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  1. zigzag

    Contraceptive advise

    I've always been happy with condoms and still am, but many years ago I had a girlfriend who was honest and she said she wanted to stop using them as she liked the feel of "cum" inside her (sorry to be up front in language). That changed my opinion of why condoms don't always work. Then a few...
  2. zigzag

    Rules, what rules?

    I suppose that is a tough one. We don't have rules but I suppose we do have agreements too. You can see rules as You Must do A or You Must not do B. From what I have seen and experienced that can be quite controlling like "you must not do sex act X" or "You must not sleep over" I suppose...
  3. zigzag

    Rules, what rules?

    We don't have any rules per se either, other than safe sex (when/as appropriate) and honest and open communication and we both expect to equally contribute to the household chores etc regardless of demands of relationships...but we always did.. However, when we started off we did sort of have...
  4. zigzag

    Nervous introduction

    I can empathise with a lot of what you say. As a previously mono couple who are now happily poly we took a similar path. Ok our conversation wasn't as stop/start as yours but I can recognise the route. I would say for us the conversation lasted about 2 years and started with it being an...
  5. zigzag

    Do you have a friend who disagrees with polyamory?

    Sadly yes. We had good long term close friends (a couple) who were mono and we used to operate on a need to know basis with our friends as we had become poly after several years together. However, my wife started dating a guy they also knew and it was becoming a bit awkward and lots of other...
  6. zigzag

    Feeling concerned

    Hi I'm not particularly shy but defiantly an introvert and live in a small community too, so understand where you are coming from. I have not had much luck with dating sites TBH, but have in "general life" but that has generally been to meet poly compatible mono women. We have had much better...
  7. zigzag

    Skeptical of a new other

    The OP is using the use of prescription medication as a pejorative. I'm pointing out that this should not be the case...seems like some other posters feel the same.
  8. zigzag

    Advice for a V

    I don't think you can force anyone in poly to like a partners other partner. And why should one partner of a person like another partner anymore than any other random person, just because they have a shared love. Ok, they probably have some shared interests and values etc but still not sure...
  9. zigzag

    Skeptical of a new other

    That is true of things like methadone for heroin addicts and diazapam for alcoholics which are short-term substitutes and part of a programme, but not true of drugs that deal with the underlying biochemistry which is the reasons SOME people use illegal drugs in the first case. Drugs such as as...
  10. zigzag

    Skeptical of a new other

    Having a drug addict in the family I understand your concerns but I don't think anyone Poly has the right to choose or veto their partners partners. (my opinion). I think you are right to protect yourself and your family but I felt a some of what you say came over as bit judgemental. You imply...
  11. zigzag

    Order of sex

    Ok. I can only give you a man's perspective on this. Also this is about Sex so we need to be grown up, open and honest. ...is it ok to control when someone else has sex...no. So you can't do that. It seems the issue is not first or second but the fact that second for you is second best, and...
  12. zigzag

    New guy could use some help

    Having started from a similar point as you I felt initially similar about not wanting to sabotage things and had some problems of anxiety and jealousy. The lifestyle changes was something we BOTH wanted and had discussed a lot but when Angel took the first step first I was still surprised that...
  13. zigzag

    I don't know if anyone can relate...

    For us this would be a complete invasion of privacy. We tell what we want and we don't tell what we don't want. That said were are open and honest with each other but snooping would be a no-no. I would raise that this is not acceptable and expect an apology.
  14. zigzag

    Fibromyalgia

    I wondered how many other folk here suffer from fibromyalgia? I know from previous surveys here things like anxiety and IBS are more common in the poly community than the general population. They are both linked to fibromyalgia. For me it's become an utter pain, literally. I'm gutted that due...
  15. zigzag

    Can an A partner survive becoming B?

    Sort of upset you've decided to publicly quit agan, without ever engaging with the advice you asked for. You did not engage with any responses in this thread. You publicly criticised this community for not helping you. I, and others probably spent hours thinking this over. Yesterday I...
  16. zigzag

    Can an A partner survive becoming B?

    No need to explain. Here's a hug.( ) . X
  17. zigzag

    Can an A partner survive becoming B?

    I could not agree more. Its just cheating, with an excuse of Poly, and most cheaters IMO come up with some excuse for it. I can see there has been some really good advice for you Gunnar, I have been a bit presumptuous in assuming that when you asked what to expect in assuming, in the absence...
  18. zigzag

    Can an A partner survive becoming B?

    Surely Gunnar in this and the other threads plenty of us have done just that. We have given our opinion from our (mixed and different) experience. The consensus seems to be from what you gave told us that things are not going to work out. Obviously if there is more information then that view...
  19. zigzag

    Can an A partner survive becoming B?

    I agree it looks like a cover, maybe she thinks she's poly. Maybe she is, but it certainly isn't ethical polyamory. I think it's fair for you or anyone who is introduced to poly to come on here and ask what it means. However, the consensus seems that what you are experiencing is not poly as...
  20. zigzag

    Can an A partner survive becoming B?

    From what I recall this is not of your making, your desire or your idea. I think a person MAY be able to transition from one status to another if that's what they want, they are supported and prepared. Some of us, not all, have transitioned from mono to something else be it poly, open or...
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