I was wondering if any of you know these kind of interesting auras that are super horny and yet angelic at the same time. How are their kind gestures to be interpreted? Do these kind of people smile and do nice things to anyone they like?
You could ask Jade directly how he'd like his gestures to be taken.
Jade has said he would definitely go on a date with me.
Great.
Do these kind of people say that to anyone they find sympathetic and attractive?
Well, IME, people don't date people they don't want to date. Who they find sympathetic/attractive will vary based on their personal preferences.
I'm struggling to interpret those signs that would normally be interpreted as a strong desire for a relationship.
Do you mean you want to learn more about body language, facial expression and other non-verbal communication cues? That sounds doable. I know things like that can be a challenge for people who are Autism/Asperger folks.
I have no idea what I can legitimately hope for or expect from this, especially because he's keep calling me and checking how I'm doing from where he's now.
Could enjoy it for what it is for now, and postpone creating expectations until he's actually back.
And yes, I know I have a lot going on, which is why I feel incapable of finding a job, let alone moving out.
Mental health can make just taking a shower or fixing somthing to eat hard.
So I get that bigger things like job hunting and moving out seem daunting. That said? You could pick your top 3 things to deal with right now. Or top 2 if you don't have the spoons. Do what you can today. Run the dishwasher twice if you have to.
https://forge.medium.com/run-the-dishwasher-twice-e24ff24def60
If you only have the energy for 1 thing? I would encourage the therapy. Because you have a lot going on, and you do not need a plan to address 1 thing. But a STRATEGY -- a collection of plans to address many things. And a professional could hep you make a realistic strategy.
Still, I really don't want to go back to my parents' because that place gives me anxiety. Plus my mum is still emotionally manipulative and abusive at times which is certainly not good for me so as I see it I have no choice but to stay at my bf's place for now.
Ok. Maybe it's enough (for today) to know this. That you don't want to move back in with parents. And you write it down.
Later down? You can explore options with therapist for this area of life. Maybe a roomie would be appropriate. But you know what? That's over THERE when you get to the place of making details in that area.
Maybe for now it's enough to know this IS a stone. The housing situation. And that's enough. Chapter title. Good enough. No need to write the whole chapter right this second.
I'm working on myself but it's hard and will require a lot of time. My therapist told me just today that she thinks I'll need 2 or 3 years of therapy :-/.
Ok. It is what it is. And the time's gonna pass anyway, so... could choose to invest in yourself.
You have to understand that despite being in my mid 20s I define success as "not having suicidal thoughts for a solid month" while others my age define success as having a steady 30h/week job and having their own place...
Ok. It is what it is. You don't have to be doing what your peers are doing.
Maybe the next baby step is to go 5 weeks without suicidal thoughts rather than 4 weeks. Or maybe try a new coping tool.
Talk to therapist about a realistic size, doable goal for where you are at TODAY.
One doesn't expect a person with a broken leg to sign up to run a marathon. But they might be able to sign up for some chair yoga as a realistic fitness today thing. Later on they can stepping stone along to other stuff.
Same with mental health. Do what is actually DOABLE for you TODAY. And if a whole day is too big still? This HOUR then. Bite size.
Also, perhaps he wouldn't freak out as much but I'm even scared to tell bf I don't want to have sex with him anymore. I know it sounds stupid but I also feel so bad now that I feel like I owe him that.
One never "owes" anyone sex.
If you took up with him at 18, and you are now mid 20s... is this BF the first adult relationship you have had to break up in? That can sometimes be challenging simply because it's the first one. If you are also not at a place to tell BF "full truth" due to mental health challenges like rejection sensitivity or fears of homelessness, don't just yet. Talk to therapist first to make the plan to arrive at "full truth." Like HOW to tell if you don't know how by yourself.
Tell BF the truth that you can tell -- you are having a thing, need to work with therapist, are overwhelmed and don't want to share sex right now.
It's doesn't have to be "all or nothing" truth like one big whoosh. Be ok taking baby steps towards it.
Then resolve not to do this anymore -- be truthful from the start in future relationships.
Well I'm definitely not gonna call a hotline because they can't help me with this anyway. Usually I take two Xanax to knock myself out when the thoughts overwhelm me. So far it has worked.
Doesn't hurt to have the numbers handy. Can always put on fridge and just not use.
Could talk to therapist about coping tools.
Cuz yah, I can bang with a screwdriver as a "make do" hammer on some things, but it's nice to have an actual hammer on other things. And maybe some scissors. And a ruler or tape measure. Different tools for different situations. Doesn't mean I'm gonna use them all every time. That's ok.
You see I wake up everyday and feel like life is boring the hell out of me. I only feel alive when I do something that gets my happy hormones going.
Some people's brains come differently. Could address this with therapist, consider appropriate meds as needed, and when ready... maybe consider one of the more exciting jobs like ER nurse, EMT, Firefighter, etc. And hobbies like ziplining, surging, horse riding, etc.
Not DOING anything just yet, but allowing yourself to dream a little. The chapter of "Job" might be enough to list. Just that. "Job." But if dreaming a little helps, it's ok to dream a little and list some things you might like under that one.
Also, I'm terrified of embarrassing myself in front of others but when someone else is in charge of my body then by default I can't make a mistake, right? I think that's just some of the many aspects I love about bondage.
When one thinks a lot, or over thinks , there's an appeal to "surrender" and not having to think. I get that.
Sure, I will look around and seriously consider doing sth easy next year. What holds me back however is my rejection sensitivity and my fear of embarrassing myself in front of others. The second someone has well-meant advice I feel like I have to cry. And yes, I am completely aware that you can't grow if you don't make mistakes. I just can't implement this idea.
Is that why you just don't ask Jade up front if he wants to date?
The rejection sensitivity? That could be another area that the therapist could help you address in your patient management strategy.
For today I invite you to consider one small change. The word "Yet."
Just tack it on. That's all.
"I just can't implement this idea. Yet."
Galagirl