I am full of questions, since I am new. Am I right in assuming that as the girlfriend of a married man, it is totally normal to hang out with the boyfriend AND his wife? What I mean is, is it normal to go to their place and hang out, and totally normal if I stay the night? Lay it on me...
Hanging out with the boyfriend and his wife
- Thread starter AliS
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Yep. That not being normal is a warning sign. If they think it's normal, you're probably good.
FormerUnicorn
New member
Yep, completely and totally normal. And great! And fun! Right? 
LovingRadiance
Active member
Much better than if you can't do that!
My husband, boyfriend and I hang out together with the kids, our families, etc.
My husband, boyfriend and I hang out together with the kids, our families, etc.
LoveWarrior
New member
It's been a while due to scheduling and distance, but my gf and her bf and I hang out and it is a lovely time. In fact, my second date with her was dinner and convo with the three of us, and we've shared several more times of just being together, sharing movies, music and personal narratives. Along with the sometimes awkward negotiations around sleeping arrangements. LOL
I have found that sharing space and events is a wonderful way of helping to keep the other love from becoming some kind of monster onto whom we project some of the almost inevitable feelings of jealousy, doubt, or whatever. And bf and I have a genuine liking and respect for each other, which just adds to the beauty and depth of the connection.
I have found that sharing space and events is a wonderful way of helping to keep the other love from becoming some kind of monster onto whom we project some of the almost inevitable feelings of jealousy, doubt, or whatever. And bf and I have a genuine liking and respect for each other, which just adds to the beauty and depth of the connection.
GroundedSpirit
New member
Absolutely more than normal. It's desirable. Not everyone exploring these waters has that luxury (for a variety of complex reasons). So be thankful and flow with it. Just also be aware that there may come times where you find your presence either impractical or complicated. If/when this happens, DO NOT take it personally, be hurt or offended! It's not easy in this society for a V or triad to function they way they would wish in all social/professional circles. We all wish it could be otherwise, but it is what it is. It takes time to work in that direction, so be patient and not thin-skinned.
Good luck. It sounds like you have some real potential there.
Good luck. It sounds like you have some real potential there.
TruckerPete
New member
How wonderful to have found a couple that is already so comfy in their polyamory. Congratulations!
janeb1958
New member
I do the same thing. My "weekends" are Tuesdays and Wednesdays. I drive up to their home when I get off work on Tues am (about 7:30am); I have a key to the home and the code to the alarm system.
When I'm here, he stays with me in the guest room. He refers to me as a partner, not a girl friend. He dates a couple of other women, but just here and there.
His wife has a lover she's had for over 40 years. She and I get along great.
Like GS said, this is not only normal, but desired. It's great when folks get along.
When the three of us decide to watch a movie, she and I sit in the recliners and he sits on the floor so he can touch both of us. We've also gone on dates, the three of us. He sits in the middle so he can hold our hands, or put his arms over our shoulders. It's great. He makes both of us feel special.
When I'm here, he stays with me in the guest room. He refers to me as a partner, not a girl friend. He dates a couple of other women, but just here and there.
His wife has a lover she's had for over 40 years. She and I get along great.
Like GS said, this is not only normal, but desired. It's great when folks get along.
When the three of us decide to watch a movie, she and I sit in the recliners and he sits on the floor so he can touch both of us. We've also gone on dates, the three of us. He sits in the middle so he can hold our hands, or put his arms over our shoulders. It's great. He makes both of us feel special.
inlovewith2
New member
Is it wrong that I have envy for this? Really I'm just being impatient. I know I will meet my bf's wife sooner or later. They are both poly and have been for years, but we live a bit of a distance apart, and we both have youngish kids. But I have sort of a fantasy of us all hanging out. There's my idealism for you. And I'm excited to meet DW's secondary. She sounds fantastic.
In short, I think it's great. I don't care for the judgment of normal, but it does seem normal in a healthy way.
Good luck!
janeb1958
New member
I don't think it's idealism. I call it PREFERENCE.
inlovewith2
New member
Thanks, Janeb. This is most definitely true. If you pay close enough attention, I find that you have lots of opportunity to learn about yourself on this poly journey.
inlovewith2
New member
Update: I've met them both!
We have a major update due soon, and we're going to need input (all good). But for now, I'll just say that I've now met DW's gf several times, and think she's absolutely lovely. And now I've spent the weekend with my bf and his wife. I consider myself incredibly fortunate.
We have a major update due soon, and we're going to need input (all good). But for now, I'll just say that I've now met DW's gf several times, and think she's absolutely lovely. And now I've spent the weekend with my bf and his wife. I consider myself incredibly fortunate.
Mohegan
New member
I think it's great and perfectly normal to hang out with the wife. Cricket and I are just building that relationship after a rocky beginning, but it's what I've always wanted. I want my husband's partner and me to get along and be friends, so that he has a more fulfilled life.
It was really hard on all of us when Cricket and I weren't getting along.
It doesn't work out for everyone. If the personalities don't mesh, I don't think it's the end. It will just take more work.
Right now, our biggest issue is how much time is "all of us" time, how much is "their time," and how much is "our time." Since we're all getting along so great, it's easy to forget that they need alone time as much as he and I do.
Good luck with it all.
It was really hard on all of us when Cricket and I weren't getting along.
It doesn't work out for everyone. If the personalities don't mesh, I don't think it's the end. It will just take more work.
Right now, our biggest issue is how much time is "all of us" time, how much is "their time," and how much is "our time." Since we're all getting along so great, it's easy to forget that they need alone time as much as he and I do.
Good luck with it all.
Breathesgirl
New member
I agree with everyone else. It's most definitely normal and okay. I live with Breathes. I date Possibility, who lives with his two partners and two kids. We all get together and just hang out, do the one-on-one thing, take breaks from each other, etc. In fact, we had a non-Thanksgiving dinner together and it was so fun we want to do it again.