Being her cuckold is one thing, but I don't think I can cope with poly

[Evie]

I'm glad you've made your peace with your role as the cuck and Grant's role as the Bull and co-primary (poly language) boyfriend. I know from your early posts that you were always happy in the cuck role, but having Grant as co-primary has been the biggest challenge, yet you now are reporting that this is mostly working for you. I hope you resolve the "mostly" into "fully" and know what it will take to reach this point.

I'm sure that whatever that "fully" looks like, it will include you being completely satisfied in your relationship and feeling complete as a human being. I'd posit that those are the things we all strive for as we explore and embrace poly relationships.

 

[Amygdala]

The bull impregnating the woman is part of the fantasy aspect of cuckolding, but not the reality.

I would like to ask a question, David. Earlier you said two things, that I remember, one being that you have PE (premature ejaculation) and that your 'strength' lay in other skills. You also stated that according to your partner, Grant would make an excellent father.

So, my assumption is that you could have penetrative intercourse with ejaculation even if the duration was very short.

So, in light of the ''fantasy but not reality'' part of your quote above, why would you not want to father your own child, and also, why would your GF not think you might be a great father also? After all, Grant may appear to be a great father, based on a limited amount of time spent with him, but you, on the other hand, just might make an awesome father yourself.

 

[David1985]

... You Have PE (premature ejaculation)... your 'strength' lay in other skills... according to your partner, Grant would make an excellent father.

So, my assumption is that you could have penetrative intercourse with ejaculation, even if the duration was very short.

So, in light of the ''fantasy but not reality'' part of your quote above, why would you not want to father your own child? Why would your GF not think you might be a great father also? After all, Grant may appear to be a great father, based on a limited amount of time spent with him, but you... just might make an awesome father yourself.

Yes, Lena and I can and did have PIV sex. Because of my PE it tended to be slow and gentle, and if we wanted it to last at all we would have to stop a lot, and I would give her oral or use toys on her and then we would go again. It was sensual and nice, but not satisfying for Lena.

At some point I will want to father my own child, but my sense tells me now is not the time. Why? Because although Lena and I still love each other, and things are going well at the moment, I do not think our relationship is secure enough right now. Lena has got what she wanted, but at a price. She now knows that I could walk away at any point. I could not, and would not walk away if we had a child together. I now feel ok about our relationship not working out, if it doesn't.

She does think that I would make a good dad, which is why she wants me to take a parental role with her child when she has one.

As for Grant, I know him, what type of person he is, and I have seen him with his son. Only once, but Lena has spent lots of time with the two of them. She says he is a great dad, and that, added to the fact the Lena loves his boy, is why she wants him to be the father, other than the fact that he is her bull. Grant wants a sibling for his boy.

 

[Amygdala]

At some point I will want to father my own child, but my sense tells me now is not the time. Why? Because although Lena and I still love each other, and things are going well at the moment, I do not think our relationship is secure enough right now. Lena has got what she wanted, but at a price. She now knows that I could walk away at any point. I could not, and would not walk away if we had a child together. I now feel ok about our relationship not working out, if it doesn't.

Thanks for the clear reply, David. You are very wise about not fathering a child at a time when your relationship with Lena is anything but solid.

 

[David1985]

You are very wise about not fathering a child at a time when your relationship with Lena is anything but solid.

I also do not think it is the right time for Lena or Grant either, and have told them that. It is their decision, though.

 

[dingedheart]

From what I remember of how this started, Lena wanted a more vigorous, prolonged, satisfying sex life. To meet that need without blowing up the relationship, she persuaded you into this cuckold dynamic. Earlier in this thread, I made the comment about the goalposts always moving. To me, the goalposts move to show horn or accommodate a new want.

From the outside, it seems earlier on Lena took her bull for better sex, and brought you along as cuck, a win-win. You get off being the cuck and she gets off... getting off.

Having been married and having children with my wife, one being a rather difficult pregnancy with 20-plus hrs of labor, etc., the changes that occur, the hormones, the sleep deprivation, etc., etc., etc.. My point is how much does Lena get out of this cuckold relationship? Because if it’s done to keep you happy and still part of the team, I could see the goalposts moving again, on being less and less important when time and energy become big commodities.

In the page(s) or so prior in the discussion of impregnation, I have no idea why anyone would want to use children to further some sexual fetish. I gotta believe that’s going to keep the shrinks in business down the road. “My dad’s a cuck and my biological father is my mom's bull." "Have a seat let me get the meter running.“

 

[FallenAngelina]

I have no idea why anyone would want to use children to further some sexual fetish. I got to believe that’s going to keep the shrinks in business down the road.

