Hello everyone! Before I spill the beans, let me first explain a bit of background before the revelation.
So I've met my SO when we were 14 and he was my first BF. We didn't stay together but we were on and off throughout high school then we didn't see each other for a few years. The breakups were mostly on his end, but to no fault, at least that's how I see it. He had conflicts being in a relationship with someone else but still loving me. As friends, we made a pinky promise to be besties and when we got back together, we took that promise to our marriage.
I now have known him for 18+ yrs, 7yrs married. We both just started our individual therapy and have made some self discoveries. I just found out that I have ADHD a couple weeks ago! I don't remember my initial reaction after he came out as poly. I spoke with my therapist about the revelation and the benefits poly might bring, I found out that my therapist is in a poly relationship. However, my therapist brought up a question that made my heart sink, "would you be okay if he comes to you and tells you he loves someone else?". I've felt like I have dismissed the question to "well, I wouldn't know how I would react until it happens, right?".
I've realized that I've been repressing my feelings the entire time, believing that I'm secure enough to handle the news. But alas, my insecurities have surfaced and have caused a terrible flight/fight response. I have lived my childhood never having the stability of feeling loved or receiving the appropriate love. But I've been reassured, through tears, that I won't be abandoned.
I'm seeking a poly-friendly couple therapist we both agreed to going. I'm seeking podcasts about poly as well as literature about poly and so forth. It's nothing new to us since we have friends who are in poly relationships. But now that this is happening to me personally, I'm willing to learn more in hopes of being supportive and understanding. I wouldn't want him to hide who he is, for that is what I love about him. I pinky promised that.
So I've met my SO when we were 14 and he was my first BF. We didn't stay together but we were on and off throughout high school then we didn't see each other for a few years. The breakups were mostly on his end, but to no fault, at least that's how I see it. He had conflicts being in a relationship with someone else but still loving me. As friends, we made a pinky promise to be besties and when we got back together, we took that promise to our marriage.
I now have known him for 18+ yrs, 7yrs married. We both just started our individual therapy and have made some self discoveries. I just found out that I have ADHD a couple weeks ago! I don't remember my initial reaction after he came out as poly. I spoke with my therapist about the revelation and the benefits poly might bring, I found out that my therapist is in a poly relationship. However, my therapist brought up a question that made my heart sink, "would you be okay if he comes to you and tells you he loves someone else?". I've felt like I have dismissed the question to "well, I wouldn't know how I would react until it happens, right?".
I've realized that I've been repressing my feelings the entire time, believing that I'm secure enough to handle the news. But alas, my insecurities have surfaced and have caused a terrible flight/fight response. I have lived my childhood never having the stability of feeling loved or receiving the appropriate love. But I've been reassured, through tears, that I won't be abandoned.
I'm seeking a poly-friendly couple therapist we both agreed to going. I'm seeking podcasts about poly as well as literature about poly and so forth. It's nothing new to us since we have friends who are in poly relationships. But now that this is happening to me personally, I'm willing to learn more in hopes of being supportive and understanding. I wouldn't want him to hide who he is, for that is what I love about him. I pinky promised that.
