Hey All.
So I have been seeing this woman casually for about three months, were basically just dating. And I have been clear about me also dating other people and she was been playing like she hasn't been, which for all I know is true. So she has been telling me that she is monogamous basically and I have been telling her I am not monogamous.
Well, she came to me wanting to talk about a relationship. And I was like, okay we can discuss that. The way I see starting a relationship, is that it's like a negotiation. Like this is what I have to offer and this is what I want in return... And I personally feel like I have a lot to offer, I mean if we form a relationship I can offer a good life. I am a vlogger/filmmaker so I travel all over the world and make enough that any partner of mine can come along on all of my adventures. It's a good life I'm not goanna lie. I mean covid has sucked for my profession, but looking forward this is the type of life a partner can expect from me, and this woman seems super interested in the lifestyle.
Anyway, monogamy came up. So I told her I'm not monogamous but I am glad she is because I find that attractive about her. But then she flipped the script and is saying that in a hypothetical relationship, if I can have sex with other people she can too. And, I was like hold on, because she has been telling me that she isn't like that... So I basically said I am cool with her doing anything she wants with a couple of exceptions, and after a long talk those exceptions basically came down her not messing around with other men.
I just feel odd about it because she acted like she didn't even want men, and now she only wants them because its "fair". Which I think is dumb, id rather us just be ourselves like we have been with dating. So she's isn't sleeping with other men now, but she expects me to invest significantly more into our relationship together and as a bonus I get to think about her having sex with other guys... I am definitely not going to agree to that. I know I can do better than that, and she does too but she cant stomach things not being fair. The worst part, I think she is just trying to make a point about me having a double standard and then pretends like she doesn't have any double standards. The real problem as I see it, is its keeping us from having a real conversation about what we actually want.
I'm real close to breaking it off, I am off to Europe in a month so I am tempted to drop the whole thing. We had lose plans for her to come along, but with all this drama its going to affect my work so I am telling her that its just not a good idea anymore. But when I talk to her about us not being compatible she says that she loves me and knows we can find a way to make it work. I know I'm being manipulated into being monogamous here, and in my old way of life I would have just lied. But I am trying to do things the right way, but I hit this road block and I don't know how to get past it.
Her being with other men, honestly it just repulses me. Makes me feel sick in my stomach, so I wont be agreeing to that. I know its a double standard and all, and I know everyone has double standards so I don't even feel bad about it. I guess any pointers on how to negotiate around these types of issues would be appreciated...
So I have been seeing this woman casually for about three months, were basically just dating. And I have been clear about me also dating other people and she was been playing like she hasn't been, which for all I know is true. So she has been telling me that she is monogamous basically and I have been telling her I am not monogamous.
Well, she came to me wanting to talk about a relationship. And I was like, okay we can discuss that. The way I see starting a relationship, is that it's like a negotiation. Like this is what I have to offer and this is what I want in return... And I personally feel like I have a lot to offer, I mean if we form a relationship I can offer a good life. I am a vlogger/filmmaker so I travel all over the world and make enough that any partner of mine can come along on all of my adventures. It's a good life I'm not goanna lie. I mean covid has sucked for my profession, but looking forward this is the type of life a partner can expect from me, and this woman seems super interested in the lifestyle.
Anyway, monogamy came up. So I told her I'm not monogamous but I am glad she is because I find that attractive about her. But then she flipped the script and is saying that in a hypothetical relationship, if I can have sex with other people she can too. And, I was like hold on, because she has been telling me that she isn't like that... So I basically said I am cool with her doing anything she wants with a couple of exceptions, and after a long talk those exceptions basically came down her not messing around with other men.
I just feel odd about it because she acted like she didn't even want men, and now she only wants them because its "fair". Which I think is dumb, id rather us just be ourselves like we have been with dating. So she's isn't sleeping with other men now, but she expects me to invest significantly more into our relationship together and as a bonus I get to think about her having sex with other guys... I am definitely not going to agree to that. I know I can do better than that, and she does too but she cant stomach things not being fair. The worst part, I think she is just trying to make a point about me having a double standard and then pretends like she doesn't have any double standards. The real problem as I see it, is its keeping us from having a real conversation about what we actually want.
I'm real close to breaking it off, I am off to Europe in a month so I am tempted to drop the whole thing. We had lose plans for her to come along, but with all this drama its going to affect my work so I am telling her that its just not a good idea anymore. But when I talk to her about us not being compatible she says that she loves me and knows we can find a way to make it work. I know I'm being manipulated into being monogamous here, and in my old way of life I would have just lied. But I am trying to do things the right way, but I hit this road block and I don't know how to get past it.
Her being with other men, honestly it just repulses me. Makes me feel sick in my stomach, so I wont be agreeing to that. I know its a double standard and all, and I know everyone has double standards so I don't even feel bad about it. I guess any pointers on how to negotiate around these types of issues would be appreciated...