Talking it out

I'm feeling rather content this week. I've really gotten into the routine of meditating in the mornings. I've been lightly calorie counting (mostly to get points on achievement but also because it keeps me accountable with my choices). I'm not strict about it but being aware is helpful. Now to add in real exercise, beyond my daily walks. Hubby and I are attempting to set up a workout area in the garage so we can do family workouts. I'd like to get some small weights, but funds tell me know. I've been lucky to get many items for free (a mini elliptical, a cycle thing that you pedal while in a normal chair, hula hoops, resistance bands). We can also use our echo show to follow along to a bunch of routines from Amazon prime. Nope just gotta actually make room for us in the garage!

Love life is great. Both guys have expressed happiness and appreciation lately. I've done the same to both of them. We are all really getting along well and planning a bunch of outings we'd like to take this year that still allow for distancing. One a month is the goal. This month we are doing separate ones so Hubby can have some alone time. Boy and I will be taking little girl to the beach. Something we all love but Hubby is lukewarm about. Perfect opportunity for him to get him time. 😁 We will, of course, bring him some of his favorite coast treats back.

Sex life is on pause because of some of the health issues I've had. Midwife suggested that taking a week or two off might let me body/hormones heal a bit so... Waiting until after my next period to have anything inside me.

Garden is a go! I've planted a few spring things already and have joined a plant csa for later veggies that I don't feel like starting from seed. Little girl and I are hopefully going to get our flower garden planned out this weekend as well so we can plant in the next couple of weeks. Very exciting stuff!
 
Hubby and Boy are both scheduled for their first covid shots. I actually nabbed then each an appointment and told them after. Both were very grateful since they never get the timing right to check when appointments are actually available (Hubby sleeps in too late and Boy is at work when new ones are released). I feel relieved to have that taken care of.

We have planned multiple weekend trips for the year but still need to find time for a bigger trip. Boy is wanting to visit some old stomping grounds which happen to be next to a destination Hubby wants to go to so we are doing it all in one go.

My parents are cranky that I refuse to consider seeing them this summer. Their irresponsible behavior, shitty comments about me/my life, and the fact that they won't want Boy included makes it not anywhere near worth my use of vacation time and funds. I've explained it to them but they continue to be cranky. Hubby has been surprised that I have actually maintained the mental distance from them, but their comments the last few months have officially pushed me away. I keep light contact so little girl can have a relationship with her grandparents, but that's it. I also teach little girl basic religious ideas out of respect to my family's deep Christian roots, but I have told her that I don't believe the same things her grandparents do and Hubby doesn't believe in ANYTHING. She in theory knows she gets to choose, and we plan to start attending a local UU or non-denominational (Christian but very welcoming) church at least on occasion once we're comfortable with being in public.

My garden is fabulous. I'm getting Boy's started next weekend as well. Yay!
 
I ended up not feeling well so Boy does not have a garden yet. Oh well. We have a bit of time before last frost anyway so pretty limited on what we could put in.

I booked weekend getaways for both my guys. I'm pretty excited. Picked something Hubby has been wanting to do for a couple of years but isn't very kid-friendly. Picked something that requires more car time than kid likes for Boy. We have a hard time leaving her behind for adventures since we get weekends without her already. It's not the same as a trip though so I think this will be fun.

We also have a few things for the whole family planned. Lots of outdoor things coming our way. So exciting!
 
I keep refreshing my tab with the cnn coverage of the chauvin trial. My last shred of faith in humanity is hopeful for justice. The pit in my stomach is not hopeful at all.
 
PinkPig said:
Very thankful for the verdict! I hope the change will not just be holding individual officers accountable but actually making meaningful change, too.
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It is definitely a step in the right direction! Hopefully it continues and becomes the norm instead of the exception.

I'm feeling relieved. Shred of faith in humanity preserved!
 
Oh, gosh, people... Hubby's bosses are trying to convince us not to move in the next year or so (plan was start looking for new jobs next summer, move when found). I don't really care for the town we live in. Very republican. I'd love to move somewhere more liberal. There are good people here though. So... That's a conversation. What does it take for me to be content staying?

We went to see some whales! I always love going out on the ocean, and springtime is so cool with how many there are.
 
