FWIW, there's a thread on that topic: How do you achieve compersion?
Thanks, very interesting and clearly it comes more naturally to some people but not all. I wonder if there are several aspects to compersion? For example I wouldn't be doing this if I didn't want my partner to be happy, and didn't accept that this is what is good for her. I also feel ethically this is the right thing to do and that I don't have a right to limit her just for my own sake. However at the same time it is painful for me to imagine her in someone elses arms, but I hope, as Icesong says, I can at least come to feel more neutral about it over time, in fact I am doing much better so far than I thought I would do, my world has not collapsed and I am not falling apart. I trust that she is coming back and will still love me.FWIW, there's a thread on that topic: How do you achieve compersion?
I just realised I did this without being conscious I was doing it at the timeYou're on the right track regarding the fact that long term security is an inside job, but strong people aren't necessarily able to handle poly better, strong people are better able to stand by what they value. What's important is that you become ever more clear about what you want, what brings you joy - not that you conform to someone else's wants and joys. Focusing on what brings you joy instead of focusing on being able to handle poly is the path to greater peace of mind. That emotional independence is the path that's most likely to lead to harmony in your relationship. That's the path of emotional health and yes, it's a habit, too. It definitely can become your new habit if you practice it little by little.
I will state something here that may not be accepted overall but its my experience I am conveying. My ability to feel compersion is entirely based on the partner, 100%. I have found throughout the years that compersion for me is based on my interpersonal relationship to that person.Thanks, very interesting and clearly it comes more naturally to some people but not all. I wonder if there are several aspects to compersion? For example I wouldn't be doing this if I didn't want my partner to be happy, and didn't accept that this is what is good for her. I also feel ethically this is the right thing to do and that I don't have a right to limit her just for my own sake. However at the same time it is painful for me to imagine her in someone elses arms, but I hope, as Icesong says, I can at least come to feel more neutral about it over time, in fact I am doing much better so far than I thought I would do, my world has not collapsed and I am not falling apart. I trust that she is coming back and will still love me.