Hello, I’m here for community!

[CoriBee]

Hi there! My name isn’t Cori, but you can call me that for now.

I (36 F) am in a very loving and stable relationship with my partner (45 M) of nigh on three years. We live together and started out as poly/enm. While the extracurriculars I had fell off very quickly, his two partners (a married F/F couple), did not.

Partner and I are creating a life together, it looks very mono to most of the people around us. I have been struggling lately with insecurities and fears surrounding Partner’s other relationship. After a few chats and check ins with Partner I decided I needed to immerse myself further into the poly community, so I’m here!

Obviously our situation has a lot more subtleties than I’ve described but I don’t want to overwhelm people straight away with the intricacies. I’m sure everyone here understands that!

Anyway, hi, hello, good morning! I hope you’re all doing well and I look forward to being a part of this community!

 

[Evie]

Hi and welcome, Cori. I'm glad you're reaching out to others who are living in various poly configurations! I hope seeing that there's a lot of people in long term sustainable polycules helps generally, and that when you're ready you will share what's challenging you specifically.

 

[kdt26417]

Greetings Cori,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

Sorry to hear about the struggles you've been having lately, polyamory isn't always easy, but once you get past those struggles, it can be very worthwhile. Don't be shy about posting more about it, the Relationship Corner is a good place to do that, you will get lots of responses from various people there. Good luck!

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter"

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!

 

[FeralGeek]

Hiiiiii! We love a community! Welcome!

Jealousy and insecurity in non-monogamous relationships are, if you ask me, far easier to navigate than in monogamous relationships, specifically because we get to start from a place of “I can never be the be-all, end-all for my partner and that’s ok because they can never be my everything either.” This doesn’t change the rest of the world shoving the concept of Soulmates down our throats, but we at least get to talk about the girl that I think is prettier than me instead of pretending like she’s not attractive at all.

Like with every other relationship, open communication and therapy seem to make the biggest differences. Emotional intelligence cannot be undersold.

 

[Magdlyn]

Hi there! My name isn’t Cori, but you can call me that for now.

I (36 F) am in a very loving and stable relationship with my partner (45 M) of nigh on three years. We live together and started out as poly/enm. While the extracurriculars I had fell off very quickly,

How did you meet those people? What seemed to be the overriding reason for those relationships ending?

Were you trying to date couples, since Partner is? Dating couple is hard. Or were you dating guys who acted like they wanted a poly relationship but really only wanted some sex a time or two?

his two partners (a married F/F couple), did not.

Partner and I are creating a life together, that looks very mono to most of the people around us. I have been struggling lately with insecurities and fears surrounding Partner’s other relationship. After a few chats and check-ins with Partner I decided I needed to immerse myself further into the poly community, so I’m here!

Glad you came here to learn. You could read here for years and not get to the end of the stories. Learning from other's mistakes, and all the good advice we all get, is fantastic.

Obviously our situation has a lot more subtleties than I’ve described but I don’t want to overwhelm people straight away with the intricacies. I’m sure everyone here understands that!

Anyway, hi, hello, good morning! I hope you’re all doing well and I look forward to being a part of this community!

Glad you found us!

 

[CoriBee]

Hi and welcome, Cori. I'm glad you're reaching out to others who are living in various poly configurations! I hope seeing that there's a lot of people in long term sustainable polycules helps generally, and that when you're ready you will share what's challenging you specifically.

Hi Evie, thank you for the kind reply and warm welcome! I think it will. Having more connection to others like us feels like the right move for me right now. I’m sure over time I’ll share more. For now it feels good just to be here

 

[CoriBee]

Greetings Cori,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

Sorry to hear about the struggles you've been having lately, polyamory isn't always easy, but once you get past those struggles, it can be very worthwhile. Don't be shy about posting more about it, the Relationship Corner is a good place to do that, you will get lots of responses from various people there. Good luck!

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter"

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!

Thank you for the resources and the nice welcome! I’ll definitely be perusing alllll the links over the next few days!

 

[CoriBee]

Hiiiiii! We love a community! Welcome!

Jealousy and insecurity in non-monogamous relationships are, if you ask me, far easier to navigate than in monogamous relationships, specifically because we get to start from a place of “I can never be the be-all, end-all for my partner and that’s ok because they can never be my everything either.” This doesn’t change the rest of the world shoving the concept of Soulmates down our throats, but we at least get to talk about the girl that I think is prettier than me instead of pretending like she’s not attractive at all.

Like with every other relationship, open communication and therapy seem to make the biggest differences. Emotional intelligence cannot be undersold.

Hi and thank you for the well wishes! I am currently in therapy! Partner and I are also very good at communicating, though we still have things to work on. Thankfully when we address our concerns we both listen with open ears and validate. We also usually find some kind of resolution or new ideas to try to find resolution. It is important I keep the thought active in my consciousness that we are not each others’ everything, though we are priorities to each other. It’s easy to let slip when big feelings get in the way, but I’m also actively working on it. Thank you again for your support! I feel like I found the right place to be

 

[CoriBee]

How did you meet those people? What seemed to be the overriding reason for those relationships ending?

Were you trying to date couples, since Partner is? Dating couple is hard. Or were you dating guys who acted like they wanted a poly relationship but really only wanted some sex a time or two?

I met one 18 years ago, the first time I had a partner who wanted an open style relationship. That one, let’s call him Ess, really put me on a pedestal, but didn’t really see me. There were also moral differences between us I couldn’t get past. Our relationship kinda just died out over time until one day he didn’t respond to a text and I chose not to re initiate. It was for the best.

Another decided he wasn’t ready for ENM/poly so that fizzled too,

And the last had so much going on with many partners, it made me feel uncomfortable. There was quite a distance and not enough availability to really keep trying to pursue it.

I had these connections just prior to meeting Partner. Because I was a single parent I did not feel, after we met, that I had the energy and care to offer to more than Partner and my children when we both realized we really wanted to establish with each other. Once the others fizzled out I just didn’t try again. No couples for me, and once I realized the complexities of feelings involved I decided to put what spoons I had into us. I’ve been sitting here with the same mindset all this time