Recent content by BlueShoes

  1. B

    How to react when your husband knocks up another woman?

    There's no instructions for how to feel or what to do. In your shoes, I would be pretty angry with him. Did he discuss contraception with you? Did he talk about having barrier-free sex? Was there any conversation between you and him about pregnancy risk? A new child is a big thing. What are...
  2. B

    Looking for Resonance on an Unfortunate Turn of Events

    It's pain, man. You feel it, you examine it, if you're lucky you can learn from it, but right now, there's not some trick to dealing with it or making it not an issue. It's pain. It's just there. It just hurts. Be kind to yourself. Protect the sore spots. Be polite to your partners about...
  3. B

    Looking for Resonance on an Unfortunate Turn of Events

    I'm going to resist the "Nukes is the mayor of Crazy Town" explanation that you're offering. The imaginary firefighter is part of Nukes's closet. You dislike him, it is not a leap to think, feel or say that you dislike the closet. And you do dislike the closet! You especially dislike the...
  4. B

    Here I am New here and New to Open Marriage

    There isn't a one right way to do this, but given that you're not enthusiastic, and you are on the verge of having a high-intensity, high-needs new member of your family, I want to make really sure you know that you don't have to agree to open your marriage under any circumstances. If you think...
  5. B

    Looking for Resonance on an Unfortunate Turn of Events

    I would be hesitant to rush to judgment of Nukes on the basis of this thing. If you take out all the emotional detail, what happened is that you and Nukes had a disagreement, and Nukes was upset. In the process of getting some space and sympathy, she had some sex. When Nukes returned home, she...
  6. B

    Opening marriage or breaking up?

    Having you in her living space all weekend doesn't sound to me like it minimizes friction. Rather the opposite. It's a good arrangement for couples who divorce with minimal anger - which does happen, but which is very rare. You say she wants to stay married, and she's attached to presenting a...
  7. B

    Opening marriage or breaking up?

    When two forms of communication from one person are at odds, that's a sign you need to go slowly, evaluate with care, and seek clarification. Not a sign that you need to avoid questions to preserve the magic. If OP hasn't discussed his custody plans with the woman who would prefer not to get a...
  8. B

    Opening marriage or breaking up?

    That custody agreement you're contemplating is a fantasy. Any lawyer worth paying will tell your wife that this thing you're suggesting by way of custody is a bad idea. In a divorce, she'd be best off to protect her feelings, her privacy, and her space, and to limit contact with you so that she...
  9. B

    Opening marriage or breaking up?

    Again, um, no. Actually: warning klaxons. You "have a need" to sleep with someone sexy on the regular. She wants her participation in any relationship to be totally optional, a product of her untrammeled free choice in the moment. You are not long-term comparible. And the long-term is like a...
  10. B

    Being a hinge is hard

    I just buy them. I assume that condoms at my house are mine, and I use them when I have sex at my house, and throw some in my bag when I think it's likely I might have sex elsewhere. If the purchase is burdensome, either because I'm broke or because I'm with someone who has particular tastes...
  11. B

    Confusion

    My household WiFi is down and I'm doing this on my phone. Sorry about the typos. My sympathies are with the wife because: 1. You talk about her refusing to have another child. I have two kids, and what they did to me physically was no joke, which is why deliberately conceiving has to be a...
  12. B

    Confusion

    Oh god, get out. You can't be long-term involved with a married person while haring their spouse. You can't share a house long-term with someone you dislike. I frankly do not understand why *anyone* is in this setup. It sounds terrible. (The person who currently has most of my sympathy is your...
  13. B

    What is reasonable?

    I am out of the hormones range, and my strong feelings about pregnancy support and parental responsibility are a lot like yours. What mostly killed my marriage was this: I spent the first six years of my relationship with my ex (including the first 4 of our marriage) totally willing to be the...
  14. B

    What is reasonable?

    I am answering this question as a survivor of obstetric emergencies, and the divorced, polyamorous mother of two. I usually don't recite that, but I think you need to know where I am coming from. I am going to be ungenerous to your partner here. You are carrying his child. The pregnancy has...
  15. B

    Poly problem #1

    The schedule thing will happen again. And, probably: You will do it to a partner sometime yourself. He's not communicating well with his partners about scheduling and commitments, with the result that he assumes his plans with you automatically flex in response to changes in Nadia's plans...
Top