Talking it out

icesong

Well-known member
Yeah, I was on the phone / watching a movie with Artist for like four hours last night - such a weird mix of making me feel better and worse all at the same time.
 

AlwaysGrowing

Well-known member
Yeah, I was on the phone / watching a movie with Artist for like four hours last night - such a weird mix of making me feel better and worse all at the same time.

Yes! I told Boy that we will need to watch our show together via video chat or on the phone soon. Lol
 

AlwaysGrowing

Well-known member
So Boy got his hours severely cut to the point that he can now ensure that he isn't around anyone else. Since he hasn't had any in person interactions and has been sanitizing all the tools he needs before using them just in case someone borrowed his stuff... we get to see each other again! Yes! We are returning to our weekly dates.

Hubby's other partner is struggling with the limitations, which is odd since they go a month without seeing each other anyway. His new interest (they had one date before coronavirus got in the way) is suffering from depression which is making it difficult for them to maintain the getting to know you fun stuff. She is sleeping a lot and just.... not ok. He doesn't know how to help, and I don't know what to tell him.

Life goes on here. We are still working. Still getting projects done. I feel bad that my life is going so well during this time of great global suffering.
 

AlwaysGrowing

Well-known member
Covid sucks, but life is good (for me). I am losing a small portion of my income next month, but only temporarily (I hope) so while I've put feelers out to replace, I'm not stressed about it yet.

Boy is officially on unemployment after going back full time for a few weeks in a capacity that is TERRIBLE for him, physically. So..
He'sitching for work to pick up so he can go back in a sustainable way.

Oregon is opening up. My county has lessened guidelines enough that Hubby is considering seeing someone he went on one great date with before quarantine. Lady is disappointed because Hubby and I consider her high risk for him to see so that isn't going to change for a while (she lives and works in an area harder hit than oit own, she and her live in partner see 2-3 other partners EACH, and their 2 housemates also see 2-3 partners. That's around 9 or 10 households plus the workplaces, stores, etc that we know nothing about. Boy is trackable. His housemates are trackable. This other woman is trackable. Lady is not. Hubby is firmer on that than I am.

Um... my birthday is soon. No plans, obviously, other than Little Girl insisting that she is making me a cake. We will camp in our backyard too. Maybe go hiking. I got some toilet seat covers so we can use public restrooms without touching much.
 

AlwaysGrowing

Well-known member
My birthday was crap this year. Between my heart hurting after at least one race related killing the making the news every month and now protests and riots covering the nation... It baffles me that people still don't understand the insane amount of institutionalized racism bipoc folks face every single day.

Today I am anxious. Hubby is attending a peaceful protest. In our small town, it is unlikely to turn dangerous, but we are close enough to the state capital to draw some attention if it is a slow day there. He wasn't going to go, but I am not able to due to work. I get off about halfway through but the traffic and parking will make it next to impossible to get there. Hubby works literally where it is happening so they are closing early (not open to the public yet anyway so can be flexible) so staff can decide what they want to do - get involved or get home. As soon as I suggested he stay, Hubby gathered supplies to make a sign and committed to it. I'm glad we are on the same page.

Little girl has asked if she can go. She thinks its "ridickless" that people think skin color matters. "People are people are people, mom!" She tells me. I have told her it isn't safe for kids and that only one parent will be going at a time just in case it gets dangerous. She is disappointed but 4, so it rolls off her back pretty quickly. Lol

Boy has made financial donations and has publicly disagreed with racist family members on social media instead of blocking them. I have done the same. We all MUST do what we can, even if it doesn't feel like much.
 

AlwaysGrowing

Well-known member
So, anniversary has come and gone. It was great. Hubby birthday has come and gone. Also great.

I have baby fever. Less great. :(
 

AlwaysGrowing

Well-known member
Oh, I forgot to add that the priest Hubby went to was very peaceful and well supported. People were pissy about it online but no one showed up in person to counter it.

Hubby is also going on a socially distanced date tonight. He's excited. It's adorable.

I swiped right on a guy with the same name as Boy. He's cute (looks a lot like Hubby), a poly partnered parent, and yeah. Normally sharing a name with Hubby or Boy is reason enough to swipe left, but he seems nice. I know it won't go anywhere but made me giggle.
 

AlwaysGrowing

Well-known member
I ended up unmatching that guy because... Reasons. I don't remember.

The last few times I've gone to swipe, I've stopped when I see someone that has super liked me. He's older (upper 40s maybe?). Grown kids. I'm. An early 30s mom with a preschooler. And strongly leaning towards having another kid soon (working on getting Hubby to accept that it won't ruin us financially, any more than we already are anyway - I've made spreadsheets, and reminding Boy about cute baby cuddles).

This guy's pictures are cute. He looks kind. His profile is short but no red flags. No mention of nonmonogamy though. Between that our different life phases... I just don't see anything happening.