I'm another year older. Uneventful birthday as usual, but I got some amazing gifts from my loves. I've been consistently losing weight as well. My libido is insane so I've been flirting on dating apps even though I really don't have time for that shit. I'd make time for the right woman, though.
 
Happy birthday!
 
AlwaysGrowing said:
I'm another year older. Uneventful birthday as usual, but I got some amazing gifts from my loves. I've been consistently losing weight as well. My libido is insane so I've been flirting on dating apps even though I really don't have time for that shit. I'd make time for the right woman, though.
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Happy birthday, fellow gemini! (I'm June 5th)
 
AlwaysGrowing said:
I'm another year older. Uneventful birthday as usual, but I got some amazing gifts from my loves. I've been consistently losing weight as well. My libido is insane so I've been flirting on dating apps even though I really don't have time for that shit. I'd make time for the right woman, though.
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Haha yeah I'm totally saturated and sated on male energy but I am still having dinner with a pretty girl tonight... :D
 
Thank you all for the kind thoughts ☺️

icesong said:
Haha yeah I'm totally saturated and sated on male energy but I am still having dinner with a pretty girl tonight... :D
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I've been chatting with someone who is SO not my romantic/relationship type but would be fun for something short term/casual. She's totally on the same page about it, too. Fingers crossed! I hope your date goes well!
 
Oh my, life is good. The summer of vacations is going so well. Just finalized dates for another one next month. Hubby and I will be celebrating our anniversary, we will do a family thing, then Boy and I will be celebrating his birthday. I'm so happy to have fun things planned with each of them as well as things to do together. We're all loving the experiences too.

I got a second job then quit before I even started. There are dishonest about some policies so it would not have worked around my primary employment. Back to the job boards!

I've been extra bloated, mildly cramping/feeling pressure, and having lower back pain off and on for days. Ready for my period to get here already. Tempted to start birth control again, but Hubby is really wanting to give the "not trying, not preventing" baby making thing a shot. Lol actually, he'd probably be on board for actually trying but I'm not going to do the whole ovulation testing, super detailed tracking stuff. If we're meant to have another kid, then it'll happen. If not, I'm happy with our awesome little girl. ☺️
 
I had a dream that Boy, little girl, and I visited his parents. Boy and LG were playing in the forest, sunshine beaming through, just being their adorable selves as his mom and I watched from the back porch. She makes a comment about how good he is with her. I say he would have made a great dad. She asks why I stopped him from having a family, and I explain to her that he was on the fence about wanting kids when I met him. That he never found the right partner to have kids with. That once I had a kid, he realized he definitely did NOT want his own but would enjoy mine. I stayed calm. I pointed out that he DOES have a family, it just isn't what she expected but we love him and just want the best for him, just like she does. Dream mom approved of dream me, and it felt like a movie.

We may see Boy's mom next month. She and I get along fine irl but still never have that movie moment because she absolutely does not approve of polyamory and will not discuss it because she knows we (boy and I) will never agree with her on that one. She does respect that we're happy and likes me in general so it is what it is. Just interesting how dreams work. It would be nice to have ONE parent be cool with us. My parents are getting more judgmental by the year. Hubby's parents have health issues that make them completely unaware of our lives. Boy's not close at all to his dad so I don't even know what he knows, and his mom is very opposed to the situation but tries to ignore it to continue having a relationship with Boy.

The joy of adult children/parent relationships. Lol
 
Had the best father's day! Hubby and I have very set traditions for mother's day (same activity, different locations every year), but father's day is just whatever activity we want with no real theme other than it's something super fun for the whole family and obviously something Hubby is excited about. Sometimes I come up with the activity, sometimes he does. Then I do the legwork to make it happen. This year's was AMAZING. A little festival thing that happens every summer. A few attractions weren't available because of covid but the crowds weren't big also because of covid so it worked out for us. Such a fun time.

Boy came over Friday night and spoiled Hubby by doing a house project we'd been procrastinating. That was awesome too.

I will be spending 3 days with Boy soon, away from Hubby and LG. I'm gonna miss them since I'm usually away 36 hours max but it'll be fun too. We've been so busy and so family oriented this summer that it will be nice to have that time with just Boy then a leave in the morning come back the next evening, long overnight date with Hubby in a few weeks. Since I'm such the kid all day during the week, I'm told I shouldn't feel bad about her getting one on one time with her other favorite adults but the mom guilt is there anyway.
 
