fuchka
Active member
dingedheart, your scenario of the slave/submissive was graphic, but to me, didn't support your point. If I got pregnant by a consensual kink encounter (however it went with butt plugs, anal rape fantasies, etc.), I don't think this needs to be discussed with other kids or extended family. If we didn't manage to keep our kinky sex life discreet, then a potential fallout may be having to explain to other people how everything was consensual. But this could be true whether or not there are kids involved.
Separate issues are the arguable right of the child to know their biological history, and the benefit of knowing their medical history. These are ethical questions for any parent who adopts a child, and the kink aspect is not relevant. As far as I know, I was conceived one time my parents had sex. I don't need to know any details about that, e.g., the sex position they were in. If there is anything relevant to me in the history of how I was conceived, I think that would be up to my parent (or other adult) to tell me if they thought it was important. If I found out something disturbing unintentionally then yes, I could ask, and I could (and should) be answered. And there may be some pain or confusion around that. But in this or any kink scenario I would only be concerned regarding the consent of all the adults involved, plus whether they had thought through the practical reality of having kids, and had properly considered the needs of the child.
David, I've thought a lot about what you've shared in this thread. The kink of Lena being impregnated by Grant (and not you) turning into the reality of it seems a massive shift. I wonder how you'll navigate this, given you've had a "just in the bedroom" kink dynamic up to now. Lena deciding in her real life to have a child with Grant and not you, specifically because of your kink dynamic, could make this closer to a 24/7 dynamic, more than just in the bedroom. That's the part that would concern me the most, I think.
Does Lena know you would still want a biological child of your own, with her, in the future? Is she open to this? Perhaps you feel like you're not in a stable enough place to even have these conversations.
If this is something important to you, then it's probably good to raise it as soon as you feel able to. At least then you'd know. I thought it was a bit worrying how dismissive she was of the idea of you and her having a biological child together, almost taking it for granted that you should know it would be her having a child with Grant. Not just an accidental pregnancy, but any intentional pregnancy too. That's definitely not an assumption she should be making when transitioning to poly, imo.
I really hope you are able to navigate all of this and feel like there continues to be mutual respect all round.
I agree with Amygdala that it's a smart move not to seek to progress anything in terms of having your own kids with Lena at this stage.
Good luck continuing on this journey. Thanks for the updates and for all your thoughtful responses.
Separate issues are the arguable right of the child to know their biological history, and the benefit of knowing their medical history. These are ethical questions for any parent who adopts a child, and the kink aspect is not relevant. As far as I know, I was conceived one time my parents had sex. I don't need to know any details about that, e.g., the sex position they were in. If there is anything relevant to me in the history of how I was conceived, I think that would be up to my parent (or other adult) to tell me if they thought it was important. If I found out something disturbing unintentionally then yes, I could ask, and I could (and should) be answered. And there may be some pain or confusion around that. But in this or any kink scenario I would only be concerned regarding the consent of all the adults involved, plus whether they had thought through the practical reality of having kids, and had properly considered the needs of the child.
David, I've thought a lot about what you've shared in this thread. The kink of Lena being impregnated by Grant (and not you) turning into the reality of it seems a massive shift. I wonder how you'll navigate this, given you've had a "just in the bedroom" kink dynamic up to now. Lena deciding in her real life to have a child with Grant and not you, specifically because of your kink dynamic, could make this closer to a 24/7 dynamic, more than just in the bedroom. That's the part that would concern me the most, I think.
Does Lena know you would still want a biological child of your own, with her, in the future? Is she open to this? Perhaps you feel like you're not in a stable enough place to even have these conversations.
If this is something important to you, then it's probably good to raise it as soon as you feel able to. At least then you'd know. I thought it was a bit worrying how dismissive she was of the idea of you and her having a biological child together, almost taking it for granted that you should know it would be her having a child with Grant. Not just an accidental pregnancy, but any intentional pregnancy too. That's definitely not an assumption she should be making when transitioning to poly, imo.
I really hope you are able to navigate all of this and feel like there continues to be mutual respect all round.
I agree with Amygdala that it's a smart move not to seek to progress anything in terms of having your own kids with Lena at this stage.
Good luck continuing on this journey. Thanks for the updates and for all your thoughtful responses.
