Am I getting better or worse? (cheating wife)

UGH! Now she wants me to come. I told her I'm going out. If they choose to find me, fine. But I'll be damned if I'm coming to them.

Our apartment is a perk of her job, so even if I wanted to, which I don't, I couldn't throw her out.

Question for the poly folks out there. Women are such a royal pain in the ass. Why would you EVER want more than one?
 
It's a matter of finding the ones who aren't crazy.
 
Wow. This situation sounds like a mess from my seat on the outside. I am so sorry you are going through it. I'm sorry that Nora picked a dickhead to become involved with.

Maybe I missed it somewhere in this thread, but have you told her that you love her so much that the idea that this man would be anything less than giving of 100% kindness and honestly makes you crazy?

I don't know what your vows were, but I have a hunch, from what I've read here, that somewhere in there was the idea that you would have her back through it all. And sometimes having their back means telling them that they deserve better than they are getting.

You are truly a better woman than I. My gf's daughter has been being mean to her in the way that 16 yr olds can be to their mums, and it has been all I can do to not want to choke the kid. But I am just THAT loyal.

Good luck. Glad you have this place to help sort things out.
 
LoveWarrior, thank you for pointing out what should have been obvious. I did tell her today, maybe too late.

Last night, I went out while Nora was out with Nick. I got drunk, and picked up a stranger. I sent her text for permission to... you know. She approved. But I simply couldn't bring myself to actually do a damn thing.

I don't know if that was the catalyst, or what, but I broke.

This morning when Nora got up, she wished me a happy anniversary. (I'd slept in other room.) I said something to the effect of "No, it's not. We're done."

It's all very hazy to me now. I'm staying in the apartment. We're not telling anyone.

I told Nora that, as far as I'm concerned, the romantic side of our marriage is over.

We've been talking for 5 or 6 hours online now. We're both crushed.

God, I hate seeing her hurt, and to be the one hurting her. It's like an endless cycle of pure misery. She's offered to end it with him, begged me not to do this.

I told her she needs to end it with this jerk when she's ready. (LW, this is where I tapped into your advice.) I did tell her what a piece of shit I think he is.

God, why couldn't she have been a swinger? We both coulda had fun, and I coulda dealt.

I just don't know where to go from here. How do I win this? I want my wife back.
 
DazednConfused said:
God, I hate seeing her hurt, and to be the one hurting her.
Click to expand...

Don't take the responsibility for that one. Your response to her actions hurt her. Without those actions you wouldn't be responding this way. See what I mean?

Regardless, I am sorry that both of you are going through this, a tragic mix of NRE and manipulation. Take care and be strong.
 
Thank you all.

This just sucks. I do hope when they end, before she finds someone else, that I can get her to come here and gain some mentors, so she's not so friggin' alone. :(
 
Dazed, I feel for you, I really do. If you look in my thread, you'll see than I have my own issues, also. It really sucks when we hurt those we love. Over the last week or so, I have hurt my wife, my best friend, and my (now ex) gf. I can't seem to get anything right, ever. But, I have figured out a few things.

1) Polyamory, many loves, is very difficult to manage.
2) With many loves comes many heartbreaks.

I learned a long time ago that a bisexual person does not just have twice as many chances to get lucky. They also get denied twice as much, if not more. Poly is similar.
 
So, were both in a lot of pain. We went out to dinner and two parties last night, did okay faking happy.

I just got message from my best friend, that Nick texted her, asking her to come out last night. They are not friends. WTF?
 
No, Nick knows my friend knows and hates him. Nick is just being a dick to my girl. He sent this while we were all out. He's just trying to piss my girl off.
 
WTF? What is wrong with this guy? How old is he, 3? I know better behaved 3-year olds.
 
I'm sorry. That's ageist, asset. *sarcastic laugh*

Really, though, what's his game? Where do people find the time to pull that kind of shit?
 
Seriously though, Nick is probably trying to get rid of you both by sabotaging the whole thing in the only way he knows how. All this because he doesn't know how to communicate his needs, and, in fact, would not have gotten where he is now if he had communicated with Maya ages ago.

Some people just don't know how, and either can't be bothered, or don't think it's important to learn. They just do whatever they want and cause a wake of misery. Yeah, nice. Drives me crazy. I'd love to get inside his head to see how this all makes him feel. Poor bastard.
 
Nick is never going to be accountable for his actions. He needs his butt kicked to the moon and back! Some people, no matter what their age, never grow up. Nick is one of them.

I'm sorry you have been hurt in this, but you HAVE to look after yourself in this. Please don't keep 'going back in the fire'. I truly hope you find a way through this.

(((HUGS)))
 
Yeah, everything just kind of really sucks worse now. Nora and I spent the weekend together, just the two of us, excluding Thursday. It seems like Nick is trying to push her into the booty-call category now. After our blowup Thursday, she got how very close she is to being without me, or so she says.

I'm just heartbroken.

Oh, and I'm trying to quit smoking.

Kinda hating life.
 
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