Hoping to speak with anyone in a DDLG relationship

[glowinthedarkstars]

Hi There,

I just posted some background on where I am at and why I have returned to the forums here. I have had experience with both monogamous and polyamorous relationships, but am in a newish to a DDLG+poly relationship.

I was hoping to get some feedback from members here as I dive deeper into the DDLG aspect of my current polyam relationship. As a "little," I go into what is called "little space." When I am in that mode, I tend to act fairly childish. I like to play and cuddle and be silly. I also find it very difficult to identify, understand, regulate my emotions and to process complex things. I especially want a lot of attention from my "Daddy." The idea of "having to share" him can send me into a fit of tears.

Much of the time, I am not actually in little space and can do a pretty good job at identifying my emotions, telling my partner what I feel, and we can talk it out.

Him starting to date other girls, however, especially when he tells me that they are little, is really really difficult for me. I have gotten to know his primary partner (who is not a little) and have grown to like her a great deal. I sometimes get jealous, but for the most part, it's easy to talk myself out of it with her. With new dates, it's not easy at all. Sometimes I revert to "little space." When my emotions start firing, I view all other potential little-girl partners as a huge threat.

What are some ways, as a little, you deal with the grown-upness of polyamory? What are some ways, as a caregiver, you help your little along in this process?

Thank you so much!

Glow

 

[kdt26417]

Hello glowinthedarkstars,

When you go into little space, is there any way you can just, not think about the other girls? If your Daddy/Dom talks about them when you are in little space, could you ask him not to do that? Sort of, put up a screen between you and them so you don't have to think about them. Also, you may need to ask your DD for more of his attention.

Just some thoughts ...
Kevin T.

 

[Magdlyn]

Hey do you belong to Fetlife? That's big site with tons of discussions for people living alternative lifestyles, or having certain kinks or fetishes such as yours.

I'm sure you would find many littles in your boat there.

 

[MsEmotional]

Hi there! I don’t do DDLG at all, but I do have some experience with navigating D/s dynamic within polyamory. A few months ago, Ponytail, who is also very submissive to me, started dating someone else for awhile. I found myself feeling really upset — he is mine, I own him, how could he be with someone else?

What I found to be helpful was to have an honest conversation with him about my feelings. He was surprised and grateful that I shared with him how I was reacting to the idea of being with someone else. He shared with me that he had fully explained our dynamic to the other woman and that she was really supportive of his dynamic with me. Also that part of his reason for wanting to date her was to give me some space (which is something I had asked for) and that, ultimately, he still views himself as belonging to me even when he is spending time with someone else.

Basically, my advice is to be honest about your feelings and find out more from him about what your relationship brings to him — you are more than just another little. There is something that you offer him that nobody else dowsabs it would be good for you to find out what that is.

 

[SEASONEDpolyAgain]

You could ask your partner to very firmly discourage it by declining to interact with you on that topic while you are in that mode. Much like you would a child who was having a tantrum.

I would be very careful that to not use your little space as an excuse for actions that would not be tolerated in an adult who has consented to a polyamorous relationship. I say this because you admit you go into this space as a response to his other relationships, rather than only acting this way when you are in the space and something reminds you of it.

 

[River]

As a "little", I go into what is called "little space". When I am in that mode, I tend to act fairly childish, I like to play and cuddle and be silly. I also find it very difficult to identify, understand, regulate my emotions and to process complex things.

The underlined part of this has me a bit concerned, as it describes (it seems to me; I'm no expert) trauma-associated age regression. Perhaps you're quite aware of this, and are using the BDSM context to surface and work with this (?). If so, it seems to me that all parties should be very sensitively cognizant of current trauma theory and the potential risks involved.

 

[glowinthedarkstars]

Hey do you belong to Fetlife? That's big site with tons of discussions for people living alternative lifestyles, or having certain kinks or fetishes such as yours.

I'm sure you would find many littles in your boat there.

I don't but multiple people on here mentioned it, so I will look into joining! thank you!

 

[glowinthedarkstars]

You could ask your partner to very firmly discourage it by declining to interact with you on that topic while you are in that mode. Much like you would a child who was having a tantrum.

I would be very careful that to not use your little space as an excuse for actions that would not be tolerated in an adult who has consented to a polyamorous relationship. I say this because you admit you go into this space as a response to his other relationships, rather than only acting this way when you are in the space and something reminds you of it.

This is useful to be mindful of. I think I tend to go into little space when I am hurting, but also when I am just having fun. Generally, when I hurt and I don't understand why, I kind of regress. But usually, within an hour or so, I am able to be back to my normal self and articulate my feelings, even if it's a little difficult. It's that time period of me kind of "not processing like a mature adult" that is most challenging. It hasn't been a problem with us yet, more like a problem with me. I just feel like everything is much more difficult, scary and uncomfortable when I am in that space. Kind of contradictory I know, since I am doing it to myself.

Thanks for all the help and feedback, guys. You all are amazing.