Not only will it keep a shrink furnished with a summer house or two, it's criminal to involve an actual child in adult sexuality of any kind. Just because "love" may be involved does not excuse the fact of use of a child for sexual and fetish purposes. I'm just shaking my head and reading along with this whole thing in total disbelief. This whole setup is a crime.

 

[vinsanity0]

Not only will it keep a shrink furnished with a summer house or two, it's criminal to involve an actual child in adult sexuality of any kind. Just because "love" may be involved does not excuse the fact of use of a child for sexual and fetish purposes. I'm just shaking my head and reading along with this whole thing in total disbelief. This whole setup is a crime.

Oh, come on. A child resulting from fetish sex is not the same as using a child for sex. That's like saying every child who was conceived through sex has been abused. And there is absolutely no reason to tell a child what fetish their parents were engaging in when they were conceived.

This situation is really no different than any other one where a woman might have two partners and have a child with one or the other.

 

[dingedheart]

Oh, come on. A child resulting from fetish sex is not the same as using a child for sex. That's like saying every child who was conceived through sex has been abused.

As the author/practicing cuck of this thread this thread has testified to that the fantasy is for the bull to impregnate the wife, and in some cases it’s accidental, and in this case, and I’m sure, lots of cases, it’s intentional. Intentionally choosing not to breed with the “lower” unworthy male, and selecting to mate and breed with the superior male is most definitely using the child or children as walking billboards to the cuck and to secretly or subtly send that same message to the outside world.

And there is absolutely no reason to tell a child what fetish their parents were engaging in when they were conceived.

Unfortunately, sometimes stuff like this has a way of coming out by accident, with the evidence pretty much painting the complete picture, without the parents having to explain the hard facts to the child.

Also DNA ancestry services are gaining popularity, which creates some uncomfortable conversations.

So do you think, if asked directly of the circumstance of how a child was conceived, you would lie to the child?

This situation is really no different than any other one where a woman might have two partners and have a child with one or the other.

Yes, that might be true in this specific poly case. But my comment was addressing the discussion a few pages back where the debate of selecting the bull to breed with was part of the cuck dynamic.

 

[vinsanity0]

As the author/practicing cuck of this thread this thread has testified, the fantasy is for the bull to impregnate the wife, and in some cases it’s accidental, and in this case, and I’m sure lots of cases, it’s intentional. Intentionally choosing not to breed with the “lower” unworthy male and selecting to mate and breed with the superior male is most definitely using the child or children as walking billboards to the cuck, and to secretly or subtly sending that same message to the outside world.

Unfortunately, sometimes stuff like this has a way of coming out by accident, with the evidence pretty much painting the complete picture, without the parents having to explain the hard facts to the child.

Also DNA ancestry services are gaining popularity, which creates some uncomfortable conversations.

So do you think, if asked directly of the circumstance of how a child was conceived, you would lie to the child?

Yes, that might be true in this specific poly case. But my comment was addressing the discussion a few pages back, where the debate of selecting the bull to breed with was part of the cuck dynamic.

The key word there is "fantasy." Fetishes are at least 90% mental. Take away the fantasy aspect and it is really just a woman who is having sex with two guys, one of which is more likely to get her pregnant. Technically, there is nothing about this fetish that requires sex with no birth control. So this makes it no different, in the physical sense, than a vanilla open marriage.

Say I have a submissive female partner. We engage in BDSM as a "lifestyle." We decide to have a child. The fantasy is I, as her Master, am tying her up and having my way with her in order to impregnate her. She becomes pregnant as a result. Are you going to say the child is going to be somehow damaged by our role play? I don't foresee a time where we would sit our kid down and say, "Son, we have something to tell you..." I mean, is anyone really going to argue that the child didn't consent to being the product of kinky sex?

 

[dingedheart]

The key word there is "fantasy." Fetishes are at least 90% mental. Take away the fantasy aspect and it is really just a woman who is having sex with two guys, one of which is more likely to get her pregnant. Technically, there is nothing about this fetish that requires sex with no birth control. So this makes it no different, in the physical sense, than a vanilla open marriage.

Are we talking about the OP’s specific situation, or the prevalence of this breeding selection within the cuck culture, one of which is likely to get her pregnant?

If he/they are denied all access, meaning no penis (specifically that penis) is to get near this vagina, or they have his/their dicks locked up in cages, or some clever device in, yes, I think it's likely only one will get her pregnant.

Say I have a submissive female partner. We engage in BDSM as a "lifestyle." We decide to have a child. The fantasy is I, as her Master, am tying her up and having my way with her in order to impregnate her. She becomes pregnant as a result. Are you going to say the child is going to be somehow damaged by our role play? I don't foresee a time where we would sit our kid down and say, "Son, we have something to tell you..." I mean, is anyone really going to argue that the child didn't consent to being the product of kinky sex?