That's the drama in my life right now. Do I swipe right or left on a stranger? Lol
 

AlwaysGrowing

Well-known member
I swiped left. No surprise. Lol I don't have the desire to date, really. I just enjoy the swiping. Unfortunately the one person I could have seen myself going on a real date with was someone I chatted with early in quarantine. Due to mental health and just bad timing, conversation tapered. Oh well. He wants more than I could give anyway.

We are going out of town this weekend. Got an Airbnb that we will sanitize on arrival. Do some hiking, napping, game playing, etc. One of my favorite things is Hubby and Boy checking in to make sure I've planned date times in for the other during trips. Hubby and I will go "shopping" (looking through windows then sighing and talking ourselves out of actually going inside anywhere unnecessary) and Boy and I will go hiking. Boy offered to sit this trip out so Hubby and I could have more time. Then Hubby did the same. Silly boys. We get more quality time as dyads when we travel together since the other can hang with Little Girl.

I had a dream about a person I work with. That is usually a bad sign. I need to call a coworker to check in.
 

AlwaysGrowing

Well-known member
We ended up not hiking. Our state is on fire and smoke was in the air so we stayed in and played games.

Our home is almost surrounded but unlikely to actually burn. My eyes constantly itch and my chest is right from days of breathing in ash and smoke. I've set up air purifiers and homemade air filters around the house but it still smells.

A friend of a friend lost a young family member in one of the fires. Our community is mourning the loss of life and property while rallying together to support the displaced.

Is 2020 over yet?
 

Magdlyn

Well-known member
It's not the year, it's the president.
 

AlwaysGrowing

Well-known member
It's not the year, it's the president.

The fires aren't. While I hate the person with a burning passion, it is unfortunately much more than one person responsible for all the goings on.
 

AlwaysGrowing

Well-known member
Over a week of air that is essentially unbreathable. My chest and head hurt pretty much constantly. Progress is being made, luckily, and air quality is slowly improving.

Boy and I opted not to see each other in the last week due to the fires being close enough to cause slight worry. Unnecessary as it turns out, but sometimes you just need to be home. We did video chat dates instead, which was fine.

Hubby has been working a lot. My mental health is kinda iffy right now so him being gone so much means we pretty much don't see each other. I go to bed shortly after he gets home (depression = exhausted). He gets up after I'm already working. Rinse, repeat.

I'm looking forward to some calm. Someday.

I started decorating for Halloween. That's been fun, at least! :D
 

Magdlyn

Well-known member
Over a week of air that is essentially unbreathable. My chest and head hurt pretty much constantly. Progress is being made, luckily, and air quality is slowly improving.

Trump and his evil crew are climate change deniers and all the work towards improvements is now being made by state and local governments. Trump took the US off of the Paris accords to reduce carbon emissions. He is doing his best to undo any work to prevent global warming. Fucker. "It's gonna cool off, you'll see."

Boy and I opted not to see each other in the last week due to the fires being close enough to cause slight worry. Unnecessary as it turns out, but sometimes you just need to be home. We did video chat dates instead, which was fine.

Hubby has been working a lot. My mental health is kinda iffy right now so him being gone so much means we pretty much don't see each other. I go to bed shortly after he gets home (depression = exhausted). He gets up after I'm already working. Rinse, repeat.

I'm looking forward to some calm. Someday.

I started decorating for Halloween. That's been fun, at least! :D

I can't even imagine how hard it is to breathe out there on your coast. I'm in Massachusetts and we've had the smoke in our upper atmosphere for about 5 days. No blue sky, no clouds, no sun. Just grey.
 

AlwaysGrowing

Well-known member
Trump and his evil crew are climate change deniers and all the work towards improvements is now being made by state and local governments. Trump took the US off of the Paris accords to reduce carbon emissions. He is doing his best to undo any work to prevent global warming. Fucker. "It's gonna cool off, you'll see."



I can't even imagine how hard it is to breathe out there on your coast. I'm in Massachusetts and we've had the smoke in our upper atmosphere for about 5 days. No blue sky, no clouds, no sun. Just grey.

Our forests have been mismanaged for years. Before the current president was in office. Does he help? Of course not. But it isn't on him.

It rained ALL DAY yesterday, so air is back to being good, finally. I slept with my windows open.

It was a good day. Then Hubby got home and told me about RBG. I cried. I felt guilty that instead of the heartfelt mourning she deserves, it will be overshadowed by the thoughts of her replacement in the court.

Fuck 2020.
 

AlwaysGrowing

Well-known member
I have booked an appointment to get sterilized. I'm both deeply saddened and relieved by it.

