Might be my final post

N

notsureatall

Member
I just wanted to say a big thankyou to everyone here for all the support, help and guidance I've been given over the past few months and my three or so threads.

If a MOD can add a link to them, I'd appreciate it.

To cut a long story short, my wife had kept proposing various open relationships where I seemed to be the person benefiting, but she wasn't. I was never the one to suggest these things, she was, as I've pointed out many times to her. I've tried to listen to her with an open mind. Various people here have mentioned counselling and treatment for her, which I've agreed with and she's refused.

I've gotten sick of spending time educating myself, opening my mind only to have it all torn down, then proposed again a few months later.

I've discovered two things. My wife most definitely has a cuckquean fetish, but I think there's somethign more pressing. She asked if I'd be ok if she kissed her work colleague. She said that's it purely hypothetical, she just wonders how I would feel.

What are the chances that's it just hypothetical?
 
Hi notsure,
Here are the links you requested:
I can see why you're taking a step back from this forum. I just hope you know, if/whenever you feel the need to seek more advice or even just chat, you're always welcome here. I hope your situation improves. I feel like your wife is not being honest with you. I feel like she is using you.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
"What are the chances that's it just hypothetical?"

Almost nil.
 
That's painful. It breaks my heart to read your post. I hope things go smoothly in your future whichever direction things take.
 
I'm with Evie on this one, next to Zero. Here’s something you might want to factor in-- many swingers have a rule against kissing because it’s too intimate. I think the kissing or making out hypothetical is just the tip of the hypothetical iceberg(s) .

I don’t know which one of your threads had me thinking the reason your wife kept pushing you to date other women was to cover/bring out of the shadows an affair or a desire to have other partners.
 
There's still a (smallish) chance he's now an object of her fantasies which may be as detached from reality as they were when you and other females were the object of those fantasies.
There's clearly sexual desire for others, the question is how she deals with that... Is just phantasizing enough?
 
Hi notsure,

Consider, too, the idea that she might be not all there. Somewhere along the way she snapped, and is no longer the woman you married (if she ever was). If you conclude that this is the case, you can then start thinking about what (if anything) to do about it. Who knows, you might do better as a caregiver than as a husband. Although, she seems to like having a husband upon whom she can initiate her bizarre, erratic interactions. Are you willing to fill those shoes? Your call.

Regards,
Kevin T.
 
kdt26417 said:
Hi notsure,

Consider, too, the idea that she might be not all there. Somewhere along the way she snapped, and is no longer the woman you married (if she ever was). If you conclude that this is the case, you can then start thinking about what (if anything) to do about it. Who knows, you might do better as a caregiver than as a husband. Although, she seems to like having a husband upon whom she can initiate her bizarre, erratic interactions. Are you willing to fill those shoes? Your call.

Regards,
Kevin T.
Click to expand...
I tend to agree, although it's a very far shot to make that conclusion from what we have read.

@notsureatall In other areas than this, does she seem to have as firm a grip on reality as ever?
 
kdt26417 said:
Hi notsure,

Consider, too, the idea that she might be not all there. Somewhere along the way she snapped, and is no longer the woman you married (if she ever was). If you conclude that this is the case, you can then start thinking about what (if anything) to do about it. Who knows, you might do better as a caregiver than as a husband. Although, she seems to like having a husband upon whom she can initiate her bizarre, erratic interactions. Are you willing to fill those shoes? Your call.

Regards,
Kevin T.
Click to expand...
At this point, I'd prefer it to come to head so I can make those decisions. The discovery of a stash of cuckquean porn was the first step. I don't want to invade her privacy again and I've not brought it up with her.
 
Evie said:
"What are the chances that's it just hypothetical?"

Almost nil.
Click to expand...
What bothers me as well is that this man is married. I've not heard her have any moral objections over that. Yet there are lots of objections over women that she talks about me being with (she's married, you work with her, she's in our friendship circle). Seems like an imbalance how she assesses things.
 
notsureatall said:
What bothers me as well is that this man is married. I've not heard her have any moral objections over that. Yet there are lots of objections over women that she talks about me being with (she's married, you work with her, she's in our friendship circle). Seems like an imbalance how she assesses things.
Click to expand...
On one hand, I'm tempted to say that's quite normal. Most newbies to polyamory have double-standards that need to be examined first. You can point that out to her.

On the other hand, it still might be the case that she doesn't care because this is a fantasy. I wonder if she would dare find out whether he is interested at all, if you ok'd it [DON'T].
 
Tinwen said:
On one hand, I'm tempted to say that's quite normal. Most newbies to polyamory have double-standards that need to be examined first. You can point that out to her.

On the other hand, it still might be the case that she doesn't care because this is a fantasy. I wonder if she would dare find out whether he is interested at all, if you ok'd it [DON'T].
Click to expand...
He gave her a hug at work, and she noticed he was hard. Apparently that got her thinking.
 
notsureatall said:
He gave her a hug at work, and she noticed he was hard. Apparently that got her thinking.
Click to expand...
Any idea of what they were discussing, or why he/they felt the need to hug, and hug that close, to involve groin contact? From my experience (and the ladies here can confirm this or call bullshit), office hugs are typically "lean in with upper body shoulder to high chest."

Plus, in today’s sexual-harassment climate, he probably shouldn’t be hugging anyone if it causes him to spring a boner.

Your wife, in her current state of mind, is going to be the exception to the rule, not the norm for most women, married or single.
 
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I'm with dinged on this one.

One does NOT hug an office colleague like that. Definitely not if there's a boner involved. UNLESS it was already indicated that it would be wanted. Dude is either risking sexual harassment complaint, or he knows one wouldn't be made.

It's the latter.
 
dingedheart said:
Any idea of what they were discussing, or why he/they felt the need to hug, and hug that close, to involve groin contact? From my experience (and the ladies here can confirm this or call bullshit), office hugs are typically "lean in with upper body shoulder to high chest."

Plus, in today’s sexual-harassment climate, he probably shouldn’t be hugging anyone if it causes him to spring a boner.

Your wife, in her current state of mind, is going to be the exception to the rule, not the norm for most women, married or single.
Click to expand...
She said she thinks he’s conflicted. Not sure what that means .
 
Evie said:
I'm with dinged on this one.

One does NOT hug an office colleague like that. Definitely not if there's a boner involved. UNLESS it was already indicated that it would be wanted. Dude is either risking sexual harassment complaint, or he knows one wouldn't be made.

It's the latter.
Click to expand...
Asked her about her questions and comments about this guy. Said she has no interest in him at all. Realises he is into her, and was just curious at my response to knowing this guy wants her.
 
notsureatall said:
She said she thinks he’s conflicted. Not sure what that means .
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Could mean a lot of things ….like he’s married and doesn’t want to risk his marriage or like he didn’t want to risk his job tangled in a sexual harassment claim or sexual misconduct claim.
 
notsureatall said:
Asked her about her questions and comments about this guy. Said she has no interest in him at all
Click to expand...
That seems far-fetched given the circumstances.

notsureatall said:
Realises he is into her, and was just curious at my response to knowing this guy wants her.
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My next thought is why or how he got that “noticeably“ into her. Did she have fun eating a banana in his office in a short tight skirt, like Sharon Stone, sans panties? Or is some of this story fabricated to get a reaction? Which seems equally crazy.
 
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