I promise I'm not a troll. Just rusty at peopleing.
The depression started after 2020/Covid, but was made even worse over the last 2 years by my medical issues and then getting fired. We chose to move into the camper in 2018 to be able to travel as a family for his job. He was furloughed in 2020 and things have been rocky financially ever since. We are working toward fixing it and are making a lot of progress.
Poly came into our scope of possible life choices in 2008/09. Were introduced to the idea by Mormons, but we made several friends through chat rooms, then late in person, who were non-religious and have a sister-wives type situation. We're not religious and don't and will not tolerate the cult practices of forced marriages to young girls and all that goes with that.
You know you could get out, do things, join groups, have social interactions, but you're still too depressed to want to.
The depression is now a big part of that, but it started years before. Mostly I let myself lose my identity. I've only recently realized that I'm not sure who I am, other than Joey's wife and a mother. I felt guilty doing anything that didn't include him. He never made me feel that way. He wants me to have a life and always has. I would love for him to have friends that he spends time with without me. He wants that too. I would feel less guilty about having a life. But he's not a guy's guy. He doesn't watch sports. He would play cards, but has never been asked. I do remember him mentioning setting up a game, but it never materialized.
It was easier to make friends when we lived in a campground, but that's not our situation anymore. We are Harley people, and that helped us be more social for a while, but it's seasonal and I'm a passenger. Now we have a Jeep, so that might help.
To be a desirable dating partner, you need to have your mental health things managed. You need to be under a doctor's care, and following the health plan you decide on together. You need to be happier within yourself. It's not fair to expect a friend to "make you happy." Sure, they can enhance your life, perk you up, listen to your troubles, but you can't cling to them like a life raft. That's not fair to them. You need to be able to give as well as take.
The main reason I said now is as good of a time as any is because I'm just starting this journey again. I want to make those connections and friendships again. I expect it will take a while before finding anyone who we might want to date or who's interested in us. It was 6 months or better last time. The day I made this account was day 2 for me getting going again. Reading, researching, thinking all took up day 1. I have to start somewhere. While I'm making friendships, I'll be working on myself. I'm actively thinking about painting again. I have 3 or 4 paintings living in my head at any moment.
I don't expect a new friend to make me happy, and honestly, in most of my friendships, I'm the one giving. I don't lean on others well. I don't tell my best friend most of what's happening in my life. I'm her venting board. I help her work through her stuff. But new relationship energy is also a real thing. I know it won't fix anything. I still have to work on that myself, but it can provide a boost, be something to look forward to.
I don't object to a romantic relationship with a woman. I know I'm not in the right head space to pursue one RIGHT NOW. But I can start making friends. We don't have to date the first woman we come across. She could be someone we are friends with at first and we (all 3) decide to date later.
I guess what I'm hoping for our dating journey to look like is:
*While working on myself and making new (internet) friends, I see a profile, or she finds mine, we say "hey," and the conversation progresses.
* We get to know each other electronically, then progress to text, phone call, meet-ups if she's local. 2-4 weeks time, depending on life.
*Then, hey, we're getting along, I'd like to introduce you to hubby. Hubby, this is nice lady. I think she's great, y'all should talk. Conversation commences.
* They get along well. She and I continue our friendship while discussing what we (as in each of us) want the future to look like. He and nice lady are building a friendship, as well, through calls while he's driving, texts, chats and video calls when he's not, building a long-distance relationship, for lack of a better phrase.
* More time passes. Everyone is getting emotionally attached, we start seriously looking at what the next steps are and make those changes. Time frame could be anything, because all relationships move at different paces.
* We become a family, whatever that looks like.
This is all IDEALLY. I am completely aware that there are a lot of hurdles and emotions and bridges to cross to get there. This is only an ideal outline.
<3 I've learned to work with her special needs, especially working with her on not losing things and being less messy. lol But she definitely goes through fads, becoming hyper-fixated on a certain kind of craft or computer-related thing, only to drop it after a few months.