Hello kara_bean,
You mentioned that while you were still engaged, you told your husband-to-be that you are poly, and he basically said okay. Did you know what he meant by okay? Did he mean that he had no problem with you being poly? or did he mean, "Okay, whatever." Did you knowingly marry a man who you knew would have a problem with you ever being interested in another guy? Did you knowingly marry a man who you knew would only tolerate your polyness in theory, not in practice? At the time you married him, how important was poly to you? How important is it to you now?
Whatever the case was in the past, the case in the present is that your husband is, not just monogamous, but actually anti-polyamorous. You know that he will not react well to you being interested in another guy. Which is the same thing as saying, that he doesn't care if you are just poly in theory, but that he would be adamantly opposed to you being poly in practice. You can say, "I am poly," and he will say, "Okay." But if you say, "I am interested in another guy," he will explode. He doesn't care about poly in theory, but he definitely cares about poly in practice.
He already knows you're poly. He learned that way back when you and he were still engaged. So what's the plan now? Does he need a reminder? "Hey, I just wanted you to know, that I am still poly." And you don't think he will just say, "Okay," this time? You think that he might say, "Well, do you have anyone in mind?" and how will he react if your answer is, "Yes." You don't think he will react nicely, do you have any idea what his reaction will probably entail? So what's the solution? Should you just say, "I'm not comfortable answering that question?"
Honestly, I don't know what advice to give you. I'm assuming you want and intend to stay married to this man no matter what. If he is so strongly opposed to poly -- and is he? -- then I guess what you'll have to do is let the old college friend go, and forget about being poly. Well, technically there's always cheating, but I'm assuming you don't want to go that route. Do you need to find out -- from him, directly -- whether he is really okay with poly? because if he is, then he should not have that much of a problem with you dating another man. Or would he just want you to date women?
I hope you can work this out with him.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.