Poly vs Swinging

H

HalliganBoy

New member
Hello,

My wife and I are not new to poly. We had previous relationships in the past but were largely LDR’s. Our geographical location is more rural and we have found that it’s hard for single people to date, let alone polyamorous couples. As a result we checked into a website for swingers. Apparently there is a pretty good underground mix of swingers in my community. This makes us a little nervous because we are more interested in individual relationships as opposed to swapping partners, saying good night, and going back to a “normal” world.

Thoughts, stories, are welcome.
 
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I don't understand. Are you trying to look for poly relationships/partners in the swinging scene, or did you and your wife decide to give swinging a try for its own sake?
 
Then don't swing.

Trust me when I say I know that rural is a barrier, but if you want to date separately (far more satisfying IMO) then keep an eye out for that right person/s each. Don't swing because of fomo.
 
ref2018 said:
I don't understand. Are you trying to look for poly relationships/partners in the swinging scene, or did you and your wife decide to give swinging a try for its own sake?
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Sorry for any confusion. We have been poly but have not met anyone new in for a couple of years and are considering the swinging scene. I think it’s awesome that it works for so many people. Our hypothesis is that swinging may be more promising than OKC alone. We have our hesitations though and looking for input.
 
HalliganBoy said:
Sorry for any confusion. We have been poly but have not met anyone new in for a couple of years and are considering the swinging scene. I think it’s awesome that it works for so many people. Our hypothesis is that swinging may be more promising than OKC alone. We have our hesitations though and looking for input.
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You didn't really answer my question. Here, choose:

1. Decided to try swinging, hoping to find swingers who are also open to poly relationships.

2. Decided to try swinging to see if we like it for its own sake because there is nothing better to do on weekends where we live.

Is it 1 or 2 that describes you better? This is not a difficult question.
 
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PolyNatural said:
My latest experience with your question is that answering civilly here on this forum will earn me six lashes with the admin stick.
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No admin lashed you, just fellow community members. You did not get wrapped on the knuckles by The Authorities, we just disagreed with you. Furthermore, you don't really participate here other than to pontificate about your narrow poly positions and to promote your website, which several have pointed out, isn't all that valuable a contribution. Take responsibility for your posts, don't blame "The Man" or "intolerance."
 
Hi HalliganBoy,

I've observed (on this forum) that many swingers will end up transitioning into polyamory, especially when two couples swap and then grow fond enough of each other to commit to a long-term quad relationship. You may be able to have a similar experience, where you start out hooking up with someone just in a swing environment, and then discover that that someone is interested in becoming poly with you. On the other hand, there is always the chance that once you try swinging, you'll find that you enjoy it as much as (or more than!) you did polyamory. Who knows? The swing scene in your area does sound promising!

Such are my thoughts,
Regards,
Kevin T.
 
FallenAngelina said:
No admin lashed you, just fellow community members. You did not get wrapped on the knuckles by The Authorities, we just disagreed with you. Furthermore, you don't really participate here other than to pontificate about your narrow poly positions and to promote your website, which several have pointed out, isn't all that valuable a contribution. Take responsibility for your posts, don't blame "The Man" or "intolerance."
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Actually, I reported PN for their constant "holier than thou" trollish posts. Apparently they were first disciplined, then banned when they complained several times about the discipline.
 
::quietly hums the dingdong the witch song from Wizard of Oz re: PolyNatural::

Anyway, as to the OP’s original question, having participated in the swing community for a bit, I think it depends on what type of polyamorous relationship one wants to build. I think the more emotionally intimate end of the swinger spectrum can have a LOT of overlap with the more hierarchical end of the poly spectrum - primary relationships with FWB relationships with other people, often in a kitchen-table-let’s-all-hang-out sort of context. So if that sounds good, you might find it. If you’re a more relationship anarchist type person, dislike rules around your entanglements AND don’t like casual sex, swinging is going to be really uncomfortable for you.
 
I'm sure every local swinger community is different. I know a lot of swingers around here and they are frought with jealousy and insecurity. Plus, my swinger friends absolutely do not get polyamory. On the surface that makes no sense because it involves people having sex with people other than their spouse. I've come to the conclusion that swinging is something couples do to spice up their relationship. A swinging couple is very much a unit. A fragile one at that because they do cling to monogamy.
 
I wouldn't want to go fishing in the swinger pool if what I wanted was polyamory because the people you're engaging with are likely not looking for that. So you get all the issues of growing pains that people have with newbies trying to figure out what they want and how they want to handle things, PLUS you have to deal with that this isn't something they were looking for in the first place- so added downside of it being more of a surprise or something that at least one of them wasn't prepared for or wanting, likely.
 
I swear that I am the only person that finds it easier to find polys than swingers!

Since I am poly this works out for me - but I have no objection to swinging , other than none of my partners has ever been interested.

The "MeetUp" near me is a mish-mash "alternative relationships group" - most of the attendees are BDSM folks. Not a problem, but I don't know how much we have in common. However, I do attend periodically as I figure that people interested in one non-mainstream thing might be interesting people to meet anyway.

But I would agree with the thought presented above - if you are specifically interested in poly and specifically NOT interested in swinging then the swinging community may not be a good fit (I hear they have rules and things, I am not good at those!)
 
Thanks for the reminder Mags. I was considering reporting PN too. I didn't remember the process off-hand.
 
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