Looking to connect

[Cherry1505]

Hello,

My long-term relationship (ltr) partner (28F) and I (31F) have been in a monogamous relationship for four years. In our fourth year, we met one of my old friends (28M) and became a throuple.

Recently, we are opening up our relationship and my ltr partner is already dating someone.

Ever since we opened up the relationship, I have been feeling like a fish out of the water. I am trying to form proper connections without the expectations of romance, but at the same time I crave one, especially when I am feeling FOMO when I see my ltr partner going out on dates that excite her. I wish I didn't feel that way and was just be able to enjoy my day-to-day.

Any advice? Also, I am happy to connect since I am fairly new to this.

 

[kdt26417]

Greetings Cherry1505,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

Is there anything stopping you from dating someone? You said you are trying to form proper connections without the expectations of romance, and I just wonder why? Why can't you have expectations of romance? It sounds like your ltr partner can. Is this some kind of a double standard here?

I hope we can help.
Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter"

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Welcome aboard!

 

[Cherry1505]

I guess I haven't really put myself out there. The people I am forming connections with are my friends and I just haven't found a "spark" with them. In some ways, I haven't really come out to my friends as poly yet, out of fear of being rejected. There is definitely no double standard here,. My partner has been very encouraging about things.

 

[kdt26417]

Okay, I think I understand better now. You are just nervous about being rejected, plus you haven't found a spark yet. Your partner has encouraged you in your search for love.

You can tell a platonic friend about your polyness, with a lot less risk than telling someone whom you are dating. It may be a good thing that you don't have any romance yet. This gives you a chance to tell your friends about poly, without fear of losing a romantic connection. That is what I advise you to do.

Hopefully you'll keep us posted here as your situation evolves. Don't let fear guide actions. Let love lead the way. Good luck!

 

[Magdlyn]

Hello,

Hi! Welcome to the board.

My long-term relationship (ltr) partner (28F) and I (31F) have been in a monogamous relationship for four years. In our fourth year, we met one of my old friends (28M) and became a throuple.

So, you and your ltr partner are women and the new person is a guy.

Also, in this "throuple" (I prefer the word triad, since it's less couple-centric), are you and your 2 partners all engaged equally?

-- Let's give them nicknames, for clarity. Your long-term partner, let's call her Orange, and the old friend/new partner, let's call him Grape. You are Cherry, obvs!

Are you and Grape involved romantically and sexually? Are Orange and Grape involved romantically and sexually?

Just how long have you been involved romantically with Grape? How often do you see him? Is it a satisfying relationship? Do you have one-on-one time with him, or do you and Orange only relate to him as a threesome?

Recently, we are opening up our relationship and my ltr partner is already dating someone.

So you're saying that Orange has started seeing yet another person, increasing your poly network to four? How is that going?

Ever since we opened up the relationship, I have been feeling like a fish out of the water.

Why, though? Aren't you in the throes of new relationship energy with Grape right now? Isn't it exciting and satisfying getting to know him as a partner and not just as a platonic friend?

I am trying to form proper connections without the expectations of romance,

Like Kevin, I don't know what that means. What is "proper"? Why is there a lack of "romance"? Polyamory means many loves, not just many sex partners (promiscuity or swinging). So romance is a given.

Are you seeking male partners, female partners, or don't you care?

but at the same time I crave one, especially when I am feeling FOMO when I see my ltr partner going out on dates that excite her. I wish I didn't feel that way and was just be able to enjoy my day-to-day.

So you're NOT excited in your new relationship with Grape?

Any advice? Also, I am happy to connect since I am fairly new to this.

I can't give advice until you clear up the current dynamics in your 4-person poly network. I think you want yet another partner (besides Orange and Grape) but I don't understand the rush. Is new person Grape also dating others besides you and Orange?

 

[Gwen1980]

Hello,

My long-term relationship (ltr) partner (28F) and I (31F) have been in a monogamous relationship for four years. In our fourth year, we met one of my old friends (28M) and became a throuple.

Recently, we are opening up our relationship and my ltr partner is already dating someone.

Ever since we opened up the relationship, I have been feeling like a fish out of the water. I am trying to form proper connections without the expectations of romance, but at the same time I crave one, especially when I am feeling FOMO when I see my ltr partner going out on dates that excite her. I wish I didn't feel that way and was just be able to enjoy my day-to-day.

Any advice? Also, I am happy to connect since I am fairly new to this.

I get this feeling I have had it myself. I want to connect with someone but I want the romance as well. I find it’s extremely hard for me because I’m shy and awkward. So it much easier for my partner to find and talk to people.