How to have a successful polyamory relationship? ( In a V polyamory with twin brothers )

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Krits7374

New member
Hi everyone,

I have been married to my husband for about 9 months now. We have also been in a relationship for a year and half before that. I have always been close to his twin brother, let’s call him “X” and my husband “L”. So a few months after our marriage, they have both confessed that they used to have shared girlfriends back in their college days. It was a V/Vee type polyamory relationships, of course L and X will never get intimate with each other lol, like eww. Anyways after they confessed it I was shocked and didn’t know what to think. I didn’t mind it to be honest as it was in the past and it was their personal lives. Life moved on, after a week or two, the three of us went to a friend’s birthday party. We were drunk and me and X went outside to catch some air. We were sitting on the stairs and chit chatting, L joined us after a few minutes and suddenly X asked me if he could kiss me. I also found him attractive and would flirt sometimes with him but this was shocking to me. I quickly turned to L and he said that he doesn’t mind. In the heat of the moment I kissed X. Later that night I had the first threesome of my life.

I know I know it was a bit quick but for some reason I couldn’t resist when they asked for a threesome. Exactly 2 days later I sat them both down together and we all set some boundaries. The rules were that my relationship with X would be completely sexual. L also said that if any emotional attachments happens between me and X then he wouldn’t mind and that it’s my decision whether I wanted to continue it or not. I didn’t want it as a romantic relationship back then. Only just a matter of a few months till I started getting feelings for X as well. The thing is L is a busy man thus X and I would spend time more often doing things such as shopping, watching movies, eating together, etc. This had been going on for months, maybe that’s why I started catching feelings for him. I’m not sure if X also has feelings for me but he’s clearly showing signs of it.

I have never been in a polyamory nor had sex with more than one man before this. It gets confusing time to time but I think it’s natural as I’m still new to this. How to maintain this relationship long term? Also if x confesses that he has feelings then how does romantic polyamory work? I just want to go with the flow but I can’t help it but stress about the future of this relationship sometimes. FYI, I am 30 years old while they are both 32 years old.

Thank you all for reading and also for the advice 😊.
 
Congratulations, you might just end up with two husbands 😂

Honestly, let those feelings happen, enjoy the time shared with each individually and together. They seem pretty used to the idea already and super chill, so lucky you, no jealousy ok their parts.

You're basically already doing romantic polyamory, just without the "I love yous" - you spend time with each separately and together enjoying each other's company and sex. There's not a lot more to it really.

You haven't mentioned living arrangements so I'm guessing that's working just fine. You haven't mentioned babies, so probably a little too early to be worrying about that.

If you ever want more clarity on your exact situation, talk to the people on it...your guys.
 
It's possible that L may desire to see other people eventually. Since this is all new to you, it may be a good idea to start thinking about how you feel about that. Out of curiosity, are they identical twins?
 
Evie said:
Congratulations, you might just end up with two husbands 😂

Honestly, let those feelings happen, enjoy the time shared with each individually and together. They seem pretty used to the idea already and super chill, so lucky you, no jealousy ok their parts.

You're basically already doing romantic polyamory, just without the "I love yous" - you spend time with each separately and together enjoying each other's company and sex. There's not a lot more to it really.

You haven't mentioned living arrangements so I'm guessing that's working just fine. You haven't mentioned babies, so probably a little too early to be worrying about that.

If you ever want more clarity on your exact situation, talk to the people on it...your guys.
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Thank you for your reply. No we don’t have any babies yet. Me and my husband live together and X lives near us.
 
Inaniel said:
It's possible that L may desire to see other people eventually. Since this is all new to you, it may be a good idea to start thinking about how you feel about that. Out of curiosity, are they identical twins?
Click to expand...
Thank you for your response. Yes, it may be possible but for now he’s just with me and yes they are identical twins. But thankfully I can differentiate them due to different hairstyles, beards and etc.
 
Krits7374 said:
yes they are identical twins. But thankfully I can differentiate them due to different hairstyles, beards and etc.
Click to expand...

If you were to become pregnant, making a paternity determination could become complicated. Something else that may warrant a conversation depending on the situation.

Anyway, circling back to your question about "romantic polyamory". Polyamory is the existence of multiple loves; platonic love isn't really included in the typical use of the term. What I am saying is that polyamory by definition is romantic. If you are falling in love with X and maintain your love for L, you could identify somewhere under the umbrella definition of polyamory.

So there is romantic love, what you feel; and romance as an activity, what you do together. Romance works similarly in poly as it does in monogamy with a few caveats. I for example cohabitate with my lovers and hardly think about making one on one time for romance. We have developed a natural rhythm for spending quality time together.

People do poly romance in a lot of different ways, and create a variety of configurations in support of the various desires among the group. Your situation would probably be best described as kitchen table poly, my situation also falls under that moniker. You can use that as a keyword in your research.

I can not tell you how romance will work in your situation, however if you support good communication about individual needs, and cooperation can be achieved to meet individual needs. The rest will probably fall into place quite naturally. Assuming of course that all individuals continue to consent to the situation.

I wish you the best of luck. Sounds exciting!
 
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Hello Krits7374,

You'll probably have a successful polyamorous relationship anyway, but if you really want to be sure, my advice would be to keep coming back to this forum -- this thread -- to post updates on your situation, and ask for updated feedback, info, and advice. There's lots of members (me included) who would be more than happy to give you as much of those things as you need ... and no doubt new questions will arise for you that you do not have right now. Right now you are looking at the whole thing at once, and wondering how to make it work in general. As time goes on, you will observe and experience specifics that you had not considered before -- and your polyamorous experience will be unique as you are a unique person, and X and L are both unique people.

For now, here's a few general pointers:
Hopefully that helps.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
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