to platonic without too much trauma so that might be the best course in your circumstances.

Leetah
 

AlwaysGrowing

Active member
HSV tests are not part of the usual panel of STD tests. If she nor her husband spelt it out to the lab then they would not include it.

We were in the process of planning for my very long distance Significant Other to move in with us when I noticed a sore on his lip and questioned him about it. It had never occured to him that "cold sores" were a problem. Everyone he knew seemed to get them.

Once I did a bunch of research I decided the risk to us and our kids is minimal. I am done having kids though, your concerns are valid.

It sounds to me like your relationship could go back to platonic without too much trauma so that might be the best course in your circumstances.

Leetah

I had specifically told them to be sure to ask for hsv because it was actually a concern and a major reason they went in (they had been mono together for over a decade and had sti testing early in their relationship). My fault for not following up better/not asking to see the papers.

I will feel little more than disappointment to end the sexual side of our relationship. They're long distance anyway and a majority of our dates don't have time for more than making out anyway. Easy enough to cut that. She will be very disappointed, though, as I'm the only women she's been with or had interest in. I've encouraged her to continue trying to meet people, though, so at least she's still signed up for online dating. Lol
 

AlwaysGrowing

Active member
Mrs and I had a chat. She was (understandably) disappointed but accepted that I can't -well, won't- be physical beyond cuddles anymore. Since Pac-man and I have only gone beyond cuddles once, it's not a big deal for him.

Boy was there for moral support after, but it wasn't really needed. It was much less emotional/dramatic than I expected. I guess having a few days to think before actually getting to talk was a good thing.

Hubby has had a stressful few weeks with work. We've barely seen each other and when we have, we've been filling it with family fun. Christmas activities galore.

Little Girl's doing awesome. She loves her family and having so many people around to play with her. It's nice to have so many active adults in her life so we can have breaks/relax and have fun without being the only one looking out for her safety, too!
 

AlwaysGrowing

Active member
Today I am missing people who used to be in my life. All gone for good reasons, but... I miss them.

The first woman I attempted to date when transitioning to poly. She wanted to keep me essentially as a dirty little secret while claiming to love me. I think she really did, actually, but she wasn't willing to admit it to anyone outside of me and her husband and Hubby.

My friend (who I think had a name here once upon a time) who changed completely after her divorce. She's happy. I'm glad she's happy. But we no longer connect well so our "friendship" is extremely superficial now.

Her ex husband. He was one of my first close poly friends. He was my safe person to talk to about everything. He threw himself into his other relationship right before/during the divorce and blocked me on every platform. We'd drifted due to his mental health issues and distance, but I had always hoped we would regain closeness once they finally divorced (they'd been unhappy together for years).

Doomed. Another person I connected with on a deep level. I miss him as a friend. He's also grown as a person, which is fabulous, but in ways that make him less compatible in my life.

The holiday season is hard. I love my family. I love our traditions. I feel deeply loved and cherished. But I can't help but think about these people that I would love to share this time with as well.
 

AlwaysGrowing

Active member
I had the best Christmas! Such sweet, thoughtful gifts from my guys! I sure do love them. Boy and I also took the first steps to giving each other rights in case of medical emergency. My heart is happy.
 

AlwaysGrowing

Active member
Life is so uneventful in the best way! We just finished our Christmas festivities with Boy's roommates yesterday. Everyone really liked their gifts, which is amazing.

Nothing major going on, though. Just living the dream. :D
 

AlwaysGrowing

Active member
I am going back to school! Just for a month or so to get a certification, but it's going to be so exhausting. Working part-time, school full time, plus family/relationship stuff. Yay. :rolleyes:

Hubby is being crazy supportive. Boy is being crazy supportive. They're pretty great. Hubby is actually encouraging me to take the time away to go to Boy's more often until I start then when I'm actually in class Boy will be coming over to my place for our time together. Teamwork for the win!

In other news, I think I may be wearing Boy's "I'm never going to move" attitude down. He's starting to look around the towns near me and seeing how much cheaper houses are. He's wanting to buy in the next couple of years. His plan for a while has been that he would buy a house big enough that Hubby, Little Girl, and I could move in if we could make it work to move back to his area but if he could move closer to us... We would be a little more out in the country (mine and Boy's preference), we'd all save money (Boy on a house/more land for a more affordable price, Hubby and me paying lower rent to live in said house), and we would have more of a support group locally which would be cool. Boy is already listed as a backup emergency contact in case something happens to Hubby and I simultaneously. It would be a huge step, though. Cohabiting. Home ownership. Eek. It's a ways in the future, though, but just something different that could happen, in theory.
 

AlwaysGrowing

Active member
Remember how I had a great, grown up conversation about my relationship with the couple? I just got a long rant from Mrs about how I don't seem to have time for a relationship with them, etc etc. I responded "well... We discussed last month about how I was opting out of anything beyond friendship/cuddle buddy, and we had plans for next week, didn't we?" Cue more "we don't blame you. It's the distance, your other time commitments..." Blah, blah, blah. I pretty much rolled my eyes and let her get it out.

I've been having phone issues, which I was upfront about (new one on the way, yay!), and missed a few calls I guess. Oh well. My schedule is only going to get worse in a couple of weeks when my sister has surgery, I have to do some continuing education for work, and I start planning the family's (hopefully) epic summer road trip.

Anyway. It was odd. No romantic conversation has happened since the conversation. Why now realize we're no longer really dating?
 

AlwaysGrowing

Active member
I was recently in a group and as we were going around saying our names, why we were there, and an interesting fact I wondered - should my fact be that I'm nonmonogamous?

It wasn't, but I thought about it.
 

AlwaysGrowing

Active member
Life is getting back to normal after my brief stint with continuing education. I am now officially certified to do what I've been doing for years! Woot! :p

Hubby and Boy were crazy supportive, as usual. Boy took me out to a restaurant I've really been wanting to try after I finished the program, to celebrate. Hubby was going to come, but he ended up having a virus and couldn't. :( Little girl came, though, and it was a blast.

Hubby is wanting to start going to more events again. Since we have a kid, that means I will be in a lot with her since we don't really have babysitters we trust around us. For short/close to home stuff, there are a couple of teenagers I'd use, but since most events are 30-60 minutes from home... I'm not too excited about the idea. But that's okay since I don't really have time for more close friendships or relationships. I'll just make Boy come over and keep me company OR find something fun and close for the kiddo and I to do.

Nothing else is happening. Life is boring, which is good.
 

AlwaysGrowing

Active member
Feeling very rejected right now. Hubby and I have not slept in the same bed for over a week (various valid reasons but I still don't like it). Then Boy stopped by my place on his way home from a short trip to see some friends, and initially was going to spend the night but then decided to go home (again, valid reason). So... I'm just not feeling very cherished/important at the moment. My issue. :(
 
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