I think you missed the point. In your example, you decided I’m assuming other reasons to have a child, not as an extension of your kink.

Let's modify your example. You have a slave or submissive who happens to be married with 2 kids. Let’s say a boy about 8-9 and girl who’s 13-14. You and your slave have a very vigorous intense online communication most days, discussing very graphic scenes using the most vulgar language possible. In these emails, you discuss training protocols and practices, and specific bondage techniques you have planned to "rape all of her holes." Butt-plug training so you can anally rape your slave on your next encounter. You get the idea. Lots emails covering 6-8 months, with lots and lots and LOTS of specific graphic content.

OP's slave becomes pregnant accidentally. (wink wink) Everyone’s quite puzzled.

One day, after her daughter left for soccer practice, and her son was at a friend's, she decided to quick get her email from you. The daughter had been on the computer earlier for a school assignment. Instead of logging out, and logging back in under her own username, she just popped on the her Gmail account to get the latest instruction or whatever.

Somewhere in the reading or reply, the doorbell rings. She thinks it's the UPS guy, or the dry cleaners dropping off clothes. A moment's interruption, at best. Not so. It's the neighbor dropping by to return some borrowed stuff she used for a party. The gab fest starts, and before you know it, the family is now home. Dinner, etc.

Later, the daughter goes back to do her homework and reads how there's a very good chance her new little brother is the product of rape. And rape by a person she doesn’t really know, hasn’t really met. She see the pictures and video clips of the proposed scenes brought into reality matching not just a word, but very specific words, with unmistakable images of her mother.

Is perception reality? How long will that secret be kept, if you think it should be kept?

 

[vinsanity0]

Now you've created a very deliberate scenario in which a child discovers some emails in an attempt to bolster your argument. In doing so you have shifted the debate to whether or not people can keep secrets. What is your true reasoning behind your position?

You remind me of a guy I used to debate in a religion forum. The crux of his argument was that if everyone practiced (his version of) Christianity, most of society's problems would never have been. If everybody only married and had sex with one person of the opposite sex, then there would be no STIs. There would be no AIDS, because there would be no homosexuality or drug use, because those things were bad. Kids wouldn't be "confused" about their gender or sexuality because there would only be one example to follow. There would be no children born out of wedlock. If people didn't do "bad" things, then bad things wouldn't happen to them.

Your argument seems to be based on the same line of reasoning. The fetish is bad so if someone practices that fetish, then obviously something bad will result.

If your thinking is just that people who engage in behavior a child wouldn't understand should go to great lengths to shield that child from their behavior, then I agree. But making the claim that it is impossible to do so is intellectually dishonest, in my opinion.

 

[MeeraReed]

Dingedheart is still upset about what happened with his own wife. I don't recall that she got pregnant with her dom, but their daughter did find evidence of her mom's kink, or accidentally stumbled on a kink scene. I forget which. The story seems to be hypothetical in many retellings.

Obviously the mom and her dom were not being careful enough. But instead of having a calm discussion with the daughter about the complexities of human sexuality, non-monogamy, kink, consensual non-consent, etc., dingedheart decided that his daughter was scarred for life and her mom was to blame.

This happened years ago, so the daughter must be about 20 by now, and dingedheart is still upset about it.

 

[dingedheart]

Now you've created a very deliberate scenario, in which a child discovers some emails, in an attempt to bolster your argument.

My argument/opinion is simple. People using/producing producing little human beings to further their sexual fetish is, in my opinion, wrong!!!!!

You introduced the situation or scenarios first, starting with the cuck situation, and then introducing your latest example, which both can exist on parallel tracks. I just gave you a very real-world example on how that choice might play out. And trust me, there are costs way beyond the shrink bills, but I don’t want to add another element/distraction to this conversation.

In doing so, you have shifted the debate to whether or not people can keep secrets.

No. My point is these things have a way of coming out, in ways people never plan for.

A 5-year old sees daddy trying to pee with his dick in a cage. I’m not even sure what lie in the moment would make that go away, but I’d say at some point that encounter and other things seen and heard are going to make sense to him. The kid might be 10, 15, 21, or 35, with a rare medical condition that doesn’t match his family.

What is your true reasoning behind your position?

In my opinion as a dad, but not as a child psychologist, using kids to further a fetish is bad!

You remind me of a guy I used to debate in a religion forum. The crux of his argument was that if everyone practiced (his version of) Christianity, most of society's problems would never have been. If everybody only married and had sex with one person of the opposite sex, then there would be no STIs. There would be no AIDS, because there would be no homosexuality or drug use, because those things were bad. Kids wouldn't be "confused" about their gender or sexuality because there would only be one example to follow. There would be no children born out of wedlock. If people didn't do "bad" things, then bad things wouldn't happen to them.

