I'm sorry you struggle. I mean this kindly, ok?
Why do my partners enjoy telling me they had sex with each other when they don't want to have sex with me? I am starting to get upset every time they have sex because they don't want to have sex with me.
Have you told them NOT to tell you when they have sex with each other because it is TMI? And it comes across like bragging?
Am I doing something wrong that warrants this?
Nobody is
obligated to share sex with you. But if partnered and you used to share sex with BF, it's natural to wonder what the heck happened. That part is not you doing anything wrong.
From your other post?
I am very new to the poly dynamic. I have been with my fiancee for 6 years, engaged for 2 years. I have recently started a poly relationship along side of my fiancee. We both met a lovely and amazing woman and fallen head over heels for her, but i am struggling. When the relationship first...
polyamory.com
I think you all jumped in too fast. I don't get what the big ol' hurry was.
- You and him started an online chat and web cam thing with her in Sept.
- You and him went to meet her in person in November.
- Then you all moved to be where she is in Feb. You and BF got a house.
- And then she moved into your house in ______.
- So now you all live together.
- Now it's May... and it sounds like they are more into each other than you.
- You feel left out and your own home is not sanctuary.
I'm not sure why you would turn your whole life inside out by moving in Feb for a person you just met 4 months earlier. Or start living together so fast. Why RUSH so much?
If you had your own place even if you had moved too fast to be nearer? Then even if this was just growing pains of a new polyship? You would get some BREAKS away from it at your own place. Like some time out.
But nope. You all live here in the same house all the time. New to polyshipping. New to lesbian relationship. New as roomies even. Just NO breaks. There is no time out. No sanctuary. That part? The rushing? That was of your own making.
It sounds like poly hell FEELINGS...
COMMON PITFALLS IN OPEN RELATIONSHIPS Many people who are in a primary relationship stumble into an outside relationship either by choice or by chance, and once involved, things can go beautifully or can go terribly awry. Here are some of the most common problems that develop and some ideas for
www.kathylabriola.com
...of being demoted, the intrusion, being taken for granted, etc.
But maybe it is not poly. Maybe it's really just plain "dragging out a break up" hell. If he is no longer interested in you? I don't know why he didn't break up and move by himself in Feb. Cuz it sounds like he's just not into you any more and she wasn't all that into you to begin with. I could be wrong in my impression but to me it sounds like the whole online chat webcam thing was exciting experimenty stuff... but it just led to them wanting to be off on their own. But not having the guts to just end it with you because neither one of them wants to be "the bad guy."
Is that what is happening here?
Are people using "poly" to be kind of a "whitewash" over the situation to make it sound better than it really is? Like you are "still included" but not really? Or just newbie bunglings and all caught in NRE? I honestly cannot tell.
You would know better. You are the one actually there.
Either way? I don't know if you have friends and family nearby for help or support since you rushed to move out there. Or if you have had time to make new friends and community.
I don't know why you still call her your GF. She's not a lover, and she's not sounding all that into you. Maybe it was just another experiment-y thing for her since you are each other's first GF... and the experiment fell flat but she doesn't want to say in case that means breaking up with him too. (Or did she feign interest just to get access to BF?)
And BF? Sounds like he's taking your for granted or cooling off entirely.
If bottom line is that neither your GF nor your BF meets your personal standards for what you seek in a dating partner right now?
Talk to see if anything can be fixed.
And if not? Things don't improve? People are just saying whatever and then just phoning it in? No real changes?
Could dump them and move on. And resolve not to be in such RUSH the next time you date. Date at least a year before moving nearby. Then date nearby for at least a year before moving in together.
Slow some of this down.
Then if things go wahoonie along the way? It's a bummer cuz no break up is fun.
But ONLY things going wahoonie. Not wahoonie PLUS having to live with exes AND find a new place AND move AND the money AND...
All these extra loads on top of the wahoonie. YKWIM?
You could develop better foresight.
Basically my role seems to be the one of the 50s house wife. I cook, clean,and drive them where they want to go.
How about you do your fair share like any other roomie would? And stop overdoing?
And they step it up and do their fair share of chores like any other roomie? And learn to drive if they don't know how and make more use of public transportation? You don't have to taxi them everywhere.
Galagirl