Okay. 3 days with Boy and it was hot as hell. We had a good time though. I video chatted with LG every day. 😆

Next up... Weekend with Hubby! So excited. I need to plan snacks and try on my new lingerie and do all the fun things! Also need to make sure I have easy meals for Boy and LG for the weekend.

Poly pro tip: find awesome partners who are awesome and volunteer to take on kid duties for entire weekends so you can have focused fun time without paying for a babysitter. Lol
 
AlwaysGrowing said:
Okay. 3 days with Boy and it was hot as hell. We had a good time though. I video chatted with LG every day. 😆

Next up... Weekend with Hubby! So excited. I need to plan snacks and try on my new lingerie and do all the fun things! Also need to make sure I have easy meals for Boy and LG for the weekend.

Poly pro tip: find awesome partners who are awesome and volunteer to take on kid duties for entire weekends so you can have focused fun time without paying for a babysitter. Lol
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For future context, by hot as hell I meant temperature. Not sexy. Lol it was over 110 the days I was there! Unheard of for the PNW area I'm in.
 
I had an old friend reach out last week. Well, we flirted/had a borderline affair (on his end - Hubby knew about everything except the extent that friend's wife was not on board).

Anyway, Hubby and I used to have a lot of swinger friends. Ones that were more into FWB over casual swapping, which is right up my alley. Friend wanted to try too since he was with his high school sweetheart as well and just kinda felt like they might be missing out. They also had VERY different sex drives - he could have sex multiple times a day whereas she was ok with once or twice a month. So he and I connected online and chatted. I befriended them both, actually, and she saw the benefits of friend having an outlet but was NOT okay with me/Hubby being part of that outlet (since she viewed me as part of her "nonmonogamy" support network).

I was cool with that, but friend and I had been flirty from the get go and just... Didn't stop? even when she made her preference clear. Which made both friend and I assholes. Not trying to say it was ok, it just is the history here. We made out a few times but nothing else physical ever happened athough picture exchanges and some heavy sexual talk happened.

Anyway, Hubby and I moved. Friend and I kinda fell off talking after a few months. I recently thought about him and did some social media stalking but found it hadn't been updated in a few years. No biggie, life goes on.

Then he messages me. Tells me he gave up social media but had been thinking of me and wanted to talk. Basically, we are both VERY different people than we were, but conversation still flows so easily. He's no longer with wife although they are civil. It's kinda funny that he reached out now when I just recently was thinking of him. I feel bad because meeting me/him pushing to open up sexually is part of what led to their relationship ending. It was a painful few years for both of them, it sounds like, but she's in a good place now and he's trying to get to one too. She's trying out polyamory. He's... unsure.

I don't know him well enough anymore to know where he'll end up, but I'm going to try to be a more ethical support than I was last time he was trying to figure out relationship stuff with me as a sounding board!
 
Ugh, vacation a couple of weeks ago. I'm still exhausted from it. Hubby and I argued a bit when we got back. He's slipped into some old patterns that had really killed our sex life/turned me off. Then he blames himself for us not having sex but for all the wrong reasons (latches onto his own insecurities, not the issues from my perspective because he's awesome in all but like 2 ways and those 2 things really impact my sex drive) and instead of feeling compassionate I just feel angry. Angry that I have to ask for the same things repeatedly. I don't think it's a hard concept, but I guess it is.

We've worked through it (again) and he's trying (again), but I'm still just so mentally tired. I'm trying to do more chores so that he can succeed in doing what I need to be interested in sex (actually focus on our time together BEFORE the initiation of asking sex/occasional loving nonsexual touch) so I'm also kind of physically exhausted.

I was pleased to see that I still lost weight on our trip. Not just maintained, but lost. I was 2 pounds lighter on return home, which is a pretty big deal because usually I fall into very unhealthy patterns when traveling. Boy and I were intentional about our choices while eating out though and Hubby didn't push junk snacks (but I did eat chips, a cookie, alcohol - not too limited but watched portions), so I felt very supported in that regard.

Everything else is normal. Garden is growing wonderfully, no pests to complain about at the moment. The weather has been pleasant although it's looking to heat up again soon. Fires are raging but wind on our side so no noticable smoke at home. Little girl is happy and growing like crazy. She's so wonderfully weird, and I just can't get over how much I love her and how she and I can butt heads so spectacularly.
 
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