Your argument seems to be based on the same line of reasoning. The fetish is bad, so if someone practices that fetish, then obviously something bad will result.

Wow, how funny. You remind me of a guy who likes to keep switching the topics or introducing new hypotheticals to bolster your point. Christianity, AIDS, STIs, homosexuality and IV drug use. You missed Satanic rituals.

If your thinking is just that people who engage in behavior a child wouldn't understand should go to great lengths to shield that child from their behavior, then I agree. But making the claim that it is impossible to do so is intellectually dishonest, in my opinion.

I never made any claims on what’s possible or impossible. I’m suggesting that a child produced as part of some sort of fetish selection within a married-couple dynamic is unfair and possibly damaging to the child and/or children produced prior.

 

[vinsanity0]

And I'm suggesting that having a child resulting from fetish acts is no different than having a child from conventional sex. It's all just sex.

After being reminded of your situation, I understand why you are so bitter. I'm not sure hanging out here is healthy for you. You don't seem to have healed. It's like picking a scab over and over.

 

[Evie]

If a child results from this FAMILY, it will be PLANNED.

That's better than a vast number of surprise, unwanted pregnancies.

This is now a poly V, with either male partner able to be the father but one much more likely to be at this time. Both men would have a parental role, the child's genetic medical information/predispositions would be known to all, the cuck/bull scenario doesn't mean the child would have no relationship with the bio father - far from it reading the thread... he will be actively involved in raising the child. Will child need therapy...? See below.

My play partner, Magus, is in something similar, just without the cuck/bull aspect (to my knowledge, but hey, it could be) but it's a polycule with a baby. Everyone parents. He's not the bio father despite originally being the primary partner. He's now co-primary with the bio father. There's a secondary partner (of the mother) in the home, too, who also has some baby care duties, but doesn't parent in quite the same way. The child will grow up knowing who is bio dad and who is non-bio dad, but they are both dad. Will child need therapy..? See below.

I have triad of (kinky) friends who have a 5 year old. The triad is only two years old. The 5 year old calls both of the women, "mom" and they both parent, as of course does dad. 5 year old has taken it on themselves to use "mom" for the new, non-bio parent. Does the kink matter? No. The child doesn't see the kink. If the child one day stumbles across content on a parent's computer that they find confusing or challenging, then the parents will address that according. Will child need therapy? FFS, who doesn't these days. What it won't be is from lack of love.

 

[FallenAngelina]

Oh, please, nobody is taking issue with poly parenting. This isn't about poly parenting at all. The OP is telling us that oopsie pregnancies are quite common in this kink, and that impregnation is part of the fantasy that often spills over into creating an actual child. No, everything kinky is not OK. This is criminal:

I would raise the child as my own and nobody would know. I was ok with that and I guess that it is quite common in cuckold relationships.

It is quite common for the bull to impregnate the woman in cuck relationships. Again, not ideal, but that is the reality.

The bull impregnating the woman is part of the fantasy aspect of cuckolding, but not the reality. As I said, nobody would choose it, but even if everyone invoved is responsible about birth control, unwanted pregnancies can, and do happen.

 

[vinsanity0]

Oh, please, nobody is taking issue with poly parenting. This isn't about poly parenting at all. The OP is telling us that oopsie pregnancies are quite common in this kink, and that impregnation is part of the fantasy that often spills over into creating an actual child. No, everything kinky is not OK. This is criminal:

It's not criminal. We don't have thought police yet.

"Being bred" is a common kink fantasy across the board, even among people who can't get pregnant. I've seen it mentioned by gay men, transvestites, and even transwomen, none of whom can literally be bred. In the third quote the OP even admitted it is fantasy and not reality.

It's not a crime to have an unplanned pregnancy. Do you have any idea how many people would be in jail if it was?

All you people are doing is kink shaming.

 

[Evie]

Except those earlier posts have been superseded by this one:

Lena does think that I would make a good dad, which is why she wants me to take a parental role with her child when she has one.

As for Grant...... I know him, what type of person he is, and I have seen him with his son. Only once, but Lena has spent lots of time with the two of them. She says he is a great Dad, and that added to the fact the Lena loves his boy is why she wants him to be the father, other than the fact that he is her bull. Grant wants a sibling for his boy.

This shifted things significantly. Lena and David aren't talking about raising Grant's child without Grant. They'd be co-parents, although it's a little obvious who would always get final say

I now see this as a poly parenting situation, should Lena have a child.

 

[FallenAngelina]

All you people are doing is kink shaming.

Nope.

You're re-working my words to fit your own narrow view and defensive stance. I'm well versed in the tapestry of kinks, so no lecture needed, professor. Everything kinky is not OK and this goes well beyond fantasy and play.