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Disneydean

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Hi. I used to be in a Poly relationship when I was in my late 30's. Now I am almost 55 and realized, that I still want that. I cannot get what I need, nor do I feel like I have so little love as to only give it to one person. However, I feel like my window for finding a relationship, even dating people who may feel the same, is passing me by. Are there any resources for people who are looking for other people who are over 50? Just curious...Thanks
 
Never old for dating. My grandma reconnected with her old love in their 70's :)
 
Disneydean said:
Hi. I used to be in a Poly relationship when I was in my late 30's. Now I am almost 55 and realized, that I still want that. I cannot get what I need, nor do I feel like I have so little love as to only give it to one person. However, I feel like my window for finding a relationship, even dating people who may feel the same, is passing me by. Are there any resources for people who are looking for other people who are over 50? Just curious...Thanks
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Hi. I see from another post of yours that you're a woman in your 50s. I officially separated from my husband, a mono marriage, at age 53, divorcing a few years later. I am now 70 and I've had no problem finding dates and partners. I am open-minded about age. I find some younger men (and women, I'm queer) of younger ages are more mature and/or compatible with me as people my own age or older. So I recommend being open-minded.

I used to to the OK Cupid dating site when I first started dating, but it's not as good as it used to be. Nowadays some poly people find more luck on Feeld.
 
Hello Disneydean,

Don't give up, try a couple of poly-friendly dating sites/apps. Feeld and OKCupid are two that I know of. Also you can search for poly meetups in your area. Google "North Carolina polyamory," "North Carolina ENM," or polyamory or ENM with the name of your nearest major city. Finally, any way you can get out there and make friends, clubs, classes, or fringe events such as indie concerts, Ren Faires, sci-fi cons, BDSM munches, or what have you. Age is just a number, if you believe in yourself, you can find those special someones.

Regards,
Kevin T.
 
Disneydean said:
Hi. I used to be in a Poly relationship when I was in my late 30's. Now I am almost 55 and realized, that I still want that. I cannot get what I need, nor do I feel like I have so little love as to only give it to one person. However, I feel like my window for finding a relationship, even dating people who may feel the same, is passing me by. Are there any resources for people who are looking for other people who are over 50? Just curious...Thanks
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I've never used dating specific apps or strategies, but I'm about your age and sometimes find really good chemistry with others who share a hobby or a (non-poly) community with me. I haven't built any new "partner" relationships in a while, but definitely there have been sparkles and various levels of intimacy that could have deepened if I weren't a bit saturated. I ended up with more dear friends I could talk to about anything, which is a kind of relating I love to share, too.

So, at the risk of being cliche -- go out and do the stuff you love to do, and meet others who like the same things. Some subset of those will click, and some subset of those might REALLY click. Could certainly do that alongside the more direct apps and strategies.
 
i'm 44 and i feel this deeply.

i'm a reasonably handsome guy--average, i think, but i take pretty good care of myself, and i've been drinking milk--and on paper i think i'm a pretty desirable partner. (my go-to joke is that unfortunately, women don't date guys on paper, unless they have a stationery fetish, and that's not really my thing.)

however, on dating apps, i do awful. awful awful. even just on mainstream/traditional apps, very few matches. don't even get me started on what a waste of time feeld has been. i haven't done okcupid in awhile, last time i tried it, it was spam central, but maybe i'll try it again.

when i go to lifestyle events locally, i get a really strong sense that this is a young person's game and it's really not for me. i'm the first to admit that i'm somewhat pessimistic, but i'm pessimistic because i'm following the evidence. i just haven't done well, and i don't know if that's because of something about me in particular or because of some demographic i fall into.

regardless, it's tough out here, but i think maybe it is for all of us, in some way or another. i don't think being older rules anything out for you. perhaps it won't be as easy as for someone in their 20s, but especially depending on your locality, etc, i think doors are still open.
 
mrd, have you ever been married? Do you have kids? Or are you pretty much your own man, except for when you need to work?

Most women in their 40s are busy with careers and their school-aged kids. Some might be lucky to have built-in grandparent-babysitters nearby, but many don't.

