Exploring the Practicalities of a Shared Life

[badger]

I've been thinking deeply about a relationship model that moves beyond dating and into building a shared, long-term life.
The vision is a closed polyfidelitous household with a single, central male partner and multiple female partners, with the ultimate goal of building a family, including children.

I'm curious if there are others here, especially women, who find this kind of committed, multi-partner family structure appealing or who are already living in something similar.

I'm not here to solicit DMs with this post, but to genuinely learn from this community.

What are the biggest challenges?
What are the foundations that make it work?
Are there specific forums or resouces dedicated to this dynamic?
Thanks..

 

[FeralGeek]

I've been thinking deeply about a relationship model that moves beyond dating and into building a shared, long-term life.
The vision is a closed polyfidelitous household with a single, central male partner and multiple female partners, with the ultimate goal of building a family, including children.

Im already out. Why the supernormative, heterosexual, patriarchical dynamic/structure? If that’s what you’ve landed on, I challenge your claim to have thought deeply on this.

What is the basis for the model? There is plenty of archaeological and evolutionary biology evidence to suggest that foundational human family models most often consisted of small groups of adults with complex social bonds and a community mindset towards child rearing. Modern “fidelitous” constructs for households are wildly different than our primeval roots, but pretty common by western standards.

Sounds like you want a bunch of sisterwives. Isn't there a state and religion for that?

 

[kdt26417]

Hello badger,

If one man is actually married to multiple women, that is patriarchal polygyny and is usually called polygamy. If one woman is married to multiple men, that is matriarchal polyandry and is another kind of polygamy. Personally I am in favor of poly relationships with both multiple men and multiple women.

Just my 2¢,
Kevin T.

 

[Wake-upMaggie]

Hello badger,

If one man is actually married to multiple women, that is patriarchal polygyny and is usually called polygamy. If one woman is married to multiple men, that is matriarchal polyandry and is another kind of polygamy. Personally I am in favor of poly relationships with both multiple men and multiple women.

Just my 2¢,
Kevin T.

Sense 8

 

[Evie]

Sense 8

Are you referring to this science fiction television show? https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sense8

 

[Evie]

I've been thinking deeply about a relationship model that moves beyond dating and into building a shared, long-term life.
The vision is a closed polyfidelitous household with a single, central male partner and multiple female partners, with the ultimate goal of building a family, including children.

I'm going to try and answer this, although my culture is probably quite different to yours.

What are the biggest challenges?

Financial. Big houses cost big money. And if you want all your women having babies, there are going to be a LOT more costs involved.

Polyfi. The larger your household, the less time you'll have to spend quality time with each woman separately. Expecting them to be polyfi to one man who is not particularly available for intimacy isn't going to be a strong selling point. Especially when said man will also have parenting duties, so even less time for romantic connection.

And don't get your hopes up on finding "trad wife" style women. The trad in trad wife also refers to expectations of monogamy given they do not have personal financial security.

What are the foundations that make it work?

I knew a successful co-habiting V of actual adults, with children. They started slowly. They respected each others' boundaries. They began as a couple who found a second woman, but the couple had been open for quite a while and had made a lot of their mistakes before they met her. They didn't rush to all move in together, they knew each other for a few years before that, climbing the relationship escalator because it suited them all, not because that was the pre-ordained or expected outcome. They let it get to that place organically. They kept the relationship open and still "play" or share sex with others, both casually and in ongoing secondary style relationships.

Are there specific forums or resources dedicated to this dynamic?

Not on our site. Google found www.sisterwives.com

 

[Evie]

You could also read this thread: https://polyamory.com/threads/how-w...build-a-large-intentional-poly-family.158042/

 

[Magdlyn]

I've been thinking deeply about a relationship model that moves beyond dating and into building a shared, long-term life. The vision is a closed poly-fidelitous household with a single, central male partner and multiple female partners, with the ultimate goal of building a family, including children.

I'm curious if there are others here, especially women, who find this kind of committed, multi-partner family structure appealing or who are already living in something similar.

Are you a woman yourself, wanting to share one "husband" with sister wives, or are you a man who wants several women to live with, with an enforced "one-penis policy" whereby you can have multiple female partners, but all the women can only have one lover (you)? Or maybe, on the outside, they may have sex with each other, if they are bisexual?

I'm not here to solicit DMs with this post, but to genuinely learn from this community.

Don't worry, I am sure you won't be flooded with women wanting to be part of a harem here.

What are the biggest challenges?
What are the foundations that make it work?

These were addressed above.

Are there specific forums or resources dedicated to this dynamic?

There are places like Mormon offshoots and other religious cults where polygyny/"plural marriage" is practiced, pretty much always to the detriment of the women and girls who are raised in these isolated cultures. Underaged girls (under 18), or very young women, are married off to much older men in a sort of barter exchange, as property. You will not find support for polygyny on forums for polyamorous people, where equality of the sexes/genders is more the norm. I also understand polygyny is legal in certain Muslim countries of the Middle East and Africa (not sure about Indonesia).

Thanks.