He's very good at making me feel like im crazy for being upset and that im "overthinking" and "that i agreed" to it.
Glad you see that he is lying and doing crazymaking behaviors.
I think he has been dishonest because he knows i wouldnt be ok with the truth and he doesn't want to leave either. So he will just sit in this lying land until i decide to leave. Sucks. Either way im the bad guy.
You taking care of YOU is not you being a "bad guy."
I get that it sucks. You care about him still and want him to change his behavior so staying with him is less hurtful. But then he doesn't change his behaviors and being here hurts. But then leaving and breaking up hurts too.
Sometimes when all the choices stink? You have to go with the least stinky choice.
He gets angry when i say im not ok with it, but he says "i agreed to this when i agreed to our open relationship" which is absolutely not what i agreed to.
Rather than circle conversation? Move it forward even if you didn't really agree like he says you did.
You can say "Well, even if I agreed to it in the past? I have changed my mind. I will no longer be doing that. I do not agree now."
Then you stop doing the thing. Some things just end.
My college roomie and I used to have an agreement about doing the dishes. Well, we both graduated and moved out. That agreement came to an end. Neither one of us does dishes in the dorm any more and haven't for decades. It doesn't make anyone "bad" when agreements end.
He doesnt give a crap about me or my feelings and is honestly very "in love" with her it seems. I keep seeing this, feeling it, everything, but i am struggling to leave.
Sometimes one must physically leave first in order for emotional health and mental health to heal. They just won't if you remain in proximity, constantly dealing with wacky. But then when emotional/mental health is poor, it's hard to think out the plan to physically leave. It's like being trapped in a circle thing. If this is the struggle, then I am sorry you are in the circle trap. Maybe reaching out to friends and family might help? Like take a little time away on your own so you can rest for a week or so, and heart/mind can get a time out enough to make the plan? Enough to get moving?
Is the struggle something else? Like having the finances to move out? You may have to employ other strategies in the meanwhile while saving up to move if that is an obstacle.
Although im not looking for someone to tell me what to do, i do feel like I wanted some like minded perspective. I dont have any poly or open friends and im new to all of this.
Open/poly is not magic. Some people do it well and ethically. Some people do not.
I hope hearing from others helps validate to you that you are NOT crazy, and lying, gaslighting, and crazymaking are poor behaviors from the partner.
You deserve to be treated well. You have worth, dignity, and value.
I hope things get better for you. Even if it means making it better yourself by walking away.
Galagirl