When I split from my ex-husband my kids were 16, 19 and 21, and becoming quite independent. I had much more free time to date then I would have in my 40s. I kept an open mind and dated people of all ages (and genders, because I am pansexual).

I see you are attending "lifestyle" events. You mean you go to swingers clubs in hopes of forming polyamorous connections? How is that working? I know a lot of people do walk the boundary, that grey area, between the "lifestyle" of swinging, and the love style of polyamory.

I thought a lot of swingers were middle-aged, not "young" anymore. Swingers clubs tend to cost $50 per couple and $60 for single guys in my area! (Mass.) So it would seem older people established in well-paying careers would be more the demographic.
 
Magdlyn said:
mrd, have you ever been married? Do you have kids? Or are you pretty much your own man, except for when you need to work?
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i've been married once, divorced in 2020. i have an almost 8 year old daughter. her mom and i share time equally, so half my time is pretty kid-centric, and the other half is mostly free.
Magdlyn said:
When I split from my ex-husband my kids were 16, 19 and 21, and becoming quite independent. I had much more free time to date then I would have in my 40s. I kept an open mind and dated people of all ages (and genders, because I am pansexual).
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i'm a straight man, but in terms of age, i'm right there with you. i've dated older and younger. there's a certain age gap at which i wouldn't really have anything in common with someone, but i'm much more attention in life stage than actual age.
Magdlyn said:
I see you are attending "lifestyle" events. You mean you go to swingers clubs in hopes of forming polyamorous connections? How is that working? I know a lot of people do walk the boundary, that grey area, between the "lifestyle" of swinging, and the love style of polyamory.
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for clarity, i tend to say "lifestyle" as a blanket term for anything outside of traditional relationship styles. swingers, polyamorous people, ENM folks in general, the queer community...i just say "lifestyle" because i've found we all basically have some common ground. i realize that terminology is probably mostly unique to me, so apologies for the confusion.

i've met some folks who were more swinger-centric, some people in the BDSM community, polyamorous people, so a little of everything, and around here, it's pretty varied across age/gender/etc. however, when it comes to age, i've found mostly that the people my age and older who would attend, say, a polyam munch, have mostly been into it for years. i'm not having much luck being the new guy in the crowd at 44.
 
mrd6582 said:
i've been married once, divorced in 2020. i have an almost 8 year old daughter. her mom and i share time equally, so half my time is pretty kid-centric, and the other half is mostly free.
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Okay, so you do need to work around your young daughter as you try and date. The older she gets the easier that will get.
mrd6582 said:
i'm a straight man, but in terms of age, i'm right there with you. i've dated older and younger. there's a certain age gap at which i wouldn't really have anything in common with someone, but i'm much more attention in life stage than actual age.
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Good. That helps.
mrd6582 said:
for clarity, i tend to say "lifestyle" as a blanket term for anything outside of traditional relationship styles. swingers, polyamorous people, ENM folks in general, the queer community...i just say "lifestyle" because i've found we all basically have some common ground. i realize that terminology is probably mostly unique to me, so apologies for the confusion.
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Yeah, in this particular culture, this board, we have come to call polyamory a love style, to differentiate it from the more casual, sex-based, couple-centric culture of swinging. Sex can be a part of polyamory, but it's not the first focus. Love is. Romantic feelings are encouraged and the whole point, whereas swingers (in general) seem to keep things more light, FWB-style.
mrd6582 said:
i've met some folks who were more swinger-centric, some people in the BDSM community, polyamorous people, so a little of everything, and around here, it's pretty varied across age/gender/etc. however, when it comes to age, i've found mostly that the people my age and older who would attend, say, a polyam munch, have mostly been into it for years. i'm not having much luck being the new guy in the crowd at 44.
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Well, it does take a lot of patience, especially as a cis straight guy, to get going in polyamory. Women get hit on so much just for sex. Women also have to work to find real, long-term, meaningful relationships, and not just guys who just want to fuck and leave.

I think that the more you go to your local clubs and munches, you'll become a more familiar fixture, so to speak, and start to make friends. And from that, relationships could ensue. My bf is newer to polyamory, and that is what has worked for him, as well as Feeld and Fetlife. He is very persistent and patient, though, and is a good listener.
 
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