I don't want to have kids too far apart. Parenting small ones are exhausting and I can only imagine that it is a different kind of exhausting once they're older. I never wanted to have just one though. The lack of enthusiastic partner means it is time to give up on it though. If feelings and circumstances change, there is also opening up to fostering or adoption. That was always my dream anyway but poor people aren't really allowed to foster in my area. Not that we couldn't afford a second child (especially part time if we didn't respite care or short term/emergency placements only), but because we can't afford to have a bedroom dedicated to an additional child.

I don't want to worry about birth control either. A daily pill isn't feasible for me right now with a crazy schedule. Another iud would be an option, but I honestly hated the 2 months after insertion last time. I'm curious to know what my body is even like without constant hormones being added to the mix.

Boy would be willing to get a vasectomy if I asked. Hubby has always refused though. Feels kind of selfish at the moment, but whatever. My body, my responsibility. He can do what he wants.

Ah, oh well. Life will move on as it always does.
 

AlwaysGrowing

Well-known member
So, Hubby talked to me about the baby thing and... Turns out he does want one? I was VERY careful not to be overly emotional or bitter. He says me being willing to take a permanent step towards prevention was a wake up call. He apparently thought he could have another year or so to decide. Kinda frustrating, but whatever. My appointment is now an iud removal appointment and we are both going to get tested and all that goodness. While I'm frustrated that he wasn't willing to actually discuss the barriers he perceived, after a week or so of conversations once he asked me to change my appointment, we are good. And excited. And definitely feeling the baby fever.

His long distance semi-partner invited him on a date a few weeks ago. He said no because risk levels. I felt bad but was relieved. He admitted it was because he didn't trust himself to actually keep distanced. I was proud of him for being responsible and offered up some time that I could guarantee a few hours uninterrupted if he wanted to have a video date or something. He is still thinking about it.

Boy seems a bit depressed. Very needy and extra affectionate via text. I'm doing what I can to support him, but it's difficult since we're so limited on actual in person time. He's excited for Christmas though so hopefully that helps bring him a little joy! I've brought up him potentially dating once restrictions lift a bit/risk levels go down some. He doesn't seem at all interested and said if there's gonna be another baby, he'd rather focus on "the family" for a while. Very sweet, but I honestly think a local partner would be great for him. Dating sucks though so I kinda get the hesitation.
 

AlwaysGrowing

Well-known member
Hubby is convinced I'm already pregnant. I'm hoping I'm not. I swear, that iud came out and my libido has been through the roof! It's been so fun! I actually tried to convince him to use condoms for a month or two just got fun. Lol little girl was conceived VERY quickly so while it wouldn't be a big big shock, I would still be very surprised if it happened.

We (Hubby and I) got to have a date night recently. New years weekend? Maybe. It was great. Silly, fast food and eating in the car then just driving around date. Boy and little girl had an awesome time together too.

Boy seems better emotionally. It is almost like we're in nre all over again though. He wants to be together as much as possible and is horny as hell. While I do miss him lots in between time together, I still enjoy the space. We would not be compatible cohabitants, I think!

I want to get a cat. Or a hamster or rat. And another fish. I got my garden beds prepped this week. I'm having lots of productive energy these days.
 

AlwaysGrowing

Well-known member
Big shocker... Not pregnant. Lol

I am however fully vaccinated. Very exciting. Both guys were willing to take a day off work to take care of me/little girl after my second shot if I had bad effects. I think they love me. 😁 I was fine though.

Things are good here. Mental health ups and downs but they're minor and usually improve with cuddles and a good vent or two or twenty.

I have very much scaled back my interactions with my parents. I only speak to them on speaker phone with the kid and only respond to very occasional/specific texts. Neither responded to my "shape up or shut up" message, but I don't feel the need to follow up or act more unless they do something hurtful again. Hubby is supportive of me cutting them off entirely if I need to. Boy feels like it's his fault so leans towards trying to fix it - offering to basically be in the closet if necessary. Nope. Not willing to do that. I'm happy and that's what matters. If people don't accept it, they can see themselves out of my life.
 

AlwaysGrowing

Well-known member
A nurse I know just got fired and will likely not be able to find another job for... A while. On one hand, we are in need of every medical professional able to work. On the other, she gave away vaccines that were supposed to go to fellow front line workers to people who didn't qualify yet and don't have any extenuating circumstances to make it a priority. Since we are consistently filling clinics every day, it's not like they were extras that wouldn't have gotten used for a while.

I'm all about getting as many people vaccinated as possible, but it disappoints me that someone I know would prioritize a retired person in their 40s with no health issues and no pressing need to be in crowded public spaces over teachers/childcare workers, healthcare professionals, retail workers who are around hundreds of people every day. Maybe it feels personal because I know people who have lost a month of more of income over the last year because of multiple workplace exposures. Unemployment that is less than your already too low regular income is a slap in the face to those who get out every day and keep things